Tuesday May 25, 2010

I got my ass out of bed at 5:45 am to go to Bikram yoga again. I know I will feel good after I’m done but it’s still hard to get up out of bed at that hour to get in the car to go to a place where I will be knowingly tortured. My instructor today was a real big militant prick that Lauren hates. She hates him. He hates her. She avoids his class like the plague and now I know why. I started having a little anxiety today during the class about my appointment with the cardiologist this afternoon. I was tripping out that maybe this was bad for my heart because I felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest and across the floor. I was super dizzy and it felt hotter in there today than ever before. People were dropping like flies. In Bikram yoga you do each posture two times. I laid still for an entire posture and when I was laying still for the next one to get ahold of myself he said “Miss please do the second one” to me. Fine. I got up and did it. The very next one was too much and I walked out of the room. This is our conversation…

Dickhead: “Are you OK?”

Me: (gentle nod yes as I walk towards the door)

Dickhead: “If you are OK then why are you leaving?”

Me: “Well obviously I am not OK.”

I mean come on dude, what does OK mean? Am I going to die? No. Am I feeling like I need to get up and get some cool air? YES THAT’S WHY I AM LEAVING THE FUCKING ROOM. The strange part was that there were other people that go there all the time who are clearly better than me sitting postures out and walking out the door. What was his beef with me today? I swear to you, it does not make me want to get out of bed to continue this horseshit. Isn’t being mean and getting me upset the OPPOSITE of what yoga is all about? I called Lauren after class and she said that he is super rude and runs his classes like a goddamn drill sergeant. She also told me that the Old Town studio prides itself on being hotter and stricter than the other studios. wtf grrrr. I guess one way to look at it is if I can make it through their classes it won’t be any harder anywhere else I might try.

OK onto my appointment with the cardiologist. He said I was totally fine and that I can continue eating whatever I wanted and I should definitely drink more and maybe do some cocaine. Alright, alright … that’s not what he said. I need to do a blood test for cholesterol, kidneys and also thyroid. My blood pressure was fucking sky high (150/90) and I need to buy a cuff and test at home during normal activities and moods, try to cut out more salt and of course keep excercising and lose that last 10 pounds. He wants to see me in a month after I monitor my own blood pressure at home and then we will discuss putting me on meds if it’s not down. He didn’t seem too worried about me dying this week nor needing a valve replacement anytime soon so that is good news. I will be going in to do the blood work next week when I get back from my trip to Chicago.

Which brings me to my next topic! I am leaving in the morning for Chi-town for the weekend and I am about to burst at the seams because I am eating at none other than Alinea, L20 and Moto. If you know anything about molecular gastronomy you have definitely heard of Alinea and Moto. L20 was recommended to me by Dex who owns Quality Social in San Diego and Old Town Social in Chicago. Apparently L20 is Esquire magazines #1 restaurant of the year. Here’s the thing. I was on the wait list for Alinea for Wednesday night but it was not looking promising so Dex put me in at L20 on his hookup for Wednesday BUT Alinea called me to tell me they had a cancellation! I was in a meeting (yes an actual business meeting that I can’t exactly talk about yet) when they called and when I called them back they were not answering because they are not open on Tuesdays for dinner and their offices were closed with the time change. I mean Christ they gave me 15 minutes to call back before they closed. I swear to you if I end up losing both of these reservations because of my juggling act I will flip my lid. If I end up eating at some shithole while I am a culinary heaven like Chicago I might just jump off the Sears Tower. If I make it to all of these places I can assure you that I will be doing all of their tasting menus and then “Laura On a Budget” will come back in full force next week. Like I said, I pick and choose this budget thing. Did I mention that I actually used a coupon last week? lol

Someone on Twitter sent me this blog today about a new food show called Future Food. Looks pretty fun!

Check out this video from Moto…

I went over to Sigrid’s to hang out with her and the baby and Kim and we ate dinner had a glass of wine and watched the first part of the Bachelorette before I got annoyed and left. I have a super early flight out tomorrow…

week of 12.07.09 – 12.11.09

Monday: I attempted to have a Top Chef: Martha Stewart Christmas Recipes Edition but the entree flaked on me at 5:00 pm and since people in Southern California think that they will melt when it rains, the amuse bouche and the side dish also flaked. Kim, Dusty, Michelle and I ate a side dish and an appetizer and drank wine while watching the first 3 episodes of Top Chef: Las Vegas. Kim made bleu cheese stuffed dates wrapped in bacon and Dusty and Michelle made sweet potatoes with almonds and some yummy sugary stuff.

The dates were good but needed a bit more bleu cheese and the sweet potatoes were good because they weren’t the traditional kind where they are all mashed and pureed. They were sliced and cut almost like au gratin … very very good I contributed wine and frozen cream puffs/chocolate eclairs. We were unsatisfied and hungry but were certainly not malnourished.

Tuesday: nothing to report. Oh wait, there is something. We uncovered footage of a porn star flapping her mouth about having sex with Tiger Woods. On our dime. On camera in our studio. On our very own talk show called “Live With Lauren” Oh yeah, that’s nothing that the media would give a shit about! HAHA! A few of us stayed at work til the wee hours of the morning and were able to produce this video. That is the shortened version. If you want to hear 4 minutes of it visit Naughty America. Hey, Holly Sampson, maybe you want to watch what you say on the internet. I can tell you that we have spoken via text message this week and she was not very thrilled about this footage being released. I told her that I was not sorry and that I would love for her to want to continue to work for Naughty America but that she should be happy that it put both of us on the map. I told her we would hug it out the next time we saw each other. Somehow I don’t think this is going to happen.

After we finished at the office we went to the Chee-Chee and met up with Jarin and Jason and somehow managed to spend $85.00 in the hour before closing time. I think Jameson shots were involved. Waking up for work on Wednesday was a huge struggle and I walked into the sexual harassment training seminar reeking like booze. People always laugh when they hear about a porn company having sexual harassment training… like doesn’t everything we do revolve around sex and talking about sex? This yearly seminar is where we get a lot of our ideas for Naughty Office. But honestly, there are definitely instances in our office where someone might be offended. Pretty much everything out of my mouth is offensive in some way or another to someone.

Wednesday turned into Thursday which turned into Friday and I can tell you that the amount of press we have received from this footage is simply amazing. E, Extra, Insider, The Today Show, Howard Stern, TMZ, The Huffington Post, the list goes on and on. We have reports of it being shown all over the UK, New Zealand, websites in Pakistan….some of the sources chopped the video up and only some of them actually say Naughty America dot com. We are practically a household name. I remember I made a bet about 10 years ago with a guy who I worked with at Long’s Drugs. I bet him that I would be a household name by the time I was 40 years old. I bet him $1000. I have to keep pressing at this and look his ass up in 2 years.

Poor Lauren is tripping out. Her phone has been blowing up for days from people she hasn’t talked to in forever. She went on vacation on Friday and is out again tomorrow… so that means that Dallas and I have to do the show. Awkward! With 56,792 more people watching us now… does it change the dynamics of the show for me? Am I still going to go on there and spew about my debauchery and nonsense? You bet! I can tell you that every sports writer/blogger in America is watching this show now waiting for the next big story of a porn star spilling what celebrity she slept with. Tory Lane called Pauly Shore on the air the other day and when Dallas asked if it was ok that he was on the air, he said “No.” and hung up. Hilarious.

Friday night was our company holiday party at Old Town Mexican Cafe. The food is nasty but it’s cheap and really it’s all about the tasty expensive tequila shots we do. We had a speech from Andreas, we all gloated in our success from the week and then went to Old Town Saloon to get shit-faced drunk. I tried to get the boss’s bff to go home with me but he informed me that boss man has forbidden it. Cock blocker!

I love it when Michelle drinks.

I would love to know what this conversation was about.

We missed you Lauren, Corina and Erin