Monday April 19, 2010

I just noticed today that Lena and Ernie have their own collection of stuffed pink monkeys that make noise!

After we finished up shooting we went to the Mall of America so I could see what all the fuss was about and so we could throw the monkey around a little bit. This place is pretty ridiculous. I mean shit if they had something like this in CT when I was a kid I would have been soooo happy. Roller coasters and aquariums in the mall? It’s a teenagers dream come true.

I just  found these pictures from our day snorkeling! (ok I am kidding we ended up eating at one of the dozen chain restaurants in the mall in the interest of time… Rainforest Cafe. The Tuscan chicken was not all that bad. Would I eat here again? Not unless I was babysitting someone’s kid.)

This short video was also shot at the Rainforest Cafe. Seriously, it’s the little things in life that amuse me so much. Enjoy.

When we got back to the SD airport Ryan noticed this “booth.” How awesome would it be to set up shop here and talk about my experiences and first hand knowledge of our first ammendments rights? I mean I could hand out literature that is clean and rated R way so as not to COMPLETELY offend people. If only I had bigger balls.

On a side note I need to address something that bugs me. Ryan and his siblings call their parents by their first names.  His sister’s rationale was that there were so many cousins and aunts and uncles around all the time when she would yell “Mom!” all of her aunts would respond “What??” She thought it would be more efficient to call her Mom by her first name for a faster response time and it just stuck. Granted most of the time they use their nicknames, but it still bugged me. I ended up calling them Mom and Dad all weekend and at one point I yelled out to her in the garden and she ignored me because she hasn’t been called that in years.  Come to think of it, I call everyone’s parents Mom and Dad because I don’t have a Mom and Dad of my own. I don’t really know what I am saying here. Everyone is different and everyone treats their parents differently with different levels of respect. If my parents were still alive I would not be using their first names to address them.

Call your parents today and tell them you love them. Please.

FUNNY ONE: I noticed that 818 was tagging me in Facebook photos and I saw one that was…well…not so attractive. I mean, it wasn’t so bad for me to ask him to delete it or untag it and his commentary made it funny. It was something about being confused and having the look of bewilderment while we were trying to find our way around the international terminal at the Brisbane airport. I did look confused and stupid. This was our text conversation from the other night:

Me: “Ewww stop tagging me when I look like shit!”

818: “Whatever.”

Me: “Nice attitude.”

818: “Oh please. It’s not that bad. And the tag justifies anything that would make people question appearance.”

Me: “It’s fine. I trust that you won’t post anything where I look really hideous.”

818: “I have all the beach and morning photos at reasontochewyourarmoff.com”

818: “I’m sorry. I couldn’t even stop myself from that one. I take it back.”

818: “Court ordered stricken from the record”

Me: “I am going to punch you where you pee the next time I see you.”

818: “hahahah you gotta admit, it was kind of good. Vicious. Uncalled for. But you’d have used it had you thought it first.”

(I don’t respond. I am trying to come up with something funny to say.)

818: “You checking on the site’s availability?”

Me: “I just bought it.”

NOT FUNNY STORY: The stupid dumb facedowns people are limiting their blog to only the three of them who are traveling. So I am thinking about buying the domain Myfacedownsarebetterthanyours.com or wickedawesomefacedowns.com or gofuckyourselffacedowns.com

But they told me that they are so happy that I reminded them about Zorbing while they are still in New Zealand! Oh awesome! Have at it! Tell the manager we said hi! And then go to Ayers Rock and get one!

Sunday April 18, 2010

Today was my day to shoot for the super secret project and I have to admit I was a little nervous and feeling a little bit rusty. (When I speak of the super secret project, it’s really not that big of a deal, I am just being dramatic because it’s fun and because I am not really allowed to share it yet. It’s not very exciting and would most likely bore you to tears.) Throughout the day we were able to hit some of the pretty picture spots in the downtown Minneapolis area.

First we went to the Minneapolis Sculpture Garden where I got a great picture of Namwah flying into the most famous sculpture in the garden, the Spoonbridge and Cherry. I guess there is usually a fountain of water coming out of the stem of the cherry.

Happy Spring everyone!

We spent most of our time down by the river…

We went to Pracna (the oldest restaurant on the oldest street in Minneapolis) for a quick snack and a refreshing beverage. It was hot today and we deserved it Ryan had a local brew from a bazillion years ago called the Grain Belt Premium. (it was pretty decent)

I had a deliciously refreshing peach sangria (white sangria with what tasted like a hint of peach schnapps). This might be my new summer beverage of choice.

Even though we were heading home to eat some of Ryan’s Mom’s chicken caccitore we had to stop at Santana’s for their cheese curds. I had never heard of such a thing and Ryan and Brett told me this was THE place to get them. They are basically deep fried (good God I must be gaining so much weight, I am afraid to step on a scale when I get home) cheese wads. But specifically white cheddar cheese and the seasoning is out of this world. I think it was dusted with salt, pepper and crack cocaine. Read here. (“Santana Foods is a wonderful late-night spot for food and people watching. Santanas secret seasoning is worth the wait. To eliminate the line after the bars you can call in your order. Also, do not be rude to any employees or family members if you want a pleasant experience. Staff is very tolerant of crowds but does not hesitate to prevent anything out of hand. Burgers, Cheese Curds, Fries, Gyros, Steak, Chicken, you name it. Also fresh Hummos, Tabulie, and deserts.”) It is basically a convenience store with some amazingly good junk food made to order.

After Mom’s delicious dinner (props for the strawberry and sugared almond salad) we geeked out some more and went to bed early because we have a long day tomorrow finishing up our stuff and have a 9pm flight home. 

P.S. This project involves us using the Canon 7D and I pretty much have had a boner all weekend. Ryan just came back from the NAB conference in Vegas with one! You might not remember but I was talking about the Canon 5D a few months ago and Vincent LaForet and the amazing things you can do with it. (Seriously please do me a favor and click on “amazing” it’s well worth your three minutes and three seconds.) (NAB interview with Vincent) It’s pretty much HD video footage with the look of a DSLR. It’s pretty unbelievable and I am probably going to buy the thing next week now that I can see what it does.

Saturday April 17, 2010

We had a full day of the super secret project but I managed to take some cool fisheye shots of the very famous Lena and Ernie.

Ernie is a 5 year old Chihuahua who was camera shy at first, but warmed up to me quickly.

He hates cigarette smoke! Isn’t that great!? HAHAHA!

I always give Ryan so much shit about smoking (and littering…the other night I saw him flick his butts twice and made him walk out into the middle of the street and pick them up. Then I saw his brother leave his chewed gum ON THE COUNTER at the pizza parlor and I made him pick it up and throw it away. What is wrong with you people?!)

Lena is not so sure about the closeness of the fisheye lens. In fact she is not so sure about me at all.

This is the neighbor’s dog Polar, a white lab. Lena and Ernie like to act tough and go over there and terrorize him and he literally just stands there staring at them.

 A new beer that I like available only in the Midwestern states.

Motivational poster: “You will walk down this path alone forever unless you get your shit together and stay focused on succeeding in life. Otherwise, come on? Who would spend their lives with a loser? Now get back to work.”

Love his hat.

We went to the River Inn in Hanover for dinner and the place was packed. It’s a small town and I think every person in the town was in the place. Drum roll please. My new favorite fish: walleye! I have never been here so naturally I wanted to try something local. Bonus that it comes with a small side dish of melted butter. I was practically inhaling it. I had to catch myself in front of these new people that I don’t know very well. It might have been the light buttery breading or the way it was pan fried, but I fell in love immediately. I am so picky about cooked fish and this is just light enough and not fishy at all. I might just move here.

I had also ordered a cup of lasagna soup which was pretty much Beefaroni, but I love me some Chef Boyardee! It will make a nice leftover at some point this weekend.

Here is an interesting view of the insulated garage from the front seat of Ryan’s Dad’s Corvette C5. You see, Rico owns the very first one ever made and treats it like one of the children. (Actually one of the dogs now that the kids are gone.) I asked him how fast he has ever gotten it up to and I lost him after a minute. Basically he got it to 120 in 3rd gear but that’s about all he can pull off here in the great state of Minnesota without getting arrested or killing someone. I will get some real pictures of it tomorrow. It definitely has some kick to it and I want him to take me out during the day on a long road without the fear of hitting a deer.

Friday April 16, 2010

We slept in (because we were up til 3 am…eating garbage) and screwed around with camera equipment for the entire day at the ‘rents house before heading out to dinner.

Nye’s Polonaise was our destination…2006 Best Bar in America by Esquire magazine. Not too shabby! They specialize in Polish food, have a Polka band and have an awesome piano bar.

Very retro feel to it.

Look at these lamps made out of recycled Simon games. (I keed, I keed)

We were dining with Ryan’s Mom’s entire family. Well, actually this was 27 out of 44.

I am experimenting a lot this weekend with available light and trying to see what kind of noise this new camera has. (Noise=grain for those of you who don’t know.)

The Polish sampler.

Prime rib stroganoff. I could have done without the 75 pearl onions after White Castle last night.

The Most Dangerous Polka Band in the World? huh? I am kicking myself for not buying their tshirt right now. Ryan described them as the animatronics thingys from Chuck and Cheese and boy he was not kidding. These people are so strange! They play there every weekend and look like they are about 185 years old.

Karaoke of sorts. Ryan and his uncle got up and sang.

The whole family cheering them on I never knew Ryan could sing!

 

Grandma (81 years old)

Sweet Lou Snider has been playing piano here since 1965 and she has a huge fan base and gets the crowd going.

Ryan and I dropped Grandma and Grandpa (88 years old) off at home and on the way she was telling us how she was going shopping at Macy’s for a dress to wear to Ryan’s sister’s wedding in June.

Ryan: “So Grandma you are going spend big tomorrow and hit Macy’s for your dress, eh?”

Grandma: “Yeah but it’s terrible this year they only have four colors to choose from. It’s like they don’t care about us folks in Minnesota. We have black, white, icky green and icky orange. I mean why can’t we have pink or something pretty?”

(Pause. Silence.)

Grandma: “You know why those colors are all dark don’t ya? It’s because Satan chose them.”

Ryan: “Grandma, are you saying that Satan is a fashion designer?”

Grandma: “Yes.”

(Pause. Silence)

Grandma: “You know Ryan, there are over 100 stories about Satan in the Bible. You would know that if you read the Bible.”

Ryan: “Grandma, was Satan a fashion designer in the Bible?”

Grandma: “Well I don’t think so, no.”

(I almost peed myself on the way home.)

Thursday April 15, 2010

I had a 12:00 pm flight to Minneapolis to meet Ryan for work on a super secret project that we are developing. (details later, much later) I pushed the flight to 2:30 because I woke up hungover as hell and was totally not prepared at all. Plus, I had to spend 30 minutes scrubbing my cupboard door. 

I don’t know if you have seen this yet… 818 told me about it a few months back and I was not comprehending what he was saying. They have lanes in the airport security now like the trails at a ski/snowboard places. Hilarious.

Man, they are not kidding when they call Minnesota the place of 10,000 lakes.

Ryan’s hot brother Brett picked us up and we went out on the town… Chino Latino was our first stop. Once I figured out what this place was all about I was furious that I ate some shitty airport food when I landed and was waiting for them. This restuarant specializes in street food from around the equator. I was even more pissed that they had “cuy” (guinea pig) with a 48 hour notice. Please correct me if I am wrong, but I have never seen this on a menu in the USA.

Brett and Ryan.

Their friend Channel who I absolutely adore.

I think Roxanne lives there. Ok bad joke.

We went to the Gay 90′s but it was a really slow night. I did learn, however, that Minneapolis has the 3rd biggest gay pride celebration… I will have to check into that. It might be a real fun and warm time to come back

Ryan tipping “Whitney Houston”

Me and Tiger Woods.

Minneapolis has this network of skywalks where you don’t actually have to leave the comfort of a building to get from one end of the city to the next, making a big loop in the downtown area. It is called Skywalk  and is actually a brilliant idea for such a terribly cold city. I hope to have some free time to check one of them out from the inside.

An interesting display at a bar called The Saloon. I love that Ryan knows me well enough to immediately take me to gay bars.

And no Midwest Last Call would be complete without a trip to WHITE CASTLE! This was my maiden voyage and I was beyond excited. I have had the frozen ones from Costco before and I had Krystal’s in New Orleans (my nephew Ben ate about 10 of them and was vomiting at 5am one time) and they pretty much taste the same to me. (I’m sure all people from the Midwest are freaking out reading this right now, relax, at 3 am they taste the same and you know it.)

The boys ordered 30 of them and I had to stop after just 3.

We got back to Ryan’s parents house and they were so cute… they were so concerned that I would be offended by the giant buck head in the spare bedroom. Little do they know I have a rare African-something-or-other in my own home.

Wednesday April 14, 2010

I have the wireless internet password written on a piece of paper somewhere in my loft and of course I cannot find it anywhere. This has happened at least three times in the last 2 years where I need Chris to come over and reboot my wireless router and it frustrates the hell out of me every time. You would think I would make it be the same password for everything else in my life but that makes way too much sense. It is probably stored in a document on my old laptop but, yeah, that’s not really working out for me either. Chris and I had made plans to have dinner so I was going to make sure he came over afterwards to deal with this horseshit process yet again.

I was meeting Mike Romero for lunch today at the Waterfront at 2pm and it took me forever to get my shit together and actually make it on time. The first part of the struggle of my day was mooching for quarters in my neighborhood for my housekeeper to do my laundry… while dressed in sweats. Classy.

Most of my experiences at the Waterfront were in the late 90′s or early 2000′s and occured at around 7 or 8 am and did not involve food. I haven’t been here in a long time and I was pretty excited to order the bacon cheeseburger.

The best part about the Waterfront is the proximity of it to the airport… Andrea joined us after getting off her flight from Vegas! We stayed for another 2 drinks after lunch and were just in time for them to start serving deep fried hotdogs for their happy hour. The weird thing is that I actually hate corn dogs…but these were pretty decent. And I normally don’t like deep fried anything. Maybe it really is the cornbread part of corn dogs that I hate.

I had my laptop with me so I went to Tivoli in hopes of stealing someone’s wireless for a few hours to update my blog while I waited for Chris, Rich and Kim to meet me at Taka for dinner. (I was dying for sushi and was obviously craving my favorite spots in SD) No internet but I was able to catch up on the sifting through the thousands of vacation photos you have seen.

Dinner was fantastic as usual… sake bombs, fresh fish and the best roll in all of San Diego: the Special Battera roll.

Baby squid. Mmmmm not so much. The bellies squirted a little creamy stuff in my mouth and the eyeballs and tentacles were just a little too much for me. I choked a few down (trying to be cool in front of Chris) and then decided I didn’t want to vom at the table so I quit.

When we got back to my house I had the bright idea of writing the wireless internet password in permanent marker on my cupboard.

I did not realize I had done this til morning.

Tuesday April 13, 2010

I had to deal with my stupid laptop today so I went to Best Buy in hopes that they had my warranty on file and that they would take care of my white wine mess. Of course the warranty expired a year ago and I forgot to renew it. Don’t they send notices for that kind of stuff?? I went to the Geek Squad area to see if they could recover the data I had on there and of course since the thing wouldn’t power on I had to buy a new laptop and a hard drive to leave with them so they could take all the crap off the old one. Thank God I am so paranoid and ridiculous about my images that I have them still on my memory cards and I didn’t lose anything. After I got my new gear I got back in the Geek Squad line. This one dude was busy helping someone and I could clearly hear 2 other employees standing nearby chatting about a recent Vegas weekend. I asked the guy who was busy if the other guy could help me.

Me: “Excuse me I know you are busy but does he (pointing) work in the Geek Squad department?”

Clerk: “Oh yes he can help you but he is talking to that guy about work stuff and he will be with you as soon as he is done.”

CLEARLY A LIE! I was getting so pissed off standing there. Like my blood was boiling. WORK STUFF? What the hell is work stuff? Bottle service in Vegas? The slot machines? You know… coming back from such an awesome trip you would think I would be just calm and cool and not let this bother me, but goddamn I was getting ticked off. So homeboy chatting to someone (who was not dressed like a Mormon who was probably not qualified as “geek” status) ended his conversation and then started breaking down boxes. He disappears for a minute and I was about a second and a half from yelling at the busy guy when luckily another guy came out and asked if I had been helped yet. Honestly, I had to catch my breath and put myself in their shoes. If I worked at Best Buy I might act like a total little asshole, too.

I stopped by the office to give away some souvenirs: Dallas got kangaroo nipple warmers (naturally), Lauren got body scrub from the mud bath place in New Zealand, a bunch of people got those little koala clip-on thingys from the 80′s, and Tommy and Michelle got the genuine kangaroo paw items. (bottle opener and keychain respectively) Neither of them would actually even touch the damn things. They are pretty creepy and gross. lol

Tommy and I went to a new place in town called Quality Social. There is a funny story about the guys who own this place… I met Chris #1 a few years ago at a function at the Ivy and then ran into him a few months later at a wine and food festival. We exchanged texts and he told me he wanted to meet with me for a business meeting with his partner, also named Chris. (called Dex from here on out.) Basically they needed funding for this place and somehow thought that me being in the porn biz qualified me as a millionaire/investor. HA!  At the time it was in the middle of the economic crisis and they struggled with financing but finally got the thing opened just a few weeks ago. (I haven’t talked to either of them since the fall of ’08 so you can imagine how shocked I was when I got a call from Chris #1 the day I was leaving for Australia.) It’s marketed as a downtown “luxury dive bar” and has the feel of a classy place but without the cheesy pretentiousness of a downtown nightclub. They have a full menu that is pretty impressive and involves an entire pig being brought in once a month! The kitchen stays open til 2am I think every night of the week and they have some killer cocktails. I had the “h” cocktail: square one cucumber vodka, st. germain, lime, club soda, cucumber and black pepper. Tommy had the “dirty old man”: old overholt rye whiskey, benedictine, lemon, and peach bitters and then moved to “white whiskey rusty nail”: death’s door white whiskey and drambuie. I ordered the charcuterie plate (an assortment of 5 different items from the pig) and of course Tommy ate none of it because it wasn’t Jack in the Box. We asked Dex what his favorite drink on the menu was and he recommended the “pickle back” : a shot of Jameson with a chaser shot of pickle brine. I am usually unable to stomach any brown liquor unless it’s Malibu (is that even brown?) or Captain Morgan so I was a little nervous about losing my cool in front of Dex. It was remarkably good! I might have to start carrying a flask of pickle juice around.

After we had caught up on about 50% of our gossip we moved over to Bareback where Joe met us for a drink also. It’s good to be back and catch up with everyone.

 Monday April 12, 2010 (yes, again. The longest day ever)

I landed at LAX around 7:00 am and was totally exhausted and was in desperate need of a nap. I had to drop 818 off at his place so we decided to lay down for a quick nap which ended up lasting almost 4 hours. I was freaked out when I woke up and it was approaching rush hour traffic so I hauled ass back to San Diego in the Prius and wouldn’t you know but I almost drove on the wrong side of the road when I hit downtown! I wasn’t even driving over there in AU and NZ! I guess being in the front seat anxiously watching 818 maneuvering around on the other side of the road/vehicle was enough to screw me up. Ugh.

I met  some of the girls at Lei Lounge in University Heights for some happy hour drinks and snacks (Jeanine, Lauren, Alicia, Amber, Tracy, Kerry and Becky.) I was too busy drinking martinis and gobbling their Philly cheesesteak rolls, lobster mac-n-cheese and the pineapple mango chicken to even take pics of  my food.

After a  bit the girls were on their way to The Purple Church (code word for Pure Platinum, the stripclub) so I had them drop me off at Bareback (ironic that I am at a New Zealand bar and grill already…oh wait I love this place)  to meet up with Dusty, Rich and Jeff. (Side note: Jeff is a master group vacation planner and is planning a trip this summer which is on my new bucket list… stay tuned for details!!) They had been at opening day of the Padres so they were pretty saucy. Even Kyle, the manager of Bareback was all sauced up. He didn’t recognize me at first because of my dark tan and blonde locks.

We mosied over to Tivoli and all of my favorite bartenders were working (wait… Christina wasn’t there!) Rozie, Andrea and Jenn.

Eli showed up. Funny story about Eli from probably 1993 or 1994. He was hired by the Romero brothers to be a spy at the Tiv. They wanted him to pretend he was a regular and make friends with the staff to see which of their bartenders were stealing money/giving away too many drinks. (I mean Christ, how do you get a job where you get paid to drink in a bar??) He did bust a few people but became such good friends with our group of friends that he resigned as the spotter and started hanging out with us. Anyways, he convinced me to do Jaeger Bombs with him.

I look pretty ridiculous here.

This is freaking priceless: what is he so excited about?  The fact that I am actually holding back vomit?

Monday April 12, 2010

Our last sunrise down under. (Notice the moon in the top left)

Creepy cemetary shot on the way back to Auckland in some small ass village.

Despite the fact that this is shot from the motorhome window at 80 miles an hour it is still pretty spectacular and shows the beauty of New Zealand. Every where we turn around we see something like this. Just an amazing place and I am now trying to figure out how quickly I can get back here and how long I can stay.

We dropped off the motorhome and headed to the Auckland airport where we were forced to go through 2 security checkpoints. The normal one which got you into an area with dining and shopping and then another one before we boarded our US flight. There was a desk with a woman who wanted to see our ID and boarding pass again. And then literally THREE feet later another woman asking for the same thing. These people are insane! Ann Marie had all of her souvenir boomerangs taken away from her but the shells made it!

On the flight home I was very uncomfortable, couldn’t sleep at all really and could not catch a buzz for the life of me. I watched Fantastic Mr. Fox, Precious (omg I was sobbing) and Couples Retreat. 818 and I had big plans to join the mile high club but the bathrooms were extra small and extra gross and it seemed like everyone and their brother were hanging around the back of the plane on this flight. (Not to mention if my own brother caught me doing that I would have been absolutely mortified.) 818 and I still haven’t had “the define the relationship talk” but I can tell you that he did a damn good job of pretending to be my “you know what” during this vacation. We only had two tense moments and they were over within a few minutes and I would not even register them as arguments at all.

The vacation was amazing. If I had to do it over again, I would have spent less time in Australia and more time in New Zealand. Australia seemed more commercial and touristy (granted we were in touristy type places a lot) but I got a totally different vibe from New Zealand. There is so much more to see and do in a smaller area and you can get around easier. The locals seemed more friendly, too.

Now that I have completed my bucket list at age 38, it is time to start a new one. I have put a lot of thought into the immediate future of  my relationship with the pink monkey (he has a name and it is Namwah btw) and have decided to not lock him up in a glass case until I have hit all 50 of the United States. I need to make a list and figure out where I haven’t been yet.

I feel blessed to have had this opportunity financially and physically. I have my health and traveling is easy for me. All of the people I have travelled with and whom I have met along the way have taught me something. I can only hope that I can use my photographs and stories to share the things I have seen and done with everyone else.

Get a passport. You never know what opportunities are around the corner.