Friday September 10, 2010

I was undecided whether to stay in LA for the night or to just head back to SD and enjoy my weekend at home. A few phone calls to my LA gays and that was decided pretty quickly. I made plans with Justin Martindale for lunch and then we had plans to meet up with George Jaramillo. I got a cute room at Le Parc in West Hollywood…the basic suite (unless they upgraded me and didn’t tell me) was a huge room with a mini kitchen, a living room, dining area and a quaint balcony. It was probably bigger than most NYC studio apartments. I tried my favorite place (to hate) The Hollywood Standard but they were sold out and The London was close to $400. Ha. Funemployed Laura was tempted but logic took over.

So let’s get to Fashion’s Night Out and how we drank for free all night! Basically FNO was a 16 country event (I don’t even know how many cities in the US participated…a lot! And I don’t really know how many shops in LA… I think George said 300 shops were involved) to stimulate the economy in over priced boutiques that I can’t even afford to stand in. (Picture Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman) Most of the places we stumbled around to in LA had dresses in the $500 range and it was all I could do to not spill my drink on them and then have to high tail it out of there.

First we had to stop and get a bite to eat so we went to a place called Chaya for some really yummy Kobe Beef Bolognaise with white truffle oil. It was quite amazing but it would have better with a dash more truffle oil for sure. I didn’t think to take the photo til after we dug into it, so I apologize for it looking like a pile of puke.

Our first stop was at Intermix to see Ryan (aka Ongina…from the Ru Paul Drag Race Show!)

George was our sober driver for the night so Justin and I didn’t hold back at all. We were not shopping, just cashing in on the free bars at each place. We were pretending that Justin was Lars Voldemort the legendary German Supermodel. (yes, it’s made up) He does a great German accent and I make a great bitchy agent.

That’s right. Stand there not making eye contact with anyone and act like you are too hot to speak to anyone.

And the winner of the Best Dressed Award goes to this little Asian lady. What up with those shoes?? She’s trying to figure out how to text someone. lol.

This poor woman was outside cooking hotdogs on the grill in her gown to lure people to her shop.

Look at this creepy statue that I need for my eclecticly decorated loft.

If I was a child I might be afraid of this Twister artwork. We went to the Andrew Christian underwear store in hopes of seeing their models playing Twister, but when we arrived they weren’t actually doing it so we didn’t stay very long. Not to mention they were serving FRANZIA BOX WINE. What self respecting gay would do that!? Gawd!

Converse Crocs? Gross.

Justin has residency at The Comedy Store so we headed over there and snuck into a private benefit party and mooched booze off of them. LOOK! He’s a legit comedian! Too bad my camera is on it’s last leg and every 5th shot is blurry.

I mean… he is for real a Comedy Store regular! Congrats! Pretty impressive being on the walls with all of the great legends of comedy.

I got a little stand-up-star-struck when I saw his friend “Fortune Feimster.” We caught the tail end of her act and then went and said hi to her. Please click on her page and watch her doing a character called Darlene Witherspoon. HILARIOUS! If you have some time look at these other ones: Dawn Calicio, Katina, and a Rachel Zoe parody. I love her.

George went home and Justin and I stayed out so we could go check out the screening of his Logo.tv special at a bar called East/West. Check out Justin Martindale being awesomely funny! I have asked a lot of you today, but please watch this one for sure I beg you.

I love hanging out with Justin because we just laugh the whole time. I want to bottle him up and carry him around all the time.

Thursday April 29, 2010

I drove to LA today to pick my friend Ben’s brain while he worked. He’s the awesome photographer that I had lunch with before my trip and he was shooting some smut today so I went to hang out and talk with him for a bit. I hadn’t been on a porn set on a long time and it was more fun that I remembered He gave me a lot of good advice and information for an upcoming shoot I have next week. It’s a women’s clothing catalogue and I have to tell you I am very nervous about it. I am pretty rusty when it comes to studio lighting and whatnot. But I do love a challenge and this is a paying job, so I gotta tackle it like a pro.

I met up with the gay porn boys that I love so much for dinner and drinks. We ate at Cafe Etoile with a rowdy group of about 10 or 11 of us. It’s a small little French restaurant in the heart of West Hollywood. My favorite funny man Justin Martindale was with us and succeeded in making me giggle hysterically all night as usual. I cannot get enough of him. Next vacation I am bringing him for entertainment value. Every time he calls me it goes like this: “Hi tranny, it’s me, tranny.” I have no idea why but it never fails to get me going. Luuuurve him.

Duck Pate (not a ton of flavor, but edible. Justin called it Fancy Feast lol) And I don’t think I have ever seen pate served at a restaurant with crackers?! Ghetto! Usually they spring for brioche. (little toasted bread for those that don’t know anything about pate)

I also ordered the escargot which were amazing… doused in butter and garlic and perfectly done. It was fun sharing with the brave eaters and then watching the others wig out about eating snails.

And for my entree I had the crabcakes which 818 had claimed were the best crab cakes he had ever had. I can assure you, they were the worst crab cakes I have ever had. Flavorless, over cooked hockey pucks. Obviously they changed the recipe or got a new chef because they royally sucked. 818 even tried adding ketchup to them and that didn’t help at all. I ate like 2 bites.

Tristan Matthews, Trevor Knight, George Jaramillo (standing in back…dreamy!) and Justin Martindale

I desperately want George to not be gay.

And my favorite gay Masshole, Trevor!

We went to The Abbey for a few drinks and then I retired to my hotel room. I had redeemed my free stay at the Standard in Hollywood for this incident. Thank you Jenn for making hotel security believe that you were me.

Wednesday March 3, 2010 and Thursday March 4, 2010

I decided to take a little trip to LA so I could run some damage control with people in the industry. I don’t want anyone to panic and think anything is wrong and I want everyone that I have been dealing with for Suite 703 to feel confident that it’s going to be business as usual working with Tommy 5tone. Poor kid has a lot of his plate now, but he can handle it and will be fine as soon as they get someone to help him. I am going to be working from home for the next few weeks to get him through this transition..

On Wednesday I took the train to LA and then to a subway to Hollywood. It was actually really easy and makes me hate LA a little bit less. I met Justin Martindale at his apartment and fell in love with his roommates new puppy. She is a rescue from some bad people who kept her crated for like 15 weeks and her back legs aren’t very strong. What a little sweetheart.

Justin was performing tonight at the Hollywood Improv for Gay Days, a monthly thing they do showcasing gay and lesbian comics. It was great, each one of the comics goes on for about 12 minutes or so and I can honestly say that Justin was in the top three.  The crowd was in hysterics the whole time. The guy who plays Darryl from The Office showed up and was just chilling at the bar…. and I wanted so badly to take a picture with him, but didn’t want to be “that girl”, the rookie who gets star struck in Hollywood. After the show we went to a small place in West Hollywood called Saint Felix for a few drinks with the comics from the show. I had the sliders which were made with bleu cheese dressing and were delicious! Then we decided to head over to Here Lounge where Justin and I were getting pretty silly and he was lusting after a hot go go dancer. 818 gave up drinking for Lent, so we had a sober driver all night. It’s pretty awesome but isn’t doing anything for my liver.

We went back to Justin’s place and he showed us a bunch of creepy weird clown toys that his old roommate left behind. Umm. Ok. Scary.

My Dad was a huge John Wayne

What a sexpot!

On Thursday during the day I saw Hot Liz and Carly Parker who were in town from NYC. We hung out briefly in the back of Eva Angelina’s SUV because Liz just had foot surgery and couldn’t walk anywhere. So basically they picked me up, we chatted in the car while driving for an hour and then they dropped me off in West Hollywood. Hilarious.

I went to an event at Micky’s with a bunch of industry people and told everyone about the changes that are going to happen and then got up at the crack of dawn on Friday to head home for my last day in the office. I am a little emotional…

Here is Steven Daigle from Big Brother. What a cutie!

Monday 2.09.10

Tonight was the Cybersocket awards held at club called Eleven in West Hollywood. Before heading to the awards we went to dinner at Sushi Roku.

We started with the tuna carpaccio

And then gorged ourselves on this feast! Bottom right 4 pieces is kobe beef sushi (I didn’t care for it #1 because I am spoiled by Cut and #2 they seared it with those blow torch thingys which make everything taste like propane. Eww.) The toro (top right 6 pieces, fatty tuna belly) was un-fucking-believable. Melted in your mouth! If you are a fan of tuna, you must try toro one day. Spring for it, splurge, spend a few dollars. You won’t be disappointed.

Before we went to the awards we stopped at a little bar across the street for a warm up cocktail. I can’t remember the name of the place but doesn’t Justin Martindale in this picture remind you of The Shining?

DJ, Angel Benton and Tommy Defendi (I cannot take Angel’s contact lenses!) But how hilarious is it that he wore a wolf t-shirt to the awards show!? HAHA! love it! Side note, I love Angel for so many reasons. One that he showed up to my SNL Party as Ms Swan from Mad Tv (check that video around 10:30, he does a perfect Ms. Swan)  And because of his Britney Spears impersonation. They actually made a movie starring him and I have my very own signed copy.

Congrats to Wolf Hudson … Love that guy!

And I have to admit, I have not seen one of this guy’s movies. Ooops. Might wanna check into that.

I would love to know what is going on here.

Ryan Raz double fisting as usual. Man of my own heart.

And here I am with more stars from the show that I know nothing about. Marcellus Reynolds from Big Brother. What a sweetheart

And I leave you with Justin Martindale re-enacting a scene from his favorite Disney movie, the Lion King.

Thursday 2.04.10….Friday 2.05.10…Saturday 2.06.10

I am going to give you the shorter cleaner version.. in a few days I will be releasing a different blog which shows a little racier content honoring the gays in my life.

Our first LA party was at a club called Tigerheat which is an 18 and up club with a 21 and up area. Trust me, I almost had a heartattack too when I heard that. I know it appears that I do nothing all day except party with gay men but I can assure you that I would much rather be at home watching a movie then dealing with a bunch of ridiculous 18 year olds in an over crowded, packed, sweaty dance club. That being said… we had a blast! Perez Hilton was there for a minute and I didn’t want to be weird and take a picture, so you just have to take my word for it again.

First we went to our PR guys house for some pre-party drinks and food. He has two very cute dogs who I was trying to bond with of course… I am very much missing my dog these days and tend to gravitate towards all animals that I see. The one on the left is a little nervous, I think she might have been a rescue, but the one on the right is a lover.

The ever so funny Justin Martindale… get ready to see a lot more of him! I swear I cannot get enough of him… he is so goddamn funny…. I just want to put him in my purse and carry him around all the time.

It looks like we own the building! Love it!

and…. two of my favorite people

Moving right along to Friday night at MJ’s bar in Silverlake….

DJ, Tommy Defendi, Jenkki Jen, Ryan Raz and Eric who supported us the entire weekend at all of the events! Thank you!

Justin and one of our very first Suite 703 models Brad Benton… love that guy! He is a mainstream actor as well… read here. But yeah, they were having a hair contest I guess.

We heart Drew Cutler.

Wait til you see the footage from these nights. Hilarious.

Always carry a Sharpie my friends.

SATURDAY crept up and we went to Roscoe’s House of Chicken and Waffles. I was so excited and so hungry.

awwww

We had dinner at the Sofitel in a restaurant called Simon owned by Kerry Simon. (Read more here) Good thing they put us in a seperate room with a door.

There are too many porn stars here to name…

For my appetizer I tried the tuna tataki tower with a lump crab topping. All of the elements would have been fine on their own,  but they just didn’t work together. The crab was warm with a mayonaisey mixture, the tuna was cool and the rice was lukewarm. It was drizzled in eel sauce and in theory all of these things sound like they would work together but it was very confusing. It didn’t know if it was a cold dish, a lukewarm dish or a hot dish. Disappointing to say the least. And it looks like a pile of vomit.

For my entree I had the beef carpaccio pizza with white truffle oil. The bleu cheese was overpowering so I ended up just picking off the beef and eating it by itself. Not so good.

The lobster curry soup was actually not that bad…

The highlight of my meal was sitting next to Justin and having him accuse me of leaving my toe seperator in his soup. Oh my god, I spit wine across the table, had tears streaming down my face and pretty much lost my shit in front of everyone. If you have never had a pedicure you probably have no idea what I am talking about. Funny shit.

We hosted our third and final LA party at a place called CherryPop at Ultra Suede

Holy crap look at his abs

I had to pop over to Here Lounge to say hi to Chi-Chi La Rue and Jason Sechrest at their party for a minute….

how artsy !  hawt

Jenn and Tommy and Christy

And my favorite shot of the weekend… Jenn looking like she’s terrified of Trevor Knight.

A good time was had by all.

Thursday 1.28.10

Tommy and I drove up to LA to do another promotional event for Suite 703 at a place in West Hollywood called Micky’s. It’s a meet and greet for gay porn stars to meet their fans and they were super cool about letting us give away tons of our schwag and pretty much take the place over.

Our favorite gay comedian Justin Martindale and Tommy the Tool again. I am just going to start cutting him out of the photos.

Drew Cutler and Rob Romoni

My gay porn crush Trevor Knight

Steven Daigle from Big Brother 10 who is now officially a porn star! Congrats to Chi-Chi La Rue for being the devil and talking him into doing porn.

This is a guy named Bobbie who I chatted with on Twitter for a while and we finally met. He reviews gay and straight porn… we have some business to discuss

It only goes from 6pm til 9pm so afterwards we went to the Abbey where we got a booth and bottle service. Our entourage was quite a spectacle.

Zoinks look at this dude’s body!

Oh wait, THIS is my gay porn star crush… His name is Johnny Hazzard and I legitimately get nervous around him. This is the second time I have met him. He’s so dreamy.

Me and the super famous Chi-Chi La Rue!

Alright, once in a while we get a pleasant face. Thank you Tommy.

This is apparently Michelle from Big Brother 11. I had strict instructions from my best friend Sigrid who is utterly obsessed with BB to tell her how upset she was that she had been railroaded in the show and that it was awful how mean they were to her. I have no idea what any of this means since I have never seen one minute of that show. Here ya go Sigrid!

Perez Hilton was also there but I didn’t get a photo of him. Here is Taylor Dane. Evidently after I left the DJ started playing a bunch of her songs. lol The gays love Taylor Dane! She was very nice even though she looks like she has me in a headlock.

Again, I ducked out early. Wouldn’t want to miss a chance to get laid

Friday 1.8.10

Let’s take a moment to acknowlege my niece Nikki’s  25th birthday as well as Elvis Presley’s.

Ok, let’s see… what happened today? Slept in, did some work in the room, ate a crappy snack before heading into the show, had a meeting at the circle bar, went to dinner, went to a club, went back to circle bar, went to bed late and had crazy sex. That’s about it! I hope you enjoyed my blog.

Just kidding.

I would love to know what device erases my past in minutes?

Here is Pat jamming his finger into the various types of Fleshlights. I hear these things are absolutely amazing… I bought one for 917 over the summer and he said it was awesome. We talked on the phone while he used it. (Damn! Another thing I forgot to mention that I finally tried last year… phone sex!) They come in mouths, buttholes and vaginas and have different textures in the chambers. If I had a genie show up right now and grant me one wish it would be to have a penis for a week. I thought about having one for a day, but someone convinced me that I needed a full week to fully appreciate what goes on and to experience all of the tricks it does.

This is a man I think. Pat refused to take a photo with it. In fact, he wouldn’t even look at it.

I didn’t take a lot of photos at the show because most of the pics we got were of Pat with his camera. I have to tell you how convenient it is knowing these models so well, because when there is a huge ass line we simply cut right to the front of it and get our autographs or photos or hugs. The fans get a little pissed when they are about to take a picture with their favorite porn star and Lauren and I stroll up and suddenly the model starts waving her hand frantically at us and giggling and smiling and looks away from their buddies cameras. At one point Boss Man Andreas decided that we HAD to wait in Phoenix Marie’s line and he refused to let us cut the line. 6 minutes. 8 minutes. 10 minutes. Jesus this is annoying.

Anyways, after the show we went to Mario Battali’s Carnevino inside the Palazzo.  I had been here before in the Spring and bravely ordered the sweetbreads because I had never had them. Bad idea. So bad in fact that I barely touched them and the waitress was super awesome and she took them off the bill. I decided to give it a shot again with a giant party of 11.

Here we have the iberco jamon which has only been available in the US since 2007. It is truly amazing and if you ever get a chance you should definitely try it. They recommended eating it with the little bread and lard combo you see here, but I inhaled it by itself. Pig that is fed a controlled diet is like a little piece of heaven for me. Any swine that is deemed the most expensive ham in the world at approximately $52 a pound is definitely going in my gut at every opportunity. If you read that wiki page, you see that since 12/09 there has been an abundance of it in Spain because supply outweighed demand. They are now giving this shit away to Spaniards… crap I think it’s time to make a trip to Spain.

The most boring, dull, flavorless beef carpaccio I have ever tasted. I didn’t even finish it!

We had ordered a plate of things that swim for the table to share (what am I saying, everything that lands on that table throughout the night is for me to share). Some oysters, deep fried cod balls, and the best thing was the uni on the lower left side of the plate. I love me some uni. For those of you who read this every day, I apologize for linking to the uni again, I am just trying to make sure new readers are educated on this little treasure.

Pat specifically requested that we not eat at restaurants with seafood and what do they put on the top of his dish/salad? Small fish with the eyes still on.

I actually tried one of the smelt and it was pretty gross. 818 said that he would make it better for me one day. We’ll see about that ever entering my mouth again. Ew.

I actually did that thing again where I don’t order an entree, but just mooch off everyone else’s plates for the remainder of the meal.

Bison

Lamb

Steak I think … not sure about that big ass bone though lol

… AND FTW … a $90 bowl of al dente pasta with butter and white truffles that Lauren and I fought over. It was fucking mother fucking magical. I felt like I wanted everyone to leave the table and let me eat this deliciousness alone and not bother me so I wouldn’t be at all distracted while enjoying each and every bite. Words cannot describe.

There is Derek (formerly of Mr Skin, but now with Playboy) and his giant head with Lauren. Derek and I have known each other for years and have actually been to a lot of places around the world together. We have shared many good times, meals, drinks and have about 178 photos of us standing side by side in various poses trying to exhibit exactly how large his cranium is and how small mine is. I am actually a little bummed out that I didn’t get one of those this trip.

This is the funny stand up comic we went to see a while back named Justin Martindale… he’s a regular at the Comedy Store in LA on Friday and Saturday nights… hilarious! I want him to move into my house, or better yet, my purse so he can make me laugh allllll dayyyyyy long.

Baker and Bobby Fairfield

There goes Tommy again making a dumb face and ruining another photo opp. P.S. Remember that time you sent me a text at 4 am complaining that I never take pictures of you?

And I want to wrap up part #1 of Vegas Day 2 with this cup of caramel and cheescakey stuff inside. (man, I am really pissing off the legit food bloggers by my descriptions of things.. “stuff” “yumminess” hahaha!)

Sunday 11.22.09

Since the cable wasn’t working I decided to head to brunch at Universal to meet with Tommy, Jenn and those funny guys from the other night.

Just so you know, you can find more info on Justin Martindale on page 30 of Frontiers magazine this month!

Also Dusty, Michelle and their friends from the UK joined us. The last time I ate at this place I asked the waiter to see if the chef could possibly fold bacon chunks into my pancake batter, and while they look at me like I am being the biggest pain in the ass, I can see their wheels turning. Or maybe they are vegan and truly are rolling their eyes at me. Listen, I know that I can order a side of bacon with my stack and drag the whole thing through the pancake syrup, but half the fun is the little surprise in every bite. I also inhaled part of Tommy’s biscuits and gravy when he got up to use the restroom.

After brunch we spoke of a Sunday Funday playing pool after we ran some errands, but I opted to head home and get some more unpacking done. But, not before I stopped at Taste Artisan cheese shop in Hillcrest to order some truffle salt and to buy white truffle butter and black truffle butter. I wanted to eat the entire thing of butter for dinner, but I just made pasta and put the white truffle butter on it and threw in some prosciutto. I have to be honest, it was pretty disgusting. It sounded good, but I have might been just too food and boozed out from the weekend to enjoy anything. I passed out and slept for 12 hours.

Friday 11.20.09 CONTINUED ….

After the cooking class Chris and I went to my new place and I unpacked a few more boxes while we waited for Mr. and Mrs. Late to Everything. Joe and Vanessa picked us up and brought us to the Comedy Store in La Jolla to see Tommy 5tone’s friend Justin Martindale along with some others. (There really isn’t any info on Justin online since he has literally been at this for about 2 months! You will, however, find an interview about him on page 30 of Frontiers magazine, found in the Los Angeles area.) The first comic was named Jerome Cleary and since we walked in during the middle of his set, I can’t really speak about his level of funniness. He was definitely gay and definitely making gay friendly jokes. The second comic was a woman named Jodi Miller who was probably the funniest goddamn woman I have seen or heard in a long time. It’s not very often that female comedians are hilariously hilarious during their entire set, but this woman had us all in stitches the entire time. It might have been because #1) she and I are the same person or #2) she was making fun of women like me the whole time. Either way, this woman (not sure if she was a lesbian or just a fag hag or just plain funny) had some great one liners that I began tweeting. Here is one gem: “Hey you can rape me, but if it sucks, I am going to press charges.” That, my friends, is funny shit. Justin was great, I cannot remember for the life of me one funny thing he said, but on a scale of 1 – 10,  I would give him an 8.

The headliner was a woman named Shawn Pelofsky who was really not nearly as funny as Jodi Miller. I hate to say it, but every single person in our party felt the same way. Keep an eye out for Jodi Miller.

After we got out of La Jolla as fast as humanly possible we decided to trek downtown to the Chee-Chee… this was to be the maiden voyage into the scariest, nastiest dive bar in all of San Diego… just a mere block from my new place. (Insert eerie music here) Every day I drive by this place and see the vagabonds, transients, homeless and downright crazies chilling at the bus stop outside the front door. Every day I think that someday I will get the courage to enter. I have daydreams about walking in during lunch with my sexy secretary clothes on and watching the regulars lift one eyebrow as I demand a Budweiser in a bottle.

Let me tell you how disappointing it was to see a bunch of hipster kids with tattoos on their necks sitting around shooting the shit with their hipster girlfriends. After 2 drinks we went to the loft and had another bottle of cheap wine and called it a night. I have a looong day of drinking and eating ahead of me tomorrow