Friday July 16, 2010

A bunch of my favorite gays were in town for Pride so I headed up to Mo’s for some happy hour delights before Tommy/Suite 703′s event tonight at Rich’s. I tried for a little while to lure Rich to meet us but Chris was mad at me for flaking last night and he said that Rich misbehaves when he is around me (not true) and gay porn stars (kinda true). He keeps threatening to demolish me the next time I have an actual boyfriend and is plotting to TRY lure him out when I want quiet cuddle time. Hey, sorry if I am so damn fun.

Tommy 5tone and Phillip Ashton who deems himself a “pocket gay”…who I would gladly keep in my pocket at all times.

Jayden Grey and Howard (Papa Bear)

Phillip, Ryan Raz, Jayden, and of course the love of my life (during gay events), Trevor Knight.

oooooh my favorite Hillcrest bartender….Wesley!

Tommy, seriously, you are going to eat french fries for dinner? No wonder you weigh 2.7 pounds.

I received a backhanded compliment from 818 on this cute shot via Twitter. He will say it wasn’t backhanded but his words were ”Whoa there’s a girl in that photo” and then “You don’t look like a tranny.” Well there ya have it folks. My pre-sex change operation medication is evidently not working after all. It’s his immature passive way of being sweet to me. So retarded. I haven’t seen him in a long time but we are being civil and chatting once in a while. Whatevs. He definitely owes me a dinner, though. Perhaps one day when we are in the same city for more than a minute and a half he will take me out. Although I do expect to eat dinner in the front seat of his car. I mean like Taco Bell, not road head you sickos. I’m actually only writing this to see if he reads my blog. lol

I had to nap (again…sorry I was up at 5:30am for yoga! I get tired!) so when I showed up super late to the club I got attitude from Tommy until I reminded him that I was in fact there. My shoes made up for my tardiness. And I ran and got him a fresh drink.

Tommy and his hags! Jenkki Jen, Miss Vanessa and Jenncalistyle.

Since we were in the VIP area over the dance floor there was a nice big window where Vanessa and I could show our butts to everyone below! Hahaha! I was a little concerned at first about being photographed  but realized none of those boys down below would even pay attention to us. Now that I look closer, she didn’t even have her ass showing. Mine was fully pressed against the glass. Oh gawd.

Plus it was so fucking hot in there there was no way they would be able to see through the steamy sweaty fog. It was so gross. We were soaked. I used Tommy’s gift bags as wings to cool myself off as I danced.

#thingswethinkarewickedfunnywhenwe’vebeendrinking

Joe picked Vanessa and I up and dropped me off at my place. I tongue kissed her dog Kali. It’s the least I can do after the kidnapping incident.

Saturday May 22, 2010

 I was shooting some senior photos of a high school kid that I know and then I was heading over to Tommy’s keg party at the house his parents sold in Hillcrest. Tommy has been “squatting” (for lack of a better word) in the back bungalow for many months and tonight we were going to send his place off in proper high school/college frat party style. When I arrived I saw people doing keg stands and playing beer pong. 

Check out this AWESOME video of Dallas doing her black lady voice over. I swear to God, I have made her do this at least 100 times. IT NEVER EVER GETS OLD. People often ask why she speaks in a high pitched voice and I then drag her over to them and make her do this. It usually sheds some light on the situation. She also has a Puerto Rican woman routine as well as a butch lesbian named Francine who works at Home Depot. For another day, people.

 
Quickly it went to “wrap everyone in cellophane” (no idea why and Tommy has no idea where the cellophane even came from)

Nice rack Jen!

Lauren is wearing her cellophane as a corset and Dallas is wearing hers as a skirt.

spin the bottle…no, not with the dog. I can’t really post the photos of Drew and Dallas making out because it would ruin his reputation as a gay man. Or is he? hmmm.

…and then before I knew it my boyfriend Brody (Great Dane) was pinning me against the wall. I know this looks like he was mounting me, but honestly, he was just playing. There was no sexy time. His owner Mike said he doesn’t really act like this to anyone… I think he thinks I am his playmate or something. (The night I had him in my loft we were literally running back and forth the length of it jumping on all the furniture.) Anyways, he was biting my hair, jumping on me, trying to wrestle me to the ground and bite my neck just like I was another dog. It was so goddamn funny and everyone was paralyzed with laughter. No one could find my camera, stop laughing long enough to figure out how to operate it, or even control themselves long  enough to do anything at all but just laugh at me. I think I might have even piddled a little bit. It was so fucking funny. I wish someone had video. Look how red my head is! haha!

This is what it looks like when you try to waltz with a 7 month old Great Dane! It looks like I was involved in some weird S&M shit. Like I was caned or something. It really started burning pretty bad and I was nervous that there was nasty crap from his nails in my skin so Erin swabbed my back with a paper towel and vodka. Thank you Florence Nightingale lol

Drew, Dallas and George (**sigh** he’s still gay. Dallas was flirting with him and I grabbed him by the throat and told him that if he was ever with a woman and it was anyone but me I would hurt them both. He is a gold star gay…meaning that he has never been with a woman at all.)

Not too many people were in costume. I certainly didn’t have any wardrobe from my high school days 175 years ago. Props to Jenkki Jen for her cougar hat.

I didn’t even play drinking games at all… I am kinda bummed about that.

Brody and Kali in what appears to be a stand off.

Mike has to bring this tennis ball on a string to entertain Brody at parties.

So the next part is a little awkward but I have to get it off my chest. Things with 818 have been weird since we got back from our trip. Like I have said before we have never had “the talk” nor defined what we “are”. I felt that he needed space so I gave it to him. I hadn’t been talking to him very much over the last couple weeks since we saw Chelsea Handler and I figured if he wanted to see/talk/hangout he knows where to reach me. I know at this age if a guy acts like he doesn’t give a shit about you it’s because he doesn’t give a shit about you. And I am not about to chase someone 11 years younger than me who lives in another city. But I am not going to lie, I was a little anxious about seeing him tonight at the party. I was pretty sure that he would not be coming home with me afterwards. Towards the end of the night I decided that it would be best to leave the party and get some fresh air. Baker, Jenkki Jen,, George and I went to the bars in Hillcrest. Here is Jen passed out by the time we got to Rich’s. I think this photo is actually pretty brilliant

The bouncer kept an eye on her while we went in to grab a drink and so George could see how many phone numbers he could obtain in 15 minutes. George and I went back to my place and ordered a pizza and passed out in my bed. He wouldn’t even get under the covers!!! LOL We had to get some rest because tomorrow is the “Order Everything off the Jack in the Box Menu” Party!

Friday 1.22.10

Sorry I have been MIA… life is moving fast around here and finding the time to write is difficult. I mean between the parties at the gay bars and the drinking, it’s all I can do to stay alive and get my work done.

Oh come on, I keed, I keed. Well sort of…

Two of my sisters have expressed concern about my drinking (despite my repeated warnings to stop reading this blog… I know it’s my own fault. I was so proud of my foodie blog and I told my family to check it out. I regret inviting them now that I have decided to spice things up here). My brother wouldn’t know how to turn a computer on if his life depended on it so no concern there. And then my other sister, well, she’s pretty conservative and I would never in a million years tell her about this… hopefully she doesn’t find it. Second to oldest sister point blank asked me if I had a drinking problem over Christmas. I denied it. I could totally quit drinking tomorrow if I wanted to. I just don’t want to!

And then my oldest sister emailed me and said: “How come you number people…?  Do they not want to associate with you? LOL.  Wondering about your sexploits, you can’t seem to settle on anything/one. What’s up with that?” ……and then a day later wrote: “I know you’ve suggested that family members stop reading your blog but I find them very entertaining.  It’s just the big sister worry thing when you talk so much about being drunk,  hungover or having random sex.  You’re a big girl but I can’t help it if I love you. Love,”

In regards to the random sex….

RANDOM [ran-duhm]–adjective

Oh, I can assure you they are all very deliberate and have definite aim, reason AND pattern.

Anyways… Today was our big release party in San Diego for www.suite703.com.  We had 4 gay porn stars in town who were hired to dance and promote our site at Rich’s in Hillcrest. First we met them at Yard House for dinner (I tried to get a reservation at Suite and Tender since they were all staying at the Se Hotel, but since it’s stupid restaurant week, we couldn’t get in. In retrospect, its better off that we weren’t at a high end restaurant… my god these boys get squirrely.) Dinner was actually good, I absolutely love the white truffle mac n cheese at that place…

(MAC & CHEESE)2
chicken breast, applewood smoked bacon, wild mushrooms, cheddar and parmesan cheese with castellane pasta and white truffle oil

Totally delicious, even for a chain restaurant! After dinner we walked to my loft where I had decorated the walls with glamour shots from our new content on the site. The boys walked in and saw 20×30 posters of themselves… it was really funny and fed their egos nicely. I had one made of 818 and hung it up as well and have managed to completely creep him out.

Here we are… one big happy family! I am like the mom, except that I want to do bad things to most of them. (**gasp!** sorry!)

It was a huge success… we gave out tshirts, condoms and access card to check out our site. All of the go-go dancers and bartenders were wearing our gear and if you were a customer that night there is no way in hell that you left there and didn’t know what Suite 703 was. Tommy got up and gave a lovely speech and introduced our boys… we had a lot of support from our friends and co-workers and we had a great time.

Here is Kim looking very sexy in her whore makeup.

Kim and Tommy Defendi (all the girls looooove him)

Rich and his straight girl crush, Dallas.

I was on my way to ducking out a little early when Michelle took a tumble and fell down in the vip area into the bottle service table and cut her hand all to hell. The steps in there are dark and stupid and in a very awkward place.  I have to admit that I panicked a tad when I saw all the blood. I was too in shock myself to even snap a photo of the scene. Damn! She probably should have had stitches, but given the fact she just had her appendix removed 2 weeks ago, she definitely didn’t want to spend time in the ER anytime soon.