First of all, who in the hell goes to Las Vegas, Nevada in the middle of July for fun? Christ it’s so hot! I got up to do Bikram but I should have just saved the 20 bucks and done it outside. I went to the Green Valley Ranch location and there was something wrong with their heater so they cranked up the humidifier to compensate for it. It was cooler than it was supposed to be and the humidity was out of control. It was like a fucking rainforest…so awful. I made it through the class but I was miserable. The instructor was a real stickler for everyone doing things in unison also…which is different from the San Diego studio. In the Old Town SD class I get really annoyed because there is this one woman who just does whatever the hell she wants. She comes into class late and gets into each position about 15 seconds late almost every time. It is so distracting and annoying. I mean, she’s only cheating herself, right? There is also another guy in SD who fidgets almost the whole class. During every single savasna he’s wiggling his legs, moving his arms, breathing heavy like he is going to have a heart attack and generally disrupting everyone around him. I try to avoid sitting near either of them. Anwyays, the Vegas studio was nice because she forced everyone to stay together and stay calm between postures, which is half the point of the class: bringing yourself to a calm state instantly.

This is Danny’s one year old German Shepherd, Zeba. Apparently that’s the Hebrew word for “splendid” although I just tried looking that up and found nothing. lol Good one Dan. Ironic that he chose a Hewbrew word for a German dog also. She’s a little retarded to be honest, sweet dog, but mildly dumb.

This is Sophie (I think that’s her name)…this is not the one that Zeba was harrassing all night. That cat was hiding upstairs under the bed. Go figure.
 

We checked into our rooms at the MGM Grand. The underside of a very fuzzy and sleepy lion in their walk-through lion jail.

Rob had never been to Las Vegas so Nikki was bound and determined to walk into every casino over the course of the weekend. First stop New York, New York…. This statue was made out of jellybeans. Pretty cool! But man what a tedious job.

We went over to Aria and City Center to see the hotel and also to Crystals…the shopping mall that I told you about when Lisa Ann and I went to eat at Mastro’s. The mall is so futuristic and weird looking. I can’t decide if I am creeped out by it or like it.

The other side of Mastro’s.

I like the use of white with the dark linear wood.

We went north to Stratosphere so we could get a view of the whole city.

I considered doing the Sky Jump thingy but we saw a guy do it and to be honest, it was slow. I mean you free fall like 800 – 900 feet but he was moving pretty slow. It didn’t seem worth $99.

The big blue building on the left is The Fountainebleau like the one in Miami… unfortunately this one has gone bankrupt and stopped building.

Oh wow, Justin Beiber is working the elevators at Stratosphere on Fridays now.

Nikki insisted that we go into Circus Circus despite my pleas. I warned her that it was full of kids, a waste of time and the clowns would most certainly creep her out. We lasted 5 minutes. Long enough to grab a beer and take a photo of these awesome bar stools.

That is by far the ugliest quinceanera dress I have ever seen.

The Venentian really is the best hotel in Vegas in my opinion. The basic rooms all have a sunken living room, the restaurants are great (esp now that Palazzo is connected to it) and the mall with the gondolas and the replica of St Mark’s Square are just too cool. Being that I spent a week there every January for our annual industry tradeshow, I have a sense of comfort walking in the building. Even the smell of the place immediately brings back many memories for me. Some good, some bad, mostly fuzzy.

I liked the way the water is relfecting on the side of the tower.

I’ve never actually taken one of these gondola rides…one of these days. Or I could save the hundred bucks and save my money and actually go to Italy. lol

We wandered over to Treasure Island for one last pit stop before heading back to MGM to take naps and eat dinner.

Danny and I went to see Daniel Tosh performing stand up at Mirage and I have to tell you. It’s official. I am in love.

I could only snap a pic at the very last second and I wasn’t prepared with the setting so the pix suck, but you get the idea. The show was awesome. So inappropriate and off color on so many levels. He really pushes the envelope and makes people just laugh so hard at some ridiculous things. Thanks again Pat and Ed for introducing me to him just a few months ago. Rich claims that he and Kim tried to tell me about him a while back, but I don’t always listen to people. Sometimes you have to learn things for yourself. Tonight I learned that Daniel Tosh will be my husband one day.

After the show Danny and I met with Rob and Nikki at O’Sheas and I gotta tell you… this is not my favorite spot on the strip anymore. It was like a high school kegger with scattered old folks. It used to be a cool spot to duck into it away from the crowds on the strip, but is now very crowded and kind of icky. I saw my bartender Santos again (who bitched at me again for not bringing him porn) but still hooked me up with a free drink. Rob and Nikki went home. Danny played poker and I made my way back to MGM laughing my ass off at all the wasted drunk girls wearing dresses that look like they should be shirts…carrying their high heels, stumbling barefoot around the streets. I love being sober at this hour in Las Vegas! It was highly entertaining.

Another late night turns into another late morning. We went down to the show floor to make the rounds again. I tried giving my card to this lovely brunette, but I don’t think she was interested in talking to me.

Isn’t this shirt hilarious?!

And this one is even more hilarious.

I paid Baker twenty bucks to ride this mechanical penis. He’s so broke and so addicted to gambling that he will do anything for a little extra cash.

With Angel Vain and Mr. President.

We went to Wolfgang Puck’s Cut inside the Palazzo for dinner.

Of course we had to try a bunch of appetizers:

Bone Marrow Flan (it’s not your typical bone marrow flavor… it’s got a sweet taste… it’s exactly what it says… a custardy flan made out of bone marrow.) So. Fucking. Good.

It’s amazing people will still dine with me considering I have no manners when it comes to something so delicious.

Tuna tartare (not bad)

Veal tongue (really yummy, not chewy at all like you might expect)

Steak tartare (awesome)

Kobe beef sashimi. Probably the most delicious thing I have ever put in my mouth. Ever. I thought the bone marrow flan was the most delicious thing I had ever put in my mouth until this. It was to die for and the sauce they served it with was like a light soy sauce/ponzu sauce. Next time I am in LA I will be going to Cut to see if they have it. LA is closer than Vegas

LTP award!

I guess it runs in the family. HAHA!

I always seem to find my reflection in the strangest places. This was above our table.

After dinner we decided to make it a mellow dive bar kind of night. The clubs are fun and all, but you can only take so much of the stupid bouncers, bottle service and horseshit that goes along with that scene. We went to my favorite dive bar The Double Down Saloon for a couple of cheap drinks and to show Pat what the locals do. Here we are drinking shots of “Ass Juice”… a mysterious recipe of whatever crap they have laying around at the moment all mixed together. The flavor changes a bit from time to time, but it’s basically vodka, some cranberry juice, maybe another kind of juice and maybe a bit of some brown liquor. It’s hard to tell, but it goes down pretty smooth.

I wonder how many people actually order 2 shots thinking that they are getting a deal?

This is the view from the ladies bathroom.

I have had their bacon martini before and it is truly wretched. It’s hard enough drinking a martini that is not foo-foo, but with chunks of food floating around in it… I can tell you that it does not go down very easily.

After Double Down we headed over to my other favorite place O’Shea’s! I have spent many many hours inside this place. It right on the strip next to Harrah’s and is a great place to gamble and drink cheap. I have been going there for so many years that this one bartender knows me by name. His name is Santos and always hooks me up. Sadly every year I promise to bring him porn and then forget until the moment I walk into the place. I actually brought a stack of DVDs for him this year and then didn’t bring them to the bar that night. I feel so guilty that I might fly to Vegas again soon just to bring him a care package of porn and Naughty America shirts. Oh and maybe while I am in town I will go get some kobe beef sashimi at Cut! What a brilliant idea!

Oh my gosh! Look who I ran into at the Venetian! Vegas Jake the One-Hit Wonder! (this is a guy who ran for Naughty President who disappeared right after he lost the election.) Boooo! Good-bye fairweather fan!