I was undecided whether to stay in LA for the night or to just head back to SD and enjoy my weekend at home. A few phone calls to my LA gays and that was decided pretty quickly. I made plans with Justin Martindale for lunch and then we had plans to meet up with George Jaramillo. I got a cute room at Le Parc in West Hollywood…the basic suite (unless they upgraded me and didn’t tell me) was a huge room with a mini kitchen, a living room, dining area and a quaint balcony. It was probably bigger than most NYC studio apartments. I tried my favorite place (to hate) The Hollywood Standard but they were sold out and The London was close to $400. Ha. Funemployed Laura was tempted but logic took over.

So let’s get to Fashion’s Night Out and how we drank for free all night! Basically FNO was a 16 country event (I don’t even know how many cities in the US participated…a lot! And I don’t really know how many shops in LA… I think George said 300 shops were involved) to stimulate the economy in over priced boutiques that I can’t even afford to stand in. (Picture Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman) Most of the places we stumbled around to in LA had dresses in the $500 range and it was all I could do to not spill my drink on them and then have to high tail it out of there.

First we had to stop and get a bite to eat so we went to a place called Chaya for some really yummy Kobe Beef Bolognaise with white truffle oil. It was quite amazing but it would have better with a dash more truffle oil for sure. I didn’t think to take the photo til after we dug into it, so I apologize for it looking like a pile of puke.

Our first stop was at Intermix to see Ryan (aka Ongina…from the Ru Paul Drag Race Show!)

George was our sober driver for the night so Justin and I didn’t hold back at all. We were not shopping, just cashing in on the free bars at each place. We were pretending that Justin was Lars Voldemort the legendary German Supermodel. (yes, it’s made up) He does a great German accent and I make a great bitchy agent.

That’s right. Stand there not making eye contact with anyone and act like you are too hot to speak to anyone.

And the winner of the Best Dressed Award goes to this little Asian lady. What up with those shoes?? She’s trying to figure out how to text someone. lol.

This poor woman was outside cooking hotdogs on the grill in her gown to lure people to her shop.

Look at this creepy statue that I need for my eclecticly decorated loft.

If I was a child I might be afraid of this Twister artwork. We went to the Andrew Christian underwear store in hopes of seeing their models playing Twister, but when we arrived they weren’t actually doing it so we didn’t stay very long. Not to mention they were serving FRANZIA BOX WINE. What self respecting gay would do that!? Gawd!

Converse Crocs? Gross.

Justin has residency at The Comedy Store so we headed over there and snuck into a private benefit party and mooched booze off of them. LOOK! He’s a legit comedian! Too bad my camera is on it’s last leg and every 5th shot is blurry.

I mean… he is for real a Comedy Store regular! Congrats! Pretty impressive being on the walls with all of the great legends of comedy.

I got a little stand-up-star-struck when I saw his friend “Fortune Feimster.” We caught the tail end of her act and then went and said hi to her. Please click on her page and watch her doing a character called Darlene Witherspoon. HILARIOUS! If you have some time look at these other ones: Dawn Calicio, Katina, and a Rachel Zoe parody. I love her.

George went home and Justin and I stayed out so we could go check out the screening of his Logo.tv special at a bar called East/West. Check out Justin Martindale being awesomely funny! I have asked a lot of you today, but please watch this one for sure I beg you.

I love hanging out with Justin because we just laugh the whole time. I want to bottle him up and carry him around all the time.

I spent the better part of the day at Starbucks across the street from Christian’s apartment borrowing their free wi-fi because the Verizon signal sucked in his place. He ran errands, I edited pictures, updated the blog and made some more travel plans and set up some meetings for August. I went and took a quick nap (still feel like shit) and got ready for our 8:15 dinner reservation at a place I have been trying to get to called Animal. It’s one of the hot spots in LA right now that all of the LA chefs eat at. It’s a minimalist place owned by two guys named Jon Shook and Vinny Dotolo, Food and Wine magazine’s Best New Chef 2009. It’s situated in the old Jewish district of LA and supposedly they cannot advertise that their food is kosher for competitive reasons, but I can assure you since half of the things on the menu are made of that magical creature called pig, this will not be an issue. The place has very little decor, simple tables and chairs, nothing fancy on the tables and only seats 45 people. Getting a reservation isn’t that difficult with some planning during weeknights, but don’t be late (your table is given away within 15 minutes) and whatever you do, don’t ask to modify a dish…they put right on the menu that “changes and modifications politely declined.” The bar has 7 first come/ first serve seats so if you are in the area without a reservation, look for a small black front (nothing says “Animal”) and stop in and see if you can indulge in some amazingly delicious meaty creations…

We started with the crispy pig ears, covered in chili lime sauce and topped with a fried egg. (Oh, PS I got all of my cholesterol, thyroid and kidney tests back! I am all clear to eat like I want again! yay!) The pig ears were sliced thinly and yummy but the chili lime was overpowering to me…but that’s because I am a huge wimp when it comes to spicy foods. Christian loved it and devoured the whole thing.

Melted petit basque  baked with sliced chorizo and served with bread. The crispy edges of the cheese were simply to die for. (I literally woke up this morning thinking about it.)

Pig tails, “buffalo style” with celery and ranch dressing. I am not a huge fan of buffalo anything (again the spice factor) but I wanted to see how they did pig tails. They use every inch of the animal and I am always curious to try new things. I enjoyed them, but they don’t hold a candle to Hooters. HA. I KEED I KEED.

Barbecued pork belly sandwiches with cole slaw. I was starting to get really full so I just tasted a bite of it. It was an interesting  presentation of pork belly (like “comfort food”) smothered in bbq sauce on a buttery toasted bun. I didn’t even really taste the coleslaw which I normally hate. I would go back on an empty stomach and order these again first.

Rabbit loin, country ham, olive and upland cress. It was a bit salty for me but still really well done. Christian wasn’t going to try it but I talked him into a bite…it was a lot like pork. People, do not be afraid of rabbit. It’s yummy.

Flat iron steak, asparagus hash, and (drum roll please) truffle parmesan fondue. I also managed to talk him into ordering it medium rare instead of medium…changing one steak eater at a time! The truffle parmesan fondue sauce was enough to make me lick the plate, unfortunately it was his dish and I can barely get him to share one bite with me, let alone move the plate to my side of the table at any time during the meal.

Nectarine & mulberry pie with whipped cream… again, his dish so I barely got one sample of it …but it was amazing!

Bacon chocolate crunch bar with salt and pepper English cream glaze. I loved it, of course, but it was so rich I could barely eat half of it. I actually put some of the whipped cream from the pie on it to cut the richness of it. I know the chef would be pissed but it was good. Bacon and chocolate is definitely an acquired taste, so if you haven’t tried it yet, give it a shot. You might hate it, but then again you might love the burst of salt in the mouthful of sweet. So good.

We shared a bottle of Prosecco and Christian was literally buzzed off his ass. The restaurant manager at one point had to come over to tell us that they had run out of one of our dishes (poutine with oxtail gravy…so bummed I missed that) and he began harassing her about the poutine while flirting. It was funny for the first 5 minutes but then I had to tell him that she was busy and he needed to leave her alone and not bug her every time she walked by. I also had to tell her that we were not a couple and that she should not worry that we were trying to get her to come home with us, and that she should feel free to actually go out with him should he end up asking her out. Poor Ashley. I switched to wine and Drunky McDrunkerson had another glass of Prosecco before we finished our meals. At 6’5″/ 240+ pounds it’s always amazing to see him get loaded after a small amount of liquor.

He wouldn’t let me pay (although I didn’t try very hard) and we had a great night of Tweeting during dinner and ignoring each other because we were both tired, focused on the food and approaching getting sick of each other. We went back home to play with the strange and unusual animals he has. That is another entry altogether!

I had lunch with my friend Alex in Hollywood at a place called The Corner. I have known Alex for about 15 years and have stayed in touch with him even though he moved to LA. He is an architect (has worked for Frank Gehry!) and has a design firm now and is loving life. He is trying to set up an office in San Diego so I hope to see more of him. We had a great talk about our careers (or lack thereof in my case) and relationships and where we are in our lives. It’s good for me to talk to people outside of the porn world once in a while because sometimes I think I am losing my mind. He put a few things in perspective for me that I hadn’t thought of. Points to ponder so to speak.

After lunch I had some errands to run and then I headed over to Jonathan’s house to chill out and wait for him to get off work. His roommate Beth was home and I met her charming chihuahua Finnegan. It’s pretty obvious that Finnegan is not a fan of the fish eye lens.

We went to a gay mixer called Spring Out  at the Sofitel. It was pretty frustrating because there were a ton of hot guys there and they were all well dressed, well behaved, held good jobs outside of porn aaaannnnd… gay. It’s my own fault. We didn’t have time to eat before we went so our dinner consisted of these nasty cheeto thingys and booze.

 Have you ever seen the show “Whose Line is it Anyway?” where they take an object and have to come up with different uses for it? An improv thing kind of like charades with a random object. Well, something like this…

There were about 30 more but you get the idea. Next bar! The Abbey! Next prop! A sugar cane stick!

Creepy.

Then we went to Fiesta Cantina where the bouncer kept yelling at me for conducting a photoshoot in the stairwell.

Jonathan is a hot gay dude with a great personality. If you would like a date with him, hit me up. I can arrange this

And lastly I will leave you with what I think is a very funny video of the sounds that Finnegan makes when he is upset. You might not find it as amusing as I did at midnight, but then again, maybe you will. Beth was not amused by our antics. Sorry Beth!

I heard this song on the radio the other day and I love it! Bonus that they are Australian! Sweet Disposition by The Temper Trap.

I really don’t know how it took me this long to appreciate Chelsea Handler’s humor. I swear to God, I feel like I have been missing out for so long. I discovered her because I realized there was a book titled “Are You There Vodka, It’s Me Chelsea?” and I thought wow, that could and should be titled with my name instead of hers. I mean how awesome is it that she is sponsored by Belvedere!? She has just started her new tour of Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang and I got tickets last minute to see her. Justin Martindale was supposed to go but got called into work at The Comedy Store last minute so I ended up going with 818, Nikki Benz and Keiran Lee. (Puma Swede was in school til late so I guess Nikki is allowed to borrow her BF if she ever needs a date.)  

We went to dinner first at a hole in the wall sushi bar called Chiba. A few people had been talking about how awesome it was so we decided to try it out. A very unassuming little place in North Hollywood, a place you would drive by and never go in because of the appearance and the neighborhood. Well, you know what they say about not judging a book by it’s cover. The rolls were small (but it’s better that way because you don’t look like an asshole trying to shove a huge piece of sushi in your mouth and having it fall all over the place) and the nigiri was excellent. They had toro which is always a good sign, and it was delicious and melted in your mouth like it is supposed to. Nikki had never had it before, and you know I always love introducing people to new yummy things. We had some sake and beers and enjoyed some good laughs. I wasn’t going to post this picture, but hey if you can’t make fun of yourself, then what fun is life? Keiran has an application for his iPhone where it turns you into an old person. He tweeted it to a couple thousand followers and was trying desperately to get Nikki to retweet it to her 31,000 followers! Whatever, here it is. What. The. Fuck. That is so frightening.

After dinner we went over to the show at the Gibson Ampitheater in Universal Citywalk. They have a one drink per person rule…but then offer a BOTTLE of wine. Well duh. Like I would order a small plastic airplane size cup of wine when I have the option to order the entire bottle. They dump the wine out into a pilsner glass. This is awesome!

Hey guys, when you try to deep throat a hot churro, it hurts. Just letting you know that.

The show was amazing… I was crying laughing, almost peed myself and my face hurt from smiling so big. I won’t ruin it for you in case you have the chance to see her. She is really really fucking funny. A woman in her mid 30s who drinks like a fish, has a potty mouth, loves to talk about ridiculous things, adores midgets and hates kids. We are pretty much the same person except I don’t have a show on E.

Nikki and Keiran went home and 818 and I decided to head over to Howl At the Moon, a dueling piano bar inside of Citywalk. It was packed with annoying people so we left after a little bit. Look at their dress code:

I have never in my life seen #5 on a dress code list. What if I had murdered someone and am now out of jail and I have the little tear drop thing under my eye? Rude.

In 2003 I went to an adult industry tradeshow on the island of Curacao. (pics here) It’s about 40 miles north of Venezuela and is a beautiful quaint island with a strong Dutch influence. Interestingly enough (I forgot to mention this yesterday) that was the one and only time that I had ever attempted to SCUBA. One of the big sponsoring companies was offering a day trip full of activities which included feeding sea turtles and sharks and swimming with dolphins and manta rays. Swimming with dolphins was amazing! It was a really neat experience and I highly recommend it if you ever have a chance to do it. The water is shallow enough, they are not aggressive at all and they love to swim beside you. (obvi) They looped around the pool over and over and nudged us to keep swimming. If you got tired you moved to the edge of the pool and they go nudge someone else.  It was peaceful and made you feel like Jacque fucking Cousteau. However, the rest our days activities included a stinky wetsuit, breathing apparatus, tanks, fins, mask and a basket full of dead fish. I was hungover, wasn’t paying attention to the instructor during the 20 minute SCUBA lesson and once we got into the water I realized the sea turtles were trying to bite my damn fingers off if I put them near the top of the chain link fence separating us. Coupled with the instructor warning me to be careful and not step on the surface of the ocean because of the fish that like to bite and the giant grouper heading towards me the size of Moby Dick… well… needless to say….  I didn’t last very long out there. 2 other girls flipped out and we all frantically swam back to the shore.

Sooooo, prior to me leaving on that trip, boss-man made me promise to do one Bikram yoga class. (If you are unaware of this type of yoga and are too lazy to click that link, I will tell you that it’s conducted in a room heated to 120 degrees and consists of 26 poses that are repeated twice. They look pretty simple, but I can assure you that the human body doesn’t do most of that naturally and without a lot of practice. Oh, and people who do Bikram regularly are like cultists.) I went to the school in Old Town and had a very mean and very strict lady as my teacher. She even went so far as to follow this one dude out to the bathroom when he ran out to vomit. I could hear her talking through her microphone in the studio while she was calling out to him in the men’s bathroom to come back to the class and stick it out. There was another guy who was recovering from knee surgery and she was riding his ass about a pose that he was doing wrong. It was an awkward experience and I never went back.

It’s funny that 7 years later I am attempting to conquer both of these “fears” (for lack of a better word.) I am ready to take on new challenges in life and ready to get past the mental obstacles stopping me from whatever it is that intimidates me. I can no longer use the excuse that I don’t have time to do Bikram.

I attended the 6:30 am class and the teacher was very nice and helpful and of course singled me out so that she could assist me with any confusion I might have about proper posture or posing. She even warned me in the first pose not to strain too hard. This woman was great and I had a great experience. I didn’t even think about wearing my contact lenses and my glasses got hot and were steamed up pretty quickly. I actually had to take them off for many of the poses and as you know, I am fucking blind. I never really got the nauseas feeling that I had last time, perhaps because I was in the first class of the day and maybe the room isn’t quite as hot as a 4:30 pm class mid-summer. It’s quiet, stinky and you can hear the sweat droplets hitting the mat of the people next to you. It is an intense workout for not moving very much and one that burns approximately 1000 calories for someone of my weight. 90 minutes of pure hell, but goddamn it 1000 calories is a long time at the gym doing tedious cardio that I hate.  Even though I have never gone through labor I like to describe Bikram as if it’s like those women who scream in pain and curse their husbands and boyfriends and swear up and down they will never go through anything like that ever again… and then miraculously, when the baby comes out and it’s all over, they say that they will do it again in a heartbeat. Bikram heated yoga is the same thing to me. I wanted to die. My head was throbbing and I felt like I couldn’t go on another minute without fainting and yet, when it was done… I felt amazing and wanted to do it again 4 hours late. (As I write this the next day my leg and neck muscles are getting more sore and tighter by the minute. Ouch.)

I took the train to LA and met my friend Ben for lunch at a French place called Church and State. The food was fucking amazing and several times we caught ourselves saying “That was the best ______ that I have ever had.” The steak tartare was great. I actually added a little bit of salt to mine, but it was pretty damn good on it’s own.

Ben had the sea-bass (Loup de Mer a la Grenobloise) with small cauliflower bits. I made the waiter ask the chef what was in it so I could share it with you all: butter, lemon, capers, parsley, chicken stock and the secret twist was reconstituted raisins in a muscat. I would totally have licked the plate but it wasn’t mine and I didn’t want to freak Ben or the waiter out too bad.

I had the roasted chicken (Poulet Roti) with Brussel Sprouts, small diced ham chunks in a red wine sauce. It was delicious, but did not compare to the sauce of the sea-bass dish.

The cappuccino was out of this world also. Go check this place out for sure. It is super loud if you go during the lunch rush, so if you are looking to do some chitchatting I would hit it after 2:30 pm. It was good to catch up with Ben. He is an amazing photographer who has been working in adult for years but is recently taking the time to work on some cool fine art projects to further his mainstream career. He does weddings, fashion and is working on a project now called Project1site.com where he forces himself to create at least one fine art image every single day for a year. He started on January 1^st and will end on December 31^st. Some days are tough… when you want to curl up in a ball and go to bed because you worked 12 hours and have a head cold, you still have to make that shot. I admire his determination.  I hope that someday we can work together again professionally, whatever that may be.

After lunch we went to Little Tokyo and walked around for a bit before 818 picked me up. Ben and I said our goodbyes and I promised to be in touch as soon as I got back from Australia. 818 and I headed back to his place and I made a reservation for dinner at a placed I had been wanting to try called Lucques on Melrose. I took a quick nap before we were supposed to meet up with Puma Swede and Keiran Lee. At approximately 8:22 as we were walking out the door to meet them for an 8:30 dinner reservation the door slammed shut and 818 realized that he had locked his keys in the apartment. AND his roommate was all the way in Torrance on her way to San Diego for the weekend. Oh that is just awesome. (sound of record scratching) Call the restaurant and cancel the table, Puma and Keiran pick me up while he waits for roommate to come back. We then drive to Katsu-ya to put our name in at 9:10 for a 45 minute to one hour wait. No biggie, that is another place in LA I wanted to try. I kept hearing how it’s the best sushi in the Valley. So we go over to Fox and Hounds for a beer and then head back to the sushi bar in about 45 minutes. ANOTHER FORTY FIVE MINUTES LATER we finally get seated. The food was decent but was definitely not worth an hour and a half wait. The only interesting looking thing we ordered was this soft shell crab thingy with a creamy spicy sauce and it was still pretty average.

Puma was very well behaved and didn’t try to grope me or molest me at all. Now I am beginning to think that it is all Nikki Benz. Hmmmm. Or she read my blog from last time and saw how annoyed I was.

They are such a loving couple.

HA! They are actually both certifiably insane. But I love ‘em!

We thought we would play switcheroo tonight and maybe mix things up a bit. Umm, just kidding.

On a side note, while 818 and I were sitting in the lobby of his building waiting for the key debacle to be resolved I asked him if he cared to know the itinerary for our trip next week. He said “Nah.” I love that he is just going with the flow and trusting me. The only thing he knows is that we are flying to Sydney first and ending in Auckland NZ and driving around in a motorhome for 4 days. We are both a little bit of control freaks so I am amazed that he is not even concerned about this. It is teaching me a valuable lesson in letting go.

Tonight was the Cybersocket awards held at club called Eleven in West Hollywood. Before heading to the awards we went to dinner at Sushi Roku.

We started with the tuna carpaccio

And then gorged ourselves on this feast! Bottom right 4 pieces is kobe beef sushi (I didn’t care for it #1 because I am spoiled by Cut and #2 they seared it with those blow torch thingys which make everything taste like propane. Eww.) The toro (top right 6 pieces, fatty tuna belly) was un-fucking-believable. Melted in your mouth! If you are a fan of tuna, you must try toro one day. Spring for it, splurge, spend a few dollars. You won’t be disappointed.

Before we went to the awards we stopped at a little bar across the street for a warm up cocktail. I can’t remember the name of the place but doesn’t Justin Martindale in this picture remind you of The Shining?

DJ, Angel Benton and Tommy Defendi (I cannot take Angel’s contact lenses!) But how hilarious is it that he wore a wolf t-shirt to the awards show!? HAHA! love it! Side note, I love Angel for so many reasons. One that he showed up to my SNL Party as Ms Swan from Mad Tv (check that video around 10:30, he does a perfect Ms. Swan)  And because of his Britney Spears impersonation. They actually made a movie starring him and I have my very own signed copy.

Congrats to Wolf Hudson … Love that guy!

And I have to admit, I have not seen one of this guy’s movies. Ooops. Might wanna check into that.

I would love to know what is going on here.

Ryan Raz double fisting as usual. Man of my own heart.

And here I am with more stars from the show that I know nothing about. Marcellus Reynolds from Big Brother. What a sweetheart

And I leave you with Justin Martindale re-enacting a scene from his favorite Disney movie, the Lion King.

I am going to give you the shorter cleaner version.. in a few days I will be releasing a different blog which shows a little racier content honoring the gays in my life.

Our first LA party was at a club called Tigerheat which is an 18 and up club with a 21 and up area. Trust me, I almost had a heartattack too when I heard that. I know it appears that I do nothing all day except party with gay men but I can assure you that I would much rather be at home watching a movie then dealing with a bunch of ridiculous 18 year olds in an over crowded, packed, sweaty dance club. That being said… we had a blast! Perez Hilton was there for a minute and I didn’t want to be weird and take a picture, so you just have to take my word for it again.

First we went to our PR guys house for some pre-party drinks and food. He has two very cute dogs who I was trying to bond with of course… I am very much missing my dog these days and tend to gravitate towards all animals that I see. The one on the left is a little nervous, I think she might have been a rescue, but the one on the right is a lover.

The ever so funny Justin Martindale… get ready to see a lot more of him! I swear I cannot get enough of him… he is so goddamn funny…. I just want to put him in my purse and carry him around all the time.

It looks like we own the building! Love it!

and…. two of my favorite people

Moving right along to Friday night at MJ’s bar in Silverlake….

DJ, Tommy Defendi, Jenkki Jen, Ryan Raz and Eric who supported us the entire weekend at all of the events! Thank you!

Justin and one of our very first Suite 703 models Brad Benton… love that guy! He is a mainstream actor as well… read here. But yeah, they were having a hair contest I guess.

We heart Drew Cutler.

Wait til you see the footage from these nights. Hilarious.

Always carry a Sharpie my friends.

SATURDAY crept up and we went to Roscoe’s House of Chicken and Waffles. I was so excited and so hungry.

awwww

We had dinner at the Sofitel in a restaurant called Simon owned by Kerry Simon. (Read more here) Good thing they put us in a seperate room with a door.

There are too many porn stars here to name…

For my appetizer I tried the tuna tataki tower with a lump crab topping. All of the elements would have been fine on their own,  but they just didn’t work together. The crab was warm with a mayonaisey mixture, the tuna was cool and the rice was lukewarm. It was drizzled in eel sauce and in theory all of these things sound like they would work together but it was very confusing. It didn’t know if it was a cold dish, a lukewarm dish or a hot dish. Disappointing to say the least. And it looks like a pile of vomit.

For my entree I had the beef carpaccio pizza with white truffle oil. The bleu cheese was overpowering so I ended up just picking off the beef and eating it by itself. Not so good.

The lobster curry soup was actually not that bad…

The highlight of my meal was sitting next to Justin and having him accuse me of leaving my toe seperator in his soup. Oh my god, I spit wine across the table, had tears streaming down my face and pretty much lost my shit in front of everyone. If you have never had a pedicure you probably have no idea what I am talking about. Funny shit.

We hosted our third and final LA party at a place called CherryPop at Ultra Suede

Holy crap look at his abs

I had to pop over to Here Lounge to say hi to Chi-Chi La Rue and Jason Sechrest at their party for a minute….

how artsy !  hawt

Jenn and Tommy and Christy

And my favorite shot of the weekend… Jenn looking like she’s terrified of Trevor Knight.

A good time was had by all.

Tommy and I met Jason Curious and some other boys at Basix for a quick breakfast this morning before we hit our meeting with the PR company. I inhaled my eggs benedict since I had only eaten a handful of Pringles for dinner last night. We spent the better part of Friday planning the rest of our launch parties and booking all of the travel for the upcoming trip to New Orleans! I can’t tell you how excited I am to be going to NOLA for Mardi Gras. The gay end of Bourbon Street is not even going to know what hit it. I finished up a few hours of work stuff and then we headed to Fiesta Cantina for a quick snack. I was not about to ruin my dinner at Cut by filling up on nachos. (Although I did a number on the queso and dips)

Ok, let’s move onto the important things in life. I met Nikki Benz, Puma Swede and Diana Doll for dinner in Beverly Hills at Wolfgang Puck’s Cut steakhouse. You know how I feel about this place if you have been following me for a few weeks. The menus at the LA location are a great concept, except that the portraits of the celebrities are all fairly unflattering. I wonder who the photographer is. I could look it up, but honestly, I think the pictures are kind of awkwardly ugly.

Nikki ordered the crab cocktail (too much mayonaise for my liking. I can’t believe I even said that. I love mayo)

Filet mignon carpaccio (notice the shaved black truffles on top)

The last time I ate the bone marrow flan I was gobbling it up so fast I didn’t even eat it the way it is supposed to be eaten! Apparently you put this mushroom tapenade on the toast and then put the flan on top. I made all three of the girls try it (reluctantly) and guess what? They all loved it. So for those of you who think I am disgusting and eat weird shit… don’t knock it til you try it.

And the love of my life, my soul mate:  kobe beef sashimi. Again, all three of them tried it and loved it. So much so that I had to order another one for myself. Sheesh.

At this point, I was living in la-la land if I thought I would even put a dent in my steak. And AGAIN I fucked up and forgot to tell them to serve it to me on a cold plate. By the time it arrived it was waaaayyy overdone. I was annoyed at myself.

The most exciting part of my evening was guiding Nikki into ordering the American Wagyu beef and talking her into ordering it medium instead of medium well. She, like many many people, gets freaked out by the blood on the plate and orders their shit medium well or well done. It sends me into orbit knowing that a steak tastes SO MUCH BETTER on the rare side. If you can get past the texture and the color, you will never go back to well done. I promise you… when you are at a dinner with someone who eats their steak rare, just be brave and ask for a little taste. You will not regret it. I am trying, one steak eater at a time, to change the world.

Dessert was delicious marscapone filled donuts with strawberries and ice cream.

After our very late night dinner we went into the bar for a little bit and that is when I discovered this older woman attacking her date. Oh man, it was awesome. I had Nikki pose so I could capture them on the left side of the frame.

At this point, I am pretty sure she was onto me.

Two couples: me and Nikki are fighting and Puma and Diana are newlyweds.

Thanks girls for a fun night! Nikki drove me back to the Roosevelt where earlier I am 99.9% sure I was in the elevator with a famous rapper or hip hop artist. The Grammy’s are in town this weekend and the hotel is filled with famous musicians. Obviously none that I could identify. The cars in the valet are bright and have loud motors and hip-hop blaring out of them. Totally not my scene. Bling and baggy jeans. No thanks.

I slept in til 11:00 am. What a lazy bum.

Tommy and Jen came to get me at about 11:30 am so we could go to this awesome street vendor food fair and by the time we got there and walked up to the ticket booth they were sold out. Epic fail. In my drunken stupor last night, I forgot my credit card at Bareback and had to stop by there this morning for a bloody beer so that might have been the exact time that we wasted and which made us late to the street fair. Pissed! We went to Princess Pub instead and I ordered the fish and chips along with an Irish cider called Magners that Jen and Tommy introduced to me! Deee lish! Perfect for hangover days …

We got on the road to LA around 1:30 and headed to the Standard in Hollywood. Today was Nikki Benz’s birthday celebration at Coco DeVille nightclub which is owned by the delicious STK so we caravaned up to celebrate it with her! Lauren and James, Chris, Tommy, the Jenns, Jonathan, Hannah, Adam and I met at the hotel bar and we attempted to walk over to what I thought was Boa Steakhouse a few blocks away. Another failed attempt at dining today. Apparently they moved and the new owners haven’t quite set up. The Grafton is the new place and they only served cafe food. Arrrgggh. We kept walking and finally settled on the lounge at Ketchup. I ordered the white truffle mac and cheese with crab.

It was pretty good actually. Lauren ordered the vegetarian pasta-less lasagna. Umm wouldn’t that just be called a pile of vegetables with sauce? Tommy ordered the sausage and wild mushroom saffron risotto. Bland, flavorless and disappointing.

We went to the club and of course I got mauled by Puma Swede. It was fun hanging out with her and Kieran Lee and it was great to see Scott Nails after many years.

I barely saw Nikki Benz at all. This is her and her gay bff

Puma grabbed my camera (for those of you paying attention: the big fancy Nikon, not the small point and shoot. D’oh!) and proceeded to take about a hundred photos of us. Finally the bouncer came over and asked me to put it away because you weren’t allowed to have those types of camera in this joint. I was very confused so I went to another security guy and asked for an explanation. The manager came to tell me that since this place very celebrity friendly they ask other people there not to have cameras with lenses as big as mine so that the celebrity patrons don’t think that they have allowed paparazzi in. Oh my god, this is so Los Angeles. Give me a fucking break.

On that note, I will leave you with this picture.