Thursday June 10, 2010

I flew to Las Vegas this morning so I could be Lisa Ann’s “roadie” for the next 2 days. There is an unconventional convention going on by the pool at the Hard Rock Hotel where fans can mingle amongst their favorite porn stars from 11:00 am til 5:00pm. Normally a show like this is in a huge convention hall and the girls sign their 8x10s, pose for pictures and chit chat until the next guy in line gets antsy and wants his turn. This was completely different and a much more interactive way for the fans to hang out. Generally they don’t serve alcohol at the shows and all you do is walk from booth to booth. This one had a full bar, a performance by Too Short and a bikini contest! It was really cool and a brillliant idea and surprisingly none of the fans were out of control drunk or disrespectful…not that I saw.

To start the day like a proper “Bitch-For-The-Weekend” I bought Lisa Ann flowers at the airport and they classy-ly went straight into the Fiji bottle.

We dragged a bunch of merchandise to the cabanas by the pool (DVDs, 8x10s and a Polaroid camera) but it was so goddamn windy that we just left everything in the bags and Lisa ended up signing the things that fans brought on their own.

She did some interviews…

Lisa Ann and Sunny Leone…the sweetest girl in the business! I have known her for years and there is not a mean bone in her body. She is Indian and is absolutely stunning. I have a confession to make. About 6 years ago somehow our tongues ended up in each other’s mouths for approximately a millisecond before I freaked out. And that, my friends, is my one and only lesbian experience.

Wow. Brave guy.

I have no idea who this civilian is but she is gorgeous.

Too Short played a short set. (no pun intended, it was really quick)

Misty Anderson who took her heels off to make me look less like a midget.

If this isn’t fan interaction I don’t know what is!? Phoenix Marie loves her fans!

Monique Alexander, Kagney Linn Karter and Lexi Belle

Brynn Tyler who is absolutely hysterical. I forget how funny she is til I run into her every few months. She is threatening to move to San Diego in January

Brynn’s cute butt.

Brynn and Mia Lelani didn’t want to watch the bikini contest up front standing with their heels on so I made them their own little VIP section.

Here is an interesting conversation between Brynn and Mark about Mark’s ex gf Lia. Apparently Brynn and Lia worked together and Mark is harassing Brynn about it. (“worked together” means they had sex on camera together) Now…Mark has been in this business long enough to know the difference between on-camera sex and off-camera sex and still told me that he was discussing how Brynn and Lia “slept together.” What a dork. Unless they woke up spooning, it was work, Mark.

Anyways, it was fun to watch him try to block his face as he realized I was taking photos of him.

Bring Back the Whale!

No comment regarding the emcee of the bikini contest. At least he wore something other than that black tshirt, black sweat pants and house slippers. Jesus Ron, get it together.

The judges: Lisa, Kagney and Sunny

Little Lupe Fuentes who is small enough to be a Cirque du Soleil performer.

I know this looks like Lisa is grabbing her ass, but it’s just the way the shot was taken. In fact, I don’t even think that is Lisa’s hand. And it really looks like Lisa needs a stiff cocktail right about now.

Whenever I am at a bikini contest (I know this sounds funny, but I actually have been to about 5 or 6 of them over the years) I like to take a shot of the contestants from the back of the stage. There is this one photo I took in Ft Lauderdale of a bunch of butts in bikinis and they were all tan except one girl. About 6 months later I received a viral email WITH MY OWN PHOTO and the caption was “Which of these girls is from Minnesota?” It was pretty funny actually. I need to dig that up.

And the winner… of course…Little teeny tiny Lupe.

Look at these tramps running back to their booth with the VIP section.

Claudia-Marie’s giant boobs. She and her husband are swingers and he relentlessly tries to get me to “sleep with them.”

Crap I didn’t realize Lisa Ann was so tall.

Oh wait, nevermind, she is a midget just like me. I was complimenting Lexi Belle on her recent addition to her butt area and she attributed it to Newcastle and cheese. lol! I love her.

And I wouldn’t want to deny the ladies and the gay guys who read this…

These guys must be from Europe.

I was amazed at the amount of normal looking hot guys that were there! I mean, like no creepy trolly dudes really at all. Well maybe a few, but overall it was a good looking bunch.

This guy was so cute when he first came up to meet Lisa Ann he handed me his camera and asked me to take a picture and his hands were shaking so bad. It was adorable. I would totally bang this guy.

Lisa Ann and I are staying at Mandalay Bay (away from the porn nonsense) and we were so freaking hungry we went and pigged out at the buffet at 5:30pm. (haha early bird special for the senior ladies) I am fighting a head and chest cold so we called it a night and went to our rooms at 6:30 pm. That’s a first for Vegas. I woke up and caught some reruns of 30 Rock and The Office and then dozed off until about 1:00am when the heathens next door to me woke me up because of a fist fight/brawl. It didn’t last very long but I definitely heard a bunch of dudes screaming at each other “get off me” and then a girl screaming and some running down the halls and then a girl screaming someone’s first and last name repeatedly. I was about to call sakurity but it ended. Idiots. Control your liquor.