After I went to yoga (without Rich) he and I ate some lousy food at a crappy little cafe inside Luxor and headed over to the tradeshow to say hi to Chris and Cari. The show is pretty overwhelming and a little frustrating being that you can’t actually buy anything.

Some of the booths were simple, some were quirky like this trailer and the Jessica Simpson booth was both awesome and ridiculous. It was set up like a department store and of course had about 58 giant posters of her all over the place.

We headed over to Mandalay Bay but realized that our badges didn’t get us into the super cool hip hop part of the show so we opted to go back to the pool at Luxor. On the way back through the mall I just had to stop and take a photo of this hideous model. What marketing genius chose this photo?

Another bizarre marketing ploy to get us to buy some lotion. Who buys boob cream? “Oh hey, come over here and let me give you a sample of our new testicle cream! Yes, sir, drop your pants and I will show you how supple it will make your balls feel.” Now THAT is a job I would consider taking.

Funny story:

I have this friend name Eric who everyone calls “Big E.” (Who also reads this blog everyday. Hi Eric. Please don’t take offense to this story.) One day a few years ago my friends Chad and Tiffany had met him at a party and were asking me the next day who he was, how did we all know him, blah blah blah. He’s an old friend of mine from the business…I think I probably met him in 2002. He also happens to be good childhood friends with Joe from back in Seattle. Small world! Anyways the conversation went like this:

Chad: “Yeah we met a guy named Eric last night. We were at his house after the party…why does everyone call him “Big E?”

Me: “That’s a good question…I mean he’s built. He’s a big dude, but I don’t know how he got the name. I honestly don’t know if it was something that was given to him when he was a kid or not. I doubt he started working out and decided to call himself “Big E.” That would be like me just one day looking myself in the mirror and going ‘Hey I think I am going to start calling myself Sexy L.”

And without hesitation Michelle screamed “Hahahahah NICKNAME FOR LIFE!” For the next several months no one would let this fucking name go. Someone changed my email address at work. Chris named my computer network and my laptop this name. I would get up to use the restroom at a restaurant and they would get the waitress in on it. Lauren would start calling me that on her morning show when we were live and the fans at NA would go nuts when I would start punching her. I mean, it is so ridiculously stupid to make up your own nickname and especially one as dumb as that. (So Eric, if you did in fact make up that name for yourself, I apologize for talking shit. haha!) It drove me fucking insane and the more pissed I got the more they did it. It finally died down after I stopped caring. So without further commentary…this is my new henna tattoo that lasted 2 days. Not 3 weeks like they promised.

I didn’t want to pay double for the capital L so she tried to flip the S but now this looks like “Sexy 6″

And because it is really just a freaking joke and I don’t really care what it looked like I had her take the brush and just paint the L like this. So ghetto. I am very glad that it didn’t last. I mean, I wasn’t planning on being naked and in the doggie position anytime soon, but ya never know.

The clouds were creeping in and we didn’t want to be shitfaced drunk again tonight so Rich and I went upstairs to get ready for dinner.

Dinner tonight was at my favorite steakhouse Cut! The Palazzo is now doing a cool atrium display like Bellagio does with the big flowers and stuff.

Two of my favorite mos!

We were so hungry that everyone dug in before I had a chance to remember to take photos. This white corn salad was amazing! I never thought I would get so excited about a salad, but this is definitely on my list of “must-haves” when I go to Cut again. The giant onions were a bit much, but you can pick around them.

Ahhhh BONE MARROW FLAN… we also ordered the kobe beef sashimi of course, but no pictures. No reason to photograph something over and over again.

I love hanging out with Carilyn. She is so fun. Especially when she tells stories about how she allows her kids to believe that there is a leprechaun living in their house.

Another stupid marketing person. Why wouldn’t they just feed his ego more and literally make the image of him actually lifesize? Now people like us are just going to stand next to it and make fun of him for being a midget. I used to have a huge crush on him but now I think he’s just too douchey. I mean come on. Stop trying so hard.

We went into Cathouse (nice website, they have been open for several years lol)  for a drink but the music was god awful and we didn’t stay very long.

I think Carilyn’s bf is a bit shy so I am not going to call him out on this blog. But he is really hot and very sweet.

Carilyn also appears to be a 2 Beer Queer like myself.

Fun in the photo booth. I woke up the next morning and saw the ones I took showing my tits. Oh that’s nice. Those aren’t staying on the fridge when family comes over.

Rich and I stumbled back to the room playing a fun game of “Shadowing” where you casually walk up right next to someone and act like you are looking at something off in the distance but you stay very very close to them. Like shoulder to shoulder. If they drop back, you drop back. If they speed up, you speed up. It’s highly entertaining and a great way to piss people off at 2am. (I would like to thank Mike for making this game up in Hawaii in 2002 on the beach with people running by us. He would jump up from the towel and chase them and get real close to them. He even did it in the water with this little Japanese boy while his parents sat on the beach laughing at him. Big laughs for everyone…except the little kid.) “Shadowing” is best done in Las Vegas after many cocktails on the casino floor because you can switch directions on a hairpin turn and your friends can sit by at a slot machine watching. It’s really really really fun.

I had to go to the office and finishing cleaning out my crap before my 12 pm flight. I got frustrated with the amount of paperwork that I had let pile up for years so I just brought everything home and will weed through it later. Ugh. That’s a rainy day activity.

On to more important things! Vegas! The Romero’s had rooms booked at Encore (sister hotel to the Wynn) but evidently the hotel fucked things up in a huge way and weren’t honoring the bookings at the rate promised DESPITE the confirmation codes that had been given. After arguing for no less that an hour and speaking to several levels of management we were all given keys to the suites at the Wynn for the price promised. Sitting in the hotel lobby for close to 2 hours watching Robert fight with these A-holes is NOT the way to live. Andrea said to me “I have a very long fuse and I am getting pissed. Laura, I know you have a short fuse so I want you to know that I understand what you are going through right now.” (Is it that apparent that I have a short fuse?)

The Wynn really is a gorgeous hotel… Encore is just as nice. What Wynn has going for it is 3 amazing restaurants though. (Daniel Boulud, Alex and Bartolotta) What I love most about Vegas is that there are so many fantastic high end celebrity owned restaurants on the Strip.

For dinner we went to Cut. I know, I know, you are shocked that I ordered the bone marrow flan and kobe beef sashimi. And a black and blue American Wagyu steak. (Creature of habit when it comes to some things) Dinner was awesome as usual, too bad half of the people in our party were too drunk to appreciate it or even sit still during dinner. Oh well. More raw beef for me.

In honor of the Chinese Year of the Tiger the Palazzo has their lobby decorated.

This hotel is really spectacular. I think it might be my favorite on the Strip.

Robert, Jen and Lee-Ann. (Both of these lovely ladies work at the Tivoli so you should stop by there and tip them well)

Andrea also works there and this is her hot friend whose name is totally escaping me right now. I think it is Kyle. He works at The Shack in La Jolla. Let me remind you that I drink a lot and hanging out with bartenders is ROUGH. I pussed out and went to bed at 1:30 am! ME! In Vegas and asleep before 4am? Whaaaat?

I slept in on Tuesday, worked out, ate a little, and went to the Bellagio in hopes of seeing whatever their new Conservatory exhibit was to find the damn thing under construction. I always make a trip over here to see what they have going on but apparently I missed the Chinese New Year one by a few days.

I really didn’t even know what to do with myself today. This is probably the first time (ever?) that I have come to this town without any obligations other than dinner reservations both nights. I am usually coordinating meetings, conventions, and trying to make sure a half dozen co-workers are fed, bathed and where they are supposed to be. If I am not in Vegas for a porn convention I am here for a friend/family birthday and am usually blind drunk by 4 pm and don’t give a shit about anything. Here I was, sober, feeling energized from going to bed early and working out and I decided to hit the sauna and the steam bath. (You know how I feel about the spa… not a chance I am getting in that public heated cesspool) The sauna was great until my head almost exploded and then when I went to enter the steam bath it was really really steamy and I literally couldn’t see one inch past my nose so I freaked out and shut the door. I did this three times. I wasn’t really in the mood to accidentally sit on some old lady in there so that was the end of my day at the spa. I really need to relax.

Dinner was at Daniel Boulud’s and I was meeting Ava Devine! We have known each other for years, since the first time I shot her in 2003 or 2004. I was literally the camera operator/director on that shoot, so that tells you how long ago it was. There are a few people in the business that I truly consider friends and want to stay in touch with and she is one of them. AND she was on her best behavior tonight Well, compared to Puma Swede and Nikki Benz, she was on her best behavior and there was minimal squirming on my end.

Oh Michael you perv.

Seared foie gras (4 out of 5 stars… my friend Chris’s is actually better! I swear to you!)

Short ribs (the house specialty) (eh…. 2 out of 5 stars. They were tender, but the flavor was average.) Oh and why the fuck am I ordering RIBS at a French restaurant anyways? Someone slap me.

Apple tartin. (I can’t really rate this because I had one bite, passed it around the table, answered a text message and when I looked up the goddamn thing was gone. So much for no one else wanting dessert.)

We had an early dinner and the girls wanted to head up to the room to get cleaned up and so they could put their tiny dresses on that they will pull and tug on all night. Michael and I went to Bartolotta’s for a glass of wine. What a fucking idiot I am for not choosing this place for dinner. What was I thinking? Seriously. Slap me again. You might remember the cooking class I took last November taught by Paul himself. Here is his assortment of fish for today. I suck. Remember he flies his fish in from the Mediterranean every single day? Fail.

I have been going to “The Tiv” since probably 1994 and am definitely closest to Michael on the far right, but I love Robert and Roy just as much. Thanks for the invite this week even though you stuck me with the dinner bill at Boulud’s. HAHA! Don’t worry I will get it back now that I am unemployed and will be spending more time in your fine establishment here in the next few months. (jk…. well….not really)

You can’t tell that they are brothers or anything can you?

Michael and Andrea (my new BFF)

The trip was relaxing, mellow and just what I needed to kick start my new life. Now back to blogging and furthering my soul searching.

Tonight was the Cybersocket awards held at club called Eleven in West Hollywood. Before heading to the awards we went to dinner at Sushi Roku.

We started with the tuna carpaccio

And then gorged ourselves on this feast! Bottom right 4 pieces is kobe beef sushi (I didn’t care for it #1 because I am spoiled by Cut and #2 they seared it with those blow torch thingys which make everything taste like propane. Eww.) The toro (top right 6 pieces, fatty tuna belly) was un-fucking-believable. Melted in your mouth! If you are a fan of tuna, you must try toro one day. Spring for it, splurge, spend a few dollars. You won’t be disappointed.

Before we went to the awards we stopped at a little bar across the street for a warm up cocktail. I can’t remember the name of the place but doesn’t Justin Martindale in this picture remind you of The Shining?

DJ, Angel Benton and Tommy Defendi (I cannot take Angel’s contact lenses!) But how hilarious is it that he wore a wolf t-shirt to the awards show!? HAHA! love it! Side note, I love Angel for so many reasons. One that he showed up to my SNL Party as Ms Swan from Mad Tv (check that video around 10:30, he does a perfect Ms. Swan)  And because of his Britney Spears impersonation. They actually made a movie starring him and I have my very own signed copy.

Congrats to Wolf Hudson … Love that guy!

And I have to admit, I have not seen one of this guy’s movies. Ooops. Might wanna check into that.

I would love to know what is going on here.

Ryan Raz double fisting as usual. Man of my own heart.

And here I am with more stars from the show that I know nothing about. Marcellus Reynolds from Big Brother. What a sweetheart

And I leave you with Justin Martindale re-enacting a scene from his favorite Disney movie, the Lion King.

Another late night turns into another late morning. We went down to the show floor to make the rounds again. I tried giving my card to this lovely brunette, but I don’t think she was interested in talking to me.

Isn’t this shirt hilarious?!

And this one is even more hilarious.

I paid Baker twenty bucks to ride this mechanical penis. He’s so broke and so addicted to gambling that he will do anything for a little extra cash.

With Angel Vain and Mr. President.

We went to Wolfgang Puck’s Cut inside the Palazzo for dinner.

Of course we had to try a bunch of appetizers:

Bone Marrow Flan (it’s not your typical bone marrow flavor… it’s got a sweet taste… it’s exactly what it says… a custardy flan made out of bone marrow.) So. Fucking. Good.

It’s amazing people will still dine with me considering I have no manners when it comes to something so delicious.

Tuna tartare (not bad)

Veal tongue (really yummy, not chewy at all like you might expect)

Steak tartare (awesome)

Kobe beef sashimi. Probably the most delicious thing I have ever put in my mouth. Ever. I thought the bone marrow flan was the most delicious thing I had ever put in my mouth until this. It was to die for and the sauce they served it with was like a light soy sauce/ponzu sauce. Next time I am in LA I will be going to Cut to see if they have it. LA is closer than Vegas

LTP award!

I guess it runs in the family. HAHA!

I always seem to find my reflection in the strangest places. This was above our table.

After dinner we decided to make it a mellow dive bar kind of night. The clubs are fun and all, but you can only take so much of the stupid bouncers, bottle service and horseshit that goes along with that scene. We went to my favorite dive bar The Double Down Saloon for a couple of cheap drinks and to show Pat what the locals do. Here we are drinking shots of “Ass Juice”… a mysterious recipe of whatever crap they have laying around at the moment all mixed together. The flavor changes a bit from time to time, but it’s basically vodka, some cranberry juice, maybe another kind of juice and maybe a bit of some brown liquor. It’s hard to tell, but it goes down pretty smooth.

I wonder how many people actually order 2 shots thinking that they are getting a deal?

This is the view from the ladies bathroom.

I have had their bacon martini before and it is truly wretched. It’s hard enough drinking a martini that is not foo-foo, but with chunks of food floating around in it… I can tell you that it does not go down very easily.

After Double Down we headed over to my other favorite place O’Shea’s! I have spent many many hours inside this place. It right on the strip next to Harrah’s and is a great place to gamble and drink cheap. I have been going there for so many years that this one bartender knows me by name. His name is Santos and always hooks me up. Sadly every year I promise to bring him porn and then forget until the moment I walk into the place. I actually brought a stack of DVDs for him this year and then didn’t bring them to the bar that night. I feel so guilty that I might fly to Vegas again soon just to bring him a care package of porn and Naughty America shirts. Oh and maybe while I am in town I will go get some kobe beef sashimi at Cut! What a brilliant idea!

Oh my gosh! Look who I ran into at the Venetian! Vegas Jake the One-Hit Wonder! (this is a guy who ran for Naughty President who disappeared right after he lost the election.) Boooo! Good-bye fairweather fan!