Wednesday May 26, 2010

Sometimes I wonder where I am really going with this blog. I mean…I confess tons of personal information, I post random pics of dogs that I meet, I talk about getting drunk in dive bars, I hang out with porn stars, I post inspirational quotes about quitting your job, I travel the world with a hot pink monkey and I love to eat. But today…today is different. Today I have a food blog. (I know most food bloggers aren’t as barbaric as me. Deal with it.)

Let’s start off by discussing my obsession with Ferran Adria. I have been trying to get into El Bulli  for years now. They are only open 6 months out of the year and they only accept reservations via email in the middle of October for 2 days at the close of their season. For 4 years in a row, I have been declined. I tried having my old boss’s assistant get us in through his American Express Black Card and we got nowhere. Since they only have 8,000 openings per year and they have over 2 million requests the chances of me ever getting in there are about as likely as me becoming a nun. Anyways, in my opinion Alinea is the closest thing to El Bulli that is obtainable to me.  Alinea opened in 2005 and is owned by Grant Achatz who has gotten a ton of James Beard awards and who is now one of the top molecular gastronomists in the world.

The last time I was in Chicago 2 years ago I had reservations for Christian and I to go to dinner with my boss from NA and somehow I let him (boss) talk me out of it. I think his words were: “Laura, I am hungry and I don’t want to eat air for dinner.”  All week I was freaking out about not planning ahead and not getting a reservation for this trip. I was calling them for the last few days to see where I was at with the wait list and she told me that Wednesday was the best chance I had. She said the wait list on the weekend was about 100 people deep. I was gravely concerned that I would not get in tonight since I didn’t call her back soon enough yesterday. Basically if you don’t answer the phone they move onto the next person.

At 4:30 this afternoon I received a call from them and they did in fact have a reservation for me. I did not have a date. The only person that I would liked to have gone with didn’t have proper attire. I agreed to go alone. I was dining at the #1 restaurant in the United States by myself. The #7 restaurant in the world. Alone. WHO CARES!? I brought my fancy camera, my pen and paper and my blackberry…and I had a date with my Twitter followers. I ordered the 25 course “Tour” menu and the wine pairing. What the hell, right?  I was scheduled to be there for at least three and a half hours. Let’s not dilly dally… There is a lot to cover.

The place is simple and there are about a dozen or so waiters per room. Each one has tasted everything and they are very knowledgable about what you are eating. They are all wearing suits. You are served by all of them at some point or another. Some were more tolerant of my questions than others. I had some come back to explain something to me and they were able to give me more information than the first one. I guess that comes with seniority and experience. It was quiet and classy and I felt like a total idiot at first sitting there alone, but that quickly passed. I was not allowed to use the flash on my camera and the sun was setting quickly so I had a bit of a challenge shooting some of the dishes.

They brought a centerpiece for the table which I was instructed not to touch because it would become a part of one of the courses. It was there for my viewing pleasure for now though.

ENGLISH PEA: Frozen (I assume by nitrogen) with chilled bursts of iberico ham, sherry and honeydew. There was also a cold burst of a crispy honey flavored something or other. Imagine pea ice cream with the texture more of Dippin’ Dots…with bursts of other savory and sweet things. The woman who brought it to the table told me what I was about to enjoy and she mentioned everything in there except the iberico ham. I know I am not mistaken because I am a huge fan of iberico ham and I most definitely would have heard that and paid more attention to it entering my mouth. I need to try that dish again now that I know I was eating iberico ham.

SHAD ROE: tempura battered with pickled shallots and mustard gel. To be eaten in one bite with the sprig of laurel as the utensil. It was delicious, a little fishy, but hey… it’s fish!

YUBA and CHAO TOM: Yuba is a tofu skin that forms on the liquid surface of soy milk  that they had dehydrated and basically turned into a breadstick looking thing. On the left it was wrapped in shrimp with black and white sesame seeds, togarashi (7 flavor chili pepper), orange taffy and a miso dressing at the base of the bowl. On the right side was their tiny version of a Vietnamese speciality called Chao tom …barbecued shrimp paste on a sugar cane bit with mint.

Luckily I was paying clear attention to him when he said “Sugar cane is not digestable so when you are done, please put the sugar cane remnants on this little towel.” Do you know how awkward it is to spit food out of your mouth in public in the first place?? Imagine doing it in a place like this EVEN THOUGH THEY TOLD YOU TO. My instincts told me to put it under the little towel but I mean, it’s not like they wouldn’t know it was there. Very funny to me. A photo of my chewed up food for you.

The next palate cleanser I did not photograph because it was simply a shot of clear liquid. It was what they called DISTILLATION of Thai flavors and was Thai green chilis, lemongrass and fish sauce. It tasted like a shot of ocean water, but strangely, very delicious.

PORK BELLY: this was probably my favorite thing on the whole menu and is something that I could eat every single day for the rest of my life. No joke. Normally when I have eaten pork belly it’s cut small and is served with a crispy top and fatty underneath. This was served more like pulled pork (in the little pot in back). In the foreground is the serving dish…I took the two metal pieces and made a bowl by assembling them in a criss cross (Yeah they make you do work here). In the middle from left to right clockwise we have Hawaiian lava salt (which literally turned my fingers black like soot), cucumber, fried garlic, mango with hot curry, lime, coconut, red onion, in the spoon was red bell pepper with cayenne, toasted cashews, edible flowers and herbs and on the bottom left corner was basil seeds in lime vinagrette.

It’s a taco! I tasted each of the garnishes first to see what I liked and then I put a little bit of each in the rice paper and folded it up and ate my pork belly wrapped in flowery rice paper. At some points I found myself gazing at the ceiling so as not to be distracted by anything while I was eating. I wanted to isolate my senses and just taste. Then I had an orgasm at the table.

KING CRAB (3 Ways): Alaskan King Crab mousse with rhubarb pudding, basil buds, chive, lilac sorbet and chervil gel.

Underneath the first part of the ceramic dish we have part two…Alaskan King Crab bites with lemon ginger vinagrette, red bell pepper, coriander, mung bean, scallion, rhubarb, avocado dust and fried almond.

Part three at the bottom of the dish was Alaskan King Crab with rhubarb, cippolini onions with a fennel and anise glaze.

OCTOPUS: I am not a huge fan of octopus and by “not a huge fan” I mean I really don’t like it at all. It was marinated in red wine, served with fava bean and chased in the bowl by fava bean soup with a lavender foam. It wasn’t bad

LAMB: tonight was their maiden voyage of this dish! The server told me the lamb was from Pennsylvania but I am looking at the menu right now and it says Elysian Fields Farm, so I am not sure what that means. On the left it was gently seared, in back it was a fried lamb puff (pure fat and pure delicious) and on the right it was a poached lamb loin. It was topped with dehydrated fried green onion tops.  The best part of this dish for me was the thick creamy soup that tasted exactly like popcorn!

HOT POTATO: My photo here does not do this justice because the waiter was stressing me out telling me how tempurature sensitive dish this was. I was hurrying and couldn’t hold still to shoot. It was a hot Yukon potato topped with black truffle on a very small metal pin. At the base of the pin was a butter parmesan cube. You gently hold the dish and pull the pin through the bottom of the dish dropping the potato into a cold black truffle potato soup and shoot it. Folks, this is something you must try before you die. (This is one of their signature dishes that never changes on their seasonally changing menu.)

From left to right: BACON, MALT, NUTELLA. First of all the bacon looks like a trapeze artist and if I wasn’t in such a hurry to get it into my mouth I would have played with that metal contraption all night long. It was wrapped in apple leather and also had butterscotch and thyme. The malt ice cream had Goose Island beer stout (different from their menu which says bourbon county stout… I am sooo glad I took diligent notes!) also with oats, english toffee bits and a blueberry tapioca foam. The Nutella thing on the right was basically a bite which tasted like a Nutella and banana sandwich. Not a huge fan of either thing, but it was still pretty tasty.

KUMQUAT: here we have an edible cocktail! It’s based on a New Orleans style drink called a sazerac made of rye whiskey, Peychaud’s (bitters), thyme and lemon zest. It was wrapped with a thicker gelatinous layer of kumquat. It literally was like biting into a whiskey jell-0 shot and it was delicious.

About this point is when I started losing Twitter followers. I was blowing it up tweeting detailed descriptions of each course. Some people were loving it, others not so much. I had to keep myself company somehow with no one to talk to between courses!

SURF CLAM: a sort of deconstructed clam chowder with the usual bits of bacon, celery, oyster cracker, thyme foam and the really unique thing was the self encapsulated balls of tobasco you see. It was decent, but not one of the better menu items.

GREEN ALMOND: green almond set in a rice gelee with yuzu, something that I obviously didn’t spell right because I can’t look it up, sea salt and soy sauce pudding.

I want to mention that it’s a strange day for me to have wine sitting at my table like this. I was very careful to not drink too much so I didn’t miss anything and as to not get full on liquids! On the far left is a white wine made of chardonnay, sauvignon blanc and pinot grigio. These grapes are fermented on the skin and then the wine is produced pretty much untreated. It was tasty but in a raw kind of way if that makes sense. Very good though.

SALAD: mini turnips and other garden sprigs dusted with a ranch dressing powder. To be eaten with your fingers to give you the sensation that the gritty dust is like digging in your garden. (A hot towel is provided)

Underneath the salad dish was a cold potato leek soup and I have to say this is definitely one of the top items on their menu for me. I don’t even like potatoes that much! (sorry Dad I know you are rolling over in your grave right now)

At this point a lovely couple sat down next to me and was curiously looking at my next dish. The waiter said I was to just eat it off the metal thing in my face. SARDINE: from the bottom up…fried country bread, confit yellow tomato, sardine, horseradish cream, red pepper flakes, arugula flower, fried caper mounted in fried country bread pudding. It was pretty spicy and a little fishy, but I mean come on, it’s a freaking sardine. I did end up with a couple of teeny tiny bones in my throat so that kind of bugged me.

Thank you to my new friends Lance and Tina who took this picture of me. We got to chit chatting and they are from Portland Maine and work at a place called Fore Street. They gave me a lot of suggestions for places to try in Maine, Boston and Chicago. She had surprised him for his 40th birthday and took him to Boston for a day and then to Chicago for a few days, of course everything hinging on a reservation at Alinea. That is the way to live people, planning ahead and making sure you get in. They were a lovely couple and made me feel not so alone

SQUAB: (2 ways) rare cubes (just like I like all of my meat) and pulled like bbq’d pulled pork. What is squab you ask? PIGEON for the heathens that don’t eat out or who don’t like to click my links. I have had it a bunch and I have to say this was delectable. It was served on a wooden platter as you can see with charred strawberries, crumbled hazelnuts, pickled ramps, watercress and the strange looking reddish sheets you see are carmelized strawberry jam that has been dehydrated and flattened. It was a crispy fruit roll-up for lack of a better description. (I love this blog because I can describe things so normal people can relate. I am sure Grant Achatz might have a different opinion of it though lol)

BLACK TRUFFLE: this is their other signature dish. I was told to eat it in one bite and to be sure that my mouth was completely closed when I bit into it. What happened was magical. The liquid inside burst out of the pasta shell and filled my mouth with black truffles and parmesan. It was to die for.

TOURNEDO: inspired by Auguste Escoffier‘s progressive French cooking they served Australian wagyu beef with Anaheim peppers and fried bananas. I was cooked perfectly, but I don’t really like fried bananas that much.

LEMON SODA: yes, it does appear to be a bag of cocaine, but it was in fact a thin baggie of lemon soda powder that dissolved in the back of my throat.

BUBBLE GUM: and no, this is not a crack pipe. It’s hibiscus gelee, vanilla creme fraiche, and bubble gum tapioca.

TRANSPARENCY: a glass like texture that broke like glass, but did not cut me. Made with raspberry, yogurt powder and rose pedals.

Thank you Lance for documenting this process. I was told to suck it down as fast and as hard as I could. Not a problem!

EARL GREY: the next one was probably the reason that my old boss said he didn’t want to eat air. The fluffy pillow was filled essence of Earl Grey tea and as the plate settled on the pillow the scent of Earl Grey surrounded me while I enjoyed the dish. I am not going to lie, it was a bit much. I choked a few times until it went away.

The dish itself was delicious but I was getting so damn full! Earl Grey shortbread with a carmelized white chocolate noodle (imagine those Chinese noodles you buy in the cardboard can but kind of moist and tastes like white chocolate…wow), lemon curd (the thing that looks like egg yolk) and fennel jam.

For the final course they took my wine glass collection away and left me with one. They placed a rubber tablecloth on the table. Uh oh this is getting kinky.

I was told a visitor would be coming to the table. They drag out this process for a good ten minutes making me anxious as to what the hell was going to be happening. I had not seen any other tables go through this process. Maybe I was the only one in the dining room to order the “Tour.” Maybe I was getting special treatment because I was alone. Or maybe because they know I have a hugely popular food blog. (Insert sarcasm font here)

CHOCOLATE: my table became the plate.

Look at me…wringing my hands with spoon ready.

The larger white thing was coconut mousse. The smaller white dabs were chewy coconut. The rest was liquid coconut. Add frozen dark chocolate and it began steaming like dry ice. The white bit in the tweezers is crystalized menthol.

Add a disc of warm chocolate pudding and…

…you have the most beautiful dessert ever created.

I was so stuffed that I could barely even do any damage.

And the LTP Award (Lick-The-Plate) goes to the dessert. Not because it tasted the best, but because I could actually lick the table. I’m a classy broad like that.

The menu goes like this… Bigger circles mean larger portions. Smaller circles mean smaller portions. The further to the right the sweeter. The further to the left the more savory. Wine pairings are listed below the dish.

If you have the money and the opportunity to try Alinea, do not miss it. I just went and looked at my new bucket list and I cannot believe that I didn’t have Alinea on there. Weird. It should have been.

SAVOR LIFE EVERYONE! Have a great day