Tuesday August 17, 2010

After I went to yoga (without Rich) he and I ate some lousy food at a crappy little cafe inside Luxor and headed over to the tradeshow to say hi to Chris and Cari. The show is pretty overwhelming and a little frustrating being that you can’t actually buy anything.

Some of the booths were simple, some were quirky like this trailer and the Jessica Simpson booth was both awesome and ridiculous. It was set up like a department store and of course had about 58 giant posters of her all over the place.

We headed over to Mandalay Bay but realized that our badges didn’t get us into the super cool hip hop part of the show so we opted to go back to the pool at Luxor. On the way back through the mall I just had to stop and take a photo of this hideous model. What marketing genius chose this photo?

Another bizarre marketing ploy to get us to buy some lotion. Who buys boob cream? “Oh hey, come over here and let me give you a sample of our new testicle cream! Yes, sir, drop your pants and I will show you how supple it will make your balls feel.” Now THAT is a job I would consider taking.

Funny story:

I have this friend name Eric who everyone calls “Big E.” (Who also reads this blog everyday. Hi Eric. Please don’t take offense to this story.) One day a few years ago my friends Chad and Tiffany had met him at a party and were asking me the next day who he was, how did we all know him, blah blah blah. He’s an old friend of mine from the business…I think I probably met him in 2002. He also happens to be good childhood friends with Joe from back in Seattle. Small world! Anyways the conversation went like this:

Chad: “Yeah we met a guy named Eric last night. We were at his house after the party…why does everyone call him “Big E?”

Me: “That’s a good question…I mean he’s built. He’s a big dude, but I don’t know how he got the name. I honestly don’t know if it was something that was given to him when he was a kid or not. I doubt he started working out and decided to call himself “Big E.” That would be like me just one day looking myself in the mirror and going ‘Hey I think I am going to start calling myself Sexy L.”

And without hesitation Michelle screamed “Hahahahah NICKNAME FOR LIFE!” For the next several months no one would let this fucking name go. Someone changed my email address at work. Chris named my computer network and my laptop this name. I would get up to use the restroom at a restaurant and they would get the waitress in on it. Lauren would start calling me that on her morning show when we were live and the fans at NA would go nuts when I would start punching her. I mean, it is so ridiculously stupid to make up your own nickname and especially one as dumb as that. (So Eric, if you did in fact make up that name for yourself, I apologize for talking shit. haha!) It drove me fucking insane and the more pissed I got the more they did it. It finally died down after I stopped caring. So without further commentary…this is my new henna tattoo that lasted 2 days. Not 3 weeks like they promised.

I didn’t want to pay double for the capital L so she tried to flip the S but now this looks like “Sexy 6″

And because it is really just a freaking joke and I don’t really care what it looked like I had her take the brush and just paint the L like this. So ghetto. I am very glad that it didn’t last. I mean, I wasn’t planning on being naked and in the doggie position anytime soon, but ya never know.

The clouds were creeping in and we didn’t want to be shitfaced drunk again tonight so Rich and I went upstairs to get ready for dinner.

Dinner tonight was at my favorite steakhouse Cut! The Palazzo is now doing a cool atrium display like Bellagio does with the big flowers and stuff.

Two of my favorite mos!

We were so hungry that everyone dug in before I had a chance to remember to take photos. This white corn salad was amazing! I never thought I would get so excited about a salad, but this is definitely on my list of “must-haves” when I go to Cut again. The giant onions were a bit much, but you can pick around them.

Ahhhh BONE MARROW FLAN… we also ordered the kobe beef sashimi of course, but no pictures. No reason to photograph something over and over again.

I love hanging out with Carilyn. She is so fun. Especially when she tells stories about how she allows her kids to believe that there is a leprechaun living in their house.

Another stupid marketing person. Why wouldn’t they just feed his ego more and literally make the image of him actually lifesize? Now people like us are just going to stand next to it and make fun of him for being a midget. I used to have a huge crush on him but now I think he’s just too douchey. I mean come on. Stop trying so hard.

We went into Cathouse (nice website, they have been open for several years lol)  for a drink but the music was god awful and we didn’t stay very long.

I think Carilyn’s bf is a bit shy so I am not going to call him out on this blog. But he is really hot and very sweet.

Carilyn also appears to be a 2 Beer Queer like myself.

Fun in the photo booth. I woke up the next morning and saw the ones I took showing my tits. Oh that’s nice. Those aren’t staying on the fridge when family comes over.

Rich and I stumbled back to the room playing a fun game of “Shadowing” where you casually walk up right next to someone and act like you are looking at something off in the distance but you stay very very close to them. Like shoulder to shoulder. If they drop back, you drop back. If they speed up, you speed up. It’s highly entertaining and a great way to piss people off at 2am. (I would like to thank Mike for making this game up in Hawaii in 2002 on the beach with people running by us. He would jump up from the towel and chase them and get real close to them. He even did it in the water with this little Japanese boy while his parents sat on the beach laughing at him. Big laughs for everyone…except the little kid.) “Shadowing” is best done in Las Vegas after many cocktails on the casino floor because you can switch directions on a hairpin turn and your friends can sit by at a slot machine watching. It’s really really really fun.

Friday 1.29.10

Tommy and I met Jason Curious and some other boys at Basix for a quick breakfast this morning before we hit our meeting with the PR company. I inhaled my eggs benedict since I had only eaten a handful of Pringles for dinner last night. We spent the better part of Friday planning the rest of our launch parties and booking all of the travel for the upcoming trip to New Orleans! I can’t tell you how excited I am to be going to NOLA for Mardi Gras. The gay end of Bourbon Street is not even going to know what hit it. I finished up a few hours of work stuff and then we headed to Fiesta Cantina for a quick snack. I was not about to ruin my dinner at Cut by filling up on nachos. (Although I did a number on the queso and dips)

Ok, let’s move onto the important things in life. I met Nikki Benz, Puma Swede and Diana Doll for dinner in Beverly Hills at Wolfgang Puck’s Cut steakhouse. You know how I feel about this place if you have been following me for a few weeks. The menus at the LA location are a great concept, except that the portraits of the celebrities are all fairly unflattering. I wonder who the photographer is. I could look it up, but honestly, I think the pictures are kind of awkwardly ugly.

Nikki ordered the crab cocktail (too much mayonaise for my liking. I can’t believe I even said that. I love mayo)

Filet mignon carpaccio (notice the shaved black truffles on top)

The last time I ate the bone marrow flan I was gobbling it up so fast I didn’t even eat it the way it is supposed to be eaten! Apparently you put this mushroom tapenade on the toast and then put the flan on top. I made all three of the girls try it (reluctantly) and guess what? They all loved it. So for those of you who think I am disgusting and eat weird shit… don’t knock it til you try it.

And the love of my life, my soul mate:  kobe beef sashimi. Again, all three of them tried it and loved it. So much so that I had to order another one for myself. Sheesh.

At this point, I was living in la-la land if I thought I would even put a dent in my steak. And AGAIN I fucked up and forgot to tell them to serve it to me on a cold plate. By the time it arrived it was waaaayyy overdone. I was annoyed at myself.

The most exciting part of my evening was guiding Nikki into ordering the American Wagyu beef and talking her into ordering it medium instead of medium well. She, like many many people, gets freaked out by the blood on the plate and orders their shit medium well or well done. It sends me into orbit knowing that a steak tastes SO MUCH BETTER on the rare side. If you can get past the texture and the color, you will never go back to well done. I promise you… when you are at a dinner with someone who eats their steak rare, just be brave and ask for a little taste. You will not regret it. I am trying, one steak eater at a time, to change the world.

Dessert was delicious marscapone filled donuts with strawberries and ice cream.

After our very late night dinner we went into the bar for a little bit and that is when I discovered this older woman attacking her date. Oh man, it was awesome. I had Nikki pose so I could capture them on the left side of the frame.

At this point, I am pretty sure she was onto me.

Two couples: me and Nikki are fighting and Puma and Diana are newlyweds.

Thanks girls for a fun night! Nikki drove me back to the Roosevelt where earlier I am 99.9% sure I was in the elevator with a famous rapper or hip hop artist. The Grammy’s are in town this weekend and the hotel is filled with famous musicians. Obviously none that I could identify. The cars in the valet are bright and have loud motors and hip-hop blaring out of them. Totally not my scene. Bling and baggy jeans. No thanks.

I slept in til 11:00 am. What a lazy bum.

Saturday 1.09.10

Another late night turns into another late morning. We went down to the show floor to make the rounds again. I tried giving my card to this lovely brunette, but I don’t think she was interested in talking to me.

Isn’t this shirt hilarious?!

And this one is even more hilarious.

I paid Baker twenty bucks to ride this mechanical penis. He’s so broke and so addicted to gambling that he will do anything for a little extra cash.

With Angel Vain and Mr. President.

We went to Wolfgang Puck’s Cut inside the Palazzo for dinner.

Of course we had to try a bunch of appetizers:

Bone Marrow Flan (it’s not your typical bone marrow flavor… it’s got a sweet taste… it’s exactly what it says… a custardy flan made out of bone marrow.) So. Fucking. Good.

It’s amazing people will still dine with me considering I have no manners when it comes to something so delicious.

Tuna tartare (not bad)

Veal tongue (really yummy, not chewy at all like you might expect)

Steak tartare (awesome)

Kobe beef sashimi. Probably the most delicious thing I have ever put in my mouth. Ever. I thought the bone marrow flan was the most delicious thing I had ever put in my mouth until this. It was to die for and the sauce they served it with was like a light soy sauce/ponzu sauce. Next time I am in LA I will be going to Cut to see if they have it. LA is closer than Vegas

LTP award!

I guess it runs in the family. HAHA!

I always seem to find my reflection in the strangest places. This was above our table.

After dinner we decided to make it a mellow dive bar kind of night. The clubs are fun and all, but you can only take so much of the stupid bouncers, bottle service and horseshit that goes along with that scene. We went to my favorite dive bar The Double Down Saloon for a couple of cheap drinks and to show Pat what the locals do. Here we are drinking shots of “Ass Juice”… a mysterious recipe of whatever crap they have laying around at the moment all mixed together. The flavor changes a bit from time to time, but it’s basically vodka, some cranberry juice, maybe another kind of juice and maybe a bit of some brown liquor. It’s hard to tell, but it goes down pretty smooth.

I wonder how many people actually order 2 shots thinking that they are getting a deal?

This is the view from the ladies bathroom.

I have had their bacon martini before and it is truly wretched. It’s hard enough drinking a martini that is not foo-foo, but with chunks of food floating around in it… I can tell you that it does not go down very easily.

After Double Down we headed over to my other favorite place O’Shea’s! I have spent many many hours inside this place. It right on the strip next to Harrah’s and is a great place to gamble and drink cheap. I have been going there for so many years that this one bartender knows me by name. His name is Santos and always hooks me up. Sadly every year I promise to bring him porn and then forget until the moment I walk into the place. I actually brought a stack of DVDs for him this year and then didn’t bring them to the bar that night. I feel so guilty that I might fly to Vegas again soon just to bring him a care package of porn and Naughty America shirts. Oh and maybe while I am in town I will go get some kobe beef sashimi at Cut! What a brilliant idea!

Oh my gosh! Look who I ran into at the Venetian! Vegas Jake the One-Hit Wonder! (this is a guy who ran for Naughty President who disappeared right after he lost the election.) Boooo! Good-bye fairweather fan!