Saturday June 12, 2010

Today’s plan to work on our tans by the pool (as opposed to the other days haha!) was foiled by clouds and drizzle. We only got about 45 minutes of sunshine the whole day. Total bummer. What wasn’t a bummer were the hot guys hanging out by the pool for us to gawk at! For example…this Vince Vaughn/Couples Retreat look alike. Delicious. When Lisa sent her business card over via the waiter you should have seen this guy sprint over to our cabana. I mean like full on sprint. That’s the best shot I could get of him since having a big ass camera at the topless pool might cause a ruckus.

Ron Jeremy was being mauled by fans for autographs and pictures.

Here he is having what appears to be a very uncomfortable conversation with a super fan. Moments later he was asked to leave the premises for exposing himself to her behind the cabanas! Real classy.

Dear Lord I hope this guy finds this blog one day.

Billy telling ridiculous stories about a guy in jail. He was telling us all about how he came to own a nightclub in Cancun and how involved he is with the distillery process of his tequila company Ambhar. If you give two shits about tequila it’s an interesting read. Lisa Ann and I are seriously discussing going down there for an annual Friends Of Bill weekend in September. I really don’t know what this entails but it sure sounds like fun and I have never been to Cancun so what the hell.

Billy offered to take us to dinner at a place called Mastro’s in the new super futuristic City Center. It reminds me of the movie Gattaca! So sterile and strange.

The designer of the restaurant’s “treehouse” is David Rockwell.

On a side note I have never… in all the years that I have known Lisa… see her get so excited about ANYTHING, let alone food. She was talking about the food and what she was going to eat the entire time in the cab on the way there. She was mentally and emotionally consumed with the meal that was about to take place and I gotta tell ya… I was a little nervous because she had hyped it up SO MUCH. I really did not want to be let down. I mean steak is steak, right? (ha… you know I am kidding about that)

We ordered the Cosmo served with dry ice for a fun little presentation.

Seafood tower with several different types of crab, lobster, oysters and caviar. Billy looks like he is going to murder this tower.

The guy on the left is someone that Billy calls AJ (Angry Jew) who runs something important over at Venetian and Palazzo. I forget what he does exactly. Interesting dude from Brooklyn… loved his east coast attitude and style. Lisa and Billy were starving so you have 2 very annoyed diners in this photo reluctantly posing for my picture.

From the left lobster mashed potatoes, bone-in filet ( I had never had that before! It was amazing), steamed asparagus (for the first time it did not make my piss smell funny) and the winner of the night: black truffle gnocchi with lobster. I  forgot to order my steak on a cold plate (AGAIN) but luckily they brought one to me pretty quickly and my steak was done perfectly so I was happy. The potatoes were awesome but what isn’t awesome with lobster added to it? And the gnocchi… well that was a religious experience. I literally woke up in the middle of the night wishing that I had stolen the leftovers from Billy’s bag just so I could have the gnocchi. It was out of this fucking world.

Dessert was vanilla bean creme brulee and an unbelievably delicious warm butter cake (their signature dish) with the perfect amount of sweet and salty. Topped with their homemade whipped cream… oh my god. We all left in a massive food coma.

It was still really early so we went back to our hotel/homes to take naps and guess what? I am still fighting this head cold and I knew that my 8am flight would come all too soon, so I chose wisely and stayed in. I guess I am getting old because this is 2 out of 3 nights in Vegas where I am in bed for the night before 9pm.

Friday June 11, 2010

(Sorry I was MIA this weekend. I was having too much fun to sit at the computer! I love getting nasty text messages from my friends complaining that they have nothing to read on Monday mornings)

Lisa Ann had to cover a scene for a flaky model so she missed the entire fan show at the Hard Rock Hotel today. Oopsie daisies! The promoters were cool about it and they understood. She’s a business woman after all…she had to make a decision about pissing off a producer and losing a bunch of money vs chilling at the pool all day and making no money. So by the time she was done and back at the hotel I had spent my morning and afternoon at the spa, eating lunch and laying in the sun at Mandalay Bay. Remind me again how this is “work”? We chilled out in her room for a few hours just shooting the shit discussing her memoirs and what will be in them. We exchanged war stories about the business and about sex and relationships in general. She has definitely got a few more battles under her belt than I do! lol I asked her to name all the famous people she has fucked. Wow. That was entertaining.

 The view from her room was pretty neat…it looks as though those are snow capped mountains, but in fact it’s just the way the afternoon sun was hitting the side of the mountain.

We headed downstairs to Rick Moonen’s sustainable seafood place called RM Seafood for dinner. Recently Rick made it to the finals of Top Chef Masters but lost out to Marcus Samuelsson who I have never even heard of. I’m bummed because I had not watched the series and while googling infomation about Rick Moonen I discovered the winner. Rick also recently won a James Beard award for his work with Chefs A’ Field in Alaska.

We got the oyster sampler. Lisa Ann and I both discovered that we like the smaller ones because they seem to be sweeter. I don’t know a ton about oysters except that they are delicious and good for you!

Crab cakes served with a tasty jicama salad/slaw. The dressing they used was out of this world and reminded me of something from my past but better. If that makes any sense! The only thing I could think of was this salad dressing I got once from El Torito. Sorry if that’s an insult Rick! haha

The ahi duo was excellent too. I liked the ahi poke better than the seared ahi and the soy glaze was fantastic.

Steak tartare was decent. It had too many onions for my liking but the black truffles on top were a great addition. Something I have never seen before.

After our light dinner of appetizers we headed over to the Hard Rock because Billy who works for Ambhar tequila (you might remember him from Lisa’s birthday weekend, the guy who tells the great stories and who had the run-in with the monkey on coke) was hosting an event at the pool. It was super crowded with drunk 22 year olds and we were not having it. We had a security guard walk us to what he thought was Billy’s cabana and when we realized it wasn’t and we couldn’t get to where Billy was, we gave up. Walking through a crowded area with tons of drunk dudes with Lisa Ann is about as fun as going to the dentist. They stop and stare, occasionally paralyzed because they can’t believe that their favorite porn star is standing in front of them and they then act like idiots. Sometimes they feel like they can reach out and grab her arm and that’s when things get ugly. We move as fast as possible and have to have an escort take us from area to area. You think I am exaggerating? Not at all. She played Sarah Palin in a spoof and her career blew the fuck up. Right after it was released she had interviews, talk shows, radio spots etc… coming in at an alarming rate for weeks. It can be a real pain in the ass but obviously in certain environments it’s fine. If she’s at Starbucks in LA wearing Converse and jeans it’s not an issue really. Dressed up at a nightclub in Las Vegas showing off her body is a totally different beast. Anyways, we headed over to Wasted Space to go to the official show after party hosted by Teagan Presley and Sunny Leone. I ran into Pierre, a promoter who Lauren worked very closely with over the years to get Naughty America into a lot of big parties in Vegas during AVN. We had our logo plastered all over Las Vegas the last few Januarys…best of all: for free! The clubs paid us! (I need to stop saying “us” and “we” when referring to NA. Tough habit to break.)

Steve (glasses)… works for AVN who I happily learned reads my blog and Angel Vain sporting a Ninja Turtle shirt! Awesome! Teagan and Lia doing shots not paying any attention to me.

This poor guy with his sunglasses on his head looks remarkably like a douche in the business named Donny Long that EVERYONE HATES. I had to tell him to take those shades off his head or he might get punched in the face. It was dark and they did look a lot alike. He thanked me once I explained the deal and why I was taking a photo of him.

Monstar (Alex) a PR rep for a ton of girls in the business with a photo of his lovely fiancee Tanya Tate on his iphone. I love Tanya … a hot British milf who I just adore.

How in the hell am I darker than Sunny when she is of Indian descent? We had a great talk about my departure from NA and it was good to hear that she supported me and believes in me. Some people in the business just don’t get my decision and that is fine. The people that really know me get it and that’s all that matters. Sunny matters

My soon-to-be partner in crime in San Diego…Brynn Tyler.

You also might remember Chris, the biggest Puerto Rican in captivity, from Lisa’s birthday weekend in May.

We snuck out of Wasted Space and met up with Billy to go over to a place called Eye Candy at Mandalay Bay. Check out this stud with his sweet hair and shades.

And his Sony Walkman. (whaaaat?????)

Lisa Ann getting her dance on.

A fan brave enough to come say hi… and guess what?

She pretty much just made his day. His month. His life.

Again, if this isn’t fan interaction I don’t know what is. Good times!

And my favorite shot of the night. It tells such a story.

Thursday June 10, 2010

I flew to Las Vegas this morning so I could be Lisa Ann’s “roadie” for the next 2 days. There is an unconventional convention going on by the pool at the Hard Rock Hotel where fans can mingle amongst their favorite porn stars from 11:00 am til 5:00pm. Normally a show like this is in a huge convention hall and the girls sign their 8×10s, pose for pictures and chit chat until the next guy in line gets antsy and wants his turn. This was completely different and a much more interactive way for the fans to hang out. Generally they don’t serve alcohol at the shows and all you do is walk from booth to booth. This one had a full bar, a performance by Too Short and a bikini contest! It was really cool and a brillliant idea and surprisingly none of the fans were out of control drunk or disrespectful…not that I saw.

To start the day like a proper “Bitch-For-The-Weekend” I bought Lisa Ann flowers at the airport and they classy-ly went straight into the Fiji bottle.

We dragged a bunch of merchandise to the cabanas by the pool (DVDs, 8×10s and a Polaroid camera) but it was so goddamn windy that we just left everything in the bags and Lisa ended up signing the things that fans brought on their own.

She did some interviews…

Lisa Ann and Sunny Leone…the sweetest girl in the business! I have known her for years and there is not a mean bone in her body. She is Indian and is absolutely stunning. I have a confession to make. About 6 years ago somehow our tongues ended up in each other’s mouths for approximately a millisecond before I freaked out. And that, my friends, is my one and only lesbian experience.

Wow. Brave guy.

I have no idea who this civilian is but she is gorgeous.

Too Short played a short set. (no pun intended, it was really quick)

Misty Anderson who took her heels off to make me look less like a midget.

If this isn’t fan interaction I don’t know what is!? Phoenix Marie loves her fans!

Monique Alexander, Kagney Linn Karter and Lexi Belle

Brynn Tyler who is absolutely hysterical. I forget how funny she is til I run into her every few months. She is threatening to move to San Diego in January

Brynn’s cute butt.

Brynn and Mia Lelani didn’t want to watch the bikini contest up front standing with their heels on so I made them their own little VIP section.

Here is an interesting conversation between Brynn and Mark about Mark’s ex gf Lia. Apparently Brynn and Lia worked together and Mark is harassing Brynn about it. (”worked together” means they had sex on camera together) Now…Mark has been in this business long enough to know the difference between on-camera sex and off-camera sex and still told me that he was discussing how Brynn and Lia “slept together.” What a dork. Unless they woke up spooning, it was work, Mark.

Anyways, it was fun to watch him try to block his face as he realized I was taking photos of him.

Bring Back the Whale!

No comment regarding the emcee of the bikini contest. At least he wore something other than that black tshirt, black sweat pants and house slippers. Jesus Ron, get it together.

The judges: Lisa, Kagney and Sunny

Little Lupe Fuentes who is small enough to be a Cirque du Soleil performer.

I know this looks like Lisa is grabbing her ass, but it’s just the way the shot was taken. In fact, I don’t even think that is Lisa’s hand. And it really looks like Lisa needs a stiff cocktail right about now.

Whenever I am at a bikini contest (I know this sounds funny, but I actually have been to about 5 or 6 of them over the years) I like to take a shot of the contestants from the back of the stage. There is this one photo I took in Ft Lauderdale of a bunch of butts in bikinis and they were all tan except one girl. About 6 months later I received a viral email WITH MY OWN PHOTO and the caption was “Which of these girls is from Minnesota?” It was pretty funny actually. I need to dig that up.

And the winner… of course…Little teeny tiny Lupe.

Look at these tramps running back to their booth with the VIP section.

Claudia-Marie’s giant boobs. She and her husband are swingers and he relentlessly tries to get me to “sleep with them.”

Crap I didn’t realize Lisa Ann was so tall.

Oh wait, nevermind, she is a midget just like me. I was complimenting Lexi Belle on her recent addition to her butt area and she attributed it to Newcastle and cheese. lol! I love her.

And I wouldn’t want to deny the ladies and the gay guys who read this…

These guys must be from Europe.

I was amazed at the amount of normal looking hot guys that were there! I mean, like no creepy trolly dudes really at all. Well maybe a few, but overall it was a good looking bunch.

This guy was so cute when he first came up to meet Lisa Ann he handed me his camera and asked me to take a picture and his hands were shaking so bad. It was adorable. I would totally bang this guy.

Lisa Ann and I are staying at Mandalay Bay (away from the porn nonsense) and we were so freaking hungry we went and pigged out at the buffet at 5:30pm. (haha early bird special for the senior ladies) I am fighting a head and chest cold so we called it a night and went to our rooms at 6:30 pm. That’s a first for Vegas. I woke up and caught some reruns of 30 Rock and The Office and then dozed off until about 1:00am when the heathens next door to me woke me up because of a fist fight/brawl. It didn’t last very long but I definitely heard a bunch of dudes screaming at each other “get off me” and then a girl screaming and some running down the halls and then a girl screaming someone’s first and last name repeatedly. I was about to call sakurity but it ended. Idiots. Control your liquor.

Monday May 24, 2010

I didn’t realize this but 818 took this photo of Brody and I dancing. I am so glad now you can see how huge he is compared to me.

Nikki Benz and Lisa Ann were in the San Diego offices today doing webcam for Naughty America so I wore my offensive Canada shirt since Nikki is Canadian. Bonus that it was Victoria Day.

I had a meeting with Lisa Ann today and she asked me to go on the road with her this summer as her roadie! I don’t think that means I have to kick anyone’s ass, it just means that I help her out with stuff that she needs while she is feature dancing at clubs. She has a regular woman who does it but she is so freaking busy that she is burning her out. This is how it’s going to work: we fly into a city, she dances 3 or 4 shows per night, I help her deal with the fans and the 8×10 signing after the shows, we go to bed, we wake up, hit the gym, sightsee, eat, sightsee more, take naps, blog, dinner, hit the club again. Rinse. Repeat for 5 days. Hang on a second? You are going to take me to Vegas, Memphis (hello Graceland!) and Greensboro, NC… PAY ME….and pay my travel expenses? Are you joking? Of course I’m in! Christian is pissed, he’s been begging her for this gig for years. ha! So yeah, my summer is going to be ridiculously fun and busy and I cannot wait! I get to check Tennessee off my new bucket list.

Chris and Rich came over tonight to watch the season finale of 24 and I have to say, it almost brought me to tears. First of all, I cannot watch someone else cry without crying and watching Chloe O’Brien choke up made me sad. I have been watching this show since the very first season when my ex-bf at the time was invited to participate in a evalution for the pilot. They had this friend who would always call our house and ask random questions to see if we qualified to participate in a research group AND get paid! “Are you a male who smokes who travels at least 4 times per year for business?” “Are you a female between the age of 20-25 who is a vegetarian?”  You get the idea. One time my roommate was paid to go bar hopping with a disposable camera to take pictures of whatever he felt like while he was out drinking. Really? Oh that isn’t right up my alley or anything. Sadly, I never qualified for any of them, but Devin was introduced to 24 before it was even on TV and got me excited about it. So Jack did not die and they left it open for a movie. But what are they going to call the movie? “2″?

Side note… If you have been watching the show for years you remember Edgar Styles. That fat guy with the lisp. Chloe and her awesome personality disorder would call him at his desk…

Edgar: “Edgar Styles here.” (**with lisp**)

Chloe: “Yeah Edgar I know it’s you, I called you.”

So I think that this is hilariously funny to do to people when they identify themselves as they pick up the phone. My co-worker Frank used to do that all the time. “Frank here.” “Yes Frank, I know that this is you because I fucking called you.”

Again, it’s the little things that amuse me.

I leave you with 2 quotes today.

One from 4 Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss… “Why would I save all of my option for living for the end to find out that life has just passed me by?”

Another from a book called Crush It  by Gary Vaynerchuck …”How do you know when you have built a community? When one person is listening.”

(I haven’t been writing about my workouts because it’s still inconsistent. UGH. I did Bikram only twice last week and went to the gym only 3 times. I frustrate myself sometimes. If I keep talking about it here maybe I will force myself to not be flaky. Please call me out if you think I am not working out.)

Sunday May 9, 2010

I slept in til 10:30 and by 10:55 I was talked into packing a bag and heading to the airport to catch the 12:15 flight to Las Vegas. This is probably one of the most sponaneous things that I have ever done and it felt great! I didn’t even flip a coin! I was poolside at Mandalay Bay literally exactly at 2:00pm and found myself surrounded by some very drunk people. Lisa Ann’s birthday is today and she had a bunch of her civilian friends as well as a couple of people from the industry including Nikki Benz and a director named Vic. I have said this before but there are very few “porn stars” that I consider personal friends: Nikki and Lisa are two of those people! One of the big wigs at Mandalay comped a room and within an hour I had talked Nikki into changing her flight in a few hours and staying over night.

Meet Billy! Billy works for a tequila company called Ambhar and also owns a bar in Cancun. This dude is a ball of energy and I could not get enough of him. And you have to love that tshirt.

Here he is telling the most ridiculous story that I would never in a million years would have believed had he not had witnesses say that it was a true story. He was driving in Mexico one time and saw a chimpanzee in a motorhome driving next to him smoking a cigarette and flipping him off. They pulled up next to the other vehicle for a photo op with the critter and unbeknownst to Billy…chimps do not like their nipples to be touched. It escalated into a fist fight between the 2 primates and they were both arrested. As it turns out the chimp also tested positive for cocaine. Who could possibly make up a story like that?!!?? I need this guy in my life. Plus he called me “Little Person” which always makes me feel good about my fat ass. He is like Chelsea Handler! And he screams “Hot Cock” about every 4 minutes and has a baseball hat with that phrase on it. I am sure there’s a good story there.

I can almost guarantee that they are laughing at Billy’s antics.

Billy likes to call his friend Chris “The Biggest Puerto Rican in Captivity”

I was dying laughing at that and Chris was a good sport and let me tweet it with a picture.

Lisa’s good friend and hairdresser Champagne Shelly and some guy who I think is named Mike. I love Shelly, she and Lisa travel all over the place together. She works at a salon in Orange County and works hard so she can play hard. I might have a new travel buddy.

Lisa’s boy toy for the day who cannot be named or photographed… lol

Some guy with a small penis who decided to show it to everyone at the Moorea Beach Club pool. He covered up as soon as he saw my huge lens though.

On the way back to the rooms Lisa decided to jump in the fountain for a mini photoshoot.

Nikki was not having it though.

I mean come on! Are these hot or what?!

The water was fucking disgusting and I sincerely hope she doesn’t need medical assistance later this week for whatever she ingested. The big wig at Mandalay called her ass out the next day though because he saw it on one of the zillion security cameras. Too funny!

The boys were not as amused.

I was sharing a room with Nikki so we went back to the room to order room service and to take naps before heading out to the clubs. This is $200 bucks worth of average tasting food. Pancakes, bagels with lox, kobe beef burger, pizza, wine, fruit. Omg we were delusional and only ate about 1/8 of it.

When I stay in hotels with awesome views I like to take shots at all different times of the day.

Our naps turned into full night’s sleep and at 1:00 am I went over to Lisa’s room with a bottle of wine and stayed up watching Couples Retreat til 4:00am and just shooting the shit.

I have decided that day drinking is the way to do Vegas…screw that nightclub bullshit.

Friday 2.19.2010

Lisa Ann was in the office today for a meeting and Nikki Benz and Puma Swede were scheduled for webcam. We had coordinated the whole thing so that the three of them and Lauren and I could go tear up San Diego after their day was over. They all stayed at the Se Hotel (the place is sexy and fun despite that Sunday morning that the bartender pissed me off so bad.) After work while Nikki and Puma were still stuck doing their live shows, Lisa Ann, Lauren, Baker and Erin met up at Bareback for happy hour. Lisa’s friend Joy was also in town and her other friend John who is a sommelier for a vineyard in Northern CA. I am such a dickhead that I lost his card in the last 5 days. I will have to get his info from Lisa Ann because he invited me to a really cool event in Sacramento and I need to see my friends that live up there anyways….

Here is Lisa Ann posing with a famous downtown character that we affectionately call “The Chief.” He was actually on my Twitter/Photo/Scavenger Hunt list last year on my birthday.  He appears to be Native American Indian and he never wears a shirt, no matter what time of the year it is. Tonight he was sporting the Mexican wrestling mask. This is a new look for him. Perhaps he had a zit he was trying to hide.

Ok so happy hour turned into sushi at Taka… we were so hungry and buzzed that I totally forgot to take pics of the food. But it doesn’t really matter because I eat there like every 3 weeks now and order the same fucking thing. Uni, Special Battera roll, Special Eel roll, toro… etc… I would love to know what is so funny is this picture.

I also would love to know what she is sassing Baker about. Again, Baker proclaimed that this was one of the best meals of his life. I am proud to say that I am truly teaching this heathen how to live. He had never had toro before. I am happy to be responsible for this.

Joy

…and then we trekked over to the Se to meet up with The Swenz. You can sound it out and figure out with minimal effort that that is Swede and Benz. When they are out together causing havoc you have Swenz.

It’s amazing how tall she really is. Baker is almost 6 foot 6.

They are only mildly harassing me at this point in the evening.

And here still yet, it’s fun to be around them. In fact, I invited Nikki to sit on my lap for a funny picture as if she is giving me a lap dance. Lisa Ann is always behaved and dignified.

Where the hell was Lauren ?

This guy was awesome. He was a Borat sort of looking character… we thought he was a mime because he was dancing around and not speaking. It was bizarre. I will have a gram of whatever he is having please!

James and Lauren

Swenz is still relatively behaved.

And then a little rougher. You should see the shit on their cameras. I am fighting with all of my might to keep my shirt on. Explain to me why I hang out with them? They had a $100 bet with someone that they could lick my nipple. Hahaha!

Swedish Fish, of course.

Puma makes the most awesome faces! Love it

And this photo is in honor of my niece who went to the hospital once when she was 5 for sticking a bean up her nose.

Baker was too drunk to drive so we took a cab back to my loft and I made him stay the night on the sofa. We cranked the music for a while (neighbors are still gone!) and in the morning he woke up utterly confused and told someone later that he thought he woke up at Target. I laughed all day when I heard that one. My loft is like Target and Michaels on mushrooms.

Wednesday 11.11.09

Today was moving day so I promptly vacated my house and stayed far away from it letting Kim deal with the whole damn thing. I stopped by my house to see if there was anything else needing to go and threw some stuff in a bag and caught a cab to the train station. I went to LA to attend a fundraiser event for our industry …but let’s talk about the hotel, and most importantly dinner. I stayed at the Westin Bonaventure… what a cool looking hotel. When you walk inside, it looks pretty much like a mall. The elevator was one that shoots outside the building and goes super fast (wow I sound like I don’t get out very much) and the workout center was the strangest thing… there were Star Wars like pods with weight machines on them for everyone walking around the hotel on other floors can see you working out. No thank you. There was a regular gym… so I went there and pretended to get in a good workout while answering 15 text messages.

Ok now onto the food portion of the night and my boner.

Lisa Ann met me and my friend Adam for dinner before the event. We were all very fashionably 15 Los Angeles minutes late. My friend Eric Greenspan owns The Foundry on Melrose… a high end (but not pretentious) place which serves really delicious food. I was introduced to him by my ex bf a few years ago and have kept in touch. The last two times I had plans to go in to see “Greeny” I flaked out because I was too drunk at Fiesta’s happy hour down the street in WeHo and then I was just downright sick. The time I was sick was tragic because he was hosting a James Beard Foundation dinner and I was very bummed out that I missed it.

Anyways, I was ready to pig out.

We started with his signature grilled cheese sandwiches.

The waiter tried to get us to order the potato soup and then save a part of the grilled cheese to dip into the soup but Greeny yelled at him and told him that this was not the way this was going to go down. I am actually curious to see what it tasted like but hell if I am going to disobey the chef. Then we have a raw scallop with an egg on top and a little crunchy thingy which tasted like it might have had some truffle oil on it. (Again, I am not a food critic by trade, I am just telling you what I ate.) The scallop simply melted in my mouth. The next course was the most delicious ahi tuna I have had in a very long time.

We then moved onto shrimp with what looks like a ball of hair that came out of the vacuum.

Not sure what that was. The worst part about eating off of a chef’s tasting menu is that the food comes so quickly and you are so busy shoveling it in that oftentimes I forget the details of exactly what was in it. For the main course they were going for a Thanksgiving type thing with squab (for those of you that aren’t in the know.. it’s pigeon), green beans, a pile of something else and a very delicious and very sweet potato with a huge dollop of marshmallow. I don’t even really like marshmallows but this was like crack… it was almost too sweet to be on the plate but I couldn’t stop eating it, especially with whatever brown glaze was drizzled all over it.

Unreal. Then we had some yummy pork belly

And for dessert we had peanut butter and jelly donuts with a small vanilla milkshake shot. The donuts I have had here before but I didn’t remember the warm peanut butter that oozes out of them when you cut into it. Holy crap I wanted to keep eating them but I was so full.

I only had one cocktail at dinner! Aren’t you proud of me!? I really wanted to keep my composure at the party and it’s never a good idea to start pounding drinks or wine at 7pm if you are going to a business function. (No this is not Laura’s well behaved twin, I was just trying to do the right thing) Lisa had to leave early since she was working the event and had to deal with the red carpet bullshit. Adam and I stayed and chatted with Greeny for a few minutes and I promised him I would send some porn to the restaurant for his staff.

We drove over to Les Deux and went straight to the bar since it was utterly packed. It was so crowded that I got comfortable in my spot by the bar and waited for all the people I needed to see to walk by me. What is the point of venturing out into the mass of people to keep missing each other. I figured if I stayed still at some point everyone would have to walk past me to use the restroom. My theory worked. While waiting I had a fun time making fun of some of the girl’s bad hair extensions and terrible outfits.

Puma Swede and Nikki Benz were on their best behavior in that they didn’t try to rip my clothes off. Usually when they get together it’s a fight to keep their hands off of me. They do it simply to freak me out and it works. I have learned to wear pants around them otherwise I would have my skirt yanked up around my head or some shit. Sometimes they chase me into the bathroom and stick the camera over the door and take pictures of me while I am trying to pee. Real mature ladies. Puma was subdued and left early with her boyfriend and Nikki was off running around on stage being a camera whore for TMZ. I never saw Lisa Ann again… but I did run into Nina Hartley and her husband and War Machine the MMA fighter who is doing porn now. Once I checked off the people on my list to say hi to, it was time to get the hell out of there. But not before running into Justice Young, who kissed on my neck enough to make the hairs stand on end. **sigh** He’s dreamy LOL

Puma and I love to take pics of our “fish faces” and since she is Swedish, it’s Swedish Fish!

The highlight of the night had to have been when the DJ played “I’m On a Boat” by the Lonely Island. You don’t really hear too many DJ’s playing this song in public… You really don’t hear it unless you live in my neighborhood and it’s at 2 am. I got excited and started jumping around a bit. If you don’t know that I am obsessed with SNL and this song, then you need to go back and read again. Adam thought I was off my rocker. I was like, “Ya know? The same guys who did ‘Dick in a Box’ and ‘Jizz in my Pants’?” and he was like “Oh yeah I know” but I am pretty sure he was lying and has no idea what I am talking about.