I slept in til 11:00 am and felt terribly guilty about it. I also woke up and realized that I had purchased no presents for anyone this entire Christmas season. Oh I’m sorry I take that back. I got my nephew a $50 gift card for Best Buy and a “The Office” calendar for my other nephew. I haven’t mailed either of these things to either of them. Do I feel guilty about this? Not really. They all know that I operate on my own calendar. I do nice things for people all year long and I spend tons of money on my nieces and nephews all the fucking time. I fly those sons of bitches all over the country and pay for dinners for my friends whenever the bill comes and it gets awkward. I do want to point out that I have a specific family that I “sponsor” every year at Christmas and Mother’s Day. This woman helped my sister immensely during her heart surgery and has now been stricken with many many cancers and illnesses. I wish only the best for this woman and I wish for her health and happiness and each year I anonymously send gift cards to her. I receive a wonderful thank you card from each of her children each time addressed to “The Christmas Angel” and it always brings me to tears. So, really, Saint Nick, I am pretty fucking saintly myself.

We ended up at Toucan’s Ale House again. Classic. Day drinking is the best. I got the fried green beans after all. Quite nasty if I do say so myself.

We took a trip out to the house they have on the river … it’s called the Satilla River and it’s supposedly the 2nd cleanest river in Georgia. Whatever the hell that means. Jake was very anxious to get there, and again, if I had a clue I would post a video of him howling in the truck on the way there. There is also good footage of us driving through 4 feet of water to get there.

They have water mocasions as you can see

They had warned me about the cute yellow lab mutt stray dog that lives out there. He apparently showed up about 2 months ago with a collar … most likely someone just dropped him off and left him. They have been feeding him when they go there and buying dog food so that the crackhead neighbors can feed him daily as well. As it turns out, the neighbor hasn’t really been living up to his end of the deal.  My sister has named him Badger.

I have this same glass ball thingy at my place and makes for perfect reflection photos

Their place is pretty awesome… They have a house on stilts and an entire bar/lounge underneath the 1500 square foot house. Last year the place flooded and the water was up to here: (My sister is showing you the waterline here!)

We chilled out and drank some beers and told some stories….

And of course the Pink Monkey was there

As you can see Jake and Badger were having a blast.

This is Nikki and her new husky (I have 10 years worth of photos of her and her old husky Puma just like this)

We closed up shop and put a bowl of food out for Badger. We tried to drive away as he ate his food but he gobbled it super fast and ran after us. My brother-in-law told us that this was normal and that he would run for a while but would stop at a certain point. We got to that point and he kept running. I began crying. He was running as fast as his little malnourished body could take him and I fucking lost it. We pulled over and I went into the middle of the road to stop the oncoming traffic so I could grab him. Nikki was in the car calling the local Humane Society and we discovered that it was closed for the day. The dog was smelly and stinky and my brother-in-law was not interested in having this mutt at his house for the next couple of days. My sister and I decided that we would bring him back to the house at the edge of the dirt road because they had several adult dogs and 2 or 3 small 6 week old puppies. They could at least hold onto him for 30 minutes until we could drive away safely and then they would come back and get him in a day or two when there was a vet open or the Humane Society was open. She agreed and we hopped in the truck. As we pulled away he broke away from her and I refused to look back once I saw him running after us.

I am sitting here tonight on Christmas Eve hoping that Badger has found his way back to the cabin and found his bowl of water we left him and has nestled into his bed at the top of the stairs.

If  that dog is not there when we go back in 2 days I am not sure what is going to happen.

Monday 12.21.09- Tuesday 12.22.09- Wednesday 12.23.09

I had an awesome 13 hour nap last night and managed to completely ignore the mess in my loft. The plumber still hasn’t been there and the place is still as disgusting as when I passed out on Saturday night. It’s truly disgraceful. Monday turned into Tuesday and I had a meeting with an old friend who I am going to call 704. After the meeting we went to sushi, polished off 2 bottles of sake and then went to the Chee Chee for a shot of Jagermeister before heading to my loft to further examine the mess. Still no plumber, flies everywhere. Fantastic!  After 704 left I kept drinking, watched some porn and packed for my trip to Georgia the next morning.Oh and by the way, my assistant of 3 weeks quit in an email Monday night at 10pm. That’s professional! Just wanted to let you all know…. if you want to quit a job, do not be a chicken shit…. call me on the phone or do it in person. Email? Really? I knew she wasn’t going to last when she bailed out on the company Christmas party. I honestly think that she might have been a little squeamish about the nature of the job. Or she heard me scream “rimjob” one too many times in the hallway. NEXT!

I went to the office to clean up some last minute horseshit on Wednesday morning before catching my 11:00 am flight to Atlanta, then off to Brunswick GA. I was seated on the plane next to a kid from SDSU who appeared to be about 22 years old who was in fact close to 28. We played trivia against the rest of the plane and although I came in first place one time and got one of the highest scores of the flight, he still beat my ass over all. We were playing against a sweet little old woman who was much slower than us to the punch when it came to answering, but would just dominate us at certain times with the questions from the 30s and 40s.

We laughed and drank a bit and started flirting. I would like to say that the cougar in me started this, but it was in fact he who started the banter. He might be what you would call a “cougar hunter.” We ended up exchanging phone numbers but had I given the nod, we might have joined the mile high club. I dunno though, he had a serious baby face. I am not sure if I can go through with this.

I landed at 8:30 pm and was told by the fam that we were going to the local pub, Toucan’s Ale House,  to check out some karaoke and because my brother-in-law wanted to introduce my niece Nikki (yes, his daughter) to the bartender, BK. (Of course everyone in the south has 2 letters as their name.) He made Nikki walk in with a plate of homemade desserts to give to BK and I can assure you… this is the opposite of her style.

My brother-in-law is a regular there so they gave him a Christmas present… a stocking filled with homemade beef jerky and chocolates. Pretty awesome… if the owners of the bars that I am regulars at did this for me, I would spend even more money in their establishments throughout the year. (Ahem, Michael from Tivoli take note.)

After 5 torturous country music karaoke songs I was pleased to hear BK’s original music. He writes his own lyrics, and is an aspiring singer/songwriter. I suggested he move out of Brunswick asap but I am pretty sure he knows this already.

I do have video footage of him singing, but I am too stupid (and buzzed) to figure out how to video blog. Next week I will upload it.

I tried to order the fried green beans but the kitchen was closed. Other noteworthy menu items were the Bird Bath Nachos. Any fans of “Dick Tricks” out there!?? come on!!!

We had fun, drank too much as usual and headed home to raid the fridge of random leftovers. I fell fast asleep with visions of sugar plums dancing in my head until Tucker the fat cat jumped in bed with me and tried to make out with me. Then when I started baby talking Tucker, Jake the fuzzy Siberian Husky had to check out the situation and jump in the bed as well. Let me explain the fundamental problem with huskies and cats. They always, without fail, hate each other. And tonight, at 4:00 am, I was no stranger to this fact.  HISS GROWL MEOW BARK JUMP FLAIL. All at the edge of my bed. It was like an episode of “Tom and Jerry” but just a little bit different. The cat was now stuck in the room and the dog would not let him leave. The cat finally fell asleep in the bathroom sink and the dog nuzzled next to me. We all slept in harmony until approximately 11:15 am! WTF get outta bed lazy!