Wednesday 11.11.09

Today was moving day so I promptly vacated my house and stayed far away from it letting Kim deal with the whole damn thing. I stopped by my house to see if there was anything else needing to go and threw some stuff in a bag and caught a cab to the train station. I went to LA to attend a fundraiser event for our industry …but let’s talk about the hotel, and most importantly dinner. I stayed at the Westin Bonaventure… what a cool looking hotel. When you walk inside, it looks pretty much like a mall. The elevator was one that shoots outside the building and goes super fast (wow I sound like I don’t get out very much) and the workout center was the strangest thing… there were Star Wars like pods with weight machines on them for everyone walking around the hotel on other floors can see you working out. No thank you. There was a regular gym… so I went there and pretended to get in a good workout while answering 15 text messages.

Ok now onto the food portion of the night and my boner.

Lisa Ann met me and my friend Adam for dinner before the event. We were all very fashionably 15 Los Angeles minutes late. My friend Eric Greenspan owns The Foundry on Melrose… a high end (but not pretentious) place which serves really delicious food. I was introduced to him by my ex bf a few years ago and have kept in touch. The last two times I had plans to go in to see “Greeny” I flaked out because I was too drunk at Fiesta’s happy hour down the street in WeHo and then I was just downright sick. The time I was sick was tragic because he was hosting a James Beard Foundation dinner and I was very bummed out that I missed it.

Anyways, I was ready to pig out.

We started with his signature grilled cheese sandwiches.

The waiter tried to get us to order the potato soup and then save a part of the grilled cheese to dip into the soup but Greeny yelled at him and told him that this was not the way this was going to go down. I am actually curious to see what it tasted like but hell if I am going to disobey the chef. Then we have a raw scallop with an egg on top and a little crunchy thingy which tasted like it might have had some truffle oil on it. (Again, I am not a food critic by trade, I am just telling you what I ate.) The scallop simply melted in my mouth. The next course was the most delicious ahi tuna I have had in a very long time.

We then moved onto shrimp with what looks like a ball of hair that came out of the vacuum.

Not sure what that was. The worst part about eating off of a chef’s tasting menu is that the food comes so quickly and you are so busy shoveling it in that oftentimes I forget the details of exactly what was in it. For the main course they were going for a Thanksgiving type thing with squab (for those of you that aren’t in the know.. it’s pigeon), green beans, a pile of something else and a very delicious and very sweet potato with a huge dollop of marshmallow. I don’t even really like marshmallows but this was like crack… it was almost too sweet to be on the plate but I couldn’t stop eating it, especially with whatever brown glaze was drizzled all over it.

Unreal. Then we had some yummy pork belly

And for dessert we had peanut butter and jelly donuts with a small vanilla milkshake shot. The donuts I have had here before but I didn’t remember the warm peanut butter that oozes out of them when you cut into it. Holy crap I wanted to keep eating them but I was so full.

I only had one cocktail at dinner! Aren’t you proud of me!? I really wanted to keep my composure at the party and it’s never a good idea to start pounding drinks or wine at 7pm if you are going to a business function. (No this is not Laura’s well behaved twin, I was just trying to do the right thing) Lisa had to leave early since she was working the event and had to deal with the red carpet bullshit. Adam and I stayed and chatted with Greeny for a few minutes and I promised him I would send some porn to the restaurant for his staff.

We drove over to Les Deux and went straight to the bar since it was utterly packed. It was so crowded that I got comfortable in my spot by the bar and waited for all the people I needed to see to walk by me. What is the point of venturing out into the mass of people to keep missing each other. I figured if I stayed still at some point everyone would have to walk past me to use the restroom. My theory worked. While waiting I had a fun time making fun of some of the girl’s bad hair extensions and terrible outfits.

Puma Swede and Nikki Benz were on their best behavior in that they didn’t try to rip my clothes off. Usually when they get together it’s a fight to keep their hands off of me. They do it simply to freak me out and it works. I have learned to wear pants around them otherwise I would have my skirt yanked up around my head or some shit. Sometimes they chase me into the bathroom and stick the camera over the door and take pictures of me while I am trying to pee. Real mature ladies. Puma was subdued and left early with her boyfriend and Nikki was off running around on stage being a camera whore for TMZ. I never saw Lisa Ann again… but I did run into Nina Hartley and her husband and War Machine the MMA fighter who is doing porn now. Once I checked off the people on my list to say hi to, it was time to get the hell out of there. But not before running into Justice Young, who kissed on my neck enough to make the hairs stand on end. **sigh** He’s dreamy LOL

Puma and I love to take pics of our “fish faces” and since she is Swedish, it’s Swedish Fish!

The highlight of the night had to have been when the DJ played “I’m On a Boat” by the Lonely Island. You don’t really hear too many DJ’s playing this song in public… You really don’t hear it unless you live in my neighborhood and it’s at 2 am. I got excited and started jumping around a bit. If you don’t know that I am obsessed with SNL and this song, then you need to go back and read again. Adam thought I was off my rocker. I was like, “Ya know? The same guys who did ‘Dick in a Box’ and ‘Jizz in my Pants’?” and he was like “Oh yeah I know” but I am pretty sure he was lying and has no idea what I am talking about.