March 15 and 16, 2010

For being unemployed, I sure am busy. Without calling him/her out, I want to apologize to the person who I make fun of repeatedly for being a self employed slacker. Now I see how easy it is to let the day escape you. I haven’t been sleeping in, screwing around or goofing off and sometimes… before I know it… it’s late afternoon and I still have things on my to-do list that I haven’t even looked at. I honestly don’t know how I managed to run two companies for 7 months without having a nervous breakdown. 4 people took over my responsibilities. Granted they have shit on their plates, but it gives you an idea of how much work I had to do. I can assure you that all four of them are drowning now. Sorrybouteht!

There really isn’t anything interesting to report other than I am getting ready for the trip and enjoying my time. Every now and again I second guess myself and my decision and then something very encouraging happens and makes me realize that I did the right thing.  It’s a weird feeling, that second-guessing anxiety. I kind of have to stop and catch my breath a little. I don’t like it.

I lost 4 pounds this week. I made myself dinner and didn’t burn the house down. A warm curried chicken salad with chickpeas, red onions and Granny Smith apples. For those of you on Weight Watchers, it was only a 6 point meal. And tasty I might add.

On Tuesday I had lunch with Pearla at Bareback and went bathing suit shopping after spending a few hours in the office wrapping some things up. Talk about depressing. I’m pretty much eating celery for the next week. I heard once that eating celery actually burns more calories than they are worth. I will be wearing one of those dumb little bathing suits with the fucking skirts on them for sure. And then everyone in Australia will be like “Oh look at that girl who is so self conscious about her fat ass and her cellulite that we are now going to stare at the tennis outfit she is wearing rather than just ignoring her fat ass in the first place.”

I came home to start the packing process. What that means is I take every single piece of clothing that I MIGHT wear and throw them around my bedroom making a huge mess. Over the course of the next week I will panic about not having enough things to wear, go buy things, but ultimately take the good ole’ worn favorites in my closet. Then when I get back I will have to waste time returning things of which I will have lost the receipts, go get store credits and then get more things that I don’t really like, or that don’t fit or I won’t wear this season and then they will be ugly and outdated next summer. I really need to do something about this process. Hopefully with my new and improved cleared head, I can avoid all of this and just pack lightly the things I love to wear. I always over-pack and need to remember that I don’t need Converse in 6 colors and that they do, in fact, have washing machines in Australia.

March 14, 2010

Day 7 at the gym. I am doing pretty good but let’s face it, what the hell excuse would I have now for not working out every day? None.

Tommy and I met in Little Italy at a boutique hotel called the Porto Vista, which is apparently gay friendly and they were doing a Sunday rooftop thing with drink specials and snacks. It was a gorgeous sunny day and even though the wind down by the bay was a little bit much, we were very happy to be outside sunning ourselves. Plus, I was excited to try out my new camera!

The drinks were fucking god awful. I actually think this place will become a very popular hangout on Sundays but they gotta do something about the bartender. This was supposed to be a mojito, but honestly tasted like vodka and flat soda water. Putting muddled mint in your drink does not constitute a “mojito” folks.

Bella Luna and I fell in love. She is an American Bulldog and is absolutely the sweetest thing ever. I am a little obsessed with dogs right now and I was questioning myself whether I wanted to get another one… someday yes, but not now with this new freedom I have. I put my 13 year old dog down in the summer of ’08 and my life changed dramatically. I think in another year or two I might consider a dog.

She is still a pup and wasn’t quite sure what to make of the big fancy camera.

Probably the laziest puppy I have ever seen. Or she was just tired and needed to continue sleeping. Or her Mom gave her sedatives.

Umm I definitely need one of these in my loft. What a perfect container for beers/sodas at a party!

Heed this.

Tommy and I got bored and he was weirded out by the older men staring at him so we went to Fiesta to finish out our sunny Sunday.Where we were delightfully surprised by this trainwreck! He could barely walk

. Now that is a Sunday Funday!

This is a guy named Joey who I met through Twitter! I never thought I would want/need more friends in my life, but ya never know what new people might bring to you. Especially now that I have some free time on my hands… and am looking for new business opportunities. I feel guilty about not seeing my good friends enough and have always had the shitty mentality of “I don’t need to make any new friends, I can’t even keep up with the ones I have now.” But I have a different outlook on life now. Everything happens for a reason.

HA look at his tongue! so cute

I love my new camera. This is untouched.

Saturday March 13, 2010

Today was my 6th day in a row at the gym and it hurts, but it feels good. I have to be in a bathing suit in less than 10 days! SHIT! I ran some errands and bought a new camera for my trip. I got the Nikon D300 with a 18-200 mm lens, a bunch of memory cards, backup batteries and a Canon point and shoot underwater camera that goes under 10 meters. I also have a Nikon D2x, but it doesn’t have a built-in pop-up flash, so I needed to get a backup camera that will be something that I can carry around in my purse and use at night without lugging the huge ass D2x around. 818 has no fucking idea what he is in for on this vacation. hahaha! I am a little bit of a freak on a trip like this and yes he will be assisting me in carrying my 85 pounds of camera equipment around. Deal with it.

We went to the Tractor Room for Vanessa’s birthday… It’s a great place with hearty dishes like elk, bison, wild boar and has an amazing list of cocktails. Some really old school classic like the Grasshopper, the Harvey Wallbanger, etc.. Tommy 5tone has literally had one of every single one of these bad boys. What a fucking alcoholic! (ok, I am totally jealous and strive to accomplish this task one day)

Jennie ordered a bloody mary and it came with what appeared to be swine on a stick… I was hoping for bacon, but it was in fact a Slim Jim, but tasted more like a dog treat. Which brought me to an interesting conversation with Crystal about how we have both tried wet dog food. It’s very flavorless and doesn’t taste anything like the deliciousness that it smells. She is literally the only person I have ever met who has told me she likes the smell of canned dog food and has tried it. She even went so far as asking me what brand I tried! HAHAHA!  Ok that makes me a little worried Crystal. But yes I do love the smell of canned cat and dog food. A lot.

I had  Harvey Wallbanger and a Campari with splash of soda. It’s very bitter and definitely an acquired taste.

I ordered the chicken and porcini mushroom pate and it was fowl. (OK, bad joke, it was foul) I hate sourdough bread for starters, and the white-ish stuff you see is cold congealed fat that sealed the pate in the dish. No bueno. Not recommended. It was flavorless and did absolutely nothing for me.

Tiramisu cake!

Vanessa and Savannah

Pearla stopped by after she closed her restaurant and moments later Joe did this same thing with the waiter. I would have gotten a photo but it was just way too awkward and I had to get the fuck out of there.

We went dowtown and went to The Local after dinner. Savannah has a smaller head than me! wow!

Joe, Vanessa and Mark who worked at Naughty America before I did. I know! Hard to believe… he was employee #1 or #2 I think. (I was #3) He left the company about a year ago to start his own business.

Crystal and Jason

I have no idea who these girls are, the boys made me take their photo. I am not even sure if they knew them.

‘

I see this guy in the bar all the time. No idea what this is about.

I thought I could avoid doing shots all night, but that didn’t happen. I caved.

Nice Rolex, who did you steal that from?  (Big E/ Eric let her wear it for a few minutes. )

On a side note, I wish that all bars had this. It’s so convenient to hang your coat/purse right there instead of sitting on it or having it on the counter. Bar owners: handle that, ok?

UPDATE/EDIT:

I forgot this photo of Tommy. No, it’s not a stripper pole, it’s a heater and there are flames coming off the top of it. Please stop what you are doing. I am terrified of fire.

Friday March 12, 2010

Diego and I slept in a little today. It is certainly nice not having the alarm go off at 6:30 am. I decided to lock him in the bathroom with the fan on while I went to the gym to drown out any potential “small dog sounds.” After the gym I met with my friend Michael from work (yes I was in the office the last 3 days… what can I say? I miss being around everyone) and we went to eat at The Local. For starters we had the Fancy Beer Cheese and Hot Pretzel (freaking awesome if you are ever in there, get it!)

Homemade beer cheese made of gouda, sharp cheddar and Stone Brewery’s Smoked Porter. Big soft pretzel with coarse salt and rosemary.

After lunch I went down to the Tivoli to grab a beer with Michael and Robert. Their Mom passed away this morning, she was 84 years old and had been sick for a bit, so it wasn’t a shock. I wanted to just pop in and give them hugs

Diego and I enjoying the sun.

We went back to my house, after all that walking he was ready for a nap. But I wanted to try one more time to do something funny with him so I could tweet Jason while he was stuck in his meetings. I tried to put Diego in the fridge and the oven, but he was not having it.

I opted to take more pics of him in the sunbeam.

AND THEN FINALLY! After several hours of trust building excercises, he allowed me to put this tiny sombrero on his head.

But ran away when I tried the tiny leprechaun hat.

Come on!!! It’s almost St Patrick’s Day! Why the sombrero and not the leprechaun hat? sheesh

Thursday March 11, 2010

My friend Jason asked me to dog sit Diego while he went out of town on business and of couse, I obliged. Diego is a half Chihuahua/Daschund mix. He is what you call a “People Dog” and I am what you call a “Dog Person” so it was a perfect match! I had big plans to dress him up in all these hats and costumes and do things to him… tweeting all the time so Jason can see how much fun we were having, but I gotta tell ya, Diego is not one who likes things on his head. Not one bit.

He’s pretty damn cute though

He loves to lay in the sunbeam.

And I think what might be going through is head during this video is something like this: “Ooooh I love the light even though it is so bad for me, can’t look away, just keep blinking to make sun not hurt” Or some variation of “Yeah I am a total dumbass and I know this is blinding me, but it feels so good.”

Apparently during the time that I went to the gym this morning Diego cried and barked and the landlord called me asking if I had a new dog. I was meeting my friend Jeff for dinner so I dropped Diego off at Joe and Vanessa’s so he could play with Kali and hopefully she would keep him company.

Dinner was at Proper Gastropub near Petco Park and since Jeff works for Shipyard Brewing Company and they carry some of his beers, we decided to go check out their grub.

Sausage rolls (3 out of 5 stars, too much breading and they were a little greasy)

Braised lamb and beef cheek sliders with crispy fried onions and tomato chutney. (3 out of 5, nothing special)

Chips and mussels with  fennel and leeks poached in creamy Chimay White with bacon foam. (I am going to go ahead and give this ZERO stars! It was served lukewarm, the mussels had no flavor and the bacon foam was more like watered down broth.)

I was waiting for Joe and Vanessa to finish at the driving range so I could stop by and retrieve Diego, but they weren’t ready so I stopped by the Tiv to see my new bff Andrea.

One thing led to another and I stopped by the Chee Chee to tell Jessica (former NA employee) about my recent departure and then Joe and Vanessa  picked me up from there and FORCED me into going to The Local.

Hi Sean! (Congrats to you and Mina on the new addition to your family!)

He showed me some pics on his Blackberry and I was informed that they do not have a real camera at home and they have a newborn baby! (tragedy) Looks like they are going to be my first customers! Shit who am I kidding, I am not going to charge them for my photography … I just want a bar tab

Monday 3.8.2010 and Tuesday 3.9.2010

I had to go to the office and finishing cleaning out my crap before my 12 pm flight. I got frustrated with the amount of paperwork that I had let pile up for years so I just brought everything home and will weed through it later. Ugh. That’s a rainy day activity.

On to more important things! Vegas! The Romero’s had rooms booked at Encore (sister hotel to the Wynn) but evidently the hotel fucked things up in a huge way and weren’t honoring the bookings at the rate promised DESPITE the confirmation codes that had been given. After arguing for no less that an hour and speaking to several levels of management we were all given keys to the suites at the Wynn for the price promised. Sitting in the hotel lobby for close to 2 hours watching Robert fight with these A-holes is NOT the way to live. Andrea said to me “I have a very long fuse and I am getting pissed. Laura, I know you have a short fuse so I want you to know that I understand what you are going through right now.” (Is it that apparent that I have a short fuse?)

The Wynn really is a gorgeous hotel… Encore is just as nice. What Wynn has going for it is 3 amazing restaurants though. (Daniel Boulud, Alex and Bartolotta) What I love most about Vegas is that there are so many fantastic high end celebrity owned restaurants on the Strip.

For dinner we went to Cut. I know, I know, you are shocked that I ordered the bone marrow flan and kobe beef sashimi. And a black and blue American Wagyu steak. (Creature of habit when it comes to some things) Dinner was awesome as usual, too bad half of the people in our party were too drunk to appreciate it or even sit still during dinner. Oh well. More raw beef for me.

In honor of the Chinese Year of the Tiger the Palazzo has their lobby decorated.

This hotel is really spectacular. I think it might be my favorite on the Strip.

Robert, Jen and Lee-Ann. (Both of these lovely ladies work at the Tivoli so you should stop by there and tip them well)

Andrea also works there and this is her hot friend whose name is totally escaping me right now. I think it is Kyle. He works at The Shack in La Jolla. Let me remind you that I drink a lot and hanging out with bartenders is ROUGH. I pussed out and went to bed at 1:30 am! ME! In Vegas and asleep before 4am? Whaaaat?

I slept in on Tuesday, worked out, ate a little, and went to the Bellagio in hopes of seeing whatever their new Conservatory exhibit was to find the damn thing under construction. I always make a trip over here to see what they have going on but apparently I missed the Chinese New Year one by a few days.

I really didn’t even know what to do with myself today. This is probably the first time (ever?) that I have come to this town without any obligations other than dinner reservations both nights. I am usually coordinating meetings, conventions, and trying to make sure a half dozen co-workers are fed, bathed and where they are supposed to be. If I am not in Vegas for a porn convention I am here for a friend/family birthday and am usually blind drunk by 4 pm and don’t give a shit about anything. Here I was, sober, feeling energized from going to bed early and working out and I decided to hit the sauna and the steam bath. (You know how I feel about the spa… not a chance I am getting in that public heated cesspool) The sauna was great until my head almost exploded and then when I went to enter the steam bath it was really really steamy and I literally couldn’t see one inch past my nose so I freaked out and shut the door. I did this three times. I wasn’t really in the mood to accidentally sit on some old lady in there so that was the end of my day at the spa. I really need to relax.

Dinner was at Daniel Boulud’s and I was meeting Ava Devine! We have known each other for years, since the first time I shot her in 2003 or 2004. I was literally the camera operator/director on that shoot, so that tells you how long ago it was. There are a few people in the business that I truly consider friends and want to stay in touch with and she is one of them. AND she was on her best behavior tonight Well, compared to Puma Swede and Nikki Benz, she was on her best behavior and there was minimal squirming on my end.

Oh Michael you perv.

Seared foie gras (4 out of 5 stars… my friend Chris’s is actually better! I swear to you!)

Short ribs (the house specialty) (eh…. 2 out of 5 stars. They were tender, but the flavor was average.) Oh and why the fuck am I ordering RIBS at a French restaurant anyways? Someone slap me.

Apple tartin. (I can’t really rate this because I had one bite, passed it around the table, answered a text message and when I looked up the goddamn thing was gone. So much for no one else wanting dessert.)

We had an early dinner and the girls wanted to head up to the room to get cleaned up and so they could put their tiny dresses on that they will pull and tug on all night. Michael and I went to Bartolotta’s for a glass of wine. What a fucking idiot I am for not choosing this place for dinner. What was I thinking? Seriously. Slap me again. You might remember the cooking class I took last November taught by Paul himself. Here is his assortment of fish for today. I suck. Remember he flies his fish in from the Mediterranean every single day? Fail.

I have been going to “The Tiv” since probably 1994 and am definitely closest to Michael on the far right, but I love Robert and Roy just as much. Thanks for the invite this week even though you stuck me with the dinner bill at Boulud’s. HAHA! Don’t worry I will get it back now that I am unemployed and will be spending more time in your fine establishment here in the next few months. (jk…. well….not really)

You can’t tell that they are brothers or anything can you?

Michael and Andrea (my new BFF)

The trip was relaxing, mellow and just what I needed to kick start my new life. Now back to blogging and furthering my soul searching.

Saturday March 6, 2010

Well since I went to bed at 10:30 I was awake at the crack of dawn. I hit the gym and then met my friend Mike, the owner of Tivoli for a beer and lunch at Funky Garcia’s. They have these delicious little street tacos that I could have eaten about 12 of.

This was the Al Pastor taco, a little spicy for me, but I am a wimp. You should try it.

We had a few beers and a couple of shots of Patron Cafe. Holy shit that does not even taste like tequila!

Kim had introduced me to it a few months ago and I always forget to suggest it when someone is trying to jam tequila shots down my throat. Tequila is the one liquor that I had a bad experience with when I was in high school and cannot get past. I generally only drink it when I am in Mexico because  you really don’t have a choice. Anyways, one thing led to another and Mike told me all about the bartender/restaurant convention in Vegas on Monday. Hmmm. Guess what? I have some free time! Oh really, you have an extra room at the Encore? Wow how convenient! Hey Mike, I am going to Vegas with you and your brothers

I love circus mirrors. My legs look so long and sexy.

The hot bartender named Tracy, go stop in and say hi to her. Plus she has a huge rack…

After a little while, the mo’s called us to Hillcrest and we met up with some of the people from Big Bear weekend and had a snack and another drink at Baja Betty’s. Now at this point, I am in dire need of a nap and need to be ready for my niece Jessica and her bf Blaine to come to my loft and head out to dinner and to On Broadway. We went for sushi at Ra (I always love bringing new people out for sushi when they are too intimidated to order on their own, I steer them to at least one raw roll and they usually love it.) We went to the most miserable nightclub on earth after that where 3 of their friends were kicked out of the club within an hour. I used to come to this place all the time. It was the worst! It’s an old bank and they have turned the vault downstairs into a hip hop room or something, so I took a photo of the actual lock. Mind you Jessica’s friend punched the glass on the thing moments later and got himself escorted out of the building. Good times. Amateur hour!

I love the women’s bathroom here, too. Great lighting.

We ended up going to Nunu’s in Bankers Hill because the downtown club scene was just too annoying for all three of us. Ran into Jason (@sneakyme) and another guy I met a few months ago randomly in a downtown bar and of course, my favorite Banker’s Hill bartender, Doug. Being friends with bartenders is dangerous.

I stayed in bed til 1:30 pm on Sunday and tried to go clean out my office but I was too hungover to move.

UGH.

Friday March 5, 2010

Today was pretty much like the last day of school in elementary school where all you do is fuck around and eat pizza and cake. Being that we are adults, we added champagne and wine to the mix. The morning show Live with Lauren was fun, we had some good laughs, she kicked my ass in arm wrestling, we had Phoenix Marie, Brooke Banner and Monique Alexander in there on the Hula Chair, we ate red velvet cake and Sandee showed a bunch of fun pictures from the last few years.

It is going to be weird not coming to the office anymore…the same routine year after year. Some of the employees that have been there for a long time were upset about me leaving, but everyone understood that I have to do what’s right for me. I hired a ton of the existing employees so naturally it was an emotional day for me and them. I went to lunch with Baker, Joe and Tommy and right after work we went to happy hour at Bareback grill. A lot of people showed up and it made me feel really warm and fuzzy inside. The people that I would have expected to show up and didn’t… well I guess it just shows how little they cared about me in the first place. Moving on with my life I mean at least send a text and say that you couldn’t make it. Fuckers.

Bobby Fairfield who looks just like Kevin Bacon to me! He wore the shirt I bought him for my last day at work. Awww!

Not only did my co-workers come to send me off properly, a few ex-coworkers and several of my “civilian” friends came downtown.

Even some dogs showed up in my honor!

Kali getting tanked on hefeweizen

Oh boy you can see me getting progressively more intoxicated.

Um awkward.

And this is my favorite photo of the night! HAHA!

It was only 10pm and I was pretty much done. I was tired, had been drinking all day and I didn’t have the energy to say goodbye to each person. It would have taken me an hour to accomplish that and I most definitely would have started crying. I snuck out and walked home and crawled into my bed.

Wednesday March 3, 2010 and Thursday March 4, 2010

I decided to take a little trip to LA so I could run some damage control with people in the industry. I don’t want anyone to panic and think anything is wrong and I want everyone that I have been dealing with for Suite 703 to feel confident that it’s going to be business as usual working with Tommy 5tone. Poor kid has a lot of his plate now, but he can handle it and will be fine as soon as they get someone to help him. I am going to be working from home for the next few weeks to get him through this transition..

On Wednesday I took the train to LA and then to a subway to Hollywood. It was actually really easy and makes me hate LA a little bit less. I met Justin Martindale at his apartment and fell in love with his roommates new puppy. She is a rescue from some bad people who kept her crated for like 15 weeks and her back legs aren’t very strong. What a little sweetheart.

Justin was performing tonight at the Hollywood Improv for Gay Days, a monthly thing they do showcasing gay and lesbian comics. It was great, each one of the comics goes on for about 12 minutes or so and I can honestly say that Justin was in the top three.  The crowd was in hysterics the whole time. The guy who plays Darryl from The Office showed up and was just chilling at the bar…. and I wanted so badly to take a picture with him, but didn’t want to be “that girl”, the rookie who gets star struck in Hollywood. After the show we went to a small place in West Hollywood called Saint Felix for a few drinks with the comics from the show. I had the sliders which were made with bleu cheese dressing and were delicious! Then we decided to head over to Here Lounge where Justin and I were getting pretty silly and he was lusting after a hot go go dancer. 818 gave up drinking for Lent, so we had a sober driver all night. It’s pretty awesome but isn’t doing anything for my liver.

We went back to Justin’s place and he showed us a bunch of creepy weird clown toys that his old roommate left behind. Umm. Ok. Scary.

My Dad was a huge John Wayne

What a sexpot!

On Thursday during the day I saw Hot Liz and Carly Parker who were in town from NYC. We hung out briefly in the back of Eva Angelina’s SUV because Liz just had foot surgery and couldn’t walk anywhere. So basically they picked me up, we chatted in the car while driving for an hour and then they dropped me off in West Hollywood. Hilarious.

I went to an event at Micky’s with a bunch of industry people and told everyone about the changes that are going to happen and then got up at the crack of dawn on Friday to head home for my last day in the office. I am a little emotional…

Here is Steven Daigle from Big Brother. What a cutie!

Tuesday March 2, 2010

Yesterday I realized how unhappy I was at my job and decided that I wanted to quit. It is something that has been on my mind since I returned from Africa in the fall of 2008.  There is something out there that is greater and bigger for me. I am not sure what that means just yet, but I needed to free up my time and clear my head to determine what it is. It was a tough decision to make and did not come easily. It’s not something that I did in haste and I have put a lot of thought into how I could make it work if I had stayed. I thought if I worked from home I wouldn’t feel so burned out, but that was not the answer. I know this sounds corny, but I am an artist and I need to create things. Working for Naughty America and Suite 703 was an amazing experience and I will take the things I learned to the next level of my life.

I am fast approaching 40 years old and I felt so unsatisfied… like I wasn’t really doing anything for me, to make me a better person. Producing porn for 10 years was fun and exciting, but I was merely creating what I was told to create. None of the ideas were mine and none of the projects were ones that I had full creative control over. It’s no one’s fault, that’s just the way it is! I don’t own the company, and I am just executing on what I was asked to. Bored? Yeah, totally bored. Am I insane for quitting a good job in the middle of an economic crisis? You might think that, but  I know this was the right decision for me. There are only 2 people in my life who criticized me for doing this and every other person told me how happy they were for me.  The support of my friends and family is so important to me during this, so I thank you all for the words of confidence. It’s reassuring to hear that so many people have the confidence in me that I have in myself. Am I a little nervous? Yeah, of course I am… But what is the worst thing that could happen? I could sit on my ass and blow all of my savings and end up on my sister’s couch in Connecticut. (Which actually sounds like an awesome plan btw HAHA!)

Do I have a plan? Yes and no. I have several options. I can always go back to shooting wedding as a way to make ends meet. First though, I am going to enjoy my vacation in Australia (oh btw 818 is coming with me!) and then when I get back I am going to chill the fuck out for a little while. Maybe go back east and stay with family for a few weeks. Maybe do a US road trip? Maybe take a few naps? Make sure I don’t go 2 weeks without a blog entry! Take a cooking class? Hell maybe I will go to culinary school!

I am grateful for the opportunities I was given and I will look back with pride on our accomplishments as a company. When I started in March of 2002 I had no idea how long I would stay in the business or where it would take me in the end. Today I say with 100% clarity that I am ready for the next chapter of my life.