The other day I was at James and Lauren’s place and I was brutally attacked by cuteness. Meet Gnarly. He’s loud, he snores, he drools and he loves to crawl right onto your lap on the couch.

What the hell!? Who is THAT big? wtf size is that? 48?

I stopped by the NA offices and they still have my blow up doll that I used to put at my desk when I was on vacation. She is disrobed now and basically lives in a 5 foot plant in someone’s office. It’s funny… we look nothing alike anymore!

I had the pleasure of meeting Tucker Max the other night at Borders in Mission Valley…luckily I saw on my Twitter feed that he was in town doing a signing for his new book “Assholes Finish First” and was able to make time in my busy schedule to go. I first heard about him a few years ago from my friend Tyson because he was a fan of his blog. His stories are basically about him getting fucked up in his 20s and the debaucherous things he did and the women he slept with. His first book “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell” is hysterically funny and was made into a movie. (I heard the movie was not that good and I haven’t actually brought myself to watch it yet, though.) I can tell you that he is so true to his brand and is truly an asshole in real life. He did a Q&A in the beginning and this woman asked a question about his married friend in the book and he was like “Which married friend? I write about several of them.” She said something like “The one who blah blah blah” and he was like “I don’t know who you mean. Ok when you get your shit together we will come back to you. Next question!” He was just swearing and being himself right in the middle of Borders. It was awesome.

I stood in line for 2 hours to have him sign a few books and take a picture with him. (He wrote “Laura, I am still awesome. -Tucker Max.”) I was going to wear my “Everyone Loves a Drunk Girl” tshirt but opted for a classier shirt that showed some cleavage. I would totally sleep with Tucker Max. Unfortunately this girl in front of me cock blocked me because of her stupid porno name. Her name was Fonda Wood and Tucker went crazy over her name and said he wanted to sleep with her just because of it. So, by the time I got to him all he could say was “Are you friends with Fonda Fucking Wood?? What an awesome name!”       That bitch.

These immature college boys behind me in line were drunk and almost got into a fist fight with some other kids. Two of them had brought a six pack of beer for Tucker but drank it I think. I am not really sure what was going on except that I heard two kids yelling profanities at each other and threatening to kick each other’s pussy asses. Yes, in Borders bookstore at a Tucker Max signing. Classic.

Here I am drinking a pickle brine martini with a bacon swizzle stick from Quality Social… Bacon rules!

In other exciting news I would like to introduce you to my new food blog! I have high hopes for this and would love for you to subscribe to it… I might actually make some money at this blog or at the very least get some free food out of it!

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The other night on Twitter I saw that Sarah Silverman (@sarahksilverman) had posted a funny version of a sad children’s book. If you don’t know how Twitter works it goes like this:  if you are trying to tell someone in particular something you put @ in front of their name. If you are trying to start a trending topic you put a # in front of the topic. I spent the better part of an hour tweeting fucked up children’s books and got about 10 people to join in. It never became an actual “trending topic” on Twitter feed but it was still hilarious. Yeah, they weren’t exactly all “sad” in nature…mostly perverse and sexual, but still funny. It should have read #sadparentingifyouletyourkidsreadbookslikethis

These are some of the ones I came up with up on my own….

Unfortunately now every single time I see a children’s book I play this game and tweet it. It’s a little out of control to be honest. I only lost 5 followers that night.

…this is freaking hilariously adorable. Thank you Jarin! It’s almost like they have a mirror between them! lol

#1) Show up 2 hours late. Even though your report time is 7:45am you can still show up by 9:15am and be registered. As long as you arrive before the first break and they haven’t assigned anyone to a department yet, you can still slide in.

#2) Wear an inappropriate Tshirt. Any of these will do:

I chose my hot pink “Shut Your Whore Mouth” tee.

#3) Carry a bag with a porn company logo on it.

#4) If you make it through the lunch hour without getting chosen then go drink alcohol on your lunch break.

ALL OF THESE THINGS WORKED FOR ME! I was dismissed at 3pm and did not have to serve on a trial!

How can something be THAT cute?

Tuesday October 5, 2010

A few months ago I posted a photo of a jacaranda tree in full bloom with it’s beautiful purple flowers. Yesterday I was looking out the same window and saw the tree in full green leaves. I thought to myself….”Oh cool! It looks totally different now. I need to take a picture of it every few months and see what it looks like throughout the year.”

I love to take skyline photos out of hotel rooms at different times of the day/night. This was going to be a similar project…showing the transformation of a tree across all four seasons.

This morning as I was walking to the gym this is what I saw.

THE VERY NEXT DAY someone authorized this gorgeous jacaranda to be chopped down. I have no idea why. I was too upset to even ask the tree service people.

I don’t think I need to spell this lesson out to you but I am going to do it anyways.

Do not hesitate. Do not put something off until tomorrow.

It might be too late.

Monday/Tuesday September 27/28, 2010

Howard and Gio suggested we go to lunch at a place called Grove Cafe right by our hotel and sadly I wasn’t feeling that hot after the tequila shots last night and could barely enjoy my tuna sandwich. It was good, but I couldn’t eat very much. They made it with a bunch of herbs and stuff and didn’t use any mayonaise. I do love a good dollop of mayo on pretty much anything so maybe that was my problem.

It’s a cool restaurant though. The beer was about the only thing I could stomach. Sad, but true.

Tommy, Drew and I went down to Fisherman’s Grotto in the wharf area to kill some time before our flight at 8pm. It was scorching hot (not as hot as SoCal from what I heard, thank god) and we thought it might be cooler down by the water. We orderd a bottle of white wine and since I didn’t want to pay full price for my dungengess crab cocktail I snuck away and ate one at a crab stand a ways down. Yes, I know… El cheapo…but part of the experience of the wharf is eating crab and seafood while standing up out of a little paper plate with a little plastic fork. Sue me!

At the end of the row of restaurants is a weird creepy little antique arcade museum. (click that link and you will hear what we heard for like an hour lol)  Like with old school machines that you put a quarter in and then they do weird creepy things.

So creepy.

I think Tommy beat Drew at this old school car video game

We went to the place that Drew’s Dad proposed to his Mom for a drink…the Buena Vista! The boys drank the Irish Coffees since that is what they are famous for. It was too freaking hot for that. ugh.

Soooo in the middle of our lovely time at Buena Vista I got the bright idea to flip a coin and if it came up ’tails’ we would spend one more night in SF. My rationalization was that it would be cooler up here than in San Diego, and to be honest, we were having a lot of fun running around the city being tourists. I also chose ’tails’ because the last 4 times I did the flip the coin trick it came up ’heads’ so I knew I had a pretty good chance of getting what I really wanted.

And it came up TAILS so we changed our flights and stayed.

We walked across the street to go to an Irish pub and at the exact moment that we were lingering on the sidewalk a car slowed down right in front of us and a girl called out to Drew. It was an old friend of his that he hadn’t seen in 5 years! I mean…you cannot tell me that was not fate. Had we left on time to catch our flight this would not have happened. Everything happens for a reason!

A beautiful sunny day ends with a great sunset over the Golden Gate Bridge.

The next morning we left around 11am. This is a cool art installation at the SFO airport. There was a blue one and a clear one as well.

I don’t recall ever seeing the coastline of Northern California…it’s usually so cloudy and gloomy. It was a fun weekend in SF with amazing weather. Life is good.

Sunday September 26, 2010

Today was my maiden voyage at the Folsom Street Fair. It’s basically a street party to celebrate the end of a week of leather/alternative events in the city of SF.  Most of the photos are way to risque to post here so I will just give you a glimpse of what goes on. I honestly didn’t know what to expect. I knew there would be a lot of gay men, wearing leather, doing lewd things…but I didn’t expect to see the amount of straight up naked people! lol. It seems like there is no nudity law in San Francisco. (The Bay to Breakers race, for example, has tons of nude people running as well as serious runners and groups of people in costumes.)

I felt like crap and looked even worse. If I had planned ahead I would have chosen this as my outfit.

The fabulous Ongina

This girl was tied up to the spinning wheel and flogged and whipped. As she was spun around repeatedly she was smiling and laughing. Wow.

I am curious as to how many hours they were there.

Like I said…everything else I shot was way too racy for this blog. If you are interested leave a comment and I will direct you to where you can see some more images. If you dare. lol

Saturday September 25, 2010

One of my favorite places in the world is Supperclub. It’s a restaurant, bar, costume party, nightclub and dinner theater all in one. It’s all white, looks like prison and you lay in bed while you eat dinner. It might be pajama night! It might be Black and White night. The food is average but the experience is unforgettable. The first time I went there was in Amsterdam where they let you smoke weed in the place. (wait, you can smoke weed anywhere in Amsterdam, nevermind) They have locations in Paris, London, Rome and Singapore as well as one scheduled to open in Los Angeles this fall. Generally during dinner they have wacky performances, usually pretty racy and adult themed…anything from a drag queen undressing down to his manhood to a woman pretending to do giant lines of cocaine on a glass table with sugar. One time a guy was dressed like a priest and hooked himself to a cable at the top of the restaurant near the ceiling and began flying through the place while undressing down to his underwear and flinging his clothes all over. It’s crazy, it’s fun, it’s a visual stimulation that I cannot even explain. It’s usually a 4 course meal with an appetizer or two, a small entree and dessert which is served to you in a dog bowl. Dinner is normally about $60 not including drinks… but you can stay after and dance the night away to whatever guest DJ they have. Tonight was special because it was the Von Gutenberg fetish ball so during dinner the performances were racier and edgier than normal. I was a little nervous because Tommy and Drew had been getting drunk during the day and I really wanted them to be able to appreciate and enjoy this experience…luckily they pulled it together and sobered up (well sort of) and thoroughly enjoyed themselves. At the last minute Bobby Clark came with us and he probably got the most enjoyment out of it. The BDSM/fetish lifestyle is new to all of us but we are all curious about it for sure. It’s sexy and different and allows you to explore a sexual side of yourself that you may not have even realized that you like. Without getting into all of my sexual deviances (sorry family members who are reading this! hahaha!) let’s move onto the cool performances …

Singing….

A rubber burlesque performance …

Early in the evening Erik Von Gutenberg came up to me and asked if I would kindly not take any photos but when I explained that I would be happy to give him a copy of everything and I showed him a few images and that I knew how to use the camera he agreed to it. I am hoping he publishes something in his print magazine. BUT I fucked up and lost an entire memory card from the night. I am pretty much devastated. I called the restaurant and the hotel and no one has found it. I clearly remember setting it down on the edge of the bed at dinner when swapping out cards and that’s the last I remember of it. So I have no photos of the submissive/dominant guys who swap back and forth subbing and domming with various liquids and “blood”. It was intense. And messy. I am also missing some amazing photos of the girl gagged and bound by ropes to the chain link stairwell in front of where we were eating. I also missed the first course which was poached lobster and something else which is escaping me now. So here is the overcooked pork belly in a yummy black bean sauce.

Lamb loin served over a liquid polenta with crunchy fried onions. This shot is really about the mood lighting and my hooker boots rather than the food itself. Obvi.

Dessert was a vanilla bean ice cream/peach concoction.

I’m pretty much in love with this girl’s outfit and these images.

The restaurant is two levels but sitting downstairs is definitely the place to catch all the action. I told the boys if I can ever trick someone into marrying me I would want my wedding here. It’s that cool.

Yes that person has a full body suit made of rubber complete with gas mask.

As you can see the house lights change periodically. Most of this evening was red, though.

Here is the girl who was bound and tied up with ropes dangling from the ceiling with her “handler” or whatever you call that guy who ties her up.

Some spanking and flogging going on.

A woman smacking a cross dresser around a little bit. All in good fun, of course.

At the end of the night there was a fashion show with some interesting and sexy outfits.

The boys were thrilled to have been a part of this and were so thankful that I dragged them there. I knew they would be wow’ed. I have taken so many friends there over the years and they all love it. If you never listen to a damn thing I say in this blog and only look at the photographs, please listen to me when I tell you to check out SupperClub if you are ever in a town that has one. Please.

For previous SupperClub photos look here, here , here, and here.