Saturday June 19, 2010

The highlight of my day was trying the mberrys! You put the tablet in your mouth and let it dissolve. Limes were loaded with a taste of sugary sweetness! Tequila still had that kick, but it was not your normal tequila. Chardonnay turned into a sweet dessert wine like a reisling. A vodka orange juice was too sweet to even drink! A vodka cranberry tasted like fruit punch. Beer was like apple juice. My favorite was a merlot which turned into a delicious grape juice on my lips. It lasted about 40 minutes and I ran around the party shoving whatever I could get into my mouth. Radishes didn’t taste any different. I am curious about brussel sprouts. And you bet I am going to try this with a dude one night in the very near future

Friday June 18, 2010

Bikram kicked my ass today so all is good with that. I started prepping for my month long trip around the east coast and am really looking forward to the extra week now… I have never been to Martha’s Vineyard so I might try to pull that off. Also my nephew Danny will be in CT for a week and I am pretty excited to hang out with him and redeem myself for going to Vegas 3 times in a row and not seeing him.

Tommy and I went to Fiesta Cantina to have a drink to properly kick off my birthday week. Every year I say I don’t care what I do for my birthday and that it doesn’t really have to be a big deal and then it turns into a week of celebrating. Since this is the last birthday I will ever celebrate (there will be no 40th next year!) I was ready to get it started. We met Chris for sushi at Ebisu and then Tommy was meeting some friends so he took off before the food came…but it doesn’t really matter because he rarely eats on Fridays. The sushi was awesome as usual there… Chris’s treat for my birthday! Thanks babe! Chris and I grabbed Rich and headed to Humphrey’s to see The Comedians of Chelsea Lately. Tonight’s line-up was Whitney Cummings, Josh Wolf and Jo Koy. With a special guest appearance by Chelsea’s midget assistant Chuy!

I have to be honest, Whitney Cummings was not that good. She was talking so fast and furiously (well she was like screaming) and barely gave the audience enough time to laugh between jokes. She was funny enough at times, but her delivery was rushed or something. Plus she had a few jokes that I definitely had heard versions of before from other stand up comics. Recycled material if you will. Josh Wolf was funnier, but he talked about his kid a lot. I was getting tipsy so maybe I am exaggerating…I dunno when I am totally comfortable getting up to pee in the middle of a comic’s set and then chit chatting with a girl in the bathroom about her upcoming trip to Australia, the comic is probably losing my interest. Jo Koy on the other hand was awesome!! Definitely worth the forty two bucks just for him.

Humphrey’s is a neat place because you sit right by the water and see the boats in the harbor…I haven’t been to a show here in forever and I always think how fun it would be to get a room that over looks the audience and the stage and have a little party in there while you catch the show. Poor planning on our end this time… Chris and I love to do things in style so sitting out in the audience freezing our asses off with all the other heathens was not the best way to experience this show. Next time for sure a room with snacks, drinks and a balcony overlooking the commoners.

 I was home in bed by 11pm. I was being summoned to go to Hillcrest for some more fun but honestly I knew yoga at 8:00 am would be a real bitch so I stayed in.

Thursday June 17, 2010

Would you believe that yoga was not hot enough for me today during the 6:30 am class? I felt cheated today because my heart was not beating out of my chest. I almost considered going to the afternoon class because I felt like I didn’t really get everything out of the class. It’s official. I am hooked.

I find my days slipping away from me while I sit and edit photos for my photography site that I am building. It’s a massive amount of stuff to go through and I second guess myself as to whether the shot is worthy. I grab a CD, load the images, sift through hundreds of them. Pick a few. Go to the next one. I literally have gone through thousands of images in the last 10 days trying to find 50 good ones to highlight my photography skills. It’s a real bitch especially since a lot of the good stuff I have was shot before I started using digital cameras and scanning negatives is not the most efficient way to get this thing live. I’m bored and over it and ready to continue my vacation. But anyways I found some funny and interesting random images that I will be sharing with you when I have nothing to talk about.

An interesting and creative tattoo that I liked.

A hilarious Halloween costume! Do you get it? Chicken Cordon Bleu.

 I received my home vajazzling kit today. Umm did I really just pay twenty bucks for this when I could have gone to Michael’s and spent three dollars? I thought it would have at least come with some glue or a hot glue gun? No, it’s just little tiny sticky things. Good one, Laura. Don’t worry, I am not vajazzling myself and putting the photos online. I am going to do it to Lisa Ann next time I see her.

On a sad note, I will be leaving for my trip a week early due to an unexpected funeral. A good friend’s father died yesterday and I changed my flight so I could be there for the services early next week. Now I am freaking out trying to get things ready. Bills, holding mail, laundry, you know shit like that. Wow I am not prepared.

Wednesday June 16, 2010

The jacarandas are in full bloom all over town and they are so beautiful! I used to have one in my yard at my old house and when I went to Africa in ’08 my sisters were very impressed that I knew the name of the tree when the safari guide pointed it out. It is about the only thing I can identify in the botany world, so don’t be too impressed. Anyways, I liked this pic that I snapped the other day.

For dinner I met Claw at Oceanaire in hopes of seeing caviar on the menu but I was sadly disappointed. Again. I don’t know what the deal is…they used to have it all the time. We sat at the bar and ordered some oysters, shellfish platter and a crab cake. Surprisingly enough we actually had some things to talk about even though we saw each other 3 days ago. I love that I have a downtown buddy who appreciates fine dining.

I had the bartender take a picture of us and his idiot co-worker was being a super douche and ruined it. Yeah, that’s awesome customer service, you are lucky I am in a good mood you little twit. People lose limbs for doing that shit.

It looks as though we are legitimately on a date. Funny story about us. About a year or so ago we got into it during a party at our friends house. I can’t really tell you how it started or why it escalated but it ended with “Laura, all you ever do is talk about yourself.” Oh ok Sean. I will leave now because obviously this house is not large enough for both of our egos. I am not even sure what it was about. I think it started with him complaining that we didn’t have enough 20-something girls on NA’s site and that I needed to do something about that. And when I began to argue with him and prove to him statistically that he was wrong, it went sour and he told me I was terrible at customer service. Hey, last I checked you were not a paying customer with that free password I gave you so shut the fuck up. I think after that he was trying to sleep on the sofa during the party and I was showing someone pictures from a vacation I went on…which is why I think Mr Grumpy Pants said I always talked about myself. I dunno… he might have an entirely different story of what happened. It’s all good now and I love hanging out with him

When I got home I discovered that my miracle berries (Synsepalum dulcificum) had arrived in the mail! I saw the owner of Moto tweet about it the other day and I, of course, had to check it out. Mberrys is the name of the company distributing these strange little berries… basically they make sour and bitter things taste sweet. First I opened the ominous package shipped from a woman in Puerto Rico…

…and then the package with the tablets for easier consumption. Apparently you eat the tablets with lemons and they magically turn into lemonade in your mouth! Look here it suggests that you eat it with cheese! I actually don’t like Swiss cheese so I am curious to see what it does…

It looks like I have some experimenting to do. It doesn’t feel right to do this without Chris so I am hoping he gets his busy ass back to San Diego and returns one of my calls or texts soon. I can’t try it without my food nerd friend. Plus I really have no idea what to cook with the actual berries.

Tuesday June 15, 2010

Christian and I were talking the other day about what happens when nothing happens? What do I blog about? He had a blog for a year that he vowed to update each and every day and when he would find himself naked playing World of Warcraft at 5pm he would call up one of his little porno girlfriends and take her to dinner. But sometimes she would invite 4 of her friends and then his “blog entry” would cost him three hundred bucks. Being that I am unemployed…I probably don’t want to be getting in that habit. But do I just literally list the things I did no matter how insignificant? That is stupid. Shit. I can’t be exciting every day.

About the only thing I accomplised today was finalizing my travel plans for the summer. I will only be in San Diego for 5 days in July! I am heading to Boston with a one way ticket on June 29th and I think I might head straight up to Portland Maine for a few days before going to Connecticut to see my family over 4th of July weekend. Other than that I don’t really know what I am doing! What a great feeling! Cape Cod? Provincetown? Fire Island? New Hampshire? I will be in Manhattan from the 9th to the 13th and then head to Memphis with Lisa Ann from the 13th to the 18th. On the 18th I will head home to catch the tail end of San Diego Pride and then off to Vegas for my nephew Danny’s 4th annual birthday weekend celebration from the 22nd to the 25th. Back in San Diego for a day and a half then off to Greensboro, North Carolina with Lisa Ann from the 27th to the 31st. I am tired just typing it all. Eventually I have to get back to work and the vacation will come to an end so I might as well do this now.

For your daily dose of visual stimulation (since I know half of you only come here to look at the pictures and probably can’t even read) here are the three (that I know of!) Eiffel Towers in the world.

Paris – 2005

Las Vegas – 2004

Tokyo – 2006

This Chinese proverb is for someone who should be reading my blog who hasn’t been. I hope this person sees this:  If you must play, decide on three things at the start: the rules of the game, the stakes, and the quitting time.

Have an amazing day!

Monday June 14, 2010

I received a new tshirt in the mail today. Some people don’t know what NSFW means. I guess it’s not as common as FYI, BTW, WTF, FTW or any other internet acronym. NOT SAFE FOR WORK. Anyways, I thought the shirt was absolutely perfect given my circumstances.

Completely unrelated and utterly embarassing here is a photo of me from 1989-1990 when I worked at a mini lab in a strip mall in Connecticut. In high school I used to sit in the little hut in the parking lot and get paid to do my homework while the occasional customer would drive through to pick up their prints. The other guy at my high school who worked there was named Steve and he would bring a VCR and just watch movies all day. On Sundays his buddies would come by and they would play Frisbee in the parking lot. It was the best job because we when we bored and had looked through everyone’s pictures we would just talk on the phone and fuck around. Anyways, the huts were all shut down and the one hour mini lab was born and then we actually had to do work. While we opened the store Steve took this opportunity to arrange the letters before we actually hung them on the wall. Thanks Steve. Oh BTW do you like my sweet mullet? I bet you are LOL’ing all over the place right now.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and feel the same way.

Sunday June 13, 2010

The woman who checked me in at the SWA counter in Vegas mixed up my bag with someone else’s so when I arrived in San Diego my name and UPC label thingy were on someone else’s luggage. This means that my luggage is on it’s way to God knows where. Lovely. And I love how they stare at me asking if I am positive this is not my bag. Yeah, lady I know what my bag looks like. And no, no matter how many times you ask me, the answer will still be “NO. That is not my bag” Oh ok, you don’t believe me. Let’s open it and examine the men’s size 14 shoes in there. Nope. Those are not mine. Are you happy now? They ended up locating it pretty quickly, it was in Orange County but I definitely feel bad for the kid whose bag I had because there was no name tag on it. Lesson learned folks… always put a name tag on your luggage.

It was a chill Sunday afternoon in the backyard… just hanging out with some friends, dogs, birds and snakes. This is Gnarly…you remember he was the one on the Newcastle site?

His acting career has gotten to his head a little. Always wanting to be carried and shit. Give me a break dude.

He’s learning new tricks too.

well sort of

If I were to come back as a bird in another life I would not want to be a hummingbird. I mean good grief talk about hyperactive. Their poor little hearts must just race and race.

It’s a corn snake. I didn’t catch his name.

Lauren and Becky

Ok this is a little weird. I saw this “doll” in Erin’s bed. Apparently she has been sleeping with this troll since she was a little girl. I guess she gave it a haircut once thinking the hair would grow back.

So now it wears a wig.

I mean, I really just don’t even know what to say. It’s name is Olby? Or something.

Just an FYI Erin is a single mom and very much on the market for dating. IF you don’t mind sharing the bed with this doll of hers.

This is Erin’s kid Jaeda doing her impression of Bon Qui Qui rapping on helium.

Here is the actual clip from Mad TV of Bon Qui Qui … if you have never seen this omg. It’s amazing. They have disabled the embed code so click it and watch and die laughing. I dare you not to laugh.

I met up with Moe and Claw to catch the end of the Lakers/Celtics game and because Claw just moved in down the street from me. This is Claw’s dog Bailey. I just realized that he and his old roommate have 4 female German dogs between the two of them. A Daschund, Rottweiler, Doberman and a Schnauzer. Unreal that they all get along. Not because Germans are jerks, but because they are all female.

After the game ended we walked over to Proper Gastropub so I could give the mussels another shot. They were warm this time. But they still were nothing special. I mean I inhaled them all pretty quickly and this time I could taste the bacon in the sauce, but would I go back for them? No. Would I go back during a baseball game to Proper? Sure. The place was empty and we were saddened at how lame downtown San Diego is in the middle of the summer on a Sunday night. It’s a bad location with no foot traffic so I hope they survive the storm when it’s not baseball season.

We stopped at El Vitral for a shot of tequila. Ya know since I am a tequila afficionado now lol.

Honestly there was this kind that I drank on Cinco de Kimbo/Kimbo de Mayo at El Camino that I really enjoyed (at 14 bucks a shot, it better fucking be smooth) and I still have no idea what the name is. I dragged the boys into the bar because I saw the giant bottle in the window.

It’s pretty effective marketing if you ask me because now I got the two of them hooked on it. It’s a sipping tequila and served in a brandy snifter.  It’s dark like brandy and burns your nose hairs just like it too. So smooth and you really don’t even need a chaser at all.

Our last stop was at Basic and I am utterly amused by the set up in the bathroom. Either the staff is so fucking lazy that they refuse to check on the restrooms through out the night, or the bar is too cheap to hire a Mexican woman to work the bathroom during busy nights. I don’t know if it’s just a socal thing or not… I don’t recall seeing it elsewhere really. A woman parks herself in the ladies bathroom for the evening with anything and everything you can imagine at your disposal. Gum, mints, chocolates, hairspray, every flavor of body spray known to mankind, condoms, lip gloss, and of course she squirts soap in your hand and gives you a paper towel. You are supposed to tip her when you are done using all of the stuff. Does this happen all over the country? I am curious.

Saturday June 12, 2010

Today’s plan to work on our tans by the pool (as opposed to the other days haha!) was foiled by clouds and drizzle. We only got about 45 minutes of sunshine the whole day. Total bummer. What wasn’t a bummer were the hot guys hanging out by the pool for us to gawk at! For example…this Vince Vaughn/Couples Retreat look alike. Delicious. When Lisa sent her business card over via the waiter you should have seen this guy sprint over to our cabana. I mean like full on sprint. That’s the best shot I could get of him since having a big ass camera at the topless pool might cause a ruckus.

Ron Jeremy was being mauled by fans for autographs and pictures.

Here he is having what appears to be a very uncomfortable conversation with a super fan. Moments later he was asked to leave the premises for exposing himself to her behind the cabanas! Real classy.

Dear Lord I hope this guy finds this blog one day.

Billy telling ridiculous stories about a guy in jail. He was telling us all about how he came to own a nightclub in Cancun and how involved he is with the distillery process of his tequila company Ambhar. If you give two shits about tequila it’s an interesting read. Lisa Ann and I are seriously discussing going down there for an annual Friends Of Bill weekend in September. I really don’t know what this entails but it sure sounds like fun and I have never been to Cancun so what the hell.

Billy offered to take us to dinner at a place called Mastro’s in the new super futuristic City Center. It reminds me of the movie Gattaca! So sterile and strange.

The designer of the restaurant’s “treehouse” is David Rockwell.

On a side note I have never… in all the years that I have known Lisa… see her get so excited about ANYTHING, let alone food. She was talking about the food and what she was going to eat the entire time in the cab on the way there. She was mentally and emotionally consumed with the meal that was about to take place and I gotta tell ya… I was a little nervous because she had hyped it up SO MUCH. I really did not want to be let down. I mean steak is steak, right? (ha… you know I am kidding about that)

We ordered the Cosmo served with dry ice for a fun little presentation.

Seafood tower with several different types of crab, lobster, oysters and caviar. Billy looks like he is going to murder this tower.

The guy on the left is someone that Billy calls AJ (Angry Jew) who runs something important over at Venetian and Palazzo. I forget what he does exactly. Interesting dude from Brooklyn… loved his east coast attitude and style. Lisa and Billy were starving so you have 2 very annoyed diners in this photo reluctantly posing for my picture.

From the left lobster mashed potatoes, bone-in filet ( I had never had that before! It was amazing), steamed asparagus (for the first time it did not make my piss smell funny) and the winner of the night: black truffle gnocchi with lobster. I  forgot to order my steak on a cold plate (AGAIN) but luckily they brought one to me pretty quickly and my steak was done perfectly so I was happy. The potatoes were awesome but what isn’t awesome with lobster added to it? And the gnocchi… well that was a religious experience. I literally woke up in the middle of the night wishing that I had stolen the leftovers from Billy’s bag just so I could have the gnocchi. It was out of this fucking world.

Dessert was vanilla bean creme brulee and an unbelievably delicious warm butter cake (their signature dish) with the perfect amount of sweet and salty. Topped with their homemade whipped cream… oh my god. We all left in a massive food coma.

It was still really early so we went back to our hotel/homes to take naps and guess what? I am still fighting this head cold and I knew that my 8am flight would come all too soon, so I chose wisely and stayed in. I guess I am getting old because this is 2 out of 3 nights in Vegas where I am in bed for the night before 9pm.

Friday June 11, 2010

(Sorry I was MIA this weekend. I was having too much fun to sit at the computer! I love getting nasty text messages from my friends complaining that they have nothing to read on Monday mornings)

Lisa Ann had to cover a scene for a flaky model so she missed the entire fan show at the Hard Rock Hotel today. Oopsie daisies! The promoters were cool about it and they understood. She’s a business woman after all…she had to make a decision about pissing off a producer and losing a bunch of money vs chilling at the pool all day and making no money. So by the time she was done and back at the hotel I had spent my morning and afternoon at the spa, eating lunch and laying in the sun at Mandalay Bay. Remind me again how this is “work”? We chilled out in her room for a few hours just shooting the shit discussing her memoirs and what will be in them. We exchanged war stories about the business and about sex and relationships in general. She has definitely got a few more battles under her belt than I do! lol I asked her to name all the famous people she has fucked. Wow. That was entertaining.

 The view from her room was pretty neat…it looks as though those are snow capped mountains, but in fact it’s just the way the afternoon sun was hitting the side of the mountain.

We headed downstairs to Rick Moonen’s sustainable seafood place called RM Seafood for dinner. Recently Rick made it to the finals of Top Chef Masters but lost out to Marcus Samuelsson who I have never even heard of. I’m bummed because I had not watched the series and while googling infomation about Rick Moonen I discovered the winner. Rick also recently won a James Beard award for his work with Chefs A’ Field in Alaska.

We got the oyster sampler. Lisa Ann and I both discovered that we like the smaller ones because they seem to be sweeter. I don’t know a ton about oysters except that they are delicious and good for you!

Crab cakes served with a tasty jicama salad/slaw. The dressing they used was out of this world and reminded me of something from my past but better. If that makes any sense! The only thing I could think of was this salad dressing I got once from El Torito. Sorry if that’s an insult Rick! haha

The ahi duo was excellent too. I liked the ahi poke better than the seared ahi and the soy glaze was fantastic.

Steak tartare was decent. It had too many onions for my liking but the black truffles on top were a great addition. Something I have never seen before.

After our light dinner of appetizers we headed over to the Hard Rock because Billy who works for Ambhar tequila (you might remember him from Lisa’s birthday weekend, the guy who tells the great stories and who had the run-in with the monkey on coke) was hosting an event at the pool. It was super crowded with drunk 22 year olds and we were not having it. We had a security guard walk us to what he thought was Billy’s cabana and when we realized it wasn’t and we couldn’t get to where Billy was, we gave up. Walking through a crowded area with tons of drunk dudes with Lisa Ann is about as fun as going to the dentist. They stop and stare, occasionally paralyzed because they can’t believe that their favorite porn star is standing in front of them and they then act like idiots. Sometimes they feel like they can reach out and grab her arm and that’s when things get ugly. We move as fast as possible and have to have an escort take us from area to area. You think I am exaggerating? Not at all. She played Sarah Palin in a spoof and her career blew the fuck up. Right after it was released she had interviews, talk shows, radio spots etc… coming in at an alarming rate for weeks. It can be a real pain in the ass but obviously in certain environments it’s fine. If she’s at Starbucks in LA wearing Converse and jeans it’s not an issue really. Dressed up at a nightclub in Las Vegas showing off her body is a totally different beast. Anyways, we headed over to Wasted Space to go to the official show after party hosted by Teagan Presley and Sunny Leone. I ran into Pierre, a promoter who Lauren worked very closely with over the years to get Naughty America into a lot of big parties in Vegas during AVN. We had our logo plastered all over Las Vegas the last few Januarys…best of all: for free! The clubs paid us! (I need to stop saying “us” and “we” when referring to NA. Tough habit to break.)

Steve (glasses)… works for AVN who I happily learned reads my blog and Angel Vain sporting a Ninja Turtle shirt! Awesome! Teagan and Lia doing shots not paying any attention to me.

This poor guy with his sunglasses on his head looks remarkably like a douche in the business named Donny Long that EVERYONE HATES. I had to tell him to take those shades off his head or he might get punched in the face. It was dark and they did look a lot alike. He thanked me once I explained the deal and why I was taking a photo of him.

Monstar (Alex) a PR rep for a ton of girls in the business with a photo of his lovely fiancee Tanya Tate on his iphone. I love Tanya … a hot British milf who I just adore.

How in the hell am I darker than Sunny when she is of Indian descent? We had a great talk about my departure from NA and it was good to hear that she supported me and believes in me. Some people in the business just don’t get my decision and that is fine. The people that really know me get it and that’s all that matters. Sunny matters

My soon-to-be partner in crime in San Diego…Brynn Tyler.

You also might remember Chris, the biggest Puerto Rican in captivity, from Lisa’s birthday weekend in May.

We snuck out of Wasted Space and met up with Billy to go over to a place called Eye Candy at Mandalay Bay. Check out this stud with his sweet hair and shades.

And his Sony Walkman. (whaaaat?????)

Lisa Ann getting her dance on.

A fan brave enough to come say hi… and guess what?

She pretty much just made his day. His month. His life.

Again, if this isn’t fan interaction I don’t know what is. Good times!

And my favorite shot of the night. It tells such a story.