Friday June 11, 2010

(Sorry I was MIA this weekend. I was having too much fun to sit at the computer! I love getting nasty text messages from my friends complaining that they have nothing to read on Monday mornings)

Lisa Ann had to cover a scene for a flaky model so she missed the entire fan show at the Hard Rock Hotel today. Oopsie daisies! The promoters were cool about it and they understood. She’s a business woman after all…she had to make a decision about pissing off a producer and losing a bunch of money vs chilling at the pool all day and making no money. So by the time she was done and back at the hotel I had spent my morning and afternoon at the spa, eating lunch and laying in the sun at Mandalay Bay. Remind me again how this is “work”? We chilled out in her room for a few hours just shooting the shit discussing her memoirs and what will be in them. We exchanged war stories about the business and about sex and relationships in general. She has definitely got a few more battles under her belt than I do! lol I asked her to name all the famous people she has fucked. Wow. That was entertaining.

 The view from her room was pretty neat…it looks as though those are snow capped mountains, but in fact it’s just the way the afternoon sun was hitting the side of the mountain.

We headed downstairs to Rick Moonen’s sustainable seafood place called RM Seafood for dinner. Recently Rick made it to the finals of Top Chef Masters but lost out to Marcus Samuelsson who I have never even heard of. I’m bummed because I had not watched the series and while googling infomation about Rick Moonen I discovered the winner. Rick also recently won a James Beard award for his work with Chefs A’ Field in Alaska.

We got the oyster sampler. Lisa Ann and I both discovered that we like the smaller ones because they seem to be sweeter. I don’t know a ton about oysters except that they are delicious and good for you!

Crab cakes served with a tasty jicama salad/slaw. The dressing they used was out of this world and reminded me of something from my past but better. If that makes any sense! The only thing I could think of was this salad dressing I got once from El Torito. Sorry if that’s an insult Rick! haha

The ahi duo was excellent too. I liked the ahi poke better than the seared ahi and the soy glaze was fantastic.

Steak tartare was decent. It had too many onions for my liking but the black truffles on top were a great addition. Something I have never seen before.

After our light dinner of appetizers we headed over to the Hard Rock because Billy who works for Ambhar tequila (you might remember him from Lisa’s birthday weekend, the guy who tells the great stories and who had the run-in with the monkey on coke) was hosting an event at the pool. It was super crowded with drunk 22 year olds and we were not having it. We had a security guard walk us to what he thought was Billy’s cabana and when we realized it wasn’t and we couldn’t get to where Billy was, we gave up. Walking through a crowded area with tons of drunk dudes with Lisa Ann is about as fun as going to the dentist. They stop and stare, occasionally paralyzed because they can’t believe that their favorite porn star is standing in front of them and they then act like idiots. Sometimes they feel like they can reach out and grab her arm and that’s when things get ugly. We move as fast as possible and have to have an escort take us from area to area. You think I am exaggerating? Not at all. She played Sarah Palin in a spoof and her career blew the fuck up. Right after it was released she had interviews, talk shows, radio spots etc… coming in at an alarming rate for weeks. It can be a real pain in the ass but obviously in certain environments it’s fine. If she’s at Starbucks in LA wearing Converse and jeans it’s not an issue really. Dressed up at a nightclub in Las Vegas showing off her body is a totally different beast. Anyways, we headed over to Wasted Space to go to the official show after party hosted by Teagan Presley and Sunny Leone. I ran into Pierre, a promoter who Lauren worked very closely with over the years to get Naughty America into a lot of big parties in Vegas during AVN. We had our logo plastered all over Las Vegas the last few Januarys…best of all: for free! The clubs paid us! (I need to stop saying “us” and “we” when referring to NA. Tough habit to break.)

Steve (glasses)… works for AVN who I happily learned reads my blog and Angel Vain sporting a Ninja Turtle shirt! Awesome! Teagan and Lia doing shots not paying any attention to me.

This poor guy with his sunglasses on his head looks remarkably like a douche in the business named Donny Long that EVERYONE HATES. I had to tell him to take those shades off his head or he might get punched in the face. It was dark and they did look a lot alike. He thanked me once I explained the deal and why I was taking a photo of him.

Monstar (Alex) a PR rep for a ton of girls in the business with a photo of his lovely fiancee Tanya Tate on his iphone. I love Tanya … a hot British milf who I just adore.

How in the hell am I darker than Sunny when she is of Indian descent? We had a great talk about my departure from NA and it was good to hear that she supported me and believes in me. Some people in the business just don’t get my decision and that is fine. The people that really know me get it and that’s all that matters. Sunny matters

My soon-to-be partner in crime in San Diego…Brynn Tyler.

You also might remember Chris, the biggest Puerto Rican in captivity, from Lisa’s birthday weekend in May.

We snuck out of Wasted Space and met up with Billy to go over to a place called Eye Candy at Mandalay Bay. Check out this stud with his sweet hair and shades.

And his Sony Walkman. (whaaaat?????)

Lisa Ann getting her dance on.

A fan brave enough to come say hi… and guess what?

She pretty much just made his day. His month. His life.

Again, if this isn’t fan interaction I don’t know what is. Good times!

And my favorite shot of the night. It tells such a story.

Thursday June 10, 2010

I flew to Las Vegas this morning so I could be Lisa Ann’s “roadie” for the next 2 days. There is an unconventional convention going on by the pool at the Hard Rock Hotel where fans can mingle amongst their favorite porn stars from 11:00 am til 5:00pm. Normally a show like this is in a huge convention hall and the girls sign their 8x10s, pose for pictures and chit chat until the next guy in line gets antsy and wants his turn. This was completely different and a much more interactive way for the fans to hang out. Generally they don’t serve alcohol at the shows and all you do is walk from booth to booth. This one had a full bar, a performance by Too Short and a bikini contest! It was really cool and a brillliant idea and surprisingly none of the fans were out of control drunk or disrespectful…not that I saw.

To start the day like a proper “Bitch-For-The-Weekend” I bought Lisa Ann flowers at the airport and they classy-ly went straight into the Fiji bottle.

We dragged a bunch of merchandise to the cabanas by the pool (DVDs, 8x10s and a Polaroid camera) but it was so goddamn windy that we just left everything in the bags and Lisa ended up signing the things that fans brought on their own.

She did some interviews…

Lisa Ann and Sunny Leone…the sweetest girl in the business! I have known her for years and there is not a mean bone in her body. She is Indian and is absolutely stunning. I have a confession to make. About 6 years ago somehow our tongues ended up in each other’s mouths for approximately a millisecond before I freaked out. And that, my friends, is my one and only lesbian experience.

Wow. Brave guy.

I have no idea who this civilian is but she is gorgeous.

Too Short played a short set. (no pun intended, it was really quick)

Misty Anderson who took her heels off to make me look less like a midget.

If this isn’t fan interaction I don’t know what is!? Phoenix Marie loves her fans!

Monique Alexander, Kagney Linn Karter and Lexi Belle

Brynn Tyler who is absolutely hysterical. I forget how funny she is til I run into her every few months. She is threatening to move to San Diego in January

Brynn’s cute butt.

Brynn and Mia Lelani didn’t want to watch the bikini contest up front standing with their heels on so I made them their own little VIP section.

Here is an interesting conversation between Brynn and Mark about Mark’s ex gf Lia. Apparently Brynn and Lia worked together and Mark is harassing Brynn about it. (“worked together” means they had sex on camera together) Now…Mark has been in this business long enough to know the difference between on-camera sex and off-camera sex and still told me that he was discussing how Brynn and Lia “slept together.” What a dork. Unless they woke up spooning, it was work, Mark.

Anyways, it was fun to watch him try to block his face as he realized I was taking photos of him.

Bring Back the Whale!

No comment regarding the emcee of the bikini contest. At least he wore something other than that black tshirt, black sweat pants and house slippers. Jesus Ron, get it together.

The judges: Lisa, Kagney and Sunny

Little Lupe Fuentes who is small enough to be a Cirque du Soleil performer.

I know this looks like Lisa is grabbing her ass, but it’s just the way the shot was taken. In fact, I don’t even think that is Lisa’s hand. And it really looks like Lisa needs a stiff cocktail right about now.

Whenever I am at a bikini contest (I know this sounds funny, but I actually have been to about 5 or 6 of them over the years) I like to take a shot of the contestants from the back of the stage. There is this one photo I took in Ft Lauderdale of a bunch of butts in bikinis and they were all tan except one girl. About 6 months later I received a viral email WITH MY OWN PHOTO and the caption was “Which of these girls is from Minnesota?” It was pretty funny actually. I need to dig that up.

And the winner… of course…Little teeny tiny Lupe.

Look at these tramps running back to their booth with the VIP section.

Claudia-Marie’s giant boobs. She and her husband are swingers and he relentlessly tries to get me to “sleep with them.”

Crap I didn’t realize Lisa Ann was so tall.

Oh wait, nevermind, she is a midget just like me. I was complimenting Lexi Belle on her recent addition to her butt area and she attributed it to Newcastle and cheese. lol! I love her.

And I wouldn’t want to deny the ladies and the gay guys who read this…

These guys must be from Europe.

I was amazed at the amount of normal looking hot guys that were there! I mean, like no creepy trolly dudes really at all. Well maybe a few, but overall it was a good looking bunch.

This guy was so cute when he first came up to meet Lisa Ann he handed me his camera and asked me to take a picture and his hands were shaking so bad. It was adorable. I would totally bang this guy.

Lisa Ann and I are staying at Mandalay Bay (away from the porn nonsense) and we were so freaking hungry we went and pigged out at the buffet at 5:30pm. (haha early bird special for the senior ladies) I am fighting a head and chest cold so we called it a night and went to our rooms at 6:30 pm. That’s a first for Vegas. I woke up and caught some reruns of 30 Rock and The Office and then dozed off until about 1:00am when the heathens next door to me woke me up because of a fist fight/brawl. It didn’t last very long but I definitely heard a bunch of dudes screaming at each other “get off me” and then a girl screaming and some running down the halls and then a girl screaming someone’s first and last name repeatedly. I was about to call sakurity but it ended. Idiots. Control your liquor.

Wednesday 2.11.10

Dinner before the show was at The Foundry on Melrose. For those of you who have been reading for a while you might know that my friend Eric Greenspan is the owner and executive chef and every time I am in LA I try to make it over here for some delicious eats. 818′s little step-brother flew into town so we were dragging him around for the night trying to show him a good time as well.

We ordered the grilled cheese sandwich again (check out the blog from a while back if you don’t remember), and we ordered the Tots. (cheesy puffs of goodness)

Greeny stopped by and asked us what we ordered and I got the death stare when I told him tots and grilled cheese…. soooo…. other dishes just started arriving. Braised pork belly… this time was huge and more awesome than the last time I got it. Dang.

Tuna

He also sent out some little biscuits and something else which I forgot to take a photo of. Fail. For my entree I had the monkfish, which was out of this world. I had only tried it one other time and it was raw and nasty so I was a little nervous. Cooked fish is always a gamble for me. I love things un-cooked ya know. It had the texture of lobster almost. And the sauce was light and frothy. Very good.

818 had the duck breast, which was Greeny’s recommendation.

and 818′s little brother had the burger. Which just so happens to be the #1 burger in Los Angeles right now. Congrats Greeny! Check this link. He serves 4 mini burgers on 4 mini buns, that are not seperated. The garnishes are a carmelized onion mixture, not sure what the white sauce is, and then a relish of apple and fennel. Good shit.

So off to the awards! Puma Swede and Nikki Benz attacking me within 3.2 seconds of seeing me.

818 and his brother, but look to the left… I DIDN”T EVEN NOTICE MANUEL FERRARA! Damn it! I would have gone up to him and gotten a hug and a smooch! fuck!

The lovely Phoenix Marie

I looked like dogshit in this next photo so I cut myself out of it because Phoenix is so beautiful.

Keiran Lee looking dashing and despite his non stop harrassing of me, I actually like the guy.

I finally met Georgia Jones…. wow what a knockout. Stay tuned for her on live/webcam.

Brynn Tyler and Kagney Linn Karter. Congrats KLK on your contract… we will miss you for the next 2 years I have a soft spot in my heart for her because we shot her very first scene and she turned into an utter superstar.

Bridgette B looking stunning as well

and my favorite Brit Kerry-Louise! I am not sure what we are doing in this picture. I know 818′s little brother has a pic on his camera of us doing something ridiculous to her new tits. I will see if I can get ahold of it.

Here is Bad Artie, one of the 5 finalists who ran for Naughty President.

After a while, I got the urge to hang out with some gay men so we went to Mickys to meet up with some friends. A fellow fag hag named Ashley and Diesel Washington and his boy toy. My god Diesel is huge and hot and sadly very gay.

Papa Howard and Octomom pose for a photo

We only stayed for one drink before heading over to Here Lounge. On the way I saw this hilariously small patch of grass for dogs to pee and poop on. So funny!

One final drink with Chi-Chi La Rue and Jason Sechrest before I head back to San Diego. It’s been a long week in LA, a city that I don’t even like.

I took a photo of this hot go-go dancer and he had the nerve to flip me off! Hey, buddy you are the one standing on a box shaking your ass with almost nothing on. F off if you don’t want any photos taken of you then go work at Starbucks. Sheesh.