Sunday 1.10.10

UGH. I can’t believe I am still standing. This is brutal. My last day on the show floor and I am going to make it brief. I got a random Facebook message from an old high school friend telling me to check out this robot/love doll thingy called True Companion and when I walked up to her and put my finger in her mouth I got yelled at.  Sheesh! Whatever! OK bring a plastic love doll that supposedly talks and keeps you company and then get snippy with me when I want to feel her skin? oh ok .

I moved to the Palms Hotel, a serious downgrade from the Palazzo and I realized that not only am I a food snob, I am a hotel snob as well. There is a different tradeshow going on for the next 3 days and it’s a totally different scene. Before hitting the gay parties tonight I had made a reservation for 818 and I to go to Joel Robuchon’s restaurant inside MGM (btw check out their cool website with the pillow feathers). I had been researching the menu at Robuchons trying to decide whether to do the 4 course, 6 course or the 16 course tasting menu and was torn. When I made the reservation early in the weekend I wasn’t sure if 818 would fully appreciate what we were eating… but over the last couple days I learned a lot about him. I don’t know that he is as passionate about food as I am, but he certainly “gets it.”

First we had the giant bread cart come by and we got to choose our bread…. I picked bacon and mustard on the left and a saffron roll on the right.

For the amuse bouche we had some amazing caviar

For the appetizer he had king crab with some other stuff  (King crab, avocado in a heart of romaine and olive oil with coral)

I had a black truffle pizza thingy which was really good. (Crispy fine tart with melted cheese and shaved black truffle)

Next course was soup: (Paris mushrooms, veal raviolis cooked in broth with black truffle)

And for the main course I chose pasta with black truffles. (Homemade spaghetti, soft poached eggs and shaved white truffle) Let me explain how I never learned how to eat pasta in public! I think 818 was mortified when I asked him to teach me how to do that trick when you eat pasta with a fork and you twirl it on the spoon and gracefully get it into your mouth without slurping and flinging it all over your face.  Super embarrassing that I am 38 years old and can’t eat pasta in a restaurant. GAWD.

Now, here’s the thing. I love truffles, but I learned the expensive hard way this evening, that it is really WHITE truffles that I love. (which are about 3x the price I might add). I wasn’t that impressed with the meal meaning that nothing really jumped out at me but 818 is convinced that it’s because I had truffle overload. Everything I ordered was buttery and truffely. I will definitely go back and do the 16 course with Chris (my favorite dining partner) and give it another shot, but I don’t know that this is the end all be all restaurant in Vegas.

818 had the fish as his main course: (Turbot filet, octopus with lemon grass, baby leek and artichoke)

The dessert was average, too. This was a chocolate mousse thing with a little cup of booze on top. I mean it was good, but I expected to be blown out of the water.

I actually liked my dates dessert better than mine and I rarely eat citrus type desserts.

I was falling asleep at dinner, didn’t even finish my bottle of wine and wanted nothing more than to take a quick nap before we had to head out to the club for the next 5 hours. So, that is exactly what I did! I took a 45 minute nap (I really did sleep this time) and then we headed out to a club called Gipsy where we had one of our regular Suite 703 models dancing his butt off in our gear.

And here are the boys looking sexy as usual

We ended up at a nightclub called Revolution which has this awesome light table thing that consumed most of us for the better part of 2 hours. It was sensitive to touch and changed patterns every few minutes so we just kept playing with the damn thing forever. I have to have one for my place!

Tommy looking scary as all hell.

Awww! Thank you for not making a dumb face!

Love this shirt!

And late night after we got back to the Palms Tommy decided to come down to the bar in this lovely outfit. Sweats and Doc Martens? Really? Go back to bed.

Saturday 1.09.10

Another late night turns into another late morning. We went down to the show floor to make the rounds again. I tried giving my card to this lovely brunette, but I don’t think she was interested in talking to me.

Isn’t this shirt hilarious?!

And this one is even more hilarious.

I paid Baker twenty bucks to ride this mechanical penis. He’s so broke and so addicted to gambling that he will do anything for a little extra cash.

With Angel Vain and Mr. President.

We went to Wolfgang Puck’s Cut inside the Palazzo for dinner.

Of course we had to try a bunch of appetizers:

Bone Marrow Flan (it’s not your typical bone marrow flavor… it’s got a sweet taste… it’s exactly what it says… a custardy flan made out of bone marrow.) So. Fucking. Good.

It’s amazing people will still dine with me considering I have no manners when it comes to something so delicious.

Tuna tartare (not bad)

Veal tongue (really yummy, not chewy at all like you might expect)

Steak tartare (awesome)

Kobe beef sashimi. Probably the most delicious thing I have ever put in my mouth. Ever. I thought the bone marrow flan was the most delicious thing I had ever put in my mouth until this. It was to die for and the sauce they served it with was like a light soy sauce/ponzu sauce. Next time I am in LA I will be going to Cut to see if they have it. LA is closer than Vegas

LTP award!

I guess it runs in the family. HAHA!

I always seem to find my reflection in the strangest places. This was above our table.

After dinner we decided to make it a mellow dive bar kind of night. The clubs are fun and all, but you can only take so much of the stupid bouncers, bottle service and horseshit that goes along with that scene. We went to my favorite dive bar The Double Down Saloon for a couple of cheap drinks and to show Pat what the locals do. Here we are drinking shots of “Ass Juice”… a mysterious recipe of whatever crap they have laying around at the moment all mixed together. The flavor changes a bit from time to time, but it’s basically vodka, some cranberry juice, maybe another kind of juice and maybe a bit of some brown liquor. It’s hard to tell, but it goes down pretty smooth.

I wonder how many people actually order 2 shots thinking that they are getting a deal?

This is the view from the ladies bathroom.

I have had their bacon martini before and it is truly wretched. It’s hard enough drinking a martini that is not foo-foo, but with chunks of food floating around in it… I can tell you that it does not go down very easily.

After Double Down we headed over to my other favorite place O’Shea’s! I have spent many many hours inside this place. It right on the strip next to Harrah’s and is a great place to gamble and drink cheap. I have been going there for so many years that this one bartender knows me by name. His name is Santos and always hooks me up. Sadly every year I promise to bring him porn and then forget until the moment I walk into the place. I actually brought a stack of DVDs for him this year and then didn’t bring them to the bar that night. I feel so guilty that I might fly to Vegas again soon just to bring him a care package of porn and Naughty America shirts. Oh and maybe while I am in town I will go get some kobe beef sashimi at Cut! What a brilliant idea!

Oh my gosh! Look who I ran into at the Venetian! Vegas Jake the One-Hit Wonder! (this is a guy who ran for Naughty President who disappeared right after he lost the election.) Boooo! Good-bye fairweather fan!

Friday 1.08.10

After dinner and a quick “nap” I got ready to hit the Official Naughty America party at Wasted Space inside the Hard Rock Hotel. Tory Lane and Monique Alexander were hosting the event and we were dragging an entourage of about 35 people in there with us. Employees, friends, friends of the promoters, etc…  As it turns out Monique fucked up her alarm and flaked on us but Tory Lane rocked the crowd and made up for it. She was awesome!

Also in attendance was Eva Angelina

and Carly Parker

All the boys looking sexxxxy (except Tommy again)

The girl in the back is Jenna, Hot Liz’s BFF from many moons ago. And of course you know my little eskimo Sandee.

Oh Hi there bottle service girl!

These are my friends (and neighbors from like 15 years ago) Bryan and Rebecca. They had a blast… I don’t know if they knew what to expect, but the next day I was getting funny texts from him about how awesome of a time they had. Yay! Corrupting more civilians!

I would like to introduce you to the Naughty President. From here on out we will refer to him only as Mr President.

Check out AJ from the Backstreet Boys proposing to his girlfriend on stage! LOL CLASSY! We even made Perez Hilton

Bobby Fairfield

Bryan and his friend. He’s kinda cute, I might have to check into that.

awwww Eva

Tory on stage pimping us out! Thanks for rocking the house

Some random girl attacking Tory

And my favorite picture of the night:

And finally, late night back at the Venetian at the secret sports book bar around the corner from the super packed circle bar.

Surviving another night in Sin City….ahhh off to bed.

Friday 1.8.10

Let’s take a moment to acknowlege my niece Nikki’s  25th birthday as well as Elvis Presley’s.

Ok, let’s see… what happened today? Slept in, did some work in the room, ate a crappy snack before heading into the show, had a meeting at the circle bar, went to dinner, went to a club, went back to circle bar, went to bed late and had crazy sex. That’s about it! I hope you enjoyed my blog.

Just kidding.

I would love to know what device erases my past in minutes?

Here is Pat jamming his finger into the various types of Fleshlights. I hear these things are absolutely amazing… I bought one for 917 over the summer and he said it was awesome. We talked on the phone while he used it. (Damn! Another thing I forgot to mention that I finally tried last year… phone sex!) They come in mouths, buttholes and vaginas and have different textures in the chambers. If I had a genie show up right now and grant me one wish it would be to have a penis for a week. I thought about having one for a day, but someone convinced me that I needed a full week to fully appreciate what goes on and to experience all of the tricks it does.

This is a man I think. Pat refused to take a photo with it. In fact, he wouldn’t even look at it.

I didn’t take a lot of photos at the show because most of the pics we got were of Pat with his camera. I have to tell you how convenient it is knowing these models so well, because when there is a huge ass line we simply cut right to the front of it and get our autographs or photos or hugs. The fans get a little pissed when they are about to take a picture with their favorite porn star and Lauren and I stroll up and suddenly the model starts waving her hand frantically at us and giggling and smiling and looks away from their buddies cameras. At one point Boss Man Andreas decided that we HAD to wait in Phoenix Marie’s line and he refused to let us cut the line. 6 minutes. 8 minutes. 10 minutes. Jesus this is annoying.

Anyways, after the show we went to Mario Battali’s Carnevino inside the Palazzo.  I had been here before in the Spring and bravely ordered the sweetbreads because I had never had them. Bad idea. So bad in fact that I barely touched them and the waitress was super awesome and she took them off the bill. I decided to give it a shot again with a giant party of 11.

Here we have the iberco jamon which has only been available in the US since 2007. It is truly amazing and if you ever get a chance you should definitely try it. They recommended eating it with the little bread and lard combo you see here, but I inhaled it by itself. Pig that is fed a controlled diet is like a little piece of heaven for me. Any swine that is deemed the most expensive ham in the world at approximately $52 a pound is definitely going in my gut at every opportunity. If you read that wiki page, you see that since 12/09 there has been an abundance of it in Spain because supply outweighed demand. They are now giving this shit away to Spaniards… crap I think it’s time to make a trip to Spain.

The most boring, dull, flavorless beef carpaccio I have ever tasted. I didn’t even finish it!

We had ordered a plate of things that swim for the table to share (what am I saying, everything that lands on that table throughout the night is for me to share). Some oysters, deep fried cod balls, and the best thing was the uni on the lower left side of the plate. I love me some uni. For those of you who read this every day, I apologize for linking to the uni again, I am just trying to make sure new readers are educated on this little treasure.

Pat specifically requested that we not eat at restaurants with seafood and what do they put on the top of his dish/salad? Small fish with the eyes still on.

I actually tried one of the smelt and it was pretty gross. 818 said that he would make it better for me one day. We’ll see about that ever entering my mouth again. Ew.

I actually did that thing again where I don’t order an entree, but just mooch off everyone else’s plates for the remainder of the meal.

Bison

Lamb

Steak I think … not sure about that big ass bone though lol

… AND FTW … a $90 bowl of al dente pasta with butter and white truffles that Lauren and I fought over. It was fucking mother fucking magical. I felt like I wanted everyone to leave the table and let me eat this deliciousness alone and not bother me so I wouldn’t be at all distracted while enjoying each and every bite. Words cannot describe.

There is Derek (formerly of Mr Skin, but now with Playboy) and his giant head with Lauren. Derek and I have known each other for years and have actually been to a lot of places around the world together. We have shared many good times, meals, drinks and have about 178 photos of us standing side by side in various poses trying to exhibit exactly how large his cranium is and how small mine is. I am actually a little bummed out that I didn’t get one of those this trip.

This is the funny stand up comic we went to see a while back named Justin Martindale… he’s a regular at the Comedy Store in LA on Friday and Saturday nights… hilarious! I want him to move into my house, or better yet, my purse so he can make me laugh allllll dayyyyyy long.

Baker and Bobby Fairfield

There goes Tommy again making a dumb face and ruining another photo opp. P.S. Remember that time you sent me a text at 4 am complaining that I never take pictures of you?

And I want to wrap up part #1 of Vegas Day 2 with this cup of caramel and cheescakey stuff inside. (man, I am really pissing off the legit food bloggers by my descriptions of things.. “stuff” “yumminess” hahaha!)