During the East Coast airing of Tosh.O Daniel live tweets to his fans. His 500,000+ followers say ridiculous things to him about the show and he responds with equally ridiculous remarks to some of them. I doubt he sees half of them to be honest with you. Anyways, this past Wednesday he said that he would start following the person with the best tweet of the night! AND he opened it up to the West Coast fans…and he would take the night to go over them all.

I haven’t been feeling well and I had taken some Nyquil and completely forgot that the show was on so when I saw his offer at 9pm I was well on my way to sleepytime. I literally set my alarm for 10:30 pm, got up and sent him a tweet in hopes that he would see it and choose me and thus we would start our life together. I wanted to make sure I did it sometime during his show between 10:30 and 11:00 PST so he would see that I was watching his show (which I was not, of course, because I went straight back to bed in my Nyquil coma). Am I insane? Totally. Did he pick me? No.

Without further ado…here is the trailer for “Human Centipede” and the tweet that I sent.

“Hey @danieltosh I am volunteering to be the “B” in our version of human centipede… what do you say? ”

First of all, who in the hell goes to Las Vegas, Nevada in the middle of July for fun? Christ it’s so hot! I got up to do Bikram but I should have just saved the 20 bucks and done it outside. I went to the Green Valley Ranch location and there was something wrong with their heater so they cranked up the humidifier to compensate for it. It was cooler than it was supposed to be and the humidity was out of control. It was like a fucking rainforest…so awful. I made it through the class but I was miserable. The instructor was a real stickler for everyone doing things in unison also…which is different from the San Diego studio. In the Old Town SD class I get really annoyed because there is this one woman who just does whatever the hell she wants. She comes into class late and gets into each position about 15 seconds late almost every time. It is so distracting and annoying. I mean, she’s only cheating herself, right? There is also another guy in SD who fidgets almost the whole class. During every single savasna he’s wiggling his legs, moving his arms, breathing heavy like he is going to have a heart attack and generally disrupting everyone around him. I try to avoid sitting near either of them. Anwyays, the Vegas studio was nice because she forced everyone to stay together and stay calm between postures, which is half the point of the class: bringing yourself to a calm state instantly.

This is Danny’s one year old German Shepherd, Zeba. Apparently that’s the Hebrew word for “splendid” although I just tried looking that up and found nothing. lol Good one Dan. Ironic that he chose a Hewbrew word for a German dog also. She’s a little retarded to be honest, sweet dog, but mildly dumb.

This is Sophie (I think that’s her name)…this is not the one that Zeba was harrassing all night. That cat was hiding upstairs under the bed. Go figure.
 

We checked into our rooms at the MGM Grand. The underside of a very fuzzy and sleepy lion in their walk-through lion jail.

Rob had never been to Las Vegas so Nikki was bound and determined to walk into every casino over the course of the weekend. First stop New York, New York…. This statue was made out of jellybeans. Pretty cool! But man what a tedious job.

We went over to Aria and City Center to see the hotel and also to Crystals…the shopping mall that I told you about when Lisa Ann and I went to eat at Mastro’s. The mall is so futuristic and weird looking. I can’t decide if I am creeped out by it or like it.

The other side of Mastro’s.

I like the use of white with the dark linear wood.

We went north to Stratosphere so we could get a view of the whole city.

I considered doing the Sky Jump thingy but we saw a guy do it and to be honest, it was slow. I mean you free fall like 800 – 900 feet but he was moving pretty slow. It didn’t seem worth $99.

The big blue building on the left is The Fountainebleau like the one in Miami… unfortunately this one has gone bankrupt and stopped building.

Oh wow, Justin Beiber is working the elevators at Stratosphere on Fridays now.

Nikki insisted that we go into Circus Circus despite my pleas. I warned her that it was full of kids, a waste of time and the clowns would most certainly creep her out. We lasted 5 minutes. Long enough to grab a beer and take a photo of these awesome bar stools.

That is by far the ugliest quinceanera dress I have ever seen.

The Venentian really is the best hotel in Vegas in my opinion. The basic rooms all have a sunken living room, the restaurants are great (esp now that Palazzo is connected to it) and the mall with the gondolas and the replica of St Mark’s Square are just too cool. Being that I spent a week there every January for our annual industry tradeshow, I have a sense of comfort walking in the building. Even the smell of the place immediately brings back many memories for me. Some good, some bad, mostly fuzzy.

I liked the way the water is relfecting on the side of the tower.

I’ve never actually taken one of these gondola rides…one of these days. Or I could save the hundred bucks and save my money and actually go to Italy. lol

We wandered over to Treasure Island for one last pit stop before heading back to MGM to take naps and eat dinner.

Danny and I went to see Daniel Tosh performing stand up at Mirage and I have to tell you. It’s official. I am in love.

I could only snap a pic at the very last second and I wasn’t prepared with the setting so the pix suck, but you get the idea. The show was awesome. So inappropriate and off color on so many levels. He really pushes the envelope and makes people just laugh so hard at some ridiculous things. Thanks again Pat and Ed for introducing me to him just a few months ago. Rich claims that he and Kim tried to tell me about him a while back, but I don’t always listen to people. Sometimes you have to learn things for yourself. Tonight I learned that Daniel Tosh will be my husband one day.

After the show Danny and I met with Rob and Nikki at O’Sheas and I gotta tell you… this is not my favorite spot on the strip anymore. It was like a high school kegger with scattered old folks. It used to be a cool spot to duck into it away from the crowds on the strip, but is now very crowded and kind of icky. I saw my bartender Santos again (who bitched at me again for not bringing him porn) but still hooked me up with a free drink. Rob and Nikki went home. Danny played poker and I made my way back to MGM laughing my ass off at all the wasted drunk girls wearing dresses that look like they should be shirts…carrying their high heels, stumbling barefoot around the streets. I love being sober at this hour in Las Vegas! It was highly entertaining.

My nephew and I went to my sister’s school to check out the baby ducks that the janitor had to relocate yesterday. (I’m sorry…I mean the Director of Custodial Affairs) Apparently he had to stop the traffic of students and guide the mother duck and her ducklings from one area of the school grounds to a safer area with a pond and places to take cover from the hawks that lurk above. The day before yesterday there were 10 ducklings, but today there are only 9. I could have sat here for hours watching the mama lead the babies around from the pond to the grass and back and forth. They really are so cute.

I mean seriously… they are so adorable. And one day they will be big and delicious.

It’s almost like a water park for these little fellas!

And the mother duck waits around for the last straggler each time. He’s a little nervous but finally gets the courage to join them.

 Then we hit Friendly’s for lunch. Look…I know, it’s not much better than Denny’s but I, too, have guilty pleasures that I  indulge on occasion. I ordered the lobster roll because I thought they couldn’t really fuck up boiled lobster, but I was wrong. I mean I ate it, but it was not the best lobster I have had.

The highlight of my afternoon including listening to the neighbor’s kids (boy and a girl) play in the inflatable pool (it was 90 degrees with what seemed to be 99.9% humidity) When the mom made them strip down out of their bathing suits after a few hours (no idea why) the little boy just started screaming “VAGINA” at the top of his lungs. I died.

 I dragged my ass to Bikram yoga down the street at 4:30 pm (because I got lost this morning and missed the 9:30 class) and was pleasantly surprised to find out that they are NOT MEAN there! In fact, during one of the postures the instructor actually went over to the door and opened and closed it several times to let cool air in the studio! WHAAAAAT? I was sweating my balls off in this class almost instantly simply because it was so humid outside already. Plus it was late afternoon. I paid $30 for 30 days so you bet I am going to get my money’s worth while I am in CT.

Another highlight of my day was sniffing the can of wet dog food and my nephew trying to be funny while shoving my face in it. Little does he know that I actually love the smell of canned cat and dog food and was elated when I had the aroma on my upper lip for the rest of the night.

After dinner we met a nice Irish/Welsh Terrier named Yogi.

I watched Tosh.O tonight and was so excited to be able to live tweet him during the episode on EST. He of course ignored all of my tweets, but I will keep trying for the next several Wednesdays. He has no idea that he will be falling madly in love with me in the very near future. **sigh** He’s so dreamy.

Seriously, Daniel, where have you been all my life?  

His new season started last week so they have been showing a bunch of his older stuff and of course I have been DVRing and watching it all week.

 The one that I found most entertaining was something called a “web redemption” where he seeks people out who have utterly embarassed themselves in some way or another. He allows them to “get back” at the situation so to speak.
This is a dude who fell off a ladder on a home shopping channel while they were trying to sell the item. The end (around 3:00 minutes) is so goddamn funny you have to stick it out and watch what happens.  

Prank of the week clip: (cat videos never get tiring)

And totally unrelated but worth talking about it this article about Australia banning people from entering the country with porn on their laptops and phones! HAHAHAHA! Holy shit that would have been ridiculous if they had searched my computer because there DEFINITELY is tons of porn on there. That would have been awkward. Yet strangely amusing when I told them that I actually made it myself.