I went to Stephanie’s house this afternoon for a quick visit and to give her and her son some souvenirs that I brought back from Australia. This is Titus, he’s a 7 year old English Mastiff.

Stephanie and I lived together several times over the last 18 years. She was one of my very first friends that I met when I moved to San Diego in 1992. We used to work together at Fox Photo in Clairemont and I have to say she is responsible for sending me down that path of let’s just say “no good.” She took me to a rave called Barbarella down by the border of Mexico one time in the early 90′s and left me alone for 30 minutes and was astonished that when she came back I had taken ecstasy and was sucking on a nitrous balloon. Well what the fuck did you think was going to happen? I was so confused as to why this party started at midnight and why there was no keg. This is back in the days that you could buy ecstasy in bars in Texas and when giant raves were popping up all over Southern California with hundreds of underage kids dressed in neon sucking on pacifiers. Ahhh those were the days! Anyways, she used to have 2 mastiffs but Summer died a few years ago so she only has Titus now. He is a real character (dumb as a box of rocks but sweet) and loooooves me. I got some ridiculously funny videos of him today.

Look at how small her 4 year old is compared to him!

They are working dogs after all.

Imagine living with not one but TWO of these drooling beasts. I swear to God, it was disgusting but I wouldn’t trade it in for the world. Living with my lab Sierra and her 2 mastiffs in a tiny little 2 bedroom bungalow was some of the funniest and most treasured times of my adult life. I have hundreds of photos of them being bad and I have a ton of video footage that I really should do something with. I basically videotaped everything around me for a year straight (I went so far as to setting up a video camera on the dash of my car and filmed myself driving and talking when I had something that I thought was interesting enough to talk about. We are talking about 60 hours of footage that I have narrowed down to 6 hours of hilarity. Some day! …and no I won’t show the embarassing stuff for those of you reading this and worrying that I am going to post shit of you. I would ask permission first )

I rallied the troops from Naughty America to come downstairs after work and join me for happy hour at Bareback. I am still friends with a bunch of people there and it was nice to see them all. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside to hear some of them say that they missed me and my energy around the office.

Jack, Johnny, Jen and Ryan. (I was trying to get a photo of Johnny who I never realized was so fucking hot when I worked there. Jesus. Anyways, that little shit kept making these dumb faces. I am sure someone from the office who is reading this will show him and it will be wicked awkward the next time I see him, but who cares. He’s a babe. Too bad he has a girlfriend. And yeah, it appears as though I am developing a pattern with my taste in men. Wait who am I kidding, my taste in men is that they need to have a penis.)

Jennie and her awesome Mom Nancy who is visiting from Long Island. What a way to kick of Mother’s Day weekend at happy hour with your Mom! I’m so jealous! I would tell you to follow Jennie on Twitter but she’s lame and only authorizes people that she knows to follow her. It’s really a shame because she is funny as fuck.

I just love these photos of them… moments like this make me a little teary eyed about losing my Mom so young. I do have an evil stepmonster but haven’t spoken to her since my Dad’s funeral.

Nice face Ryan.

Jennie, Erin (who was nicely lit up like myself at this point) and Michael.

I think Michael was a little overwhelmed by the breasts in his face.

Damn you, Johnny, look hot will ya?

It would have been a great shot except for the shadow on her chin and neck. I doubt anyone will even notice it but it bugs me.

After happy hour which lasted way too long Erin and I walked over to the Chee Chee and had one beer before heading to my house. Her boyfriend Mike was on his way over with his Great Dane and German Sheperd! YAY! More dogs! I love a good dog party in my bed! Juno is the Sheperd (yes like the movie) and Brody is the Great Dane.

We were literally running back and forth in my loft and they got all tuckered out. Brody is super sweet and loving and Juno has a little bit of a chip on her shoulder.

We are far from done with this … I need him in the daylight to make it right.

Brody literally had me pinned to the ground and was licking my face. His giant lips were all over my face and I loved every minute of it.

When I woke up this morning I didn’t want to wash my face because I believe that Brody and I were destined to be together forever.

My friend Jason asked me to dog sit Diego while he went out of town on business and of couse, I obliged. Diego is a half Chihuahua/Daschund mix. He is what you call a “People Dog” and I am what you call a “Dog Person” so it was a perfect match! I had big plans to dress him up in all these hats and costumes and do things to him… tweeting all the time so Jason can see how much fun we were having, but I gotta tell ya, Diego is not one who likes things on his head. Not one bit.

He’s pretty damn cute though

He loves to lay in the sunbeam.

And I think what might be going through is head during this video is something like this: “Ooooh I love the light even though it is so bad for me, can’t look away, just keep blinking to make sun not hurt” Or some variation of “Yeah I am a total dumbass and I know this is blinding me, but it feels so good.”

Apparently during the time that I went to the gym this morning Diego cried and barked and the landlord called me asking if I had a new dog. I was meeting my friend Jeff for dinner so I dropped Diego off at Joe and Vanessa’s so he could play with Kali and hopefully she would keep him company.

Dinner was at Proper Gastropub near Petco Park and since Jeff works for Shipyard Brewing Company and they carry some of his beers, we decided to go check out their grub.

Sausage rolls (3 out of 5 stars, too much breading and they were a little greasy)

Braised lamb and beef cheek sliders with crispy fried onions and tomato chutney. (3 out of 5, nothing special)

Chips and mussels with  fennel and leeks poached in creamy Chimay White with bacon foam. (I am going to go ahead and give this ZERO stars! It was served lukewarm, the mussels had no flavor and the bacon foam was more like watered down broth.)

I was waiting for Joe and Vanessa to finish at the driving range so I could stop by and retrieve Diego, but they weren’t ready so I stopped by the Tiv to see my new bff Andrea.

One thing led to another and I stopped by the Chee Chee to tell Jessica (former NA employee) about my recent departure and then Joe and Vanessa  picked me up from there and FORCED me into going to The Local.

Hi Sean! (Congrats to you and Mina on the new addition to your family!)

He showed me some pics on his Blackberry and I was informed that they do not have a real camera at home and they have a newborn baby! (tragedy) Looks like they are going to be my first customers! Shit who am I kidding, I am not going to charge them for my photography … I just want a bar tab

Anytime someone asks me if I can cook my response is “Well, I can operate a motor vehicle, so I should be able to read a recipe. I just choose not to.” (I know some of you are debating on my ability to operate a motor vehicle, and you are well justified, but really…. I can read a recipe and I can cook.)

Chicken and bacon fried rice

Benihana can suck it! It was delicious and I even made it into that heart shaped nonsense that they do there.

My friend Pearla’s mom is now making homemade chocolate truffles for like $20 per dozen and is currently working on a special batch for me. I bet you can guess some of the ingredients I have requested.

Fast forward to Jarin’s birthday on Thursday. I was supposed to be at trapeze school with him today but I am too chicken shit to do this before my trip to Australia/New Zealand next month. I know, you only live once… blah blah blah. But the special 2 for 1 thing he got is good til July and quite frankly, I do not want a broken limb to fuck up my vacation. I really am not that graceful. I would be fine hurting myself while bungee jumping off a bridge or something in NZ.

Kim and Sarah

Vanessa and Jen (with one N)

Some dudes, Dusty and Jarin

We were doing fine at The Local until that damn Jessica sent a text saying “come to the Chee-Chee”. FML I cannot be doing this on weeknights. Jen slept over and since my neighbors are gone we had a little dance party in my loft at 1:00 am. Strangely enough I woke up wearing hot pink leg warmers thirsty as hell. It must have been the pound of cheese and crackers we ate. UGH. What a bummer it was my 6th day in a row at the gym on Thursday. I was doing so well. I need to drop 10 pounds before my trip. I have a month. I can do this.

I literally did not have a clue as to what I was doing until 5:30 pm. I had my hair cut and colored and straightened today by Becky at Salon Bordeaux and after my appointment, I went back to work to finish up a few things. At 5:30 pm I made a plan to go to Ruth’s Chris steakhouse with Joe, Vanessa and Big E. The 619 kid from the airplane was blowing my shit up today but I don’t think I want to spend New Years Eve with someone that I barely know especially if I am not sure if I even want to go there.

They were fucking slammed and it took forever to seat us and then my “blue” steak was over done because it spent so much time cooking on the 500 degree plate. Fail. I learned that I should order the steak on a cold plate next time. I hadn’t been there in years and I had forgotten how awesome it is to have your steak in a bed of butter.

Big E had a nice bottle of wine that he brought and shared with us, and we guzzled down a few other bottles. By the time we got to the Local we were all well on our way to being ripped. Jason and Jarin were there

and at  midnight I had a kiss on each cheek from each of them. Awwww!

What the hell are we laughing at!?

Check out this guy’s tacky Chrismas sweater. He was cute, too bad I cut off his head.

I went to a loft party with Jarin and Jason but got bored and I was pretty well drunk by then so I walked home and stumbled into the Chee-Chee again. This living downtown thing is dangerous. Jessica was there and she introduced me to another neighbor. I can’t remember anyone’s names though, I only remember the unit number! haha

I had dinner at Taka Sushi with 714 who is moving to 619 in a few weeks. I have known this guy for many years and hadn’t seen him in a while so it was nice to catch up with him and of course with dinner came lots of sake and turned into a pub crawl. Star Bar, Bareback and what night wouldn’t be complete without a stop at the Chee-Chee. I know the bartender Jessica at the Chee-Chee and every time I go in there now she introduces me to one of my new neighbors. Jessica used to work for Naughty America and I ran into her a few months ago in North Park and she is now my neighborhood bartender. It’s quite a co-ink-ee-dink. I went into work late on Wednesday and I am so ticked off that I missed the 5.9 earthquake! Sandee brought me a plate of leftover pork from her Christmas dinner. I can never get enough pig in my life.

After work I met Jarin and Dusty at the Star Bar (yes, again). I always laugh when I go in there and see the bottles with Sharpie prices on them. Notice how cheap they are!

In other news…. I am beyond excited about the resurrection of our gay porn site Suite 703 in a few weeks. We have been working furiously on getting it back up and running and we are so close to the relaunch. I absolutely love love love watching gay porn, and I get all tingly down there when I see two hot guys making out and going at it. There is a project within this project which is FORCING me to hang out in Hillcrest and bar hop and try to find the right person for the job we are creating. I can’t get into details just yet, but it’s going to be awesome and Tommy and I have been spending an enormous amount of time together working on it. I can’t believe I get paid to do this job sometimes.

On Wednesday evening we hit Fiesta Cantina, Urban Mo’s and Bourbon Street. We have a lot of leads of potential people but nothing concrete yet. The only thing that is concrete is the feeling of getting hit in the head with concrete when I woke up after drinking on a school night. UGH. 2 nights in a row and now New Year’s Eve/Day is coming up. oh boy.

I woke up today with a mild case of heartburn and I was cursing the Lord himself before my feet even hit the ground. Why in holy hell would I get heartburn for the first time in easily 10 months on the morning of the most important food and alcohol ingesting day of the year?? Why do you hate me God? Why? Is it because I produce porn for a living? I know I cut a deal with the devil and that is why I look young for my age, but really? Heartburn on the morning of the food and wine festival? I swear I will never ask for anything ever again.

And with just three tums, my religious spat was over   My faith had been restored.

The guys were installing the TVs at my place and being super duper loud with the saws and the drilling and the white dust flying. HAHA! Yes, I am renting. Oh well, the magic of drywall. I am hoping to have the shit working so I can lay on the sofa with Chris and watch the entire season of Top Chef tomorrow.  I know, its tragic that I have only seen the first episode of this most recent season. I don’t even want to talk about this. And please, no one tell me who wins. Not that I will even know who you are talking about at this point.

We arrived at the festival late for the early admission. Something else I don’t want to talk about. Grabbed our tacky plastic Union Bank plates (Sean, you are so dumb for fighting me on the plate all day… ) and our Viejas wine glasses and off we went.

The first things were rather disappointing. I spit the first thing out of my mouth because it literally tasted  like a Milk-Bone dog biscuit. Of course I know what those taste like. Duh. I would never have fed my dog something without trying it first. She was a foodie, too, she just couldn’t communicate it to me.

The highlights of the day I can tell you were the following:

The lambchop (shit, it’s been a week and a half and I forgot where this was from! oops)

The uni custard puff from Brasserie !! (don’t know what “uni” is? look it up lol)

The amazing bacon and shrimp Gourmet taco from Rubios of all places! I can’t even believe that I never thought to put bacon in a taco. Duh!

(also the raw scallop… very very brave)

The LTP award went to the Westgate Hotel’s dessert… a cheescake type thing with a caramel pomegranate sauce. I don’t like pomegranates nor do I like the restaurant inside the hotel called Fontainebleau … but guess what?  I licked this plate clean. As you can see I am not the only one who fell in love.

There were tons of edible things but nothing truly amazing jumped out at me. It is difficult to pull off a massive amount of something very small in a timely manner. Most places were either too ambitious for the event or not ambitious enough. I know that might not make sense, but this event is getting bigger and bigger every year, so with little of no experience you might just fail. The mini cupcake people have no excuse for failing. How can you fuck up a cupcake the size of a donut hole? Jesus, its only that big, you better make it moist. Sheesh… I just get so bummed out when I gleefully put the red velvet near my mouth and I end up with dry ickyness.

We stumbled back to my place and Sean and Michelle decided they were hungry and wanted to get Mexican food! Whaaat? We engaged in some ping-pong, had several rounds of visitors, tried on wedding dresses, ordered pizza to be delivered from DIRECTLY across the street, and finally went bar hopping to the Chee-Chee, The Local and Bareback. Jarin walked me home at the end of the night because I was speaking in tongues.

Today is the day that my father died 16 years ago. When we were doing something particularly enriching or fun he would say “I wonder what the poor people are doing?”

After the cooking class Chris and I went to my new place and I unpacked a few more boxes while we waited for Mr. and Mrs. Late to Everything. Joe and Vanessa picked us up and brought us to the Comedy Store in La Jolla to see Tommy 5tone’s friend Justin Martindale along with some others. (There really isn’t any info on Justin online since he has literally been at this for about 2 months! You will, however, find an interview about him on page 30 of Frontiers magazine, found in the Los Angeles area.) The first comic was named Jerome Cleary and since we walked in during the middle of his set, I can’t really speak about his level of funniness. He was definitely gay and definitely making gay friendly jokes. The second comic was a woman named Jodi Miller who was probably the funniest goddamn woman I have seen or heard in a long time. It’s not very often that female comedians are hilariously hilarious during their entire set, but this woman had us all in stitches the entire time. It might have been because #1) she and I are the same person or #2) she was making fun of women like me the whole time. Either way, this woman (not sure if she was a lesbian or just a fag hag or just plain funny) had some great one liners that I began tweeting. Here is one gem: “Hey you can rape me, but if it sucks, I am going to press charges.” That, my friends, is funny shit. Justin was great, I cannot remember for the life of me one funny thing he said, but on a scale of 1 – 10,  I would give him an 8.

The headliner was a woman named Shawn Pelofsky who was really not nearly as funny as Jodi Miller. I hate to say it, but every single person in our party felt the same way. Keep an eye out for Jodi Miller.

After we got out of La Jolla as fast as humanly possible we decided to trek downtown to the Chee-Chee… this was to be the maiden voyage into the scariest, nastiest dive bar in all of San Diego… just a mere block from my new place. (Insert eerie music here) Every day I drive by this place and see the vagabonds, transients, homeless and downright crazies chilling at the bus stop outside the front door. Every day I think that someday I will get the courage to enter. I have daydreams about walking in during lunch with my sexy secretary clothes on and watching the regulars lift one eyebrow as I demand a Budweiser in a bottle.

Let me tell you how disappointing it was to see a bunch of hipster kids with tattoos on their necks sitting around shooting the shit with their hipster girlfriends. After 2 drinks we went to the loft and had another bottle of cheap wine and called it a night. I have a looong day of drinking and eating ahead of me tomorrow