week of 12.07.09 – 12.11.09

Monday: I attempted to have a Top Chef: Martha Stewart Christmas Recipes Edition but the entree flaked on me at 5:00 pm and since people in Southern California think that they will melt when it rains, the amuse bouche and the side dish also flaked. Kim, Dusty, Michelle and I ate a side dish and an appetizer and drank wine while watching the first 3 episodes of Top Chef: Las Vegas. Kim made bleu cheese stuffed dates wrapped in bacon and Dusty and Michelle made sweet potatoes with almonds and some yummy sugary stuff.

The dates were good but needed a bit more bleu cheese and the sweet potatoes were good because they weren’t the traditional kind where they are all mashed and pureed. They were sliced and cut almost like au gratin … very very good I contributed wine and frozen cream puffs/chocolate eclairs. We were unsatisfied and hungry but were certainly not malnourished.

Tuesday: nothing to report. Oh wait, there is something. We uncovered footage of a porn star flapping her mouth about having sex with Tiger Woods. On our dime. On camera in our studio. On our very own talk show called “Live With Lauren” Oh yeah, that’s nothing that the media would give a shit about! HAHA! A few of us stayed at work til the wee hours of the morning and were able to produce this video. That is the shortened version. If you want to hear 4 minutes of it visit Naughty America. Hey, Holly Sampson, maybe you want to watch what you say on the internet. I can tell you that we have spoken via text message this week and she was not very thrilled about this footage being released. I told her that I was not sorry and that I would love for her to want to continue to work for Naughty America but that she should be happy that it put both of us on the map. I told her we would hug it out the next time we saw each other. Somehow I don’t think this is going to happen.

After we finished at the office we went to the Chee-Chee and met up with Jarin and Jason and somehow managed to spend $85.00 in the hour before closing time. I think Jameson shots were involved. Waking up for work on Wednesday was a huge struggle and I walked into the sexual harassment training seminar reeking like booze. People always laugh when they hear about a porn company having sexual harassment training… like doesn’t everything we do revolve around sex and talking about sex? This yearly seminar is where we get a lot of our ideas for Naughty Office. But honestly, there are definitely instances in our office where someone might be offended. Pretty much everything out of my mouth is offensive in some way or another to someone.

Wednesday turned into Thursday which turned into Friday and I can tell you that the amount of press we have received from this footage is simply amazing. E, Extra, Insider, The Today Show, Howard Stern, TMZ, The Huffington Post, the list goes on and on. We have reports of it being shown all over the UK, New Zealand, websites in Pakistan….some of the sources chopped the video up and only some of them actually say Naughty America dot com. We are practically a household name. I remember I made a bet about 10 years ago with a guy who I worked with at Long’s Drugs. I bet him that I would be a household name by the time I was 40 years old. I bet him $1000. I have to keep pressing at this and look his ass up in 2 years.

Poor Lauren is tripping out. Her phone has been blowing up for days from people she hasn’t talked to in forever. She went on vacation on Friday and is out again tomorrow… so that means that Dallas and I have to do the show. Awkward! With 56,792 more people watching us now… does it change the dynamics of the show for me? Am I still going to go on there and spew about my debauchery and nonsense? You bet! I can tell you that every sports writer/blogger in America is watching this show now waiting for the next big story of a porn star spilling what celebrity she slept with. Tory Lane called Pauly Shore on the air the other day and when Dallas asked if it was ok that he was on the air, he said “No.” and hung up. Hilarious.

Friday night was our company holiday party at Old Town Mexican Cafe. The food is nasty but it’s cheap and really it’s all about the tasty expensive tequila shots we do. We had a speech from Andreas, we all gloated in our success from the week and then went to Old Town Saloon to get shit-faced drunk. I tried to get the boss’s bff to go home with me but he informed me that boss man has forbidden it. Cock blocker!

I love it when Michelle drinks.

I would love to know what this conversation was about.

We missed you Lauren, Corina and Erin