Saturday June 5, 2010

I did Bikram again this morning and I gotta tell ya…90 minutes of that shit after a few drinks last night is not very much fun. I mean it’s not fun to begin with, but with a slight hangover it’s fucking terrible. Some of the poses are getting easier for me and some I just simply cannot get the hang of. My muscles are sore and tired and I fall out of the poses pretty quickly but try my best to get right back in them. I do think that some days it’s hotter than other days. I keep reminding myself that I am burning close to 1000 calories each time. 90 minutes on a treadmill might do the same but I hate running and let’s face, I am no spring chicken and these joints might start to wear. Lauren is on her 28th day in a row I think. UGH.

I walked over to Joe and Vanessa’s in hopes of working on my tan but June Gloom has officially set in. I stayed a minute and then went home to continue sifting through images until I had to get ready to meet a girl I know through Twitter. Her name is Lorena and she has a dating blog that Jarin showed me a few months ago. We have been friendly on Twitter but had never met in person and since she just moved downtown I suggested we meet up for a drink this evening. Some of my friends that are reading this might be like “why the fuck is she making new friends when she can’t even spend enough time with the ones she has?” and that is a valid concern but there is a reason that Lorena and I have connected. (I’m not sure what it is it.) We met at Red Pearl Kitchen and ordered the mule which was awesome and got to know each other a little. She works in real estate (she said “yeah so I’m unemployed too!”) and also has a part time job monitoring the weather at Lindbergh field. When the airplanes fly in a different direction than normal, that is her decision. (I wonder if she ever does it just to be funny. Like on opposite day or April Fool’s Day.) Anyways we got to talking about my job and it turns out she went on a few dates with Ryan! (she did not write about him if you are wondering) She also knows Mike who owns Tivoli from the real estate business and worked at Tivoli for like days before realizing that she could not deal with the drunk idiots in there. Small world! We chatted about our jobs, dating, blogging, traveling, living downtown and shared some ideas we had about business opportunities in the future together. I also told her about a chick blogger convention in NYC in August that I want to go to, so she’s in for that too! She told me about her date with Single Steve (another San Diego dating blogger) and how things didn’t really work out. (His version)I told her all about my dates with It’s Just Lunch and she laughed when I told her how much money I gave them. I told her my idea of letting my friends pick guys for me from Match.com so I can continue my project. I wonder if I should attempt to go on a date with Steve? Anyhoo… I’m excited to have a single friend closeby as a wingman! And since now I am a Bikram cultist I am trying to get her to go with me in the mornings.

We walked over to Tivoli and ran into Andrea who was wearing a long dress showing off her hot body and to which I could not resist ever so slightly touching her bum as I crept up behind her. Omg the look on her face as she turned to see what douchebag was groping her was priceless. Sorry! I was dying laughing. We had a drink and then walked over to the Fleetwood which is probably now officially my least favorite place in downtown San Diego. Awful music, awful crowd and just plain awful.

I was home in bed by 11pm. I knew that the Rock and Roll Marathon would be tearing by my place at some point at some unreasonable hour tomorrow morning.

Friday May 14, 2010

I walked over to Joe and Vanessa’s apartment complex to lay by the pool for a little while (I have a key to their place) and there was this weirdo filming a couple macking on each other frollicking and whatnot. I was sitting there shoving my lunch in my mouth and the dude got me in one of his shots. I said “Umm, do you mind me asking what you are filming this for because I really don’t want to be in it. I don’t want to be in your little porno.” He was like “Oh no, don’t worry it’s a music video and I won’t use that shot if you don’t want to be in it.” yeaaaaahhhh righhhht buddy. A music video with that shitty little camera? ok. Trust me I know you are making porn because I used to do shit just like this all the time. I was just careful not to get random people in the shots.

I really do have too much time on my hands because this is what came of my day over there. I kidnapped Vanessa’s dog Kali and left a ransom note. I almost peed myself while I was doing this. I really do need to get back to work at some point.

She didn’t mind the blindfold so much.

But she definitely was not very happy about the gag. Alright PETA freaks, she was not harmed in any way! She still loves me

I went to Tivoli to take some shots of the bar for their new website. I need to be there right before a Padre’s game because the place is packed but then dragging a ladder out into the middle of the bar when it is full is a little awkward. Anyways I had a few glasses of wine and was waiting for Jason and Jarin to come down and was feeling really lightheaded and too drunk for my own good. I hadn’t eaten and the food at the Tivoli is soooo bad for you. It’s a Montreal theme which means poutine (french fries covered in gravy and cheese curd), hamburgers, hotdogs, etc… really bad for you crap. I was just telling the owners that they needed to add some salads to their menu and while they were at it put a big sign up by the menu with a cardiac specialist’s phone number. (On a side note, I have the # of a good Dr and am going in soon.) I know my sisters are reading this and are shaking their heads but I can tell you I have not eaten bacon since my brother’s heart attack and I swear to you on our dead parents that I have been eating healthy and working out! That being said… I ordered the hot dog with Canadian bacon on it and the poutine. I didn’t eat all of, I had help. I promise I just needed something in my stomach.

We walked over to the Local to meet Dusty and Larry, a guy who used to work for Naughty America who I haven’t seen since he left. (So we had 5 ex-employees at the bar. lol) It was nice to see Larry again! He came to my SNL party as Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.

I  love Bev and her boobs. She came to the 80’s party as Jessica Rabbit. One of these days I will post those pics and the video. That is the biggest slacker move I have ever pulled. Fuck… that party was in September!

I love that I am double fisting in this photo. I am going to assume that I am holding the drink of whoever is taking the photo.

I was home in bed by 11:30 pm. I really need to stay off Twitter when I have been drinking though.

Saturday May 8, 2010

Chelsea Handler was supposed to be signing books at a bookstore in La Jolla at 3pm and I was pretty excited to go meet her and tell her that we were soul mates. When I looked online to get directions they had switched the time to 5pm and I couldn’t go because I had dinner plans at 5:30 pm with some friends who were going to her show downtown at the Civic Theater. I was debating about going to the theater around the time the show would end to be first in line but figured I would bring the book out with me and make a game time decision.

Dinner was at Oceanaire with Chris, Rich, Dusty, Michelle, Sully and Erin. The main reason I was going was to order the caviar and they were out of it tonight. Apparently a huge party ordered all of it last night. I was pretty annoyed.  I settled on the crab cake appetizer which is one of their signature dishes and totally amazing with huge chunks of crabmeat…It’s served with an aoili sauce which was pretty bland, but the crab cakes were great on their own.

I opted for the prix fixe menu for $29 bucks (Laura on a budget changes from day to day, food item to food item!) New England clam chowder with tons of bacon in it: (here I have been trying to avoid bacon after my brother’s heart attack and they put in there without me even knowing!)

The others had ordered a bunch of oysters and the one I ate was utterly disgusting. It was way too fishy and left the worst after taste in my mouth. I don’t know what it was called, it was small and nasty.

I had the arctic char (I don’t even want to admit this but I had a brain fart and thought I was ordering a white fish and was shocked when salmon showed up. What an idiot!) Their fries need some truffle oil in my opinion. But then again I think everything needs truffle oil.

For dessert I had the blueberry cheesecake. Nothing special.

After dinner they all had to race off to the show and I met a very drunk and belligerent Mike from Tivoli at Red Pearl Kitchen with none other than the mom of Chloe the French Bulldog! No pics, they were a hot mess after an all day pubcrawl. I walked over to Quality Social to meet up with Danielle who was supposed to be working tonight. To my surprise she was sitting on the other side of the bar and had the night off! (Yes we had “pickle backs” and they were delicious) Danielle used to work at Naughty America but quit a few years back and we had drifted apart. It’s good to have her back in my life. As I get older and now that I have some free time I feel the need to connect with certain people. I was so busy for so long that I lost touch with a lot of special people in my life. I don’t want to get into the personal details of her life, I will just say that she had an experience about a year ago that made her reconnect with her Mom and it really made me happy to hear about it on the eve of Mother’s Day. Life is too short. If you don’t have a relationship with your parents, look inside of yourself and figure out why. See if you can’t be the bigger person and change that because they won’t always be around. Don’t put yourself in that position of regret and guilt.  

We walked over to the Local to meet up with the crew after Chelsea Handler’s show. It was more important for me to hang out with Danielle then to stand in line to meet Chelsea and I don’t regret it at all. All of my friends in the other circle call her Goldie Hawn

Chris and Dusty looking silly.

Danielle and I walked to La Puerta for one quick drink because she was supposed to meet up with some cute boy but since he wasn’t there we took off. I was asleep on the couch by 11:40 in the first segment of Betty White on Saturday Night Live. oops

Saturday May 1, 2010

818’s cat Belle was tolerating me this morning, but not really loving it.

I had to be back in San Diego to take some pictures of the crowds at Tivoli and then Mike and I dragged Tom to the game. If you look closely you can see a band-aid on his head. He told me that he was running stairs trying to stay in shape and ate shit and really fucked up his face. I told him that we needed a better story than that so we decided to tell people that he tripped over a midget while running. The Padres don’t really ever fill Petco Park and it’s sad because it’s such a cool venue. You can literally buy a $5 ticket and run around and bar hop inside the park.

Tommy was part of a wig pub crawl in Hillcrest so I took a cab up there to check it out. I felt totally out of place without a wig (you know how seriously I take costume/theme parties) so he gave me his little pink and blue extension thingys.

Heat Meiser with David Bowie/Lita Ford

Everyone was wigging out and switching wigs.

Lex, Jamie and Jennki Jen. (At Gossip Grill…you know what? That place is filled with grumpy lesbians! I was getting the stink-eye from a bunch of them. Sheesh relax I wasn’t checking out your fucking girlfriend.)

Well… there he goes again with the faces. It’s been a while. On our way to Mo’s.

I love this one! Nice pubes.

I am sure I was trying to be artsy, but kind of got lost in translation. It’s probably a good idea that I went home right after that.

Lastly, this is interesting… when I clicked on the link above for Mo’s I read/heard about this: 7-11 is sponsoring a road trip this summer! I would kill to do something like this…. if you ever hear of anything fun and ridiculous to do, email me at once! I got nothing but time and adventurous spirit!

Tuesday April 27, 2010

I don’t mean I had the front desk call me and wake me up.

My brother had a heart attack this morning and had a stint put in. He’s in ICU at the moment and they are keeping him for a few more days, but he is doing ok. You see, we have a history of heart problems on both sides of our family. I used to have ridiculously high blood pressure (like 150/99 was the highest it ever got. I know… that’s crazy.) but I lost 20 pounds and started working out and have since gotten it under control. It’s normal now but I definitely need to watch what I eat and take better care of myself. I might want to ease up on the bacon intake, eh? Good thing I don’t smoke.

I heard this song the other day for the first time in forever and I love it… no relevance to anything, I just wanted to share it. Genesis, “Home by the Sea”

 The last few days I have been chipping away at editing the 3600 photographs from our trip to Australia and New Zealand and it’s so fun to relive it all over again. I have had several people tell me how inspired they were by my updates while we were away so I want to say thank you for thanking me. It was annoying as fuck having to sit in my hotel room and update it. The photos that you have seen here don’t even scratch the surface of what we saw and did, so I am diligently going through them and will be posting them on Pink Monkey Tour as soon as I get them narrowed down to a reasonable amount.

I had 2 meetings today with people that are going to help me with interwebs stuff. I have an addiction to buying domain names and I am trying to sort it all out and prioritize which sites to build first and what they need to look like. (reasontochewyourarmoff.com was definitely in that list and might be moving up to the #1 priority soon.) I forgot to eat dinner so the few glasses of wine I had kicked my ass and I was home in bed by 9pm.

It was a weird day. My mind is racing with “What’s Next?”, my own mortality hit me in the head like a piano falling out of the sky and I was generally just feeling bleah. Luckily I ran into a super cute French Bulldog named Chloe and she put a smile on my face. She belongs to a friend of Michael’s (Tivoli) and I got her info so I can stalk her and her dog downtown. I offered my dogsitting services…

I was waiting for her to so something funny but that didn’t happen so just enjoy her cute little face, and disregard the conversation they are having in the background about Mexican food.

Monday 3.8.2010 and Tuesday 3.9.2010

I had to go to the office and finishing cleaning out my crap before my 12 pm flight. I got frustrated with the amount of paperwork that I had let pile up for years so I just brought everything home and will weed through it later. Ugh. That’s a rainy day activity.

On to more important things! Vegas! The Romero’s had rooms booked at Encore (sister hotel to the Wynn) but evidently the hotel fucked things up in a huge way and weren’t honoring the bookings at the rate promised DESPITE the confirmation codes that had been given. After arguing for no less that an hour and speaking to several levels of management we were all given keys to the suites at the Wynn for the price promised. Sitting in the hotel lobby for close to 2 hours watching Robert fight with these A-holes is NOT the way to live. Andrea said to me “I have a very long fuse and I am getting pissed. Laura, I know you have a short fuse so I want you to know that I understand what you are going through right now.” (Is it that apparent that I have a short fuse?)

The Wynn really is a gorgeous hotel… Encore is just as nice. What Wynn has going for it is 3 amazing restaurants though. (Daniel Boulud, Alex and Bartolotta) What I love most about Vegas is that there are so many fantastic high end celebrity owned restaurants on the Strip.

For dinner we went to Cut. I know, I know, you are shocked that I ordered the bone marrow flan and kobe beef sashimi. And a black and blue American Wagyu steak. (Creature of habit when it comes to some things) Dinner was awesome as usual, too bad half of the people in our party were too drunk to appreciate it or even sit still during dinner. Oh well. More raw beef for me.

In honor of the Chinese Year of the Tiger the Palazzo has their lobby decorated.

This hotel is really spectacular. I think it might be my favorite on the Strip.

Robert, Jen and Lee-Ann. (Both of these lovely ladies work at the Tivoli so you should stop by there and tip them well)

Andrea also works there and this is her hot friend whose name is totally escaping me right now. I think it is Kyle. He works at The Shack in La Jolla. Let me remind you that I drink a lot and hanging out with bartenders is ROUGH. I pussed out and went to bed at 1:30 am! ME! In Vegas and asleep before 4am? Whaaaat?

I slept in on Tuesday, worked out, ate a little, and went to the Bellagio in hopes of seeing whatever their new Conservatory exhibit was to find the damn thing under construction. I always make a trip over here to see what they have going on but apparently I missed the Chinese New Year one by a few days.

I really didn’t even know what to do with myself today. This is probably the first time (ever?) that I have come to this town without any obligations other than dinner reservations both nights. I am usually coordinating meetings, conventions, and trying to make sure a half dozen co-workers are fed, bathed and where they are supposed to be. If I am not in Vegas for a porn convention I am here for a friend/family birthday and am usually blind drunk by 4 pm and don’t give a shit about anything. Here I was, sober, feeling energized from going to bed early and working out and I decided to hit the sauna and the steam bath. (You know how I feel about the spa… not a chance I am getting in that public heated cesspool) The sauna was great until my head almost exploded and then when I went to enter the steam bath it was really really steamy and I literally couldn’t see one inch past my nose so I freaked out and shut the door. I did this three times. I wasn’t really in the mood to accidentally sit on some old lady in there so that was the end of my day at the spa. I really need to relax.

Dinner was at Daniel Boulud’s and I was meeting Ava Devine! We have known each other for years, since the first time I shot her in 2003 or 2004. I was literally the camera operator/director on that shoot, so that tells you how long ago it was. There are a few people in the business that I truly consider friends and want to stay in touch with and she is one of them. AND she was on her best behavior tonight Well, compared to Puma Swede and Nikki Benz, she was on her best behavior and there was minimal squirming on my end.

Oh Michael you perv.

Seared foie gras (4 out of 5 stars… my friend Chris’s is actually better! I swear to you!)

Short ribs (the house specialty) (eh…. 2 out of 5 stars. They were tender, but the flavor was average.) Oh and why the fuck am I ordering RIBS at a French restaurant anyways? Someone slap me.

Apple tartin. (I can’t really rate this because I had one bite, passed it around the table, answered a text message and when I looked up the goddamn thing was gone. So much for no one else wanting dessert.)

We had an early dinner and the girls wanted to head up to the room to get cleaned up and so they could put their tiny dresses on that they will pull and tug on all night. Michael and I went to Bartolotta’s for a glass of wine. What a fucking idiot I am for not choosing this place for dinner. What was I thinking? Seriously. Slap me again. You might remember the cooking class I took last November taught by Paul himself. Here is his assortment of fish for today. I suck. Remember he flies his fish in from the Mediterranean every single day? Fail.

I have been going to “The Tiv” since probably 1994 and am definitely closest to Michael on the far right, but I love Robert and Roy just as much. Thanks for the invite this week even though you stuck me with the dinner bill at Boulud’s. HAHA! Don’t worry I will get it back now that I am unemployed and will be spending more time in your fine establishment here in the next few months. (jk…. well….not really)

You can’t tell that they are brothers or anything can you?

Michael and Andrea (my new BFF)

The trip was relaxing, mellow and just what I needed to kick start my new life. Now back to blogging and furthering my soul searching.

Saturday March 6, 2010

Well since I went to bed at 10:30 I was awake at the crack of dawn. I hit the gym and then met my friend Mike, the owner of Tivoli for a beer and lunch at Funky Garcia’s. They have these delicious little street tacos that I could have eaten about 12 of.

This was the Al Pastor taco, a little spicy for me, but I am a wimp. You should try it.

We had a few beers and a couple of shots of Patron Cafe. Holy shit that does not even taste like tequila!

Kim had introduced me to it a few months ago and I always forget to suggest it when someone is trying to jam tequila shots down my throat. Tequila is the one liquor that I had a bad experience with when I was in high school and cannot get past. I generally only drink it when I am in Mexico because  you really don’t have a choice. Anyways, one thing led to another and Mike told me all about the bartender/restaurant convention in Vegas on Monday. Hmmm. Guess what? I have some free time! Oh really, you have an extra room at the Encore? Wow how convenient! Hey Mike, I am going to Vegas with you and your brothers

I love circus mirrors. My legs look so long and sexy.

The hot bartender named Tracy, go stop in and say hi to her. Plus she has a huge rack…

After a little while, the mo’s called us to Hillcrest and we met up with some of the people from Big Bear weekend and had a snack and another drink at Baja Betty’s. Now at this point, I am in dire need of a nap and need to be ready for my niece Jessica and her bf Blaine to come to my loft and head out to dinner and to On Broadway. We went for sushi at Ra (I always love bringing new people out for sushi when they are too intimidated to order on their own, I steer them to at least one raw roll and they usually love it.) We went to the most miserable nightclub on earth after that where 3 of their friends were kicked out of the club within an hour. I used to come to this place all the time. It was the worst! It’s an old bank and they have turned the vault downstairs into a hip hop room or something, so I took a photo of the actual lock. Mind you Jessica’s friend punched the glass on the thing moments later and got himself escorted out of the building. Good times. Amateur hour!

I love the women’s bathroom here, too. Great lighting.

We ended up going to Nunu’s in Bankers Hill because the downtown club scene was just too annoying for all three of us. Ran into Jason (@sneakyme) and another guy I met a few months ago randomly in a downtown bar and of course, my favorite Banker’s Hill bartender, Doug. Being friends with bartenders is dangerous.

I stayed in bed til 1:30 pm on Sunday and tried to go clean out my office but I was too hungover to move.

UGH.

Sunday 12.20.09

As I was walking outside to go to breakfast with Tommy and 818 I noticed a lovely note on my door. Typed up on paper with 3 holes. I am so pissed that I got frazzled and threw it away… but it was something about my disdain and utter lack of respect for the neighborhood. I had sent my neighbors that live right next to me away for the night to a fancy hotel down the street. I even gave them some spending money at the hotel bar. (Not even a thank you… guess that is the last time I try to be so kind. Next time they can suffer through the noise) Anyways, after I kicked everyone out I guess someone must have thought they were doing me a favor and brought out a bag of trash when the party was over…. and then a bum must have dragged the stuff all over the sidewalk looking for some good shit. There were also about 50 cigarette butts out there and I did feel really bad. I mean I have only lived here for a month and I am already throwing loud parties and my guests aren’t even polite enough to dispose of their butts. It is pretty gross. We cleaned the mess up and when we went to the trash area a few feet away we saw this:

I should have grabbed these and stuck them in a jar and kept them. I mean who throws that away!? WTF? So bizarre! If you had that wouldn’t you destroy it and smash it into bits before throwing it in the trash? It seems like a very personal thing to be tossing away in the trash. Much like a credit card statement.

Anyways we ate at Cafe Chloe and drank $10 mimosas flavored with pomegranate and lavender lemon. Once we realized that we had spent enough money to buy a bottle of Dom, we headed to my favorite downtown establishment, the Tivoli! 4 pm crept up quickly and we went back home to gather the leftover desserts and head to #1 on Fifth to meet up with a bunch of people to hop on a bus and search for the best Christmas lights in SD. It turned into the 3 hour tour and we were fucking tired and over it, but it was a lot of fun.

Check out this scary moving robot called the Electric Giraffe … it’s very Burning-Man-esque but very cool. A bunch of kids were riding up top on a platform and it played cool music and hobbled around the streets.

I wanted to kidnap the baby Jesus from this lawn but I chickened out… probably better that way. Getting arrested for stealing lawn ornaments would not have been very smart. If I ever get arrested it better be for something good.

As you can see Tommy was sporting a very sexy Davy Crockett hat and is half in the bag at this point. I believe he began drinking heavily when the 11 year old would not leave his side.

And this nice old lady is about to celebrate her 100th birthday.

Do you think you will live to be 100? Do you even want to? I hope I live to be at least 80, but 100? Not so much. That is just too old. What kind of dementia will I have then if I can’t even remember what I ate for dinner yesterday? How many inches will I shrink? At that point I will be smaller than the elf I hired the other night.  Who knows though, I might just outlive all of my nieces and nephews and be full of energy. Sometimes people mistake me for being younger than I am and I often tell them that I made a deal with the devil. I tell them that he promised me that as long as I was producing porn he would make sure that I had a young looking appearance. Maybe I really did make that deal…. like I said I have a bad memory.