Monday 1.11.10

Last night was the latest night so far… I think we went to bed at 5:30 am. I slept in til about 12pm, fucked til about 2pm and dragged my ass to the lobby bar at 4pm. I am seriously busted, have no voice and have no interest in speaking to people that I am never going to do business with. I dodged a few people that don’t recognize me with my new look (20 pounds lighter, long hair and smaller wire glasses) and I said hi to a few folks from the biz that I actually do care about. I had a few drinks and rallied the boys for dinner at Yellowtail at Bellagio. But first we had to check out the conservatory…..

The botanical gardens at Bellagio change every few months and are intricately decorated to whatever seasonal thing is going on… alas we are just on the heels of The Year of the Tiger in the Chinese Calendar.

It was under construction but I can assure you when I go back next month for the kobe beef sashimi, I will stop by and give you a better understanding of the beauty of this place.

For some reason the other night at 3 am Puma Swede decided to start calling me Octomom. I think it was the nerdy striped sweater that inspired her. I dunno. It stuck on Twitter for a few days, but like most of my ridiculous nicknames, people get bored easily and move on. Here I am with my eight children

And onto the important things in life: booze and food!

We (meaning me) couldn’t decide on what foo-foo cocktails to order so I had them bring one of everything for us to rotate around the table and sample.

I am pretty sure this was tempura crab (crap when you blog 8 days later you forget shit)

Ahi tuna pizza SMOTHERED IN WHITE TRUFFLE OIL (yes, I made them bring out another one!)

Yellowtail serrano in ponzu sauce (not bad)

Another beef tartare tataki thingy FAR INFERIOR to Cut.

More yummy stuff that I cannot remember for the life of me. That looks like toro for sure. (the fatty part of the tuna,  called tuna belly)

Uni and oyster shooters! Deeeelish.

annnnndddddd, the entire reason we came to this place! The crunchy roll that has Pop Rocks in it! It is such a weird sensation to have in your mouth A) after so many years of not even remembering this candy B) having it combined with fish and/or rice. It’s definitely a novelty item, so by all means, if you aren’t already AT the Bellagio, don’t make a special trip over there. If you are in the neighborhood and are hungry, then definitely check it out. The best thing this place has going for it is the view of the water show. In the summer it’s amazing if you are sitting outside and can hear the music.

And we are off to one more night of hell! And by hell I mean drinking heavily at Pirahna and staying out late while screaming at each other in a club filled with smoke and annoying wasted people. Ok, perhaps I am one of the screaming annoying wasted people… but hey! I try to make everyone enjoy themselves by funnelling alcohol down their throats. Meet Drew Cutler… our unofficial contract boy for Suite 703.

The greatest thing ever (well, aside from the light table thingy from last night) a screen that shows your text messages. Apparently, this is all the rage and I am just living under a rock….

And lastly, one of my favorite Suite 703 actors Tommy Defendi trying to violate me. I love my job!

Sunday 1.10.10

UGH. I can’t believe I am still standing. This is brutal. My last day on the show floor and I am going to make it brief. I got a random Facebook message from an old high school friend telling me to check out this robot/love doll thingy called True Companion and when I walked up to her and put my finger in her mouth I got yelled at.  Sheesh! Whatever! OK bring a plastic love doll that supposedly talks and keeps you company and then get snippy with me when I want to feel her skin? oh ok .

I moved to the Palms Hotel, a serious downgrade from the Palazzo and I realized that not only am I a food snob, I am a hotel snob as well. There is a different tradeshow going on for the next 3 days and it’s a totally different scene. Before hitting the gay parties tonight I had made a reservation for 818 and I to go to Joel Robuchon’s restaurant inside MGM (btw check out their cool website with the pillow feathers). I had been researching the menu at Robuchons trying to decide whether to do the 4 course, 6 course or the 16 course tasting menu and was torn. When I made the reservation early in the weekend I wasn’t sure if 818 would fully appreciate what we were eating… but over the last couple days I learned a lot about him. I don’t know that he is as passionate about food as I am, but he certainly “gets it.”

First we had the giant bread cart come by and we got to choose our bread…. I picked bacon and mustard on the left and a saffron roll on the right.

For the amuse bouche we had some amazing caviar

For the appetizer he had king crab with some other stuff  (King crab, avocado in a heart of romaine and olive oil with coral)

I had a black truffle pizza thingy which was really good. (Crispy fine tart with melted cheese and shaved black truffle)

Next course was soup: (Paris mushrooms, veal raviolis cooked in broth with black truffle)

And for the main course I chose pasta with black truffles. (Homemade spaghetti, soft poached eggs and shaved white truffle) Let me explain how I never learned how to eat pasta in public! I think 818 was mortified when I asked him to teach me how to do that trick when you eat pasta with a fork and you twirl it on the spoon and gracefully get it into your mouth without slurping and flinging it all over your face.  Super embarrassing that I am 38 years old and can’t eat pasta in a restaurant. GAWD.

Now, here’s the thing. I love truffles, but I learned the expensive hard way this evening, that it is really WHITE truffles that I love. (which are about 3x the price I might add). I wasn’t that impressed with the meal meaning that nothing really jumped out at me but 818 is convinced that it’s because I had truffle overload. Everything I ordered was buttery and truffely. I will definitely go back and do the 16 course with Chris (my favorite dining partner) and give it another shot, but I don’t know that this is the end all be all restaurant in Vegas.

818 had the fish as his main course: (Turbot filet, octopus with lemon grass, baby leek and artichoke)

The dessert was average, too. This was a chocolate mousse thing with a little cup of booze on top. I mean it was good, but I expected to be blown out of the water.

I actually liked my dates dessert better than mine and I rarely eat citrus type desserts.

I was falling asleep at dinner, didn’t even finish my bottle of wine and wanted nothing more than to take a quick nap before we had to head out to the club for the next 5 hours. So, that is exactly what I did! I took a 45 minute nap (I really did sleep this time) and then we headed out to a club called Gipsy where we had one of our regular Suite 703 models dancing his butt off in our gear.

And here are the boys looking sexy as usual

We ended up at a nightclub called Revolution which has this awesome light table thing that consumed most of us for the better part of 2 hours. It was sensitive to touch and changed patterns every few minutes so we just kept playing with the damn thing forever. I have to have one for my place!

Tommy looking scary as all hell.

Awww! Thank you for not making a dumb face!

Love this shirt!

And late night after we got back to the Palms Tommy decided to come down to the bar in this lovely outfit. Sweats and Doc Martens? Really? Go back to bed.

Saturday 1.09.10

Another late night turns into another late morning. We went down to the show floor to make the rounds again. I tried giving my card to this lovely brunette, but I don’t think she was interested in talking to me.

Isn’t this shirt hilarious?!

And this one is even more hilarious.

I paid Baker twenty bucks to ride this mechanical penis. He’s so broke and so addicted to gambling that he will do anything for a little extra cash.

With Angel Vain and Mr. President.

We went to Wolfgang Puck’s Cut inside the Palazzo for dinner.

Of course we had to try a bunch of appetizers:

Bone Marrow Flan (it’s not your typical bone marrow flavor… it’s got a sweet taste… it’s exactly what it says… a custardy flan made out of bone marrow.) So. Fucking. Good.

It’s amazing people will still dine with me considering I have no manners when it comes to something so delicious.

Tuna tartare (not bad)

Veal tongue (really yummy, not chewy at all like you might expect)

Steak tartare (awesome)

Kobe beef sashimi. Probably the most delicious thing I have ever put in my mouth. Ever. I thought the bone marrow flan was the most delicious thing I had ever put in my mouth until this. It was to die for and the sauce they served it with was like a light soy sauce/ponzu sauce. Next time I am in LA I will be going to Cut to see if they have it. LA is closer than Vegas

LTP award!

I guess it runs in the family. HAHA!

I always seem to find my reflection in the strangest places. This was above our table.

After dinner we decided to make it a mellow dive bar kind of night. The clubs are fun and all, but you can only take so much of the stupid bouncers, bottle service and horseshit that goes along with that scene. We went to my favorite dive bar The Double Down Saloon for a couple of cheap drinks and to show Pat what the locals do. Here we are drinking shots of “Ass Juice”… a mysterious recipe of whatever crap they have laying around at the moment all mixed together. The flavor changes a bit from time to time, but it’s basically vodka, some cranberry juice, maybe another kind of juice and maybe a bit of some brown liquor. It’s hard to tell, but it goes down pretty smooth.

I wonder how many people actually order 2 shots thinking that they are getting a deal?

This is the view from the ladies bathroom.

I have had their bacon martini before and it is truly wretched. It’s hard enough drinking a martini that is not foo-foo, but with chunks of food floating around in it… I can tell you that it does not go down very easily.

After Double Down we headed over to my other favorite place O’Shea’s! I have spent many many hours inside this place. It right on the strip next to Harrah’s and is a great place to gamble and drink cheap. I have been going there for so many years that this one bartender knows me by name. His name is Santos and always hooks me up. Sadly every year I promise to bring him porn and then forget until the moment I walk into the place. I actually brought a stack of DVDs for him this year and then didn’t bring them to the bar that night. I feel so guilty that I might fly to Vegas again soon just to bring him a care package of porn and Naughty America shirts. Oh and maybe while I am in town I will go get some kobe beef sashimi at Cut! What a brilliant idea!

Oh my gosh! Look who I ran into at the Venetian! Vegas Jake the One-Hit Wonder! (this is a guy who ran for Naughty President who disappeared right after he lost the election.) Boooo! Good-bye fairweather fan!

Friday 1.08.10

After dinner and a quick “nap” I got ready to hit the Official Naughty America party at Wasted Space inside the Hard Rock Hotel. Tory Lane and Monique Alexander were hosting the event and we were dragging an entourage of about 35 people in there with us. Employees, friends, friends of the promoters, etc…  As it turns out Monique fucked up her alarm and flaked on us but Tory Lane rocked the crowd and made up for it. She was awesome!

Also in attendance was Eva Angelina

and Carly Parker

All the boys looking sexxxxy (except Tommy again)

The girl in the back is Jenna, Hot Liz’s BFF from many moons ago. And of course you know my little eskimo Sandee.

Oh Hi there bottle service girl!

These are my friends (and neighbors from like 15 years ago) Bryan and Rebecca. They had a blast… I don’t know if they knew what to expect, but the next day I was getting funny texts from him about how awesome of a time they had. Yay! Corrupting more civilians!

I would like to introduce you to the Naughty President. From here on out we will refer to him only as Mr President.

Check out AJ from the Backstreet Boys proposing to his girlfriend on stage! LOL CLASSY! We even made Perez Hilton

Bobby Fairfield

Bryan and his friend. He’s kinda cute, I might have to check into that.

awwww Eva

Tory on stage pimping us out! Thanks for rocking the house

Some random girl attacking Tory

And my favorite picture of the night:

And finally, late night back at the Venetian at the secret sports book bar around the corner from the super packed circle bar.

Surviving another night in Sin City….ahhh off to bed.

Friday 1.8.10

Let’s take a moment to acknowlege my niece Nikki’s  25th birthday as well as Elvis Presley’s.

Ok, let’s see… what happened today? Slept in, did some work in the room, ate a crappy snack before heading into the show, had a meeting at the circle bar, went to dinner, went to a club, went back to circle bar, went to bed late and had crazy sex. That’s about it! I hope you enjoyed my blog.

Just kidding.

I would love to know what device erases my past in minutes?

Here is Pat jamming his finger into the various types of Fleshlights. I hear these things are absolutely amazing… I bought one for 917 over the summer and he said it was awesome. We talked on the phone while he used it. (Damn! Another thing I forgot to mention that I finally tried last year… phone sex!) They come in mouths, buttholes and vaginas and have different textures in the chambers. If I had a genie show up right now and grant me one wish it would be to have a penis for a week. I thought about having one for a day, but someone convinced me that I needed a full week to fully appreciate what goes on and to experience all of the tricks it does.

This is a man I think. Pat refused to take a photo with it. In fact, he wouldn’t even look at it.

I didn’t take a lot of photos at the show because most of the pics we got were of Pat with his camera. I have to tell you how convenient it is knowing these models so well, because when there is a huge ass line we simply cut right to the front of it and get our autographs or photos or hugs. The fans get a little pissed when they are about to take a picture with their favorite porn star and Lauren and I stroll up and suddenly the model starts waving her hand frantically at us and giggling and smiling and looks away from their buddies cameras. At one point Boss Man Andreas decided that we HAD to wait in Phoenix Marie’s line and he refused to let us cut the line. 6 minutes. 8 minutes. 10 minutes. Jesus this is annoying.

Anyways, after the show we went to Mario Battali’s Carnevino inside the Palazzo.  I had been here before in the Spring and bravely ordered the sweetbreads because I had never had them. Bad idea. So bad in fact that I barely touched them and the waitress was super awesome and she took them off the bill. I decided to give it a shot again with a giant party of 11.

Here we have the iberco jamon which has only been available in the US since 2007. It is truly amazing and if you ever get a chance you should definitely try it. They recommended eating it with the little bread and lard combo you see here, but I inhaled it by itself. Pig that is fed a controlled diet is like a little piece of heaven for me. Any swine that is deemed the most expensive ham in the world at approximately $52 a pound is definitely going in my gut at every opportunity. If you read that wiki page, you see that since 12/09 there has been an abundance of it in Spain because supply outweighed demand. They are now giving this shit away to Spaniards… crap I think it’s time to make a trip to Spain.

The most boring, dull, flavorless beef carpaccio I have ever tasted. I didn’t even finish it!

We had ordered a plate of things that swim for the table to share (what am I saying, everything that lands on that table throughout the night is for me to share). Some oysters, deep fried cod balls, and the best thing was the uni on the lower left side of the plate. I love me some uni. For those of you who read this every day, I apologize for linking to the uni again, I am just trying to make sure new readers are educated on this little treasure.

Pat specifically requested that we not eat at restaurants with seafood and what do they put on the top of his dish/salad? Small fish with the eyes still on.

I actually tried one of the smelt and it was pretty gross. 818 said that he would make it better for me one day. We’ll see about that ever entering my mouth again. Ew.

I actually did that thing again where I don’t order an entree, but just mooch off everyone else’s plates for the remainder of the meal.

Bison

Lamb

Steak I think … not sure about that big ass bone though lol

… AND FTW … a $90 bowl of al dente pasta with butter and white truffles that Lauren and I fought over. It was fucking mother fucking magical. I felt like I wanted everyone to leave the table and let me eat this deliciousness alone and not bother me so I wouldn’t be at all distracted while enjoying each and every bite. Words cannot describe.

There is Derek (formerly of Mr Skin, but now with Playboy) and his giant head with Lauren. Derek and I have known each other for years and have actually been to a lot of places around the world together. We have shared many good times, meals, drinks and have about 178 photos of us standing side by side in various poses trying to exhibit exactly how large his cranium is and how small mine is. I am actually a little bummed out that I didn’t get one of those this trip.

This is the funny stand up comic we went to see a while back named Justin Martindale… he’s a regular at the Comedy Store in LA on Friday and Saturday nights… hilarious! I want him to move into my house, or better yet, my purse so he can make me laugh allllll dayyyyyy long.

Baker and Bobby Fairfield

There goes Tommy again making a dumb face and ruining another photo opp. P.S. Remember that time you sent me a text at 4 am complaining that I never take pictures of you?

And I want to wrap up part #1 of Vegas Day 2 with this cup of caramel and cheescakey stuff inside. (man, I am really pissing off the legit food bloggers by my descriptions of things.. “stuff” “yumminess” hahaha!)

Thursday 1.7.10

I apologize for not blogging during the trip, but let’s not kid ourselves… each and every day is packed with meetings, parties, the show floor, lengthy dinners and hours on end at the casino bar. Which of course, turns into 5 am and then forces me to sleep til noon. Rough life.

Tommy and I arrived mid afternoon on Thursday and went to our respective rooms and did some work and waited for Lauren and my nephew Pat to show up. You might be wondering why on earth my nephew would be joining me at a porn convention…. well I will tell you! Because I am the devil! No seriously, I have 7 nieces and nephews ranging in age from 13 to 27. When they turn 21 they get a weekend away with Aunt Laura.  Most of them choose Las Vegas and most of them choose this particular weekend. My sisters pretty much hate me for this.

We were staying at the Palazzo, which is the sister hotel to the Venetian.

Tommy had a room reservation issue so he ended up at the Venetian…it was so funny when he called to tell me that he thought they had a mix up and gave him too big of a room by accident. The basic room is a suite with a sunken living room and a huge couch, a desk and a dining table. It is seriously the nicest “basic” hotel room that I have ever stayed in. (well aside from the Burj Al Arab, but that’s another story altogether)

The four of us went to Morel’s French Steakhouse for dinner. I wasn’t about to order a steak at a French restaurant so I opted for a few appetizers.

Foie Gras (not bad)

Escargot (eh)

Steak tartare (very good! but not as good as the place I went to in NYC with 917)

For sides we shared mushrooms, mac-n-cheese, and artichoke hearts

After dinner we went to Rok inside of New York, New York to the Naughty America /Ron Jeremy party. I really have no idea what that means except the club promoters were borrowing both our names to get heads in the door. Naughty America only has one Ron Jeremy scene and that was simply for the novelty of it. No one really watches this guy to jerk off anymore, let’s be real.

Lauren had arranged a deal with the promoter that we would have our site logos playing on screens all night around the club so as we walked up I snapped a pic of the uber famous Lauren from Live with Lauren. hahahaa! love it

Once we got inside the logos were larger than life and were pretty awesome!

Thank you Pierre for all of your years working with us and getting us some awesome publicity! Love you!

Ok, now here is where things get awkward. You can’t really see but I am grabbing Ron Jeremy’s crotch in this photo. Apparently that was his cue to stick his tongue in my mouth. Umm, yeah I am all set with that buddy.

Ron on stage giving us props…

Later that night, Tommy and I expressing our love to each other

And yet even later, at the Circle Bar at the Venetian, Tory Lane and Carly Parker showed up to give Pat some love.

We stumbled to bed around 3 or 4 am I think… I dunno. I was just happy that 818 was in town

Saturday 1.2.10 and Sunday 1.3.10

On Saturday night we celebrated Alicia’s 39^th birthday at Taka Sushi downtown. Taka has some of the best raw fish in San Diego and it is Alicia’s favorite place to eat it. We indulged in the lobster dynamite

and a giant platter of delicious yumminess

worthy of mention is the second roll from the top/left called the Special Battera roll which is to die for despite the fact that they use that imitation crab stuff. I also love the uni here…sea urchin… I can always count on it to be perfect and never scary. I have a new love affair with sea urchin after Chris had me try it here one night a few years ago. (I do not, however, have the same love affair with ankimo, the other shit he made me try)

After dinner and a bunch of sake and beer we trekked over to Tivoli (wow, I really am a creature of habit) where we ran into the most interesting man in the world.

Here are 4 old friends who used to work in the stupid photo lab at Long’s Drugs many moons ago and our little eskimo friend Sandee on the right.

We went to East Village Tavern to do some bowling…. Is she not the cutest thing ever in her socks and bowling shoes?

I personally hate bowling because one time when I was about 10 years old I got a 2. That’s right. TWO. I opted to sit on the bench and chat with Jarin and Jason, my other downtown rat friends. A good time was had by all.

On Sunday morning, Carly Parker took the train down to visit and we went to brunch at Baja Betty’s in Hillcrest. Tommy met up with us and later we went to Red Pearl Kitchen downtown where Carly ordered dessert in the middle of dinner and then refused to share with any of us. Rude.

RPK has a bunch of Asian style tapas and we pigged out…. I had to get the fried rice with bacon in it.

We ordered wine (half price on Sundays! bonus!) and then took cabs up to Hillcrest so we could gay it up some more in preparation for our project. At that point Carly was a wee bit too drunk to be out in pulic so I took her home and put her to bed.

Oh, but I didn’t stay with her, it was early… I took a cab back to Urban Mo’s and continued the evening Here I am about to inject a giant syringe of nasty Jell-O shot. puke.

Wednesday 1.06.10

I just want to say that I think my family members should stop reading this blog. I just want to put that out there.

In 2008 my best friend convinced me to sign up for “It’s Just Lunch” so that I could attempt to meet people outside of my industry. I had been dating people in porn for years and it was time to meet a nice guy who worked a normal job. I went on 21 blind dates over the course of the 12 months. It carried over into 2009 briefly before the service ran out.  Most of the dates were total train-wrecks and I swear it was like they were pulling my name out of a hat each time. Now they are blowing my shit up trying to get me to come back… for some reason they seem to have magically found a bunch of guys for me that are just perfect. Really? That’s weird, because ya struck out every single time before!! I went out with a guy who talked about himself the whole time and literally did not ask me one thing about myself, a guy who was not even divorced yet, a guy who had cerebral palsy and the best one: a guy who was in AA. On all of these dates I was very upfront and honest about what I do for work and it was either a deal breaker for them or became the focus of conversation for the next 30 minutes.

I had a brief “relationship” in the spring which was the only semblance of a “b-word” that has occurred in the last 3 years since I broke it off with Tony. It was casual and fun at first, but became complicated and before it got too messy, it ended. Right after that I connected with someone from my past who I thought I was absolutely meant to be with. On paper we would be the perfect couple. We saw each other several times over the summer (long distance) and I can’t put my finger on it, but there was a disconnect between us. The sex was amazing, but in retrospect I think that was pretty much the extent of it. We lead totally different lives and operate at very different paces. The last time I spoke to him he informed me that he was not having casual sex at the moment, which I assumed meant he was in a relationship. That is not the case…. I think I might have actually drove a man to celibacy. Wow.

Throughout the year I continued to check off things on my sexual “to-do” list. I learned a new trick in the bedroom, had sex with a black man (actually 2, but not at the same time, let’s not get crazy here), had sex with a sports celebrity (no, not Tiger) and tried anal sex a few times. This year I would like to be tied up, have someone jizz on my glasses, have sex in public (on a subway would be ideal) and maybe even make a sex tape.

While I sometimes think about Sunday nights and how great it would be to snuggle on the couch and eat popcorn with a boyfriend, I am not sure if  that’s for me right now.  Of course if the right person comes along, things could change, but right now the thought of dealing with boyfriend issues and the horseshit that goes along with explaining yourself all the time makes me want to vomit. Several of my past relationships failed because I have always put my career before “us”. (hey I have a question… am I doing this too often?) The reality is I have made my own success in life and I am not going to rely on a man to take care of my ass later in life, so yeah, my career is #1. I don’t have a dog to worry about any longer and I have a sense of freedom that I haven’t felt in a long long time. Don’t get me wrong, I would like to get married one day but I simply don’t have the biological clock ticking, nor is there even a battery in said clock. I would have to say that traveling is the biggest issue. It would be awesome to just pick up and go away for the weekend with someone that I cared about, had great sex with and who could take the time off at will. Someone with no strings attached who isn’t looking to make babies and lock down. I wish I had a romantic someone that I could take with me and enjoy the new places that I explore. For example when I go to Australia in March, it would be fantastic to have someone to share it with me. A romantic walk on the beach in the reclusive Whitsunday Islands isn’t going to be the same with my brother and his wife. My goal for 2010 is to go on a bunch more blind dates and write a book or screenplay. I think it might sell. Do I hope that the dates are stupid and messy? I confess… yes. That way they are more interesting for the writing

I had a fun year, despite the fact that I didn’t get to go on a big international vacation. I got to see my family a little bit since I was back east several times.  I was in Boston, NYC, CT, Las Vegas, Fire Island, Ft. Lauderdale and Georgia on business and pleasure trips this year. I found myself missing the East Coast a few times (of course only during the warm months) and even considered if I could ever live there again. I am missing my sisters, brother and nephews/nieces a lot. But then I wake up in San Diego one morning and its 70 degrees in November and I smack myself in the face for thinking about living anywhere else.

I threw a party in February where everyone had to dress up as a Saturday Night Live character. I have since changed the name of the site to Pop Culture Parties because I am not stopping now! No costume, no admittance. I rented out the Tivoli Bar for the  night on 2/7/2009 and decorated the place with giant posters of Tina Fey, Lorne Michaels, and had all kinds of other stuff hanging around from the show. A custom menu featuring things like cheesborger/cheesborgers and of course music playing only by bands that have played on the show. Costume prizes in several categories including most accurate, oldest, newest and someone even managed to stump me and come as someone I had never heard of. Also there was a special appearance by Miss Swan from MadTV. Check out the video… it’s pretty fucking funny. I went as Ed Grimley and to ensure total accuracy I got contact lenses and dyed my hair jet black. I take my costume parties very seriously. I want to thank Ernesto for going all out as Mr Peepers. Super duper creepy how awesome and accurate he was. Nice work!

I also take my “Top Chef” cooking parties very seriously. Every few weeks several of my close friends come to my house to compete against each other in various challenges. My favorite one of 2009 was the one where I had ripped all of the labels off canned goods and they were forced to make something edible out of the cans they picked. It was pretty gross actually. My birthday weekend “Top Chef” challenge was to prepare my last supper. My friends totally impressed me. I gorged myself on bacon, foie gras, filet mignon, lobster, chocolate and literally ended up in the ER the next day with heart palpitations. The nurse was less than sympathetic and told me that I had “party heart”. I was like look, bitch, if I didn’t have party heart from the 762 hits of ecstasy I did in my 20’s then I certainly don’t have it now. A bunch of water cured me, so yeah, she was right, I was dehydrated. I haven’t had any problems since then but it’s better to be safe than sorry. That same week in June I had a hernia operation which kind of halted my consistent workouts. I had been doing really well losing weight and then around June just kinda gave up. I have been very lucky in that I have managed to keep the 20 pounds I lost in 2008 off. Despite the excessive drinking and eating that I do… it’s actually baffling to me how that works.  That’s another goal for this year, lose that last 15 pounds, but fuck it’s just such a pain in the ass to walk 6 blocks to the gym at 6 am when it’s dark and cold. brrrr.

In September I hosted another successful costume party: The 80’s Movie Character Night!  (I have yet to post the video and pics from that, I know I suck) Again, taking this to another level is the only way to do it. I bought a flux capacitor and also rented a Delorean for the night and went as Doc Brown from Back to the Future. I rented out The Local on the Sunday of Labor Day weekend and had an 80’s DJ spinning, the bar was decorated with movie posters, and I had movies playing on all the TVs. It was a blast and some of the costumes were just fantastic! Costume prizes were awarded for various things (all of which are made up by me during the night and are sometimes very silly) and most everyone takes it as seriously as me. I have to admit though, I am a total bitch if you don’t play by the rules. I was hissing at the girl who showed as Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction. Her date said “Oh I though the Evite said 80’s and 90’s!”  No, it didn’t jackass.

Some of the highlights of the year include: moving downtown and living the loft life, discovering my new favorite boy band The McLovins, the resurrection of our gay porn company, and the success of Naughty America and the Holly Sampson video putting us on the map. 2010 is going to be an incredible year for me because I am going to continue to find ways to put my creativity to good use. I am not sure how exactly at this moment, but thank you for reading and following me. I will kick up the antics a notch this year.

Happy New Year to all 20 of you who actually read this. Be safe. Succeed.

Friday 1.1.10

The morning began with me at Ralph’s trying to take the shopping cart outside of the store and being told by a really hot guy that they wheels lock up when they hit the sidewalk. Oh I bet I looked cool ramming my gut into the handle. The cab driver picked me up and of course my guests were arriving for the biscuits and gravy challenge on time. Ugh. Tommy was here to redeem himself from the debacle of the dessert party challenge. He had claimed that his biscuits and gravy were better than Chris’s. Long story short, they were but everyone except me was too afraid to vote for Chris over Tommy. I can say this freely because Chris does not read my blog. So F him.

Tommy’s (saltier and yummier but he cheated and his Mom made the biscuits)

Chris’s (you would think he would have won because he served it with bacon, but the salt was missing from the gravy)

We ate a bunch, drank more champagne and wine, suffered through no dishwasher at my new place (NOT the way to live!) and watched a few episodes of Top Chef Las Vegas. (yes I know, the season has been over for quite some time. I am a very busy woman)

We then headed to Hillcrest again for another evening of recruiting for our project. Jessica the bartender from the Chee-Chee was at Baja Betty’s, random as hell. It appears as though I am stalking her now.

Rich and Tommy looking cute

Me and my mo’s

Wes the hot bodied barternder from Urban Mo’s.

We ended up at Fiesta Cantina, of course and naturally I licked someone. huh? ok time for bed missy.

Chris and Rich adopted me for the night and I passed out on their couch at 8 pm. They woke me up for snacks at 9pm and then again at 10pm. I love my friends who worry about my malnourishment.

Don’t you love how all of the links in the last week have been the same fucking places. Ugh, those people must be sick of me.

Thursday 12.31.09

I literally did not have a clue as to what I was doing until 5:30 pm. I had my hair cut and colored and straightened today by Becky at Salon Bordeaux and after my appointment, I went back to work to finish up a few things. At 5:30 pm I made a plan to go to Ruth’s Chris steakhouse with Joe, Vanessa and Big E. The 619 kid from the airplane was blowing my shit up today but I don’t think I want to spend New Years Eve with someone that I barely know especially if I am not sure if I even want to go there.

They were fucking slammed and it took forever to seat us and then my “blue” steak was over done because it spent so much time cooking on the 500 degree plate. Fail. I learned that I should order the steak on a cold plate next time. I hadn’t been there in years and I had forgotten how awesome it is to have your steak in a bed of butter.

Big E had a nice bottle of wine that he brought and shared with us, and we guzzled down a few other bottles. By the time we got to the Local we were all well on our way to being ripped. Jason and Jarin were there

and at  midnight I had a kiss on each cheek from each of them. Awwww!

What the hell are we laughing at!?

Check out this guy’s tacky Chrismas sweater. He was cute, too bad I cut off his head.

I went to a loft party with Jarin and Jason but got bored and I was pretty well drunk by then so I walked home and stumbled into the Chee-Chee again. This living downtown thing is dangerous. Jessica was there and she introduced me to another neighbor. I can’t remember anyone’s names though, I only remember the unit number! haha