Monday July 12, 2010

Nikki Benz did great in yoga this am! Her boobs got in the way of several of the poses, but she did not leave the room and she tried to do everything…I think she only sat out on one of the postures. When the instructor asked her name she hesistated and told her “Nikki” instead of her real name. Then at the end of class the person at the front desk brought an envelope down with her real first and last name and the instructor was like “Nikki, what is your last name?” She was confused, I was dying laughing and Nikki was like “Well, yes that on the envelope is my legal name but I go by Nikki.” I wonder if anyone in the class recognized her. Or her boobs. At one point in the middle of class I looked at her inquisitively and did a thumbs up thing…asking if she was ok. She looked at me with a disheveled crazy look of exhaustion and sweat and pain all at once and whispered: “I love yoga.” She, like me, had never done any kind of yoga before but came with the intention of knocking out an intense amount of cardio in 90 minutes. We both HATE doing the machines at the gym. I get super bored and want to get off the elliptical after 15 minutes. Anyways, she said she was hooked and I hope that she does it back in LA or wherever she’s on the road.

I started to take a photo of this cute kitty and of course the owner flew out of nowhere screaming at me to leave money. He actually made me put the $ in the jar before I snapped the pic. Another man walking by got all in his face about how he can’t stop me from taking the photo and blah blah blah. The thing is, I don’t even mind giving the guy a buck. The cat looks pretty content.

St Patrick’s Cathedral (You gotta check out the inside if you have the chance… I didn’t go in today because I have already seen it and I didn’t want Nikki and I to burst into flames today. It was already too hot outside.)

For lunch we attempted to eat Japanese food at Cafe Zaiya but were sadly disappointed that it was not like a real Japanese place. I heard about it online from Midtown Lunch and it was one of their recommendations for a “fun” lunch. It was prepackaged like at the grocery store…ewww…but at this point we were hungry and it was the in-between time of sushi restaurants. The bakery and dessert selection was impressive so we decided to check it out. The green tea cake was too dry for me.

The lychee gelee was decent, but the texture was a little bit too slick for me. And I am not a huge fan of the lychee fruit. Only in my fruity martinis really.

The black sesame ice cream on the other hand! FTW! (For the win) It was nutty and yummy…it had an almost peanut butter flavor. It was gray with black flecks. I am in love and hope that I see this again very soon. Or I will be looking for it in Japan.

After lunch we were in a bit of a food coma and Nikki was in her state of deep relaxation and yoga retardedness so we just started walking …heading towards Bryant Park tp see if we could find some coffee and a grassy area to chill out. But, we miraculously found a bar with some yummy cocktails. Try saying “watermelonade.” Just try. Isn’t that a difficult word to get out? It’s just weird.

Meet Sophie, a 7 month old Portugese Podengo!

I had several drinks, Nikki could barely finish one. What a lightweight. We went back to our respective hotels and chilled out to get ready for our big night out on the town…. We went to Stanton Social to see Chris Santos the owner and executive chef and his wife, Taryn. Again this is one of those special situations where somehow through the magic of the universe I was supposed to meet these people. Chris is a culinary wizard and renowned chef and she is a talented erotic fine art photographer. (Do you recognize him from the show Chopped??) And on the left is Marc, a guy that we met last year when we were out with Chris and Taryn.

Nice tan lines, Laura. Sheesh don’t you have a mirror in the hotel? Wear something that doesn’t look so dumb next time.

Just like last time, Chris had us do the tasting menu of his favorite things. Ceasar salad bites…

Amazing potato and goat cheese pierogies with caramelized onions and truffle creme fraiche (I could have eaten an entire bowl of the creme fraiche!) and also his version of a Nori spiced tuna tartare roll.

FOR THE WIN: hand pulled chicken arepas with manchego and jalapeno salsa verde.

Shrimp (for some reason I am looking at the menu right now and I don’t see this…) it was delicious whatever was on there… I don’t remember. I see corn. lol

Red snapper tacos with creamy avocado and spicy mango (second place winner )

I was utterly stuffed at this point but I did try the meatball slider (if I was hungry I would have eaten a half dozen of them) and the beef carpaccio was deelish too… and would you believe that I didn’t even touch the lobster roll? Am I lobstered out from my trip? No, just full.

They were having a semi-private party upstairs so we rolled our fat asses (well mine, not Nikki’s) up to the tables/lounge. Marc is obviously enamored by Nikki in all of her beauty.

Definitely my favorite picture of the night. lol

We went to another club called Avenue. I love that they are sooo cool they don’t even need a website. Unless I am straight up dumb, I do not see anything to click on that site. On this site it says “Tough Door”…well not if you are with celebrity chef Chris Santos! ahhahahaha! Seriously, thank you Chris for such an amazing night of fine food and drinks…Thank you so much for your hospitality. I had a blast and if you come to San Diego, it’s on me!

I am such a 2 beer queer.

At about 3am I was a little bit cross eyed as you can see in this picture so Nikki and I said our goodbyes and we went home. Yoga tomorrow? oooooh I dunno… I have to check out of my hotel by 11:00. This might be rough.

Monday May 24, 2010

I didn’t realize this but 818 took this photo of Brody and I dancing. I am so glad now you can see how huge he is compared to me.

Nikki Benz and Lisa Ann were in the San Diego offices today doing webcam for Naughty America so I wore my offensive Canada shirt since Nikki is Canadian. Bonus that it was Victoria Day.

I had a meeting with Lisa Ann today and she asked me to go on the road with her this summer as her roadie! I don’t think that means I have to kick anyone’s ass, it just means that I help her out with stuff that she needs while she is feature dancing at clubs. She has a regular woman who does it but she is so freaking busy that she is burning her out. This is how it’s going to work: we fly into a city, she dances 3 or 4 shows per night, I help her deal with the fans and the 8×10 signing after the shows, we go to bed, we wake up, hit the gym, sightsee, eat, sightsee more, take naps, blog, dinner, hit the club again. Rinse. Repeat for 5 days. Hang on a second? You are going to take me to Vegas, Memphis (hello Graceland!) and Greensboro, NC… PAY ME….and pay my travel expenses? Are you joking? Of course I’m in! Christian is pissed, he’s been begging her for this gig for years. ha! So yeah, my summer is going to be ridiculously fun and busy and I cannot wait! I get to check Tennessee off my new bucket list.

Chris and Rich came over tonight to watch the season finale of 24 and I have to say, it almost brought me to tears. First of all, I cannot watch someone else cry without crying and watching Chloe O’Brien choke up made me sad. I have been watching this show since the very first season when my ex-bf at the time was invited to participate in a evalution for the pilot. They had this friend who would always call our house and ask random questions to see if we qualified to participate in a research group AND get paid! “Are you a male who smokes who travels at least 4 times per year for business?” “Are you a female between the age of 20-25 who is a vegetarian?”  You get the idea. One time my roommate was paid to go bar hopping with a disposable camera to take pictures of whatever he felt like while he was out drinking. Really? Oh that isn’t right up my alley or anything. Sadly, I never qualified for any of them, but Devin was introduced to 24 before it was even on TV and got me excited about it. So Jack did not die and they left it open for a movie. But what are they going to call the movie? “2″?

Side note… If you have been watching the show for years you remember Edgar Styles. That fat guy with the lisp. Chloe and her awesome personality disorder would call him at his desk…

Edgar: “Edgar Styles here.” (**with lisp**)

Chloe: “Yeah Edgar I know it’s you, I called you.”

So I think that this is hilariously funny to do to people when they identify themselves as they pick up the phone. My co-worker Frank used to do that all the time. “Frank here.” “Yes Frank, I know that this is you because I fucking called you.”

Again, it’s the little things that amuse me.

I leave you with 2 quotes today.

One from 4 Hour Work Week by Tim Ferriss… “Why would I save all of my option for living for the end to find out that life has just passed me by?”

Another from a book called Crush It  by Gary Vaynerchuck …”How do you know when you have built a community? When one person is listening.”

(I haven’t been writing about my workouts because it’s still inconsistent. UGH. I did Bikram only twice last week and went to the gym only 3 times. I frustrate myself sometimes. If I keep talking about it here maybe I will force myself to not be flaky. Please call me out if you think I am not working out.)

May 19, 2010

I drove to LA for a meeting with my accountant in the Valley and then met Puma and Nikki for an early dinner at Sushi Dan. We had a slumber party at Puma’s place with a makeup artist named Ivy and another porn star named Reena Sky. We sat around watching more ridiculous You Tube videos, laughing our asses off, drinking, eating red velvet whoopie pies, and screwing around on Chat Roulette. If you haven’t heard of Chat Roulette yet, you are missing out on some good quality creepy entertainment. If you have a webcam on your laptop just go to the site and it’s pretty self explanatory. Here are two videos that have come of Chat Roulette that you will love (Thank you Jarin for posting the eye ball one on your blog)

And this kid just plays piano and sings about everyone who stops in his chat window. Hilarious. Improv at it’s best. He’s really quick.

 
Perhaps I missed this one when it came out last November but it’s pretty damn funny. A spoof on Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance. I honestly don’t know how I never saw this… it’s brilliant.

And keeping on the Lady Gaga theme… thank you Tommy for sharing this video on Twitter of a kid who is amazingly talented. He has a shot at fame, but sadly his voice will change in 3 years and his career will be over.

And this gem that Puma made us watch. Seriously? 3 minutes and 46 seconds that I will never get back. Whoever made this had to be on acid or mushrooms or something.

I have never thought to do this angle with this lens! So crazy!

Tobby! The cutest Pomeranian alive!

We were wigging out.

Oh my God, he would not sit still for the pictures

We had to bribe him with popcorn

And our wild night ended pretty early.

Thank you Puma for hosting girls night. The next time I come up it will be a Top Chef competition

Sunday May 9, 2010

I slept in til 10:30 and by 10:55 I was talked into packing a bag and heading to the airport to catch the 12:15 flight to Las Vegas. This is probably one of the most sponaneous things that I have ever done and it felt great! I didn’t even flip a coin! I was poolside at Mandalay Bay literally exactly at 2:00pm and found myself surrounded by some very drunk people. Lisa Ann’s birthday is today and she had a bunch of her civilian friends as well as a couple of people from the industry including Nikki Benz and a director named Vic. I have said this before but there are very few “porn stars” that I consider personal friends: Nikki and Lisa are two of those people! One of the big wigs at Mandalay comped a room and within an hour I had talked Nikki into changing her flight in a few hours and staying over night.

Meet Billy! Billy works for a tequila company called Ambhar and also owns a bar in Cancun. This dude is a ball of energy and I could not get enough of him. And you have to love that tshirt.

Here he is telling the most ridiculous story that I would never in a million years would have believed had he not had witnesses say that it was a true story. He was driving in Mexico one time and saw a chimpanzee in a motorhome driving next to him smoking a cigarette and flipping him off. They pulled up next to the other vehicle for a photo op with the critter and unbeknownst to Billy…chimps do not like their nipples to be touched. It escalated into a fist fight between the 2 primates and they were both arrested. As it turns out the chimp also tested positive for cocaine. Who could possibly make up a story like that?!!?? I need this guy in my life. Plus he called me “Little Person” which always makes me feel good about my fat ass. He is like Chelsea Handler! And he screams “Hot Cock” about every 4 minutes and has a baseball hat with that phrase on it. I am sure there’s a good story there.

I can almost guarantee that they are laughing at Billy’s antics.

Billy likes to call his friend Chris “The Biggest Puerto Rican in Captivity”

I was dying laughing at that and Chris was a good sport and let me tweet it with a picture.

Lisa’s good friend and hairdresser Champagne Shelly and some guy who I think is named Mike. I love Shelly, she and Lisa travel all over the place together. She works at a salon in Orange County and works hard so she can play hard. I might have a new travel buddy.

Lisa’s boy toy for the day who cannot be named or photographed… lol

Some guy with a small penis who decided to show it to everyone at the Moorea Beach Club pool. He covered up as soon as he saw my huge lens though.

On the way back to the rooms Lisa decided to jump in the fountain for a mini photoshoot.

Nikki was not having it though.

I mean come on! Are these hot or what?!

The water was fucking disgusting and I sincerely hope she doesn’t need medical assistance later this week for whatever she ingested. The big wig at Mandalay called her ass out the next day though because he saw it on one of the zillion security cameras. Too funny!

The boys were not as amused.

I was sharing a room with Nikki so we went back to the room to order room service and to take naps before heading out to the clubs. This is $200 bucks worth of average tasting food. Pancakes, bagels with lox, kobe beef burger, pizza, wine, fruit. Omg we were delusional and only ate about 1/8 of it.

When I stay in hotels with awesome views I like to take shots at all different times of the day.

Our naps turned into full night’s sleep and at 1:00 am I went over to Lisa’s room with a bottle of wine and stayed up watching Couples Retreat til 4:00am and just shooting the shit.

I have decided that day drinking is the way to do Vegas…screw that nightclub bullshit.

Friday April 30, 2010

I heard this song on the radio the other day and I love it! Bonus that they are Australian! Sweet Disposition by The Temper Trap.

I really don’t know how it took me this long to appreciate Chelsea Handler’s humor. I swear to God, I feel like I have been missing out for so long. I discovered her because I realized there was a book titled “Are You There Vodka, It’s Me Chelsea?” and I thought wow, that could and should be titled with my name instead of hers. I mean how awesome is it that she is sponsored by Belvedere!? She has just started her new tour of Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang and I got tickets last minute to see her. Justin Martindale was supposed to go but got called into work at The Comedy Store last minute so I ended up going with 818, Nikki Benz and Keiran Lee. (Puma Swede was in school til late so I guess Nikki is allowed to borrow her BF if she ever needs a date.)  

We went to dinner first at a hole in the wall sushi bar called Chiba. A few people had been talking about how awesome it was so we decided to try it out. A very unassuming little place in North Hollywood, a place you would drive by and never go in because of the appearance and the neighborhood. Well, you know what they say about not judging a book by it’s cover. The rolls were small (but it’s better that way because you don’t look like an asshole trying to shove a huge piece of sushi in your mouth and having it fall all over the place) and the nigiri was excellent. They had toro which is always a good sign, and it was delicious and melted in your mouth like it is supposed to. Nikki had never had it before, and you know I always love introducing people to new yummy things. We had some sake and beers and enjoyed some good laughs. I wasn’t going to post this picture, but hey if you can’t make fun of yourself, then what fun is life? Keiran has an application for his iPhone where it turns you into an old person. He tweeted it to a couple thousand followers and was trying desperately to get Nikki to retweet it to her 31,000 followers! Whatever, here it is. What. The. Fuck. That is so frightening.

After dinner we went over to the show at the Gibson Ampitheater in Universal Citywalk. They have a one drink per person rule…but then offer a BOTTLE of wine. Well duh. Like I would order a small plastic airplane size cup of wine when I have the option to order the entire bottle. They dump the wine out into a pilsner glass. This is awesome!

Hey guys, when you try to deep throat a hot churro, it hurts. Just letting you know that.

The show was amazing… I was crying laughing, almost peed myself and my face hurt from smiling so big. I won’t ruin it for you in case you have the chance to see her. She is really really fucking funny. A woman in her mid 30s who drinks like a fish, has a potty mouth, loves to talk about ridiculous things, adores midgets and hates kids. We are pretty much the same person except I don’t have a show on E.

Nikki and Keiran went home and 818 and I decided to head over to Howl At the Moon, a dueling piano bar inside of Citywalk. It was packed with annoying people so we left after a little bit. Look at their dress code:

I have never in my life seen #5 on a dress code list. What if I had murdered someone and am now out of jail and I have the little tear drop thing under my eye? Rude.

Saturday 2.20.2010

My friend needed to come over early on Saturday morning to try on suits for a job interview on Monday. It was merely a formality at her existing job so she didn’t want to spend any money on buying one. Last night we were discussing the logistics of it. She offered to bring coffee and we discussed the fact that it was entirely possible that there might be a few porn stars  in my loft. She wanted to make sure they were ok with babies since she would be showing up at 8 am to do this with her 9 month old. My text to her: 1 coffee=$4. Gas to get downtown=$3. Borrowing a suit=Free. 3 porn stars babysitting while trying on suits=priceless. (I don’t know… it was funny when I sent it. Not so much a few days later while I type this sober.)

The car ride to LA was fun. And by fun, I mean a total and complete nightmare. I was still drunk. Nikki had shoved the stuffed animal monkey that I carry around to take photos with down her pants so it looked like pink pubes sticking out.

The girls were playing a game called “Let’s make the most annoying sounds”. There was a shit load of traffic. I was thirsty. My head hurt. But every once in a while a good head banging song would come on and Nikki would go crazy. And we would laugh our asses off. You can hear Puma squeaking German sounds once in a while. Sounds a little like a sick kitten if you ask me.

I was dropped off at 818’s place and we literally just sat on his couch talking for 3 hours. It was awesome to chill out and do nothing. We didn’t even have the TV on. We were supposed to meet Jenn and the crew for her birthday at this Brazilian place called Bossa Nova on Sunset, but apparently the shit show went on for too long today at Saddle Ranch and none of them could pull it together for dinner. Our options were go to her house and watch them attempt to order in and pray that it be edible…. or go to dinner just the two of us. We chose Crustacean in Beverly Hills.

Inside the place there is a fish tank under the floor. It’s pretty cool and definitely makes the time go by if you are unlucky and are waiting for a table.

The place was packed but somehow when I called 3 minutes before arrival that constituted a reservation of sorts and they seated us immediately. Maybe they recognized me because of my famous food blog. Bwhahahahaha! We started with the appetizer sampler. Clockwise from the left: open faced mini ahi tacos, egg roll shaped things filled with a creamy yummy goodness (I have no idea what the hell was in that), short ribs (nothing like Phil’s in SD, and a little dry), and minced shrimp puffs on a bamboo stick. (Which incidentally squirted and most definitely shot out and hit the man standing behind me.)

I had the Chilean Sea Bass with a ginger sauce (3 stars out of 5)

818 ordered the red snapper with a sun dried tomato Asian pesto sauce. (I wasn’t a fan of his and he wasn’t a fan of mine. It worked out nicely)

Kieran Lee and Puma Swede molesting my pink monkey at Happy Ending in Hollywood.

A very cool shot of Puma in front of the wheel of drink specials. I am kind of in love with this photo.

Oh shit my worlds are colliding… I have straight and gay porn stars in the same venue. Puma, Trevor Knight and Jen with one N.

Tommy watch out for her. I know Trevor thought she was legitimately was a tranny. Lol.

Add Jayden Grey to the mix.

And add yet another porn star, a girl I have known forever named Misty Anderson! It was very strange randomly running into her and her ex, Gunner. They hung out with us all night. I am quite sure they were confused when an entire entourage of gay men walked into the straight bar and attacked me and 818. Anyways, Misty’s boobs are amazing. And no, she is not really that tall. I am just trying to get closer to her tits.

She is gorgeous, sweet, all natural and a country girl who rides horses. What is not to love about her?

HAHA! I am so mesmerized by these things. I think every bar needs one.

I didn’t get any photos of the physical abuse I endured tonight from Swenz. At one point, I was seriously exhausted from defending myself. It is funny for the first 10 minutes, but I was really just tired. They had worn me out. I went to the bathroom to escape them and they left the bar knowing I was over it. Good. Maybe they will chill out next time I see them. geeeez.

Half of our crew ditched Jenn to go to Here Lounge down the street. Jonathan, 818 and I decided to stick by Jenn and hang out with her. She merely requested ONE night to stay away from the gay bars. We had to honor her birthday request.

It was fun and not as annoying as I thought it would be. Maybe because I was a little tipsy. Tipsy enough for road head on the way home. (**wink**)

Friday 2.19.2010

Lisa Ann was in the office today for a meeting and Nikki Benz and Puma Swede were scheduled for webcam. We had coordinated the whole thing so that the three of them and Lauren and I could go tear up San Diego after their day was over. They all stayed at the Se Hotel (the place is sexy and fun despite that Sunday morning that the bartender pissed me off so bad.) After work while Nikki and Puma were still stuck doing their live shows, Lisa Ann, Lauren, Baker and Erin met up at Bareback for happy hour. Lisa’s friend Joy was also in town and her other friend John who is a sommelier for a vineyard in Northern CA. I am such a dickhead that I lost his card in the last 5 days. I will have to get his info from Lisa Ann because he invited me to a really cool event in Sacramento and I need to see my friends that live up there anyways….

Here is Lisa Ann posing with a famous downtown character that we affectionately call “The Chief.” He was actually on my Twitter/Photo/Scavenger Hunt list last year on my birthday.  He appears to be Native American Indian and he never wears a shirt, no matter what time of the year it is. Tonight he was sporting the Mexican wrestling mask. This is a new look for him. Perhaps he had a zit he was trying to hide.

Ok so happy hour turned into sushi at Taka… we were so hungry and buzzed that I totally forgot to take pics of the food. But it doesn’t really matter because I eat there like every 3 weeks now and order the same fucking thing. Uni, Special Battera roll, Special Eel roll, toro… etc… I would love to know what is so funny is this picture.

I also would love to know what she is sassing Baker about. Again, Baker proclaimed that this was one of the best meals of his life. I am proud to say that I am truly teaching this heathen how to live. He had never had toro before. I am happy to be responsible for this.

Joy

…and then we trekked over to the Se to meet up with The Swenz. You can sound it out and figure out with minimal effort that that is Swede and Benz. When they are out together causing havoc you have Swenz.

It’s amazing how tall she really is. Baker is almost 6 foot 6.

They are only mildly harassing me at this point in the evening.

And here still yet, it’s fun to be around them. In fact, I invited Nikki to sit on my lap for a funny picture as if she is giving me a lap dance. Lisa Ann is always behaved and dignified.

Where the hell was Lauren ?

This guy was awesome. He was a Borat sort of looking character… we thought he was a mime because he was dancing around and not speaking. It was bizarre. I will have a gram of whatever he is having please!

James and Lauren

Swenz is still relatively behaved.

And then a little rougher. You should see the shit on their cameras. I am fighting with all of my might to keep my shirt on. Explain to me why I hang out with them? They had a $100 bet with someone that they could lick my nipple. Hahaha!

Swedish Fish, of course.

Puma makes the most awesome faces! Love it

And this photo is in honor of my niece who went to the hospital once when she was 5 for sticking a bean up her nose.

Baker was too drunk to drive so we took a cab back to my loft and I made him stay the night on the sofa. We cranked the music for a while (neighbors are still gone!) and in the morning he woke up utterly confused and told someone later that he thought he woke up at Target. I laughed all day when I heard that one. My loft is like Target and Michaels on mushrooms.

Wednesday 2.11.10

Dinner before the show was at The Foundry on Melrose. For those of you who have been reading for a while you might know that my friend Eric Greenspan is the owner and executive chef and every time I am in LA I try to make it over here for some delicious eats. 818’s little step-brother flew into town so we were dragging him around for the night trying to show him a good time as well.

We ordered the grilled cheese sandwich again (check out the blog from a while back if you don’t remember), and we ordered the Tots. (cheesy puffs of goodness)

Greeny stopped by and asked us what we ordered and I got the death stare when I told him tots and grilled cheese…. soooo…. other dishes just started arriving. Braised pork belly… this time was huge and more awesome than the last time I got it. Dang.

Tuna

He also sent out some little biscuits and something else which I forgot to take a photo of. Fail. For my entree I had the monkfish, which was out of this world. I had only tried it one other time and it was raw and nasty so I was a little nervous. Cooked fish is always a gamble for me. I love things un-cooked ya know. It had the texture of lobster almost. And the sauce was light and frothy. Very good.

818 had the duck breast, which was Greeny’s recommendation.

and 818’s little brother had the burger. Which just so happens to be the #1 burger in Los Angeles right now. Congrats Greeny! Check this link. He serves 4 mini burgers on 4 mini buns, that are not seperated. The garnishes are a carmelized onion mixture, not sure what the white sauce is, and then a relish of apple and fennel. Good shit.

So off to the awards! Puma Swede and Nikki Benz attacking me within 3.2 seconds of seeing me.

818 and his brother, but look to the left… I DIDN”T EVEN NOTICE MANUEL FERRARA! Damn it! I would have gone up to him and gotten a hug and a smooch! fuck!

The lovely Phoenix Marie

I looked like dogshit in this next photo so I cut myself out of it because Phoenix is so beautiful.

Keiran Lee looking dashing and despite his non stop harrassing of me, I actually like the guy.

I finally met Georgia Jones…. wow what a knockout. Stay tuned for her on live/webcam.

Brynn Tyler and Kagney Linn Karter. Congrats KLK on your contract… we will miss you for the next 2 years I have a soft spot in my heart for her because we shot her very first scene and she turned into an utter superstar.

Bridgette B looking stunning as well

and my favorite Brit Kerry-Louise! I am not sure what we are doing in this picture. I know 818’s little brother has a pic on his camera of us doing something ridiculous to her new tits. I will see if I can get ahold of it.

Here is Bad Artie, one of the 5 finalists who ran for Naughty President.

After a while, I got the urge to hang out with some gay men so we went to Mickys to meet up with some friends. A fellow fag hag named Ashley and Diesel Washington and his boy toy. My god Diesel is huge and hot and sadly very gay.

Papa Howard and Octomom pose for a photo

We only stayed for one drink before heading over to Here Lounge. On the way I saw this hilariously small patch of grass for dogs to pee and poop on. So funny!

One final drink with Chi-Chi La Rue and Jason Sechrest before I head back to San Diego. It’s been a long week in LA, a city that I don’t even like.

I took a photo of this hot go-go dancer and he had the nerve to flip me off! Hey, buddy you are the one standing on a box shaking your ass with almost nothing on. F off if you don’t want any photos taken of you then go work at Starbucks. Sheesh.

Friday 1.29.10

Tommy and I met Jason Curious and some other boys at Basix for a quick breakfast this morning before we hit our meeting with the PR company. I inhaled my eggs benedict since I had only eaten a handful of Pringles for dinner last night. We spent the better part of Friday planning the rest of our launch parties and booking all of the travel for the upcoming trip to New Orleans! I can’t tell you how excited I am to be going to NOLA for Mardi Gras. The gay end of Bourbon Street is not even going to know what hit it. I finished up a few hours of work stuff and then we headed to Fiesta Cantina for a quick snack. I was not about to ruin my dinner at Cut by filling up on nachos. (Although I did a number on the queso and dips)

Ok, let’s move onto the important things in life. I met Nikki Benz, Puma Swede and Diana Doll for dinner in Beverly Hills at Wolfgang Puck’s Cut steakhouse. You know how I feel about this place if you have been following me for a few weeks. The menus at the LA location are a great concept, except that the portraits of the celebrities are all fairly unflattering. I wonder who the photographer is. I could look it up, but honestly, I think the pictures are kind of awkwardly ugly.

Nikki ordered the crab cocktail (too much mayonaise for my liking. I can’t believe I even said that. I love mayo)

Filet mignon carpaccio (notice the shaved black truffles on top)

The last time I ate the bone marrow flan I was gobbling it up so fast I didn’t even eat it the way it is supposed to be eaten! Apparently you put this mushroom tapenade on the toast and then put the flan on top. I made all three of the girls try it (reluctantly) and guess what? They all loved it. So for those of you who think I am disgusting and eat weird shit… don’t knock it til you try it.

And the love of my life, my soul mate:  kobe beef sashimi. Again, all three of them tried it and loved it. So much so that I had to order another one for myself. Sheesh.

At this point, I was living in la-la land if I thought I would even put a dent in my steak. And AGAIN I fucked up and forgot to tell them to serve it to me on a cold plate. By the time it arrived it was waaaayyy overdone. I was annoyed at myself.

The most exciting part of my evening was guiding Nikki into ordering the American Wagyu beef and talking her into ordering it medium instead of medium well. She, like many many people, gets freaked out by the blood on the plate and orders their shit medium well or well done. It sends me into orbit knowing that a steak tastes SO MUCH BETTER on the rare side. If you can get past the texture and the color, you will never go back to well done. I promise you… when you are at a dinner with someone who eats their steak rare, just be brave and ask for a little taste. You will not regret it. I am trying, one steak eater at a time, to change the world.

Dessert was delicious marscapone filled donuts with strawberries and ice cream.

After our very late night dinner we went into the bar for a little bit and that is when I discovered this older woman attacking her date. Oh man, it was awesome. I had Nikki pose so I could capture them on the left side of the frame.

At this point, I am pretty sure she was onto me.

Two couples: me and Nikki are fighting and Puma and Diana are newlyweds.

Thanks girls for a fun night! Nikki drove me back to the Roosevelt where earlier I am 99.9% sure I was in the elevator with a famous rapper or hip hop artist. The Grammy’s are in town this weekend and the hotel is filled with famous musicians. Obviously none that I could identify. The cars in the valet are bright and have loud motors and hip-hop blaring out of them. Totally not my scene. Bling and baggy jeans. No thanks.

I slept in til 11:00 am. What a lazy bum.

Saturday 12.05.09

Tommy and Jen came to get me at about 11:30 am so we could go to this awesome street vendor food fair and by the time we got there and walked up to the ticket booth they were sold out. Epic fail. In my drunken stupor last night, I forgot my credit card at Bareback and had to stop by there this morning for a bloody beer so that might have been the exact time that we wasted and which made us late to the street fair. Pissed! We went to Princess Pub instead and I ordered the fish and chips along with an Irish cider called Magners that Jen and Tommy introduced to me! Deee lish! Perfect for hangover days …

We got on the road to LA around 1:30 and headed to the Standard in Hollywood. Today was Nikki Benz’s birthday celebration at Coco DeVille nightclub which is owned by the delicious STK so we caravaned up to celebrate it with her! Lauren and James, Chris, Tommy, the Jenns, Jonathan, Hannah, Adam and I met at the hotel bar and we attempted to walk over to what I thought was Boa Steakhouse a few blocks away. Another failed attempt at dining today. Apparently they moved and the new owners haven’t quite set up. The Grafton is the new place and they only served cafe food. Arrrgggh. We kept walking and finally settled on the lounge at Ketchup. I ordered the white truffle mac and cheese with crab.

It was pretty good actually. Lauren ordered the vegetarian pasta-less lasagna. Umm wouldn’t that just be called a pile of vegetables with sauce? Tommy ordered the sausage and wild mushroom saffron risotto. Bland, flavorless and disappointing.

We went to the club and of course I got mauled by Puma Swede. It was fun hanging out with her and Kieran Lee and it was great to see Scott Nails after many years.

I barely saw Nikki Benz at all. This is her and her gay bff

Puma grabbed my camera (for those of you paying attention: the big fancy Nikon, not the small point and shoot. D’oh!) and proceeded to take about a hundred photos of us. Finally the bouncer came over and asked me to put it away because you weren’t allowed to have those types of camera in this joint. I was very confused so I went to another security guy and asked for an explanation. The manager came to tell me that since this place very celebrity friendly they ask other people there not to have cameras with lenses as big as mine so that the celebrity patrons don’t think that they have allowed paparazzi in. Oh my god, this is so Los Angeles. Give me a fucking break.

On that note, I will leave you with this picture.