Saturday March 6, 2010

Well since I went to bed at 10:30 I was awake at the crack of dawn. I hit the gym and then met my friend Mike, the owner of Tivoli for a beer and lunch at Funky Garcia’s. They have these delicious little street tacos that I could have eaten about 12 of.

This was the Al Pastor taco, a little spicy for me, but I am a wimp. You should try it.

We had a few beers and a couple of shots of Patron Cafe. Holy shit that does not even taste like tequila!

Kim had introduced me to it a few months ago and I always forget to suggest it when someone is trying to jam tequila shots down my throat. Tequila is the one liquor that I had a bad experience with when I was in high school and cannot get past. I generally only drink it when I am in Mexico because  you really don’t have a choice. Anyways, one thing led to another and Mike told me all about the bartender/restaurant convention in Vegas on Monday. Hmmm. Guess what? I have some free time! Oh really, you have an extra room at the Encore? Wow how convenient! Hey Mike, I am going to Vegas with you and your brothers

I love circus mirrors. My legs look so long and sexy.

The hot bartender named Tracy, go stop in and say hi to her. Plus she has a huge rack…

After a little while, the mo’s called us to Hillcrest and we met up with some of the people from Big Bear weekend and had a snack and another drink at Baja Betty’s. Now at this point, I am in dire need of a nap and need to be ready for my niece Jessica and her bf Blaine to come to my loft and head out to dinner and to On Broadway. We went for sushi at Ra (I always love bringing new people out for sushi when they are too intimidated to order on their own, I steer them to at least one raw roll and they usually love it.) We went to the most miserable nightclub on earth after that where 3 of their friends were kicked out of the club within an hour. I used to come to this place all the time. It was the worst! It’s an old bank and they have turned the vault downstairs into a hip hop room or something, so I took a photo of the actual lock. Mind you Jessica’s friend punched the glass on the thing moments later and got himself escorted out of the building. Good times. Amateur hour!

I love the women’s bathroom here, too. Great lighting.

We ended up going to Nunu’s in Bankers Hill because the downtown club scene was just too annoying for all three of us. Ran into Jason (@sneakyme) and another guy I met a few months ago randomly in a downtown bar and of course, my favorite Banker’s Hill bartender, Doug. Being friends with bartenders is dangerous.

I stayed in bed til 1:30 pm on Sunday and tried to go clean out my office but I was too hungover to move.

UGH.

Friday March 5, 2010

Today was pretty much like the last day of school in elementary school where all you do is fuck around and eat pizza and cake. Being that we are adults, we added champagne and wine to the mix. The morning show Live with Lauren was fun, we had some good laughs, she kicked my ass in arm wrestling, we had Phoenix Marie, Brooke Banner and Monique Alexander in there on the Hula Chair, we ate red velvet cake and Sandee showed a bunch of fun pictures from the last few years.

It is going to be weird not coming to the office anymore…the same routine year after year. Some of the employees that have been there for a long time were upset about me leaving, but everyone understood that I have to do what’s right for me. I hired a ton of the existing employees so naturally it was an emotional day for me and them. I went to lunch with Baker, Joe and Tommy and right after work we went to happy hour at Bareback grill. A lot of people showed up and it made me feel really warm and fuzzy inside. The people that I would have expected to show up and didn’t… well I guess it just shows how little they cared about me in the first place. Moving on with my life I mean at least send a text and say that you couldn’t make it. Fuckers.

Bobby Fairfield who looks just like Kevin Bacon to me! He wore the shirt I bought him for my last day at work. Awww!

Not only did my co-workers come to send me off properly, a few ex-coworkers and several of my “civilian” friends came downtown.

Even some dogs showed up in my honor!

Kali getting tanked on hefeweizen

Oh boy you can see me getting progressively more intoxicated.

Um awkward.

And this is my favorite photo of the night! HAHA!

It was only 10pm and I was pretty much done. I was tired, had been drinking all day and I didn’t have the energy to say goodbye to each person. It would have taken me an hour to accomplish that and I most definitely would have started crying. I snuck out and walked home and crawled into my bed.

Wednesday March 3, 2010 and Thursday March 4, 2010

I decided to take a little trip to LA so I could run some damage control with people in the industry. I don’t want anyone to panic and think anything is wrong and I want everyone that I have been dealing with for Suite 703 to feel confident that it’s going to be business as usual working with Tommy 5tone. Poor kid has a lot of his plate now, but he can handle it and will be fine as soon as they get someone to help him. I am going to be working from home for the next few weeks to get him through this transition..

On Wednesday I took the train to LA and then to a subway to Hollywood. It was actually really easy and makes me hate LA a little bit less. I met Justin Martindale at his apartment and fell in love with his roommates new puppy. She is a rescue from some bad people who kept her crated for like 15 weeks and her back legs aren’t very strong. What a little sweetheart.

Justin was performing tonight at the Hollywood Improv for Gay Days, a monthly thing they do showcasing gay and lesbian comics. It was great, each one of the comics goes on for about 12 minutes or so and I can honestly say that Justin was in the top three.  The crowd was in hysterics the whole time. The guy who plays Darryl from The Office showed up and was just chilling at the bar…. and I wanted so badly to take a picture with him, but didn’t want to be “that girl”, the rookie who gets star struck in Hollywood. After the show we went to a small place in West Hollywood called Saint Felix for a few drinks with the comics from the show. I had the sliders which were made with bleu cheese dressing and were delicious! Then we decided to head over to Here Lounge where Justin and I were getting pretty silly and he was lusting after a hot go go dancer. 818 gave up drinking for Lent, so we had a sober driver all night. It’s pretty awesome but isn’t doing anything for my liver.

We went back to Justin’s place and he showed us a bunch of creepy weird clown toys that his old roommate left behind. Umm. Ok. Scary.

My Dad was a huge John Wayne

What a sexpot!

On Thursday during the day I saw Hot Liz and Carly Parker who were in town from NYC. We hung out briefly in the back of Eva Angelina’s SUV because Liz just had foot surgery and couldn’t walk anywhere. So basically they picked me up, we chatted in the car while driving for an hour and then they dropped me off in West Hollywood. Hilarious.

I went to an event at Micky’s with a bunch of industry people and told everyone about the changes that are going to happen and then got up at the crack of dawn on Friday to head home for my last day in the office. I am a little emotional…

Here is Steven Daigle from Big Brother. What a cutie!

Tuesday March 2, 2010

Yesterday I realized how unhappy I was at my job and decided that I wanted to quit. It is something that has been on my mind since I returned from Africa in the fall of 2008.  There is something out there that is greater and bigger for me. I am not sure what that means just yet, but I needed to free up my time and clear my head to determine what it is. It was a tough decision to make and did not come easily. It’s not something that I did in haste and I have put a lot of thought into how I could make it work if I had stayed. I thought if I worked from home I wouldn’t feel so burned out, but that was not the answer. I know this sounds corny, but I am an artist and I need to create things. Working for Naughty America and Suite 703 was an amazing experience and I will take the things I learned to the next level of my life.

I am fast approaching 40 years old and I felt so unsatisfied… like I wasn’t really doing anything for me, to make me a better person. Producing porn for 10 years was fun and exciting, but I was merely creating what I was told to create. None of the ideas were mine and none of the projects were ones that I had full creative control over. It’s no one’s fault, that’s just the way it is! I don’t own the company, and I am just executing on what I was asked to. Bored? Yeah, totally bored. Am I insane for quitting a good job in the middle of an economic crisis? You might think that, but  I know this was the right decision for me. There are only 2 people in my life who criticized me for doing this and every other person told me how happy they were for me.  The support of my friends and family is so important to me during this, so I thank you all for the words of confidence. It’s reassuring to hear that so many people have the confidence in me that I have in myself. Am I a little nervous? Yeah, of course I am… But what is the worst thing that could happen? I could sit on my ass and blow all of my savings and end up on my sister’s couch in Connecticut. (Which actually sounds like an awesome plan btw HAHA!)

Do I have a plan? Yes and no. I have several options. I can always go back to shooting wedding as a way to make ends meet. First though, I am going to enjoy my vacation in Australia (oh btw 818 is coming with me!) and then when I get back I am going to chill the fuck out for a little while. Maybe go back east and stay with family for a few weeks. Maybe do a US road trip? Maybe take a few naps? Make sure I don’t go 2 weeks without a blog entry! Take a cooking class? Hell maybe I will go to culinary school!

I am grateful for the opportunities I was given and I will look back with pride on our accomplishments as a company. When I started in March of 2002 I had no idea how long I would stay in the business or where it would take me in the end. Today I say with 100% clarity that I am ready for the next chapter of my life.

February 26, 27, 28 2010

Chris and Rich had invited me to go to Big Bear for the weekend with a bunch of Rich’s friends from work.  About 2 weeks prior I was chatting with 818 on gchat and asked him if he wanted to go with us. He didn’t give me a definitive answer. Like most men, he has a hard time committing to things even 8 hours out.  I think they fear saying yes just in case the Swedish bikini team calls and wants to stop by for an orgy. You never know when an opportunity like that might happen so they better not commit to plans of such mediocrity.  Anyways, after our delicious omelet last weekend I looked him in the eye and said “Are you coming to Big Bear with me next weekend?” and was pleasantly shocked when he pretended to look at his calendar on his iphone and gave me a YES and it was still 5 days away. Whoa.

There were 11 of us total but I had only met 3 of them aside from Chris and Rich… that is always a little bit of anxiety, ya know? Being trapped in a cabin in the woods with strangers who might behave like imbeciles or might just be royal assholes. Luckily this was a great group of people and we had a blast! We played board games, ate, drank, ate more, argued about Pictionary, went sledding, drank, ate and some of them went snowboarding/skiing.

Candace and Rich love to have dance parties. I have some hilarious shots of them that I am going to attempt to make into a little movie. Like those flip books you had as a kid.

Please explain to me how ANYONE would think that this was a cow?

Tranny, yes I got it in 2 seconds.

Candace wanted to make sure we didn’t run out of cheese so she brought 18 pounds of it.

I love this pic!

It was snowing for the better part of the day on Saturday so in the early evening a bunch of us went outside to the makeshift mountain in the backyard created out of the snowdrifts on the stairs that lead from the house to the edge of the lawn.  There was a little circular sled and they had set up a mini obstacle course where you had to touch the lawn gnome and hit the tree at the end. Naturally I wanted to do a helmet cam type thing and film the journey but while holding the camera I totally lost my balance on the sled, flipped completely upside down and then as if that wasn’t enough, the sled came and whacked me in the cranium. Check it out.

Here is the version from my camera, which you can see goes to white pretty quickly and all you can hear is laughter. Good thing these Canon’s are like disposables. I go through 2 or 3 every year.

This is precisely the moment that I hurt myself

And this is what the bruise looks like days later. Ouch. Oh yeah, that’s real attractive.

This is pretty funny too. 818 attempting a run.

On Saturday night some of them went into the hot tub outside despite my warnings of a flesh eating virus that might be lurking in there. (One time while shooting a wedding in Yosemite the entire wedding party got some nasty rash from the spa at the cabin we stayed at. For whatever reason that trip, I did not go in and I was the only one who escaped the disgusting  skin disease.) I think they are all safe… I haven’t heard anything.

Of course Rich and I had a food fight and I end up looking like Cameron Diaz from “Something About Mary” with frosting in my hair. I was pretty buzzed and every time I kept throwing stuff at him it was like slo-mo for me and he would duck and the goo would land on the cabinet or the floor. I tried to nail him 3 times and finally realized that I was sucking at this today and should give up. I called “truce” three times and then went right back at it. Rich learned that truce doesn’t mean shit to me until the 3^rd or 4^th time.

I had big plans to make white truffle popcorn on Saturday night but got drunk and forgot so I made it on Sunday morning for a snack after our breakfast. Kevin stopped by the stove and was eyeballing my supplies and asked if I always traveled with truffle oil, truffle salt, truffle butter and rendered duck fat.  I was like “Yeah Kevin, I NEVER go to Big Bear without rendered duck fat!” It was pretty funny, but I guess you had to be there.

Awkward moment #1 of the weekend was when 818 and I forgot that the walls were paper thin and everyone in the house heard us going at it.  Awkward moment #2 was when Josh asked me if my hip was swollen from my tumble on the stairs and me telling him that no, that was just my fat.

Here is Candace with a paper airplane stuck in her hair.

The drive home was beautiful! The sun was shining and it was melting the snow and it was so pretty to look and see it falling off the trees.

It was a wonderful relaxing weekend.

Sunday 2.21.2010

We slept in til noon and it was fucking exhilarating. The fucking was exhilarating, but the sleeping was more exhilarating. 818 made me a lovely omelet with all the right amount of swine and then we decided to hit the movies.

We went to see Avatar in 3D at Citywalk. BTW I need these for my loft! Giant pocorn hanging from my 50 foot ceilings would be pretty dope.

I have to admit I knew nothing about this movie, except that folks were seeing it 3 and 4 times and claiming it to be the most amazing thing ever. I literally didn’t know it was an alien movie until we walked into the theater and I saw the little blue guy. Here is my take on it all: it is the same old storyline, but then again, what movie isn’t a version of the same basic 8 storylines. This was Harry Potter (flying creatures), Alien (Sigourney Weaver) and every Disney love story where the boy meets the kings daughter in the forest, blah blah blah. Would I sit through it again? Hell no! It was awesome and I would love to visit a place like Pandora one day and have the ground turn lime green when I walked on it, but sitting through 3 hours of that again? no thanks.

Before I caught the train back to San Diego we decided to grab some sushi at Sushi Go 55 downtown inside the Little Tokyo shopping center. Any sushi in this area was sure to be authentic and we were most likely going to be the only white people in there. We were our usual brave selves and ordered a bunch of wacky stuff off the menu. Tempura battered shiitake mushrooms with minced shrimp served with a bowl of salt and brown flecks of who knows what. The mushrooms were good, but the rest was too greasy.

Yellowtail collar. Confirming that I don’t really like cooked fish. This was nothing special, just tasted like regular old cooked white fish. It didn’t stop us from destroying it, though.

Your average sushi order: maguro, toro, mackerel, red snapper, and a soft shell crab roll.

And now here is the winner of the night in disgusting. Shark fin with pickled ginger. Most of the shark fin was gone at this point, but here is the other stuff in the bowl, which we think was like jicama. The shark fin had the texture and stiffness of cartilage (go figure! lol) and the white vegetable stuff you see here was covered and oozing with a snot like substance very similar to what you would expect to be covering an alien.

We didn’t leave there hungry by any means, but I definitely won’t be going back. Next time I will make sure I am there on a night other than Sunday and hit up R23 which I absolutely love in downtown LA.

I snoozed the whole way home on the train and then went straight to bed. I love to sleep.

Saturday 2.20.2010

My friend needed to come over early on Saturday morning to try on suits for a job interview on Monday. It was merely a formality at her existing job so she didn’t want to spend any money on buying one. Last night we were discussing the logistics of it. She offered to bring coffee and we discussed the fact that it was entirely possible that there might be a few porn stars  in my loft. She wanted to make sure they were ok with babies since she would be showing up at 8 am to do this with her 9 month old. My text to her: 1 coffee=$4. Gas to get downtown=$3. Borrowing a suit=Free. 3 porn stars babysitting while trying on suits=priceless. (I don’t know… it was funny when I sent it. Not so much a few days later while I type this sober.)

The car ride to LA was fun. And by fun, I mean a total and complete nightmare. I was still drunk. Nikki had shoved the stuffed animal monkey that I carry around to take photos with down her pants so it looked like pink pubes sticking out.

The girls were playing a game called “Let’s make the most annoying sounds”. There was a shit load of traffic. I was thirsty. My head hurt. But every once in a while a good head banging song would come on and Nikki would go crazy. And we would laugh our asses off. You can hear Puma squeaking German sounds once in a while. Sounds a little like a sick kitten if you ask me.

I was dropped off at 818’s place and we literally just sat on his couch talking for 3 hours. It was awesome to chill out and do nothing. We didn’t even have the TV on. We were supposed to meet Jenn and the crew for her birthday at this Brazilian place called Bossa Nova on Sunset, but apparently the shit show went on for too long today at Saddle Ranch and none of them could pull it together for dinner. Our options were go to her house and watch them attempt to order in and pray that it be edible…. or go to dinner just the two of us. We chose Crustacean in Beverly Hills.

Inside the place there is a fish tank under the floor. It’s pretty cool and definitely makes the time go by if you are unlucky and are waiting for a table.

The place was packed but somehow when I called 3 minutes before arrival that constituted a reservation of sorts and they seated us immediately. Maybe they recognized me because of my famous food blog. Bwhahahahaha! We started with the appetizer sampler. Clockwise from the left: open faced mini ahi tacos, egg roll shaped things filled with a creamy yummy goodness (I have no idea what the hell was in that), short ribs (nothing like Phil’s in SD, and a little dry), and minced shrimp puffs on a bamboo stick. (Which incidentally squirted and most definitely shot out and hit the man standing behind me.)

I had the Chilean Sea Bass with a ginger sauce (3 stars out of 5)

818 ordered the red snapper with a sun dried tomato Asian pesto sauce. (I wasn’t a fan of his and he wasn’t a fan of mine. It worked out nicely)

Kieran Lee and Puma Swede molesting my pink monkey at Happy Ending in Hollywood.

A very cool shot of Puma in front of the wheel of drink specials. I am kind of in love with this photo.

Oh shit my worlds are colliding… I have straight and gay porn stars in the same venue. Puma, Trevor Knight and Jen with one N.

Tommy watch out for her. I know Trevor thought she was legitimately was a tranny. Lol.

Add Jayden Grey to the mix.

And add yet another porn star, a girl I have known forever named Misty Anderson! It was very strange randomly running into her and her ex, Gunner. They hung out with us all night. I am quite sure they were confused when an entire entourage of gay men walked into the straight bar and attacked me and 818. Anyways, Misty’s boobs are amazing. And no, she is not really that tall. I am just trying to get closer to her tits.

She is gorgeous, sweet, all natural and a country girl who rides horses. What is not to love about her?

HAHA! I am so mesmerized by these things. I think every bar needs one.

I didn’t get any photos of the physical abuse I endured tonight from Swenz. At one point, I was seriously exhausted from defending myself. It is funny for the first 10 minutes, but I was really just tired. They had worn me out. I went to the bathroom to escape them and they left the bar knowing I was over it. Good. Maybe they will chill out next time I see them. geeeez.

Half of our crew ditched Jenn to go to Here Lounge down the street. Jonathan, 818 and I decided to stick by Jenn and hang out with her. She merely requested ONE night to stay away from the gay bars. We had to honor her birthday request.

It was fun and not as annoying as I thought it would be. Maybe because I was a little tipsy. Tipsy enough for road head on the way home. (**wink**)

Friday 2.19.2010

Lisa Ann was in the office today for a meeting and Nikki Benz and Puma Swede were scheduled for webcam. We had coordinated the whole thing so that the three of them and Lauren and I could go tear up San Diego after their day was over. They all stayed at the Se Hotel (the place is sexy and fun despite that Sunday morning that the bartender pissed me off so bad.) After work while Nikki and Puma were still stuck doing their live shows, Lisa Ann, Lauren, Baker and Erin met up at Bareback for happy hour. Lisa’s friend Joy was also in town and her other friend John who is a sommelier for a vineyard in Northern CA. I am such a dickhead that I lost his card in the last 5 days. I will have to get his info from Lisa Ann because he invited me to a really cool event in Sacramento and I need to see my friends that live up there anyways….

Here is Lisa Ann posing with a famous downtown character that we affectionately call “The Chief.” He was actually on my Twitter/Photo/Scavenger Hunt list last year on my birthday.  He appears to be Native American Indian and he never wears a shirt, no matter what time of the year it is. Tonight he was sporting the Mexican wrestling mask. This is a new look for him. Perhaps he had a zit he was trying to hide.

Ok so happy hour turned into sushi at Taka… we were so hungry and buzzed that I totally forgot to take pics of the food. But it doesn’t really matter because I eat there like every 3 weeks now and order the same fucking thing. Uni, Special Battera roll, Special Eel roll, toro… etc… I would love to know what is so funny is this picture.

I also would love to know what she is sassing Baker about. Again, Baker proclaimed that this was one of the best meals of his life. I am proud to say that I am truly teaching this heathen how to live. He had never had toro before. I am happy to be responsible for this.

Joy

…and then we trekked over to the Se to meet up with The Swenz. You can sound it out and figure out with minimal effort that that is Swede and Benz. When they are out together causing havoc you have Swenz.

It’s amazing how tall she really is. Baker is almost 6 foot 6.

They are only mildly harassing me at this point in the evening.

And here still yet, it’s fun to be around them. In fact, I invited Nikki to sit on my lap for a funny picture as if she is giving me a lap dance. Lisa Ann is always behaved and dignified.

Where the hell was Lauren ?

This guy was awesome. He was a Borat sort of looking character… we thought he was a mime because he was dancing around and not speaking. It was bizarre. I will have a gram of whatever he is having please!

James and Lauren

Swenz is still relatively behaved.

And then a little rougher. You should see the shit on their cameras. I am fighting with all of my might to keep my shirt on. Explain to me why I hang out with them? They had a $100 bet with someone that they could lick my nipple. Hahaha!

Swedish Fish, of course.

Puma makes the most awesome faces! Love it

And this photo is in honor of my niece who went to the hospital once when she was 5 for sticking a bean up her nose.

Baker was too drunk to drive so we took a cab back to my loft and I made him stay the night on the sofa. We cranked the music for a while (neighbors are still gone!) and in the morning he woke up utterly confused and told someone later that he thought he woke up at Target. I laughed all day when I heard that one. My loft is like Target and Michaels on mushrooms.

Monday 2.15.2010 and Thursday 2.18.2010

Anytime someone asks me if I can cook my response is “Well, I can operate a motor vehicle, so I should be able to read a recipe. I just choose not to.” (I know some of you are debating on my ability to operate a motor vehicle, and you are well justified, but really…. I can read a recipe and I can cook.)

Chicken and bacon fried rice

Benihana can suck it! It was delicious and I even made it into that heart shaped nonsense that they do there.

My friend Pearla’s mom is now making homemade chocolate truffles for like $20 per dozen and is currently working on a special batch for me. I bet you can guess some of the ingredients I have requested.

Fast forward to Jarin’s birthday on Thursday. I was supposed to be at trapeze school with him today but I am too chicken shit to do this before my trip to Australia/New Zealand next month. I know, you only live once… blah blah blah. But the special 2 for 1 thing he got is good til July and quite frankly, I do not want a broken limb to fuck up my vacation. I really am not that graceful. I would be fine hurting myself while bungee jumping off a bridge or something in NZ.

Kim and Sarah

Vanessa and Jen (with one N)

Some dudes, Dusty and Jarin

We were doing fine at The Local until that damn Jessica sent a text saying “come to the Chee-Chee”. FML I cannot be doing this on weeknights. Jen slept over and since my neighbors are gone we had a little dance party in my loft at 1:00 am. Strangely enough I woke up wearing hot pink leg warmers thirsty as hell. It must have been the pound of cheese and crackers we ate. UGH. What a bummer it was my 6th day in a row at the gym on Thursday. I was doing so well. I need to drop 10 pounds before my trip. I have a month. I can do this.

Sunday 2.14.2010

My friend Jason came over in the early evening to shoot the shit and get some advice, and in exchange he offered to teach me the interwebs and the googles. We polished off a bottle of wine and he walked me through Google Analytics and how to embed a video to YouTube! Oh man oh man… this is going to be fun. I was already asked to delete the one video I practiced with. Sorry Rich, Nikki and Michelle. It was classic for the 24 hours it lasted online. So…. I had every intention of sitting in front of my computer fucking around and when I got bored with that I had a date with the DVR. I was also experimenting with a new cocktail … lemonade, pomegranate juice and vodka. It was quite delicious.

I would suggest less pomegranate than this though

Sound of record scratching…. Dallas sent me a text claiming that I HAD to come meet her at this awful place downtown called SideBar (this is like your typical “bro” bar… for lack of a better word to describe a straight bar in the gaslamp.) She said it was turned into “alternative night”as Circuit Sundays, marketed towards the swinger lifestyle and the gay community. I did not believe her but she managed to get me out of my pajamas and down the street. She promised gays, drag queens, a crowd and that I wouldn’t have to wait in any lines. Deal.

As I walked up I saw a guy from my work and his boyfriend. Ok, I knew it was legit, I will proceed inside the club.

I swear you need 3D glasses to see this photo better. Let me know if it works.

Dallas looking as sexy as ever.

Juan and Brett

I love Dallas shoving her tit in Juan’s face. Sweetie, remember they aren’t into boobs.

Her “top” being held together by a paperclip.

Umm ok.

At one point a “straight” go-go dancer standing on the bar above me leaned over and stuck his tongue in my mouth and was claiming that he actually worked at the bar on regular nights and that they asked him to stand in as a dancer tonight and that is why he was up there. His boyfriend was eyeballing me and when he hopped off the bar the BF came over to me and hissed “You know he’s gay, right?” I was like “Hey, he started it. I was just trying to order a fucking drink.” I think he was trying to make him jealous and it obviously worked. Funny.

And yes, of course this happened. Believe it or not they were not posing for me, I caught them in mid-scream about who knows what.

I actually had a really good time. I’m glad I didn’t sit around sulking about being alone on a holiday that women take so seriously and that frightens the shit out of men especially men who you haven’t even determined what you are with so why would they get you something for this day created by Hallmark which would put so much pressure on him and only solidify the awkwardness that has or has not been created by the lack of the talk of what you “are” in the first place. It would be much easier to pretend that your phone died.

Yeah I know that was a really long run on sentence.