Friday 2.19.2010

Lisa Ann was in the office today for a meeting and Nikki Benz and Puma Swede were scheduled for webcam. We had coordinated the whole thing so that the three of them and Lauren and I could go tear up San Diego after their day was over. They all stayed at the Se Hotel (the place is sexy and fun despite that Sunday morning that the bartender pissed me off so bad.) After work while Nikki and Puma were still stuck doing their live shows, Lisa Ann, Lauren, Baker and Erin met up at Bareback for happy hour. Lisa’s friend Joy was also in town and her other friend John who is a sommelier for a vineyard in Northern CA. I am such a dickhead that I lost his card in the last 5 days. I will have to get his info from Lisa Ann because he invited me to a really cool event in Sacramento and I need to see my friends that live up there anyways….

Here is Lisa Ann posing with a famous downtown character that we affectionately call “The Chief.” He was actually on my Twitter/Photo/Scavenger Hunt list last year on my birthday.  He appears to be Native American Indian and he never wears a shirt, no matter what time of the year it is. Tonight he was sporting the Mexican wrestling mask. This is a new look for him. Perhaps he had a zit he was trying to hide.

Ok so happy hour turned into sushi at Taka… we were so hungry and buzzed that I totally forgot to take pics of the food. But it doesn’t really matter because I eat there like every 3 weeks now and order the same fucking thing. Uni, Special Battera roll, Special Eel roll, toro… etc… I would love to know what is so funny is this picture.

I also would love to know what she is sassing Baker about. Again, Baker proclaimed that this was one of the best meals of his life. I am proud to say that I am truly teaching this heathen how to live. He had never had toro before. I am happy to be responsible for this.

Joy

…and then we trekked over to the Se to meet up with The Swenz. You can sound it out and figure out with minimal effort that that is Swede and Benz. When they are out together causing havoc you have Swenz.

It’s amazing how tall she really is. Baker is almost 6 foot 6.

They are only mildly harassing me at this point in the evening.

And here still yet, it’s fun to be around them. In fact, I invited Nikki to sit on my lap for a funny picture as if she is giving me a lap dance. Lisa Ann is always behaved and dignified.

Where the hell was Lauren ?

This guy was awesome. He was a Borat sort of looking character… we thought he was a mime because he was dancing around and not speaking. It was bizarre. I will have a gram of whatever he is having please!

James and Lauren

Swenz is still relatively behaved.

And then a little rougher. You should see the shit on their cameras. I am fighting with all of my might to keep my shirt on. Explain to me why I hang out with them? They had a $100 bet with someone that they could lick my nipple. Hahaha!

Swedish Fish, of course.

Puma makes the most awesome faces! Love it

And this photo is in honor of my niece who went to the hospital once when she was 5 for sticking a bean up her nose.

Baker was too drunk to drive so we took a cab back to my loft and I made him stay the night on the sofa. We cranked the music for a while (neighbors are still gone!) and in the morning he woke up utterly confused and told someone later that he thought he woke up at Target. I laughed all day when I heard that one. My loft is like Target and Michaels on mushrooms.

Sunday 1.24.10

After a solid 12 hours of sleep the text messages starting coming in for brunch requests. UGH. Was I really about to get up and go drink again? Yup. We started at the Se where the boys had checked in AND out a total of 3 times over the course of the weekend! So funny! The regular bartender was a no show so we had this other guy who was utterly incompetent and was not even remotely remorseful about the problem at hand. He couldn’t find anything, kept saying that he only worked the  pool bar upstairs, and was either high, half asleep or just plain dumb. I ordered a drink called “Grace” which has champagne, Cointreau and is served with blueberries and raspberries. He literally could not figure out what to do. This is our conversation:

Me: I would like a “Grace”

Guy: I don’t know what is in that.

Me: Well let’s take a look at the drink menu, it will be listed.

Guy: (blank stare)

Me: (I point to the menus) There are menus right there behind the bar.

Guy: (look of confusion)

Me: (I stand up and grab the menu) Yeah, here we go… cointreau, champagne and berries.

Guy: I don’t think I can do this.

Me: Do you even work here?

Guy: (snide look with indignant snicker) Yes I work here. I just normally work upstairs at the pool bar.

Me: Well you have a full bar here so I am sure you have the Cointreau and the champagne, I can live without the berries.

Guy: I don’t think it will taste right without the berries.

Me: Well let’s try it with the 2 ingredients.

Then he proceeds to help everyone else around me and totally ignores me and DJ who wanted the same thing. Finally after literally 10 minutes of watching this tool stumble over his own feet we ended up with this “beverage” that looked like dirty dish water and tasted about the same. This is not the way to live, people.

We moved over Brian’s American Eatery and ordered a bunch of hearty breakfast food… I had the monte cristo and also picked at Jonathan’s chicken and waffles and Trevor’s corned beef hash which wasn’t corned beef hash at all… it was corned beef on a muffin. Lame. (Side note, I cannot wait to eat at Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles next week when I go to LA!) We ran into the Naughty President and invited him to join us for brunch. He might have been a little overwhelmed by the crowd lol. We hung out with him while he ate and then dragged him to the Tivoli Bar. Of course I had to get cupcakes from Heavenly Cupcakes. Who, incidentally, have curbside pick up now! Call in and order and they will run them out to your car.

Hey Tommy, thanks again for making a douchey face in yet another photo.

And when the gays were completely over hanging out in a straight bar (that takes about 2 and a half minutes btw) we took cabs up to Hillcrest to do it. All. Over. Again. At this point I uninvited Mr. President and told him it might be best if he not join us. I don’t want to totally scare the shit out of him the day before he starts his presidency at Naughty America.

Hey I have an idea! Let’s go to Urban Mo’s! Look at Jenn feigning enthusiasm. And the ever so sexy Tommy Defendi.

DJ

The cranky mid-wife.

I heart Jonathan!

We love Jamie, too. She’s like smart and stuff. She’s gonna be a doctor. Trevor Knight in the middle.

By 8 pm we were back at my place listening to music and hanging out. Wresting matches, broken beds and Jagermeister shots! Your average Sunday  at Laura’s.

Friday 1.22.10

Sorry I have been MIA… life is moving fast around here and finding the time to write is difficult. I mean between the parties at the gay bars and the drinking, it’s all I can do to stay alive and get my work done.

Oh come on, I keed, I keed. Well sort of…

Two of my sisters have expressed concern about my drinking (despite my repeated warnings to stop reading this blog… I know it’s my own fault. I was so proud of my foodie blog and I told my family to check it out. I regret inviting them now that I have decided to spice things up here). My brother wouldn’t know how to turn a computer on if his life depended on it so no concern there. And then my other sister, well, she’s pretty conservative and I would never in a million years tell her about this… hopefully she doesn’t find it. Second to oldest sister point blank asked me if I had a drinking problem over Christmas. I denied it. I could totally quit drinking tomorrow if I wanted to. I just don’t want to!

And then my oldest sister emailed me and said: “How come you number people…?  Do they not want to associate with you? LOL.  Wondering about your sexploits, you can’t seem to settle on anything/one. What’s up with that?” ……and then a day later wrote: “I know you’ve suggested that family members stop reading your blog but I find them very entertaining.  It’s just the big sister worry thing when you talk so much about being drunk,  hungover or having random sex.  You’re a big girl but I can’t help it if I love you. Love,”

In regards to the random sex….

RANDOM [ran-duhm]–adjective

Oh, I can assure you they are all very deliberate and have definite aim, reason AND pattern.

Anyways… Today was our big release party in San Diego for www.suite703.com.  We had 4 gay porn stars in town who were hired to dance and promote our site at Rich’s in Hillcrest. First we met them at Yard House for dinner (I tried to get a reservation at Suite and Tender since they were all staying at the Se Hotel, but since it’s stupid restaurant week, we couldn’t get in. In retrospect, its better off that we weren’t at a high end restaurant… my god these boys get squirrely.) Dinner was actually good, I absolutely love the white truffle mac n cheese at that place…

(MAC & CHEESE)2
chicken breast, applewood smoked bacon, wild mushrooms, cheddar and parmesan cheese with castellane pasta and white truffle oil

Totally delicious, even for a chain restaurant! After dinner we walked to my loft where I had decorated the walls with glamour shots from our new content on the site. The boys walked in and saw 20×30 posters of themselves… it was really funny and fed their egos nicely. I had one made of 818 and hung it up as well and have managed to completely creep him out.

Here we are… one big happy family! I am like the mom, except that I want to do bad things to most of them. (**gasp!** sorry!)

It was a huge success… we gave out tshirts, condoms and access card to check out our site. All of the go-go dancers and bartenders were wearing our gear and if you were a customer that night there is no way in hell that you left there and didn’t know what Suite 703 was. Tommy got up and gave a lovely speech and introduced our boys… we had a lot of support from our friends and co-workers and we had a great time.

Here is Kim looking very sexy in her whore makeup.

Kim and Tommy Defendi (all the girls looooove him)

Rich and his straight girl crush, Dallas.

I was on my way to ducking out a little early when Michelle took a tumble and fell down in the vip area into the bottle service table and cut her hand all to hell. The steps in there are dark and stupid and in a very awkward place.  I have to admit that I panicked a tad when I saw all the blood. I was too in shock myself to even snap a photo of the scene. Damn! She probably should have had stitches, but given the fact she just had her appendix removed 2 weeks ago, she definitely didn’t want to spend time in the ER anytime soon.

Friday 10.30.09- Sunday 11.01.09 (sorry I have been slacking!)

Typically, Halloween is a really big deal for me and if I can’t come up with something super duper awesome or funny, I just skip it. In the last 8 months I have hosted two very successful costume parties. 2/07/09 was the SNL Party and 9/06/09 was the 80′s Movie Character Party. One day when I have nothing to talk about I will blog in detail about my maniacal attention to detail when hosting costume parties….

Soooo……this Halloween crept up and I wanted to be The REAL Balloon Boy with a bunch of inside-out helium balloons or an insulation blanket attached to my head and have a string and a small doll dangling off my contraption, but I simply didn’t have the energy or time to put it together. Sue me. I had every intention of putting it together in the beginning of the week, but as Thursday rolled into Friday, I adopted the “Halloween is for Rookies” attitude. I had plans to stay home most of the weekend anyways and start going through the crap in my house so I can prepare for my move in January. I am selling my house and downsizing for several reasons. I am never home, my dog died, and the douchebag behind me decided to build Trump Towers West in my backyard. On Friday night I stayed late at work and went over to The Local for “one drink”. They were in the midst of a white trash party

(I had one of those years ago, too… we were grilling grilled cheese sandwiches lol) and somehow (on my empty stomach) I got so drunk in 3 hours that my wonderful friends had to help me find a cab so I could make it home safely. Scary that I don’t really remember half the night. I do recall these photos:

Carlos from The Hangover (a very popular costume this year was Allan and Carlos… the best one I saw was my friend Jeff in NJ who had a real baby for his Carlos!) (I saw this movie 3 times in the theater!)

Critical Mass: those annoying bikers that take over the streets of downtown San Diego one Friday a month. I asked Tommy 5tone what the deal was and he said, “Oh they just do it for fun.” I started taking a bunch of photos and video because I was going to blog and talk a bunch of shit about how stupid they are and I hope they get hit by a car and blah blah. But then I asked a woman standing on the sidewalk cheering them on what this was for and she said it was a statement against auto pollution. So I searched deep into my shallow little soul and realized that a Prius-driving-garbage-picking-recycling-crazy-person like myself shouldn’t be mad at them, I should embrace their cause and be proud of them! I considered join ing them one Friday a month, except that I don’t really know how to ride a bike. In traffic. I mean I know how to ride a bike, it’s just that I learned how to ride a bike on a ½ mile long driveway with no traffic. The last time I was on a bike in public was in 1993 with Stephanie and Chantelle in Mission Beach and I ended up crashing over the sea wall. So, critical massers: Have at it! I will no longer hiss at you on Friday nights when I am stuck in a taxi trying to get downtown.

Saturday night turned into a naked hottub party (Obviously there are no photos from that, duh, I don’t have a waterproof camera) which turned into 3am playing the “I’m On a Boat” video 17 times on my big-screen. We did manage to have a brief and simple Top Chefesque competition where Michelle and Michelle battled it out in a watermelon carving contest.

Needless to say when I called everyone to brunch on Sunday I was a total hurting trainwreck. I lasted 5 minutes at Universal and walked home deserting Tommy and Jen. I promptly turned my phone and brain off and fell asleep for the next 3 hours. When I woke up I had to rally and get my ass in gear to meet up with the Naughty President candidates who had flown into town. We met up at the Se Hotel and had a couple of foo-foo drinks and then Lauren, Dallas and I took them to dinner at Yard House. I had the bacon, chicken, truffle mac-n-cheese, which pulled me out of my 5pm hangover quite nicely, along with a bottle of Cakebread chardonnay.Don’t worry, I shared the wine. After dinner we walked around the corner and were denied entrance at the Star Bar because I still don’t have a fucking drivers license after letting it expire on my birthday in June. The Star Bar, which is arguably the nastiest dive bar in all of the Gaslamp, doesn’t accept passports. That’s right, they do not accept an international identification. So we went to Gaslamp Tavern where it was too loud and then decided to go back to the Se for a nightcap. I was falling asleep while dodging questions about the upcoming debate tomorrow and I finally had to call it a night. I took a cab home to discover that all of the exits near my house were blocked off and a mere $34 dollars later I was home. I should mention that I dozed off in the cab when we finally did get near my house and was a little embarrassed to tell the cabbie that he had to turn around because we had gone too far due to my narcolepsy. Long weekend folks.