I forgot that I had some funny footage from The Local’s Halloween party! Ha this kid that works there that we call “McLovin” dressed like Justin Beiber for Halloween and did his rendition on the bar at one point during the night. The best part of the video is the reaction at the end of Mina, the owner.

 Jarin (a fixture here) and Beiber.

This was an awesomely creepy stuffed monkey with a scary face and while I am not sure why it was at the bar or whose costume is was part of, Joe and I had an enormous amount of fun screwing with people who ended up with, well, a literal “monkey on their back”

This guy. Not so amused.

The theme of the night was Cougars and Hunters… cougar and hunter being genderinterchangeble and not just old women dressed like skanks.

The monkey belonged to this woman (a professional athlete of some sort whose name escapes me…who might not want to be named in my blog anyways, so whatever) and I was sooooo close to adopting the monkey from her. She was running around all night and didn’t seem to care about it and I asked her a few times if I could keep it and she was like “Suuuure!”

…but in the end she came back for him He would have looked so awesome in my loft with all my other weird things. (Someone said my place was like American Pickers the other day. Is that an insult? At first I thought it was like they were calling me a hoarder, but I think it means more like I collect eclectic things. I am going with the latter. hmmph.)

Yeah, I didn’t dress up for my favorite holiday of the year. I wasn’t inspired by anything except going with 32 other people as Chilean miners and quite frankly I didn’t want to babysit 32 other drunk people all weekend. My friend Jeff took my idea and had a group of about 5 people but I am such a freak about costumes that I would never do it with less than 33. As I get older and weirder I like Halloween less and less. Since I’ve thrown 2 huge over the top costume parties in the last few years I feel like Halloween is just… amateur hour. Costume snob? Maybe. And the worst part is that I could easily resurrect one of my costumes from 10 years ago and be around people that have never seen it but I refuse. Now that I think of it…this is a whole other blog entry altogether.

First stop: Bobby’s birthday at the El Camino. I met Bob through my old friend Alex (Brazilian architect who lives in LA with the funky hair) about 5 years ago and he is a marketing/branding genius. He has a lot of great ideas and contacts and is fun to be around. And he is everywhere. I see him all over town at random parties and events all the time. This is his sweet girlfriend Patty…

The El Camino is a super hip new bar in Little Italy and is directly under the flight path. You might remember the videos from Kim’s bday on Cinco de Mayo. They have great food and a large tequila selection and it’s just a cool vibe. They usually aren’t open during the day but they were today for the private party.

I generally don’t take photos of the insides of bathrooms but I love this one. lol

Notice the bird cage is open…

…and notice the birds glued all over the ceiling. What a cool idea!

Stop #2: Hamilton’s Tavern in South Park for Jamie’s birthday! Hamilton’s is a down to earth beer/wine bar with an eclectic crowd. I love going there and trying out new beers with funky names. I wanted to order Moose Drool but I wasn’t in the mood for dark beer tonight. We didn’t stay very long despite Kim’s pleas to hang out and flirt with the big burly hairy bartender Sam. We can always go back and stalk him. We have 3 more parties to hit! (Jamie is in the middle, on the left is her super fun gf Lex who is a teacher in Brooklyn)

Stop #3: Old Town Saloon for _____ and ____ ‘s promotions. I can’t say their names or what they do otherwise I will have to kill you. Super duper top secret government stuff. They are not pictured here with the crew: Tommy, Joe, Kim, Vanessa, Lauren and James.

Yes, I am totally standing on my tip toes next to Lauren and Vanessa who are clearly from the Amazon.

Stop #4 was supposed to be The Local for the owner Sean’s birthday party but drinks were free at Old Town Saloon and I am a sucker for a bartender with a British accent. Sorry!  

Stop #4 ended up being at El Dorado for Jennie’s birthday but by the time we arrived at midnight Miss Thing was already gone and Jason and Daryl were walking down the street away from the place. We went into El Dorado for a drink in Jennie’s honor but I was disgusted and shocked to hear horrible awful rave music inside and we slammed our drinks and went to Chee-Chee. I don’t know what happened to that place…it was cool for about a minute and a half and now I will never step foot in there on a weekend night again. Maybe during the week it won’t feel like I was 20 years too old to be in there. Eww.

And then to my house til 3am where Tommy, Daryl and I made a huge mess out of the kitchen attempting to do the M-Berry experiment again. They didn’t work! I think the pills expire! I dunno… I did carry them around the East Coast for 3 weeks in my bag and maybe the heat got to them. No fear, I ordered 3 dozen more to have a proper Mberry tasting party soon…

Tommy slept over. That’s the third time in a row I have woken up with a gay man in my bed instead of someone who will actually put out. **sigh**

No yoga for three days. Bad bad girl. I caught up on my Daniel Tosh.O in the morning and then met the gay boys at the Local for lunch. We walked over to the mall and I made Phillip and Jayden get on the little kiddie train I walk by this thing on the way to the gym in Horton Plaza and I always think how funny it would be to put some adult(s) on there. The woman thought Phillip was a child lol. I am laughing so hard at her laughing. At the end she says “Are you from here?” and I say “Yeah let’s leave them there.” hahahahah (remember 91/2 weeks the movie with Mickey Rourke where he leaves Kim Basinger at the top of the ferris wheeel?)

After a bit we came back to my place to watch Marley and Me (oh gawd that was rough despite having read the book…. oh SPOILER ALERT the dog dies) and in my attempt to make popcorn I dropped a glass bowl and cut my leg. That’s what happens when I try to cook. I bleed.

Ryan had to help me since I don’t know how to use the vacuum.

I went to bed super early but got about 4 hours of sleep because there is at least one fly in my loft WHO WOULD NOT STOP BUZZING IN MY EAR ALL  NIGHT. I swear to God it came to my head at least once an hour and woke me up with it’s partying. At one point about 2am I got up, found the fly swatter and waited with the lights on to kick his ass. And of course I could barely keep my eyes open so I went back to sleep, would barely doze off and it would come back and wake me up again. I was sooooo fucking annoyed. I don’t even know if it was one or a dozen that just kept rotating in and out of my bedroom area. Ridiculous. I don’t have screens on my very old historic windows in the bathroom so that’s what I get for opening them for 2 days.

Yeah, I’m tired and grumpy.

I got my hair did by Becky at Salon Bordeaux and she did that straightening thing again that everyone loves. I think she’s convinced me to do what’s called the Brazilian BlowOut where they put this protein keratin shit in your hair and it somehow magically makes your hair straight for several months. I will give it a shot since I cannot for the life of me get this flat iron thing down.

Off to The Local for happy hour and Michael’s 21st birthday celebration! Actually I am lying he is not 21, he turned 40 but doesn’t look a day over 30. He was smart and used lotion on his face in his 20′s and you would never know he was the age he is. Tommy and I suprised him with Trevor Knight and Drew Cutler but he was not having it. Much like when my friends made Charles Dera come to my birthday party in LA in 2006 to strip for me and I locked myself in the bathroom because I was too embarassed. Michael didn’t lock himself in the bathroom but he was mortified. It’s funny when you meet your celebrity/porn crush and you are too nervous to even deal. I finally got over my issue with Charles Dera and now we are actually friends. I was just texting him the other day to say hi because I remembered that he was on an episode of SNL where he comes in as a male stripper for Alec Baldwin when his co-workers think he’s gay. Anyways back to happy hour…

Mike, Dusty, Michael and his roommate.

Chris and me in case you don’t recognize me with my fabulous hair.

Trevor, Drew and Tommy

Tommy, Drew, Trevor and his new boy toy Dave all went to Celadon in Hillcrest for dinner. I ordered the pineapple fried rice which was delicious and perhaps because of the sake shots I forgot to take the leftovers home. I hope the boys grabbed them.

Tommy rearranging the place.

And then Jessica and her bf Blaine picked me up because they were staying at the Marriott downtown for a wedding this weekend. We went to have a drink on the rooftop bar and I was dressed like a slob feeling like an idiot in a place where people were all dressed up. I was wearing this tshirt so I made sure to fully zip up my hoodie before Blaine’s parents came out to meet us. Awkward! You can’t take me anywhere!

They were a a lot more but these were the best.

I feel slightly overwhelmed this week with too many social activities between now and when I leave town again. It’s all fun stuff, but I think I might have overbooked. I honestly have no idea how I had a life at all when I was working 60 hours a week for 6 years. crazy.

I walked over to Joe and Vanessa’s apartment complex to lay by the pool for a little while (I have a key to their place) and there was this weirdo filming a couple macking on each other frollicking and whatnot. I was sitting there shoving my lunch in my mouth and the dude got me in one of his shots. I said “Umm, do you mind me asking what you are filming this for because I really don’t want to be in it. I don’t want to be in your little porno.” He was like “Oh no, don’t worry it’s a music video and I won’t use that shot if you don’t want to be in it.” yeaaaaahhhh righhhht buddy. A music video with that shitty little camera? ok. Trust me I know you are making porn because I used to do shit just like this all the time. I was just careful not to get random people in the shots.

I really do have too much time on my hands because this is what came of my day over there. I kidnapped Vanessa’s dog Kali and left a ransom note. I almost peed myself while I was doing this. I really do need to get back to work at some point.

She didn’t mind the blindfold so much.

But she definitely was not very happy about the gag. Alright PETA freaks, she was not harmed in any way! She still loves me

I went to Tivoli to take some shots of the bar for their new website. I need to be there right before a Padre’s game because the place is packed but then dragging a ladder out into the middle of the bar when it is full is a little awkward. Anyways I had a few glasses of wine and was waiting for Jason and Jarin to come down and was feeling really lightheaded and too drunk for my own good. I hadn’t eaten and the food at the Tivoli is soooo bad for you. It’s a Montreal theme which means poutine (french fries covered in gravy and cheese curd), hamburgers, hotdogs, etc… really bad for you crap. I was just telling the owners that they needed to add some salads to their menu and while they were at it put a big sign up by the menu with a cardiac specialist’s phone number. (On a side note, I have the # of a good Dr and am going in soon.) I know my sisters are reading this and are shaking their heads but I can tell you I have not eaten bacon since my brother’s heart attack and I swear to you on our dead parents that I have been eating healthy and working out! That being said… I ordered the hot dog with Canadian bacon on it and the poutine. I didn’t eat all of, I had help. I promise I just needed something in my stomach.

We walked over to the Local to meet Dusty and Larry, a guy who used to work for Naughty America who I haven’t seen since he left. (So we had 5 ex-employees at the bar. lol) It was nice to see Larry again! He came to my SNL party as Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.

I  love Bev and her boobs. She came to the 80′s party as Jessica Rabbit. One of these days I will post those pics and the video. That is the biggest slacker move I have ever pulled. Fuck… that party was in September!

I love that I am double fisting in this photo. I am going to assume that I am holding the drink of whoever is taking the photo.

I was home in bed by 11:30 pm. I really need to stay off Twitter when I have been drinking though.

Chelsea Handler was supposed to be signing books at a bookstore in La Jolla at 3pm and I was pretty excited to go meet her and tell her that we were soul mates. When I looked online to get directions they had switched the time to 5pm and I couldn’t go because I had dinner plans at 5:30 pm with some friends who were going to her show downtown at the Civic Theater. I was debating about going to the theater around the time the show would end to be first in line but figured I would bring the book out with me and make a game time decision.

Dinner was at Oceanaire with Chris, Rich, Dusty, Michelle, Sully and Erin. The main reason I was going was to order the caviar and they were out of it tonight. Apparently a huge party ordered all of it last night. I was pretty annoyed.  I settled on the crab cake appetizer which is one of their signature dishes and totally amazing with huge chunks of crabmeat…It’s served with an aoili sauce which was pretty bland, but the crab cakes were great on their own.

I opted for the prix fixe menu for $29 bucks (Laura on a budget changes from day to day, food item to food item!) New England clam chowder with tons of bacon in it: (here I have been trying to avoid bacon after my brother’s heart attack and they put in there without me even knowing!)

The others had ordered a bunch of oysters and the one I ate was utterly disgusting. It was way too fishy and left the worst after taste in my mouth. I don’t know what it was called, it was small and nasty.

I had the arctic char (I don’t even want to admit this but I had a brain fart and thought I was ordering a white fish and was shocked when salmon showed up. What an idiot!) Their fries need some truffle oil in my opinion. But then again I think everything needs truffle oil.

For dessert I had the blueberry cheesecake. Nothing special.

After dinner they all had to race off to the show and I met a very drunk and belligerent Mike from Tivoli at Red Pearl Kitchen with none other than the mom of Chloe the French Bulldog! No pics, they were a hot mess after an all day pubcrawl. I walked over to Quality Social to meet up with Danielle who was supposed to be working tonight. To my surprise she was sitting on the other side of the bar and had the night off! (Yes we had “pickle backs” and they were delicious) Danielle used to work at Naughty America but quit a few years back and we had drifted apart. It’s good to have her back in my life. As I get older and now that I have some free time I feel the need to connect with certain people. I was so busy for so long that I lost touch with a lot of special people in my life. I don’t want to get into the personal details of her life, I will just say that she had an experience about a year ago that made her reconnect with her Mom and it really made me happy to hear about it on the eve of Mother’s Day. Life is too short. If you don’t have a relationship with your parents, look inside of yourself and figure out why. See if you can’t be the bigger person and change that because they won’t always be around. Don’t put yourself in that position of regret and guilt.  

We walked over to the Local to meet up with the crew after Chelsea Handler’s show. It was more important for me to hang out with Danielle then to stand in line to meet Chelsea and I don’t regret it at all. All of my friends in the other circle call her Goldie Hawn

Chris and Dusty looking silly.

Danielle and I walked to La Puerta for one quick drink because she was supposed to meet up with some cute boy but since he wasn’t there we took off. I was asleep on the couch by 11:40 in the first segment of Betty White on Saturday Night Live. oops

Today was my 6th day in a row at the gym and it hurts, but it feels good. I have to be in a bathing suit in less than 10 days! SHIT! I ran some errands and bought a new camera for my trip. I got the Nikon D300 with a 18-200 mm lens, a bunch of memory cards, backup batteries and a Canon point and shoot underwater camera that goes under 10 meters. I also have a Nikon D2x, but it doesn’t have a built-in pop-up flash, so I needed to get a backup camera that will be something that I can carry around in my purse and use at night without lugging the huge ass D2x around. 818 has no fucking idea what he is in for on this vacation. hahaha! I am a little bit of a freak on a trip like this and yes he will be assisting me in carrying my 85 pounds of camera equipment around. Deal with it.

We went to the Tractor Room for Vanessa’s birthday… It’s a great place with hearty dishes like elk, bison, wild boar and has an amazing list of cocktails. Some really old school classic like the Grasshopper, the Harvey Wallbanger, etc.. Tommy 5tone has literally had one of every single one of these bad boys. What a fucking alcoholic! (ok, I am totally jealous and strive to accomplish this task one day)

Jennie ordered a bloody mary and it came with what appeared to be swine on a stick… I was hoping for bacon, but it was in fact a Slim Jim, but tasted more like a dog treat. Which brought me to an interesting conversation with Crystal about how we have both tried wet dog food. It’s very flavorless and doesn’t taste anything like the deliciousness that it smells. She is literally the only person I have ever met who has told me she likes the smell of canned dog food and has tried it. She even went so far as asking me what brand I tried! HAHAHA!  Ok that makes me a little worried Crystal. But yes I do love the smell of canned cat and dog food. A lot.

I had  Harvey Wallbanger and a Campari with splash of soda. It’s very bitter and definitely an acquired taste.

I ordered the chicken and porcini mushroom pate and it was fowl. (OK, bad joke, it was foul) I hate sourdough bread for starters, and the white-ish stuff you see is cold congealed fat that sealed the pate in the dish. No bueno. Not recommended. It was flavorless and did absolutely nothing for me.

Tiramisu cake!

Vanessa and Savannah

Pearla stopped by after she closed her restaurant and moments later Joe did this same thing with the waiter. I would have gotten a photo but it was just way too awkward and I had to get the fuck out of there.

We went dowtown and went to The Local after dinner. Savannah has a smaller head than me! wow!

Joe, Vanessa and Mark who worked at Naughty America before I did. I know! Hard to believe… he was employee #1 or #2 I think. (I was #3) He left the company about a year ago to start his own business.

Crystal and Jason

I have no idea who these girls are, the boys made me take their photo. I am not even sure if they knew them.

‘

I see this guy in the bar all the time. No idea what this is about.

I thought I could avoid doing shots all night, but that didn’t happen. I caved.

Nice Rolex, who did you steal that from?  (Big E/ Eric let her wear it for a few minutes. )

On a side note, I wish that all bars had this. It’s so convenient to hang your coat/purse right there instead of sitting on it or having it on the counter. Bar owners: handle that, ok?

UPDATE/EDIT:

I forgot this photo of Tommy. No, it’s not a stripper pole, it’s a heater and there are flames coming off the top of it. Please stop what you are doing. I am terrified of fire.

Diego and I slept in a little today. It is certainly nice not having the alarm go off at 6:30 am. I decided to lock him in the bathroom with the fan on while I went to the gym to drown out any potential “small dog sounds.” After the gym I met with my friend Michael from work (yes I was in the office the last 3 days… what can I say? I miss being around everyone) and we went to eat at The Local. For starters we had the Fancy Beer Cheese and Hot Pretzel (freaking awesome if you are ever in there, get it!)

Homemade beer cheese made of gouda, sharp cheddar and Stone Brewery’s Smoked Porter. Big soft pretzel with coarse salt and rosemary.

After lunch I went down to the Tivoli to grab a beer with Michael and Robert. Their Mom passed away this morning, she was 84 years old and had been sick for a bit, so it wasn’t a shock. I wanted to just pop in and give them hugs

Diego and I enjoying the sun.

We went back to my house, after all that walking he was ready for a nap. But I wanted to try one more time to do something funny with him so I could tweet Jason while he was stuck in his meetings. I tried to put Diego in the fridge and the oven, but he was not having it.

I opted to take more pics of him in the sunbeam.

AND THEN FINALLY! After several hours of trust building excercises, he allowed me to put this tiny sombrero on his head.

But ran away when I tried the tiny leprechaun hat.

Come on!!! It’s almost St Patrick’s Day! Why the sombrero and not the leprechaun hat? sheesh

My friend Jason asked me to dog sit Diego while he went out of town on business and of couse, I obliged. Diego is a half Chihuahua/Daschund mix. He is what you call a “People Dog” and I am what you call a “Dog Person” so it was a perfect match! I had big plans to dress him up in all these hats and costumes and do things to him… tweeting all the time so Jason can see how much fun we were having, but I gotta tell ya, Diego is not one who likes things on his head. Not one bit.

He’s pretty damn cute though

He loves to lay in the sunbeam.

And I think what might be going through is head during this video is something like this: “Ooooh I love the light even though it is so bad for me, can’t look away, just keep blinking to make sun not hurt” Or some variation of “Yeah I am a total dumbass and I know this is blinding me, but it feels so good.”

Apparently during the time that I went to the gym this morning Diego cried and barked and the landlord called me asking if I had a new dog. I was meeting my friend Jeff for dinner so I dropped Diego off at Joe and Vanessa’s so he could play with Kali and hopefully she would keep him company.

Dinner was at Proper Gastropub near Petco Park and since Jeff works for Shipyard Brewing Company and they carry some of his beers, we decided to go check out their grub.

Sausage rolls (3 out of 5 stars, too much breading and they were a little greasy)

Braised lamb and beef cheek sliders with crispy fried onions and tomato chutney. (3 out of 5, nothing special)

Chips and mussels with  fennel and leeks poached in creamy Chimay White with bacon foam. (I am going to go ahead and give this ZERO stars! It was served lukewarm, the mussels had no flavor and the bacon foam was more like watered down broth.)

I was waiting for Joe and Vanessa to finish at the driving range so I could stop by and retrieve Diego, but they weren’t ready so I stopped by the Tiv to see my new bff Andrea.

One thing led to another and I stopped by the Chee Chee to tell Jessica (former NA employee) about my recent departure and then Joe and Vanessa  picked me up from there and FORCED me into going to The Local.

Hi Sean! (Congrats to you and Mina on the new addition to your family!)

He showed me some pics on his Blackberry and I was informed that they do not have a real camera at home and they have a newborn baby! (tragedy) Looks like they are going to be my first customers! Shit who am I kidding, I am not going to charge them for my photography … I just want a bar tab

Anytime someone asks me if I can cook my response is “Well, I can operate a motor vehicle, so I should be able to read a recipe. I just choose not to.” (I know some of you are debating on my ability to operate a motor vehicle, and you are well justified, but really…. I can read a recipe and I can cook.)

Chicken and bacon fried rice

Benihana can suck it! It was delicious and I even made it into that heart shaped nonsense that they do there.

My friend Pearla’s mom is now making homemade chocolate truffles for like $20 per dozen and is currently working on a special batch for me. I bet you can guess some of the ingredients I have requested.

Fast forward to Jarin’s birthday on Thursday. I was supposed to be at trapeze school with him today but I am too chicken shit to do this before my trip to Australia/New Zealand next month. I know, you only live once… blah blah blah. But the special 2 for 1 thing he got is good til July and quite frankly, I do not want a broken limb to fuck up my vacation. I really am not that graceful. I would be fine hurting myself while bungee jumping off a bridge or something in NZ.

Kim and Sarah

Vanessa and Jen (with one N)

Some dudes, Dusty and Jarin

We were doing fine at The Local until that damn Jessica sent a text saying “come to the Chee-Chee”. FML I cannot be doing this on weeknights. Jen slept over and since my neighbors are gone we had a little dance party in my loft at 1:00 am. Strangely enough I woke up wearing hot pink leg warmers thirsty as hell. It must have been the pound of cheese and crackers we ate. UGH. What a bummer it was my 6th day in a row at the gym on Thursday. I was doing so well. I need to drop 10 pounds before my trip. I have a month. I can do this.