My friend needed to come over early on Saturday morning to try on suits for a job interview on Monday. It was merely a formality at her existing job so she didn’t want to spend any money on buying one. Last night we were discussing the logistics of it. She offered to bring coffee and we discussed the fact that it was entirely possible that there might be a few porn stars  in my loft. She wanted to make sure they were ok with babies since she would be showing up at 8 am to do this with her 9 month old. My text to her: 1 coffee=$4. Gas to get downtown=$3. Borrowing a suit=Free. 3 porn stars babysitting while trying on suits=priceless. (I don’t know… it was funny when I sent it. Not so much a few days later while I type this sober.)

The car ride to LA was fun. And by fun, I mean a total and complete nightmare. I was still drunk. Nikki had shoved the stuffed animal monkey that I carry around to take photos with down her pants so it looked like pink pubes sticking out.

The girls were playing a game called “Let’s make the most annoying sounds”. There was a shit load of traffic. I was thirsty. My head hurt. But every once in a while a good head banging song would come on and Nikki would go crazy. And we would laugh our asses off. You can hear Puma squeaking German sounds once in a while. Sounds a little like a sick kitten if you ask me.

I was dropped off at 818′s place and we literally just sat on his couch talking for 3 hours. It was awesome to chill out and do nothing. We didn’t even have the TV on. We were supposed to meet Jenn and the crew for her birthday at this Brazilian place called Bossa Nova on Sunset, but apparently the shit show went on for too long today at Saddle Ranch and none of them could pull it together for dinner. Our options were go to her house and watch them attempt to order in and pray that it be edible…. or go to dinner just the two of us. We chose Crustacean in Beverly Hills.

Inside the place there is a fish tank under the floor. It’s pretty cool and definitely makes the time go by if you are unlucky and are waiting for a table.

The place was packed but somehow when I called 3 minutes before arrival that constituted a reservation of sorts and they seated us immediately. Maybe they recognized me because of my famous food blog. Bwhahahahaha! We started with the appetizer sampler. Clockwise from the left: open faced mini ahi tacos, egg roll shaped things filled with a creamy yummy goodness (I have no idea what the hell was in that), short ribs (nothing like Phil’s in SD, and a little dry), and minced shrimp puffs on a bamboo stick. (Which incidentally squirted and most definitely shot out and hit the man standing behind me.)

I had the Chilean Sea Bass with a ginger sauce (3 stars out of 5)

818 ordered the red snapper with a sun dried tomato Asian pesto sauce. (I wasn’t a fan of his and he wasn’t a fan of mine. It worked out nicely)

Kieran Lee and Puma Swede molesting my pink monkey at Happy Ending in Hollywood.

A very cool shot of Puma in front of the wheel of drink specials. I am kind of in love with this photo.

Oh shit my worlds are colliding… I have straight and gay porn stars in the same venue. Puma, Trevor Knight and Jen with one N.

Tommy watch out for her. I know Trevor thought she was legitimately was a tranny. Lol.

Add Jayden Grey to the mix.

And add yet another porn star, a girl I have known forever named Misty Anderson! It was very strange randomly running into her and her ex, Gunner. They hung out with us all night. I am quite sure they were confused when an entire entourage of gay men walked into the straight bar and attacked me and 818. Anyways, Misty’s boobs are amazing. And no, she is not really that tall. I am just trying to get closer to her tits.

She is gorgeous, sweet, all natural and a country girl who rides horses. What is not to love about her?

HAHA! I am so mesmerized by these things. I think every bar needs one.

I didn’t get any photos of the physical abuse I endured tonight from Swenz. At one point, I was seriously exhausted from defending myself. It is funny for the first 10 minutes, but I was really just tired. They had worn me out. I went to the bathroom to escape them and they left the bar knowing I was over it. Good. Maybe they will chill out next time I see them. geeeez.

Half of our crew ditched Jenn to go to Here Lounge down the street. Jonathan, 818 and I decided to stick by Jenn and hang out with her. She merely requested ONE night to stay away from the gay bars. We had to honor her birthday request.

It was fun and not as annoying as I thought it would be. Maybe because I was a little tipsy. Tipsy enough for road head on the way home. (**wink**)

I am going to give you the shorter cleaner version.. in a few days I will be releasing a different blog which shows a little racier content honoring the gays in my life.

Our first LA party was at a club called Tigerheat which is an 18 and up club with a 21 and up area. Trust me, I almost had a heartattack too when I heard that. I know it appears that I do nothing all day except party with gay men but I can assure you that I would much rather be at home watching a movie then dealing with a bunch of ridiculous 18 year olds in an over crowded, packed, sweaty dance club. That being said… we had a blast! Perez Hilton was there for a minute and I didn’t want to be weird and take a picture, so you just have to take my word for it again.

First we went to our PR guys house for some pre-party drinks and food. He has two very cute dogs who I was trying to bond with of course… I am very much missing my dog these days and tend to gravitate towards all animals that I see. The one on the left is a little nervous, I think she might have been a rescue, but the one on the right is a lover.

The ever so funny Justin Martindale… get ready to see a lot more of him! I swear I cannot get enough of him… he is so goddamn funny…. I just want to put him in my purse and carry him around all the time.

It looks like we own the building! Love it!

and…. two of my favorite people

Moving right along to Friday night at MJ’s bar in Silverlake….

DJ, Tommy Defendi, Jenkki Jen, Ryan Raz and Eric who supported us the entire weekend at all of the events! Thank you!

Justin and one of our very first Suite 703 models Brad Benton… love that guy! He is a mainstream actor as well… read here. But yeah, they were having a hair contest I guess.

We heart Drew Cutler.

Wait til you see the footage from these nights. Hilarious.

Always carry a Sharpie my friends.

SATURDAY crept up and we went to Roscoe’s House of Chicken and Waffles. I was so excited and so hungry.

awwww

We had dinner at the Sofitel in a restaurant called Simon owned by Kerry Simon. (Read more here) Good thing they put us in a seperate room with a door.

There are too many porn stars here to name…

For my appetizer I tried the tuna tataki tower with a lump crab topping. All of the elements would have been fine on their own,  but they just didn’t work together. The crab was warm with a mayonaisey mixture, the tuna was cool and the rice was lukewarm. It was drizzled in eel sauce and in theory all of these things sound like they would work together but it was very confusing. It didn’t know if it was a cold dish, a lukewarm dish or a hot dish. Disappointing to say the least. And it looks like a pile of vomit.

For my entree I had the beef carpaccio pizza with white truffle oil. The bleu cheese was overpowering so I ended up just picking off the beef and eating it by itself. Not so good.

The lobster curry soup was actually not that bad…

The highlight of my meal was sitting next to Justin and having him accuse me of leaving my toe seperator in his soup. Oh my god, I spit wine across the table, had tears streaming down my face and pretty much lost my shit in front of everyone. If you have never had a pedicure you probably have no idea what I am talking about. Funny shit.

We hosted our third and final LA party at a place called CherryPop at Ultra Suede

Holy crap look at his abs

I had to pop over to Here Lounge to say hi to Chi-Chi La Rue and Jason Sechrest at their party for a minute….

how artsy !  hawt

Jenn and Tommy and Christy

And my favorite shot of the weekend… Jenn looking like she’s terrified of Trevor Knight.

A good time was had by all.

Tommy and I drove up to LA to do another promotional event for Suite 703 at a place in West Hollywood called Micky’s. It’s a meet and greet for gay porn stars to meet their fans and they were super cool about letting us give away tons of our schwag and pretty much take the place over.

Our favorite gay comedian Justin Martindale and Tommy the Tool again. I am just going to start cutting him out of the photos.

Drew Cutler and Rob Romoni

My gay porn crush Trevor Knight

Steven Daigle from Big Brother 10 who is now officially a porn star! Congrats to Chi-Chi La Rue for being the devil and talking him into doing porn.

This is a guy named Bobbie who I chatted with on Twitter for a while and we finally met. He reviews gay and straight porn… we have some business to discuss

It only goes from 6pm til 9pm so afterwards we went to the Abbey where we got a booth and bottle service. Our entourage was quite a spectacle.

Zoinks look at this dude’s body!

Oh wait, THIS is my gay porn star crush… His name is Johnny Hazzard and I legitimately get nervous around him. This is the second time I have met him. He’s so dreamy.

Me and the super famous Chi-Chi La Rue!

Alright, once in a while we get a pleasant face. Thank you Tommy.

This is apparently Michelle from Big Brother 11. I had strict instructions from my best friend Sigrid who is utterly obsessed with BB to tell her how upset she was that she had been railroaded in the show and that it was awful how mean they were to her. I have no idea what any of this means since I have never seen one minute of that show. Here ya go Sigrid!

Perez Hilton was also there but I didn’t get a photo of him. Here is Taylor Dane. Evidently after I left the DJ started playing a bunch of her songs. lol The gays love Taylor Dane! She was very nice even though she looks like she has me in a headlock.

Again, I ducked out early. Wouldn’t want to miss a chance to get laid