I was looking on You Tube for Chelsea Handler’s interview on Larry King Live and stumbled upon this when I was also looking for Live with Lauren on Chelsea Handler. A fan made it for me on my last day at work but we couldn’t put it on YouTube because of the song he had playing. I guess he disabled the music and put it up after all:

It makes me laugh a lot and miss the good times at Naughty America.

Friday March 5, 2010

Today was pretty much like the last day of school in elementary school where all you do is fuck around and eat pizza and cake. Being that we are adults, we added champagne and wine to the mix. The morning show Live with Lauren was fun, we had some good laughs, she kicked my ass in arm wrestling, we had Phoenix Marie, Brooke Banner and Monique Alexander in there on the Hula Chair, we ate red velvet cake and Sandee showed a bunch of fun pictures from the last few years.

It is going to be weird not coming to the office anymore…the same routine year after year. Some of the employees that have been there for a long time were upset about me leaving, but everyone understood that I have to do what’s right for me. I hired a ton of the existing employees so naturally it was an emotional day for me and them. I went to lunch with Baker, Joe and Tommy and right after work we went to happy hour at Bareback grill. A lot of people showed up and it made me feel really warm and fuzzy inside. The people that I would have expected to show up and didn’t… well I guess it just shows how little they cared about me in the first place. Moving on with my life I mean at least send a text and say that you couldn’t make it. Fuckers.

Bobby Fairfield who looks just like Kevin Bacon to me! He wore the shirt I bought him for my last day at work. Awww!

Not only did my co-workers come to send me off properly, a few ex-coworkers and several of my “civilian” friends came downtown.

Even some dogs showed up in my honor!

Kali getting tanked on hefeweizen

Oh boy you can see me getting progressively more intoxicated.

Um awkward.

And this is my favorite photo of the night! HAHA!

It was only 10pm and I was pretty much done. I was tired, had been drinking all day and I didn’t have the energy to say goodbye to each person. It would have taken me an hour to accomplish that and I most definitely would have started crying. I snuck out and walked home and crawled into my bed.

week of 12.07.09 – 12.11.09

Monday: I attempted to have a Top Chef: Martha Stewart Christmas Recipes Edition but the entree flaked on me at 5:00 pm and since people in Southern California think that they will melt when it rains, the amuse bouche and the side dish also flaked. Kim, Dusty, Michelle and I ate a side dish and an appetizer and drank wine while watching the first 3 episodes of Top Chef: Las Vegas. Kim made bleu cheese stuffed dates wrapped in bacon and Dusty and Michelle made sweet potatoes with almonds and some yummy sugary stuff.

The dates were good but needed a bit more bleu cheese and the sweet potatoes were good because they weren’t the traditional kind where they are all mashed and pureed. They were sliced and cut almost like au gratin … very very good I contributed wine and frozen cream puffs/chocolate eclairs. We were unsatisfied and hungry but were certainly not malnourished.

Tuesday: nothing to report. Oh wait, there is something. We uncovered footage of a porn star flapping her mouth about having sex with Tiger Woods. On our dime. On camera in our studio. On our very own talk show called “Live With Lauren” Oh yeah, that’s nothing that the media would give a shit about! HAHA! A few of us stayed at work til the wee hours of the morning and were able to produce this video. That is the shortened version. If you want to hear 4 minutes of it visit Naughty America. Hey, Holly Sampson, maybe you want to watch what you say on the internet. I can tell you that we have spoken via text message this week and she was not very thrilled about this footage being released. I told her that I was not sorry and that I would love for her to want to continue to work for Naughty America but that she should be happy that it put both of us on the map. I told her we would hug it out the next time we saw each other. Somehow I don’t think this is going to happen.

After we finished at the office we went to the Chee-Chee and met up with Jarin and Jason and somehow managed to spend $85.00 in the hour before closing time. I think Jameson shots were involved. Waking up for work on Wednesday was a huge struggle and I walked into the sexual harassment training seminar reeking like booze. People always laugh when they hear about a porn company having sexual harassment training… like doesn’t everything we do revolve around sex and talking about sex? This yearly seminar is where we get a lot of our ideas for Naughty Office. But honestly, there are definitely instances in our office where someone might be offended. Pretty much everything out of my mouth is offensive in some way or another to someone.

Wednesday turned into Thursday which turned into Friday and I can tell you that the amount of press we have received from this footage is simply amazing. E, Extra, Insider, The Today Show, Howard Stern, TMZ, The Huffington Post, the list goes on and on. We have reports of it being shown all over the UK, New Zealand, websites in Pakistan….some of the sources chopped the video up and only some of them actually say Naughty America dot com. We are practically a household name. I remember I made a bet about 10 years ago with a guy who I worked with at Long’s Drugs. I bet him that I would be a household name by the time I was 40 years old. I bet him $1000. I have to keep pressing at this and look his ass up in 2 years.

Poor Lauren is tripping out. Her phone has been blowing up for days from people she hasn’t talked to in forever. She went on vacation on Friday and is out again tomorrow… so that means that Dallas and I have to do the show. Awkward! With 56,792 more people watching us now… does it change the dynamics of the show for me? Am I still going to go on there and spew about my debauchery and nonsense? You bet! I can tell you that every sports writer/blogger in America is watching this show now waiting for the next big story of a porn star spilling what celebrity she slept with. Tory Lane called Pauly Shore on the air the other day and when Dallas asked if it was ok that he was on the air, he said “No.” and hung up. Hilarious.

Friday night was our company holiday party at Old Town Mexican Cafe. The food is nasty but it’s cheap and really it’s all about the tasty expensive tequila shots we do. We had a speech from Andreas, we all gloated in our success from the week and then went to Old Town Saloon to get shit-faced drunk. I tried to get the boss’s bff to go home with me but he informed me that boss man has forbidden it. Cock blocker!

I love it when Michelle drinks.

I would love to know what this conversation was about.

We missed you Lauren, Corina and Erin