Saturday June 12, 2010

Today’s plan to work on our tans by the pool (as opposed to the other days haha!) was foiled by clouds and drizzle. We only got about 45 minutes of sunshine the whole day. Total bummer. What wasn’t a bummer were the hot guys hanging out by the pool for us to gawk at! For example…this Vince Vaughn/Couples Retreat look alike. Delicious. When Lisa sent her business card over via the waiter you should have seen this guy sprint over to our cabana. I mean like full on sprint. That’s the best shot I could get of him since having a big ass camera at the topless pool might cause a ruckus.

Ron Jeremy was being mauled by fans for autographs and pictures.

Here he is having what appears to be a very uncomfortable conversation with a super fan. Moments later he was asked to leave the premises for exposing himself to her behind the cabanas! Real classy.

Dear Lord I hope this guy finds this blog one day.

Billy telling ridiculous stories about a guy in jail. He was telling us all about how he came to own a nightclub in Cancun and how involved he is with the distillery process of his tequila company Ambhar. If you give two shits about tequila it’s an interesting read. Lisa Ann and I are seriously discussing going down there for an annual Friends Of Bill weekend in September. I really don’t know what this entails but it sure sounds like fun and I have never been to Cancun so what the hell.

Billy offered to take us to dinner at a place called Mastro’s in the new super futuristic City Center. It reminds me of the movie Gattaca! So sterile and strange.

The designer of the restaurant’s “treehouse” is David Rockwell.

On a side note I have never… in all the years that I have known Lisa… see her get so excited about ANYTHING, let alone food. She was talking about the food and what she was going to eat the entire time in the cab on the way there. She was mentally and emotionally consumed with the meal that was about to take place and I gotta tell ya… I was a little nervous because she had hyped it up SO MUCH. I really did not want to be let down. I mean steak is steak, right? (ha… you know I am kidding about that)

We ordered the Cosmo served with dry ice for a fun little presentation.

Seafood tower with several different types of crab, lobster, oysters and caviar. Billy looks like he is going to murder this tower.

The guy on the left is someone that Billy calls AJ (Angry Jew) who runs something important over at Venetian and Palazzo. I forget what he does exactly. Interesting dude from Brooklyn… loved his east coast attitude and style. Lisa and Billy were starving so you have 2 very annoyed diners in this photo reluctantly posing for my picture.

From the left lobster mashed potatoes, bone-in filet ( I had never had that before! It was amazing), steamed asparagus (for the first time it did not make my piss smell funny) and the winner of the night: black truffle gnocchi with lobster. I  forgot to order my steak on a cold plate (AGAIN) but luckily they brought one to me pretty quickly and my steak was done perfectly so I was happy. The potatoes were awesome but what isn’t awesome with lobster added to it? And the gnocchi… well that was a religious experience. I literally woke up in the middle of the night wishing that I had stolen the leftovers from Billy’s bag just so I could have the gnocchi. It was out of this fucking world.

Dessert was vanilla bean creme brulee and an unbelievably delicious warm butter cake (their signature dish) with the perfect amount of sweet and salty. Topped with their homemade whipped cream… oh my god. We all left in a massive food coma.

It was still really early so we went back to our hotel/homes to take naps and guess what? I am still fighting this head cold and I knew that my 8am flight would come all too soon, so I chose wisely and stayed in. I guess I am getting old because this is 2 out of 3 nights in Vegas where I am in bed for the night before 9pm.

Friday June 11, 2010

(Sorry I was MIA this weekend. I was having too much fun to sit at the computer! I love getting nasty text messages from my friends complaining that they have nothing to read on Monday mornings)

Lisa Ann had to cover a scene for a flaky model so she missed the entire fan show at the Hard Rock Hotel today. Oopsie daisies! The promoters were cool about it and they understood. She’s a business woman after all…she had to make a decision about pissing off a producer and losing a bunch of money vs chilling at the pool all day and making no money. So by the time she was done and back at the hotel I had spent my morning and afternoon at the spa, eating lunch and laying in the sun at Mandalay Bay. Remind me again how this is “work”? We chilled out in her room for a few hours just shooting the shit discussing her memoirs and what will be in them. We exchanged war stories about the business and about sex and relationships in general. She has definitely got a few more battles under her belt than I do! lol I asked her to name all the famous people she has fucked. Wow. That was entertaining.

 The view from her room was pretty neat…it looks as though those are snow capped mountains, but in fact it’s just the way the afternoon sun was hitting the side of the mountain.

We headed downstairs to Rick Moonen’s sustainable seafood place called RM Seafood for dinner. Recently Rick made it to the finals of Top Chef Masters but lost out to Marcus Samuelsson who I have never even heard of. I’m bummed because I had not watched the series and while googling infomation about Rick Moonen I discovered the winner. Rick also recently won a James Beard award for his work with Chefs A’ Field in Alaska.

We got the oyster sampler. Lisa Ann and I both discovered that we like the smaller ones because they seem to be sweeter. I don’t know a ton about oysters except that they are delicious and good for you!

Crab cakes served with a tasty jicama salad/slaw. The dressing they used was out of this world and reminded me of something from my past but better. If that makes any sense! The only thing I could think of was this salad dressing I got once from El Torito. Sorry if that’s an insult Rick! haha

The ahi duo was excellent too. I liked the ahi poke better than the seared ahi and the soy glaze was fantastic.

Steak tartare was decent. It had too many onions for my liking but the black truffles on top were a great addition. Something I have never seen before.

After our light dinner of appetizers we headed over to the Hard Rock because Billy who works for Ambhar tequila (you might remember him from Lisa’s birthday weekend, the guy who tells the great stories and who had the run-in with the monkey on coke) was hosting an event at the pool. It was super crowded with drunk 22 year olds and we were not having it. We had a security guard walk us to what he thought was Billy’s cabana and when we realized it wasn’t and we couldn’t get to where Billy was, we gave up. Walking through a crowded area with tons of drunk dudes with Lisa Ann is about as fun as going to the dentist. They stop and stare, occasionally paralyzed because they can’t believe that their favorite porn star is standing in front of them and they then act like idiots. Sometimes they feel like they can reach out and grab her arm and that’s when things get ugly. We move as fast as possible and have to have an escort take us from area to area. You think I am exaggerating? Not at all. She played Sarah Palin in a spoof and her career blew the fuck up. Right after it was released she had interviews, talk shows, radio spots etc… coming in at an alarming rate for weeks. It can be a real pain in the ass but obviously in certain environments it’s fine. If she’s at Starbucks in LA wearing Converse and jeans it’s not an issue really. Dressed up at a nightclub in Las Vegas showing off her body is a totally different beast. Anyways, we headed over to Wasted Space to go to the official show after party hosted by Teagan Presley and Sunny Leone. I ran into Pierre, a promoter who Lauren worked very closely with over the years to get Naughty America into a lot of big parties in Vegas during AVN. We had our logo plastered all over Las Vegas the last few Januarys…best of all: for free! The clubs paid us! (I need to stop saying “us” and “we” when referring to NA. Tough habit to break.)

Steve (glasses)… works for AVN who I happily learned reads my blog and Angel Vain sporting a Ninja Turtle shirt! Awesome! Teagan and Lia doing shots not paying any attention to me.

This poor guy with his sunglasses on his head looks remarkably like a douche in the business named Donny Long that EVERYONE HATES. I had to tell him to take those shades off his head or he might get punched in the face. It was dark and they did look a lot alike. He thanked me once I explained the deal and why I was taking a photo of him.

Monstar (Alex) a PR rep for a ton of girls in the business with a photo of his lovely fiancee Tanya Tate on his iphone. I love Tanya … a hot British milf who I just adore.

How in the hell am I darker than Sunny when she is of Indian descent? We had a great talk about my departure from NA and it was good to hear that she supported me and believes in me. Some people in the business just don’t get my decision and that is fine. The people that really know me get it and that’s all that matters. Sunny matters

My soon-to-be partner in crime in San Diego…Brynn Tyler.

You also might remember Chris, the biggest Puerto Rican in captivity, from Lisa’s birthday weekend in May.

We snuck out of Wasted Space and met up with Billy to go over to a place called Eye Candy at Mandalay Bay. Check out this stud with his sweet hair and shades.

And his Sony Walkman. (whaaaat?????)

Lisa Ann getting her dance on.

A fan brave enough to come say hi… and guess what?

She pretty much just made his day. His month. His life.

Again, if this isn’t fan interaction I don’t know what is. Good times!

And my favorite shot of the night. It tells such a story.

Sunday May 9, 2010

I slept in til 10:30 and by 10:55 I was talked into packing a bag and heading to the airport to catch the 12:15 flight to Las Vegas. This is probably one of the most sponaneous things that I have ever done and it felt great! I didn’t even flip a coin! I was poolside at Mandalay Bay literally exactly at 2:00pm and found myself surrounded by some very drunk people. Lisa Ann’s birthday is today and she had a bunch of her civilian friends as well as a couple of people from the industry including Nikki Benz and a director named Vic. I have said this before but there are very few “porn stars” that I consider personal friends: Nikki and Lisa are two of those people! One of the big wigs at Mandalay comped a room and within an hour I had talked Nikki into changing her flight in a few hours and staying over night.

Meet Billy! Billy works for a tequila company called Ambhar and also owns a bar in Cancun. This dude is a ball of energy and I could not get enough of him. And you have to love that tshirt.

Here he is telling the most ridiculous story that I would never in a million years would have believed had he not had witnesses say that it was a true story. He was driving in Mexico one time and saw a chimpanzee in a motorhome driving next to him smoking a cigarette and flipping him off. They pulled up next to the other vehicle for a photo op with the critter and unbeknownst to Billy…chimps do not like their nipples to be touched. It escalated into a fist fight between the 2 primates and they were both arrested. As it turns out the chimp also tested positive for cocaine. Who could possibly make up a story like that?!!?? I need this guy in my life. Plus he called me “Little Person” which always makes me feel good about my fat ass. He is like Chelsea Handler! And he screams “Hot Cock” about every 4 minutes and has a baseball hat with that phrase on it. I am sure there’s a good story there.

I can almost guarantee that they are laughing at Billy’s antics.

Billy likes to call his friend Chris “The Biggest Puerto Rican in Captivity”

I was dying laughing at that and Chris was a good sport and let me tweet it with a picture.

Lisa’s good friend and hairdresser Champagne Shelly and some guy who I think is named Mike. I love Shelly, she and Lisa travel all over the place together. She works at a salon in Orange County and works hard so she can play hard. I might have a new travel buddy.

Lisa’s boy toy for the day who cannot be named or photographed… lol

Some guy with a small penis who decided to show it to everyone at the Moorea Beach Club pool. He covered up as soon as he saw my huge lens though.

On the way back to the rooms Lisa decided to jump in the fountain for a mini photoshoot.

Nikki was not having it though.

I mean come on! Are these hot or what?!

The water was fucking disgusting and I sincerely hope she doesn’t need medical assistance later this week for whatever she ingested. The big wig at Mandalay called her ass out the next day though because he saw it on one of the zillion security cameras. Too funny!

The boys were not as amused.

I was sharing a room with Nikki so we went back to the room to order room service and to take naps before heading out to the clubs. This is $200 bucks worth of average tasting food. Pancakes, bagels with lox, kobe beef burger, pizza, wine, fruit. Omg we were delusional and only ate about 1/8 of it.

When I stay in hotels with awesome views I like to take shots at all different times of the day.

Our naps turned into full night’s sleep and at 1:00 am I went over to Lisa’s room with a bottle of wine and stayed up watching Couples Retreat til 4:00am and just shooting the shit.

I have decided that day drinking is the way to do Vegas…screw that nightclub bullshit.