Saturday 2.20.2010

My friend needed to come over early on Saturday morning to try on suits for a job interview on Monday. It was merely a formality at her existing job so she didn’t want to spend any money on buying one. Last night we were discussing the logistics of it. She offered to bring coffee and we discussed the fact that it was entirely possible that there might be a few porn stars  in my loft. She wanted to make sure they were ok with babies since she would be showing up at 8 am to do this with her 9 month old. My text to her: 1 coffee=$4. Gas to get downtown=$3. Borrowing a suit=Free. 3 porn stars babysitting while trying on suits=priceless. (I don’t know… it was funny when I sent it. Not so much a few days later while I type this sober.)

The car ride to LA was fun. And by fun, I mean a total and complete nightmare. I was still drunk. Nikki had shoved the stuffed animal monkey that I carry around to take photos with down her pants so it looked like pink pubes sticking out.

The girls were playing a game called “Let’s make the most annoying sounds”. There was a shit load of traffic. I was thirsty. My head hurt. But every once in a while a good head banging song would come on and Nikki would go crazy. And we would laugh our asses off. You can hear Puma squeaking German sounds once in a while. Sounds a little like a sick kitten if you ask me.

I was dropped off at 818′s place and we literally just sat on his couch talking for 3 hours. It was awesome to chill out and do nothing. We didn’t even have the TV on. We were supposed to meet Jenn and the crew for her birthday at this Brazilian place called Bossa Nova on Sunset, but apparently the shit show went on for too long today at Saddle Ranch and none of them could pull it together for dinner. Our options were go to her house and watch them attempt to order in and pray that it be edible…. or go to dinner just the two of us. We chose Crustacean in Beverly Hills.

Inside the place there is a fish tank under the floor. It’s pretty cool and definitely makes the time go by if you are unlucky and are waiting for a table.

The place was packed but somehow when I called 3 minutes before arrival that constituted a reservation of sorts and they seated us immediately. Maybe they recognized me because of my famous food blog. Bwhahahahaha! We started with the appetizer sampler. Clockwise from the left: open faced mini ahi tacos, egg roll shaped things filled with a creamy yummy goodness (I have no idea what the hell was in that), short ribs (nothing like Phil’s in SD, and a little dry), and minced shrimp puffs on a bamboo stick. (Which incidentally squirted and most definitely shot out and hit the man standing behind me.)

I had the Chilean Sea Bass with a ginger sauce (3 stars out of 5)

818 ordered the red snapper with a sun dried tomato Asian pesto sauce. (I wasn’t a fan of his and he wasn’t a fan of mine. It worked out nicely)

Kieran Lee and Puma Swede molesting my pink monkey at Happy Ending in Hollywood.

A very cool shot of Puma in front of the wheel of drink specials. I am kind of in love with this photo.

Oh shit my worlds are colliding… I have straight and gay porn stars in the same venue. Puma, Trevor Knight and Jen with one N.

Tommy watch out for her. I know Trevor thought she was legitimately was a tranny. Lol.

Add Jayden Grey to the mix.

And add yet another porn star, a girl I have known forever named Misty Anderson! It was very strange randomly running into her and her ex, Gunner. They hung out with us all night. I am quite sure they were confused when an entire entourage of gay men walked into the straight bar and attacked me and 818. Anyways, Misty’s boobs are amazing. And no, she is not really that tall. I am just trying to get closer to her tits.

She is gorgeous, sweet, all natural and a country girl who rides horses. What is not to love about her?

HAHA! I am so mesmerized by these things. I think every bar needs one.

I didn’t get any photos of the physical abuse I endured tonight from Swenz. At one point, I was seriously exhausted from defending myself. It is funny for the first 10 minutes, but I was really just tired. They had worn me out. I went to the bathroom to escape them and they left the bar knowing I was over it. Good. Maybe they will chill out next time I see them. geeeez.

Half of our crew ditched Jenn to go to Here Lounge down the street. Jonathan, 818 and I decided to stick by Jenn and hang out with her. She merely requested ONE night to stay away from the gay bars. We had to honor her birthday request.

It was fun and not as annoying as I thought it would be. Maybe because I was a little tipsy. Tipsy enough for road head on the way home. (**wink**)